Ray's Daily

Ray’s Daily

August 16, 2022

http://rays-daily.com

Count your age by friends, not years. Count your life by smiles, not tears.

John Lennon

Today is my wife’s birthday and a day with an early moring Doctor appointment so I will sendanother Daily reprinted from yester year.

Reprint of Ray’s Daily published on August 16, 2004

Some this and that:

• Popular music icon Elvis Presley died in Memphis, Tennessee on this day in 1977. He was 42. My wife was born in Havana on this day in a year that will remain unknown.
• It is also Klondike Gold Discovery Day, and no, my wife was not there at the time thank you.
• Yesterday was Sunday, a day of rest for many of us, I often forget what day it is and I rest then too.
• OK; I have not heard from some of you in countries outside the US for awhile. You know when I don’t hear I worry, so write today!
• During the last few weeks I have been getting a number of requests from people who have asked to be added to our daily mailing list. Some have been people who have had the daily forwarded to them by a friend; other requests have come from one of you. As always I am glad to add your friends, that way you won’t have to resend every day.

~~~

I write entirely to find out what I’m thinking, what I’m looking at, what I see and what it means.

Joan Didion

~~~

A man drives to a gas station and has his tank filled up. While doing this the clerk spots two penguins sitting on the back seat of the car. He asks the driver, “What’s up with the penguins in the back seat?”

The man in the car says, “I found them.  I asked myself what to do with them but, I haven’t a clue.”

The clerk ponders a bit then says, “You should take them to the zoo.”

“Yeah, that’s a good idea,” says the man in the car and drives away.

The next day the man with the car is back at the same gas station. The clerk sees the penguins are still in the back seat of the car.

“Hey, they’re still here! I thought you were going to take them to the zoo!”

“Oh, I did,” says the driver, “and we had a swell time. Today I’m taking them to the beach.”

~~~

Arbitrator: A cook that leaves Arby’s to work at McDonald’s,

~~~

There is a story about a monastery perched high on a cliff several hundred feet in the air. The only way to reach the monastery was to be suspended in a basket which was pulled to the top by several monks who pulled and tugged with all their strength. Obviously the ride up the steep cliff in that basket was terrifying.

One tourist got exceedingly nervous about half-way up as he noticed that the rope by which he was suspended was old and frayed. With trembling voice, he asked the monk who was riding with him in the basket how often they changed the rope.

The monk thought for a moment and answered brusquely, “Whenever it breaks.”

~~~

The big thing today is computer dating. If you don’t know how to run a computer it really dates you.

~~~

It was the usual muddy day in the country. Our first grade teacher, Miss Brown, had just finished putting the 36th boot on the 18th pair of little feet and was anxious to finish the last pair so she could go to lunch.

The last pair of boots was for little Johnny Smith, a quiet boy. Miss Brown had a very difficult time getting his boots on as they were a bit too small for his growing feet, but she finally won the battle.

To her dismay, little Johnny looked blandly up into her face and announced, “Teacher, these boots aren’t mine.” In a hurry, but wanting to be kind, Miss Brown groaned, but with grim gentleness removed the boots and straightened her aching back.

Whereupon Johnny continued, “They’re my little brother’s, but Mommy said I could wear them to school today.”

~~~

“The word ‘aerobics’ came about when the gym instructors got together and said: If we’re going to charge $10 an hour, we can’t call it ‘Jumping up and down.'”

Rita Rudner.

~~~

At one game, a lady kept up a steady flow of threats at the umpire. No matter what was happening on the field, she kept yelling, “Kill the umpire! Kill the umpire!” This went on for an hour. Another patron said, “Lady, the umpire hasn’t done anything wrong.”

The woman said, “He’s my husband and he came home last night with lipstick on his collar! Kill the umpire!!”

~~~

“When you jump for joy, beware that no one moves the ground from beneath your feet.” Stanislaw J. Lec

~~~

There was a nice lady, a minister’s widow, who was a little old fashioned. She was planning a week’s vacation in California at a campground, but she wanted to make sure of the accommodations first. Uppermost in her mind were bathroom facilities, but she couldn’t bring herself to write “toilet” in a letter. After considerable deliberation, she settled on “bathroom commode,” but when she wrote that down, it still sounded too forward, so, after the first page of her letter, she referred to the bathroom commode as “BC.”

“Does the cabin where I will be staying have its own ‘BC’? If not, where is the ‘BC’ located?” is what she actually wrote.

The campground owner took the first page of the letter and the lady’s check and gave it to his secretary. He put the remainder of the letter on the desk of the senior member of his staff without noticing that the staffer would have no way of knowing what “BC” meant. Then the owner went off to town to run some errands.

The staff member came in after lunch, found the letter, and was baffled by the euphemism, so he showed the letter around to several counselors, but they couldn’t decipher it either. The staff member’s wife, who knew that the lady was the widow of a famous Baptist preacher, was sure that it must be a question about the local Baptist Church. “Of course,” the first staffer exclaimed, “‘BC’ stands for ‘Baptist Church.’ ” And he sat down and wrote:

Dear Madam,

I regret very much the delay in answering your letter, but I now take the pleasure in informing you that the BC is located nine miles north of the campground and is capable of seating 250 people at one time. I admit it is quite a distance away if you are in the habit of going regularly, but no doubt you will be pleased to know that a great number of people take their lunches along and make a day of it. They usually arrive early and stay late.

The last time my wife and I went was six years ago, and it was so crowded we had to stand up the whole time we were there. It may interest you to know that right now there is a supper planned to raise money to buy more seats. They are going to hold it in the basement of the ‘BC.’

I would like to say that it pains me very much not to be able to go more regularly, but it is surely no lack of desire on my part. As we grow older, it seems to be more of an effort, particularly in cold weather.

If you decide to come down to our campground, perhaps I could go with you the first time, sit with you, and introduce you to all the folks.

Remember, this is a friendly community.”

~~~

Two women were at a bar. One looked at the other and said, “You know, 80 percent of all men think the best way to end an argument is to make love.”

“Well,” said the other woman,” that will certainly revolutionize the game of hockey!”

~~~

In Mesa, AZ, police arrested a 71 year-old woman for running an amphetamine lab from a retirement home. The staff became suspicious when several of the residents were seen staying up after 7:30 pm.

~~~

“Every heart that has beat strong and cheerfully has left a hopeful impulse behind in the world, and bettered the tradition of mankind.”

Robert Louis Stevenson

 ~~~

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than twenty years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@comcast.net. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are hundreds of  readers from around the world.