Ray's musings and humor

Archive for July, 2022

When

Ray’s Daily

July 15, 2022

http://rays-daily.com

The only difference between success and failure is the ability to take action.

Alexander Graham Bell

A busy day so a reprint from July 15, 2002

One of the most meaningful comments I ever received, was many years ago when the then Vice-president of the Indianapolis Chamber of Commerce said that I had the ability to lose gracefully. The game often goes to those who can play another day. The combination of patience and grace, versus anger and bridge-burning is often the key to success. If nothing else it is much more enjoyable then the trauma created by the alternative.

Many people consider patience a commonplace virtue, not to say a tame and insipid one. But rightly appreciated it is grand and heroic. Without it the strongest character has a dangerously weak spot, which at any moment may be its ruin. With it, the otherwise weakest has an element of invincible strength.

— Congregationalist

Of course the problem is to make sure that we know the difference between procrastination and patience. Being an expert at procrastination I have to guard to make sure I am not rationalizing my propensity to wait until the last minute as being anything other than putting off until tomorrow what I should doing it today.

~~~

Patience is bitter, but its fruit is sweet.

Jean Jacques Rousseau

~~~

While on maternity leave, a woman from our office brought in her new bundle of joy. She also had her seven-year- old son with her. Everyone gathered around the baby, and the little boy asked, “Mommy, can I have some money to buy a soda?”

“What do you say?” she asked.

Respectfully, the boy replied, “You’re thin and beautiful.”

The woman reached in her purse and gave her son the money.

~~~

Age does not make us childish, as some say; it finds us true children.

Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe

~~~

Three people were trying to get into heaven. Peter asked the first, “Who’s there?” “It’s me, Albert Jones,” the voice replied. St. Peter let him in.

Then St. Peter asked the second one the second same question, “Who’s there?” “It’s me, Charlie Jones.” And St. Peter let him in.

Finally he turns to the third, asking the same question, “Who’s there?” “It is I, Verla Chapman,” answered the third. “Oh, great,” muttered St. Peter. “Another one of those English teachers.”

~~~

A competitive world has two possibilities for you. You can lose. Or, if you want to win, you can change.

Lester C. Thurow

~~~

Do you realize that the only time in our lives when we like to get old is when we’re kids?

If you’re less than 10 years old, you’re so excited about aging that you think in fractions. How old are you?…. “I’m four and a half” …. You’re never 36 and a half …. you’re four and a half going on five!

That’s the key. You get into your teens, now they can’t hold you back. You jump to the next number. How old are you? “I’m gonna be 16.” You could be 12, but you’re gonna be 16.

And then the greatest day of your life happens …. you become 21. Even the words sound like a ceremony …. you BECOME 21 … YES!!!

But then you turn 30 …. ooohhh what happened there? Makes you sound like bad milk …. He TURNED, we had to throw him out. There’s no fun now.

What’s wrong?? What changed?? You BECOME 21, you TURN 30, then you’re PUSHING 40 ….. stay over there, it’s all slipping away ……..

You BECOME 21, you TURN 30, you’re PUSHING 40, you REACH 50 ….. and your dreams are gone. Then you MAKE IT to 60 ….. you didn’t think you’d make it!!!!

So you BECOME 21, you TURN 30, you’re PUSHING 40, you REACH 50, you MAKE IT to 60 …… then you build up so much speed you HIT 70!

After that, it’s a day by day thing. After that, you HIT Wednesday …. You get into your 80’s, you HIT lunch.

And it doesn’t end there …. into the 90’s you start going backwards …. I was JUST 92 …

Then a strange thing happens. If you make it over 100, you become a little kid again …. “I’m 100 and a half!!!!”

~~~

“When I turned two I was really anxious, because I’d doubled my age in a year. I thought, if this keeps up, by the time I’m six I’ll be ninety.”

Steven Wright

~~~

Dear Diary

MONDAY:  What a wonderful cruise this is going to be!  I felt singularly honored this evening.  The Captain asked me to dine at his table.

TUESDAY:  I spent the entire afternoon on the bridge with the Captain.

WEDNESDAY:  The Captain made proposals to me unbecoming an officer and a gentleman.

THURSDAY:  Tonight the Captain threatened to sink the ship if I do not give in to his indecent proposals!

FRIDAY:  This afternoon I saved 1600 lives.

~~~

“We’ve begun to long for the pitter patter of little feet – so we bought a dog.  Well, it’s cheaper, and you get more feet.”

Rita Rudner

~~~

Darryl and Harold were in a mental institution.

The place had an unusual annual contest, picking two of the best patients and giving them two questions. If they got them correct, they were deemed cured and free to go.

Darryl was called into the doctor’s office first and asked if he understood that he’d be free if he answered the questions correctly. Darryl said “yes” and the doctor proceeded. “Darryl, what would happen if I poked out one of your eyes?” Darryl said, “I’d be half blind.” “That’s correct. What if I poked out both eyes?” “I’d be completely blind.” The doctor stood up, shook Darryl’s hand, and told him he was free to go.

On Darryl’s way out, as the doctor filled out the paperwork, Darryl mentioned the exam to Harold, who was seated in the waiting room. He told him what questions were going to be asked and gave him the answers. So Harold went into the doctor’s office when he was called. The doctor went thru the formalities and then asked, “What would happen if I cut off one of your ears?” Remembering what Darryl had told him, he answered, “I’d be half blind.” The doctor looked a little puzzled, but went on. “What if I cut off the other ear?” “I’d be completely blind,” Harold answered.” “Harold, can you explain how you’d be blind?” “My hat would fall down over my eyes.”

~~~

Ideologies separate us. Dreams and anguish bring us together.

Eugene Ionesco

~~~

A couple just started their Lamaze class and they were given an activity requiring the husband to wear a bag of sand – to give him an idea of what it feels like to be pregnant.

The husband stood up and shrugged, saying, “This doesn’t feel so bad.”

The Lamaze teacher then dropped a pen and asked the husband to pick it up.

“You want me to pick up the pen as if I were pregnant, the way my wife would do it?” the husband asked.

“Exactly,” replied the instructor.

To the delight of the other husbands, he turned to his wife and said, “Honey, pick up that pen for me.”

~~~

Stupid mistakes are made by others. We only make unavoidable errors.

~~~

Youth is not the age of pleasure; we then expect too much, and we are therefore exposed to daily disappointments and mortifications.

When we are a little older, and have brought down our wishes to our experience, then we become calm and begin to enjoy ourselves.

Lord Liverpool

~~~

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than twenty years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@comcast.net. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are hundreds of  readers from around the world.

Keep Going

Ray’s Daily

July 14, 2022

http://tays-daily.com

Energy and persistence conquer all things.

Benjamin Franklin

As I age I have learned that the secret to a good life is to keep going. It is far to easy to just stop and and take the easy route by givng up on life. We may be a little slower but we still have things we casn still go and places to go.

Stick to it

When things go wrong as they sometimes will,

When the road you’re trudging seems all uphill.

When the funds are low and the debts are high,

And you want to smile but you have to sigh.

When care is pressing you down a bit,

Rest if you must, but don’t you quit.

Life is queer with its twists and turns,

As everyone of us sometimes learns.

And many a fellow turns about,

When he might have won had he stuck it out.

Don’t give up though the pace seems slow,

You may succeed with another blow.

Often the goal is nearer than

It seems to a faint and faltering man.

Often the struggler has given up,

When he might have captured the victor’s cup.

And he learned too late when the night came down,

How close he was to the golden crown.

Success is failure turned inside out,

The silver tint of the clouds of doubt.

And you never can tell how close you are,

It may be near when it seems afar.

So stick to the fight when you’re hardest hit,

It’s when things seem worst that you mustn’t quit.

Author Unknown

~~~

Nothing in this world can take the place of persistence. Talent will not: nothing is more common than unsuccessful men with talent.

Calvin Coolidge

~~~

It was a bright sunny day in Eleria, Ohio, when a gentleman walked into the Mayflower Restaurant. He was seated at a table near the window and the waitress handed him the menu. He didn’t look at it, but politely asked “Do you have any cabbage?”

The waitress, a little startled, replied, “No.”

The man shook his head sadly, and then asked in a quiet tone, “Well then, do you have any lettuce?”

She said, “Yes.”

So he says, “OK, bring me a bowl of lettuce — no dressing.”

Assuming he was some kind of diet fanatic, she goes to the kitchen and brings him a large bowl of lettuce.

As this is the only customer in her station, she retires to the side of the room and — with nothing better to do — watches her customer.

First, the man removes an old pocket watch from his vest and places it on the table. He seems to make note of the time, and then carefully removes one leaf of lettuce.

With with the flat of his knife, he smoothed out the leaf, stands up, and places the leaf exactly in the center of his seat, and sits down on it. While the waitress watches, fascinated, the man takes another leaf out of the bowl and flattens this one too. He gets up and carefully places the second leaf on top of the first one, and sits down again on the two lettuce leafs. He goes through the bowl, removing the lettuce leafs one at a time, flattening each, and them sitting on them. When he gets to the last full leaf and sits on it, he peers at his watch and, with a satisfied grin, calls over the waitress and asks for another bowl of lettuce.

She is about to go to the kitchen to get it, when her curiosity overcomes her and she says, “Excuse me, but why are you sitting on that lettuce?”

The man calmly replies, “Well, you told me that you didn’t have any cabbage!”

~~~

Something has to be wrong, we spend sixty million a year on medical research and two billion on get-well cards!

~~~

Even if you’re not a grandparent you will enjoy this.

A teacher asked her young pupils how they spent their spring vacation.

— We always spend our vacation with Grandma and Grandpa. They used to live here in a big, brick house, but Grandpa got retarded and they moved to Florida and now they live in a place with a lot of other retarded people.

— They live in a tin box and have rocks painted green to look like grass. They ride around on big tricycles and wear name tags because they don’t know who they are anymore.

— They go to a building called a wrecked center, but they must have got it fixed because it is all right now. They play games and do exercises there, but they don’t do them very well.

— There is a swimming pool, too, but they all jump up and down in it with their hats on. I guess they don’t know how to swim.

— At their gate there is a doll house with a little old man sitting in it. He watches all day so nobody can escape. Sometimes they sneak out. Then they go cruising in their golf carts.

— My grandma used to bake cookies and stuff, but I guess she forgot how. Nobody there cooks, they just eat out. And they eat the same thing every night: Early Birds.

— Some of the people can’t get past the man in the doll house to go out, so the ones who get out bring food back to the wrecked center and call it pot luck.

— My Grandma says Grandpa worked all his life to earn his retardment and says I should work hard so I can be retarded one day, too.

— When I earn my retardment I want to be the man in the doll house. Then I will let people out so they can visit their grandchildren.

~~~

A couple is lying in bed. The man says, “I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world.”

The woman says….. “I’ll miss you.”

~~~

Here is an actual sign posted at a golf club in Scottsdale, Arizona:

BACK STRAIGHT,

KNEES BENT,

FEET SHOULDER WIDTH APART.

FORM A LOOSE GRIP.

KEEP YOUR HEAD DOWN!

AVOID A QUICK BACK SWING.

STAY OUT OF THE WATER.

TRY NOT TO HIT ANYONE.

DON’T STAND DIRECTLY IN FRONT OF OTHERS.

QUIET PLEASE . . .

WHILE OTHERS ARE PREPARING.

DON’T TAKE EXTRA STROKES . .

 WELL DONE. NOW FLUSH THE URINAL, GO OUTSIDE, & TEE OFF. . .

~~~

“Osborne’s Law” Variables won’t; constants aren’t.

~~~

A grandmother overheard 5-year-old Christy “playing wedding.” The wedding vows went like this: “You have the right to remain silent, anything you say may be held against you, you have the right to have an attorney present. You may kiss the bride.”

~~~

The most essential factor is persistence–the determination never to allow your energy or enthusiasm to be dampened by the discouragement that must inevitably come.

James Whitcomb Riley

~~~

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than twenty years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@comcast.net. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are hundreds of  readers from around the world.

Tough Times

Ray’s Daily

July 13, 2021

http://rays-daily.com

“Peace is not the absence of conflict, but the ability to cope with it”

Reprint: Ray’s Daily from July 13, 2006

 ~~~

It seems like every morning these days I awaken to news of more violence, conflict, and death. I sometimes long for the time when it appeared that peace was breaking out all around us. Sure, chances are we did not hear about some of the things happening to people in other countries, but that not withstanding we were not overwhelmed with the reality of the horror that grows each day. Of course I could solve my problem by avoiding all news, but I can’t do that, nor do I want to. What I can do is pray for a better world and strive to make sure that I don’t succumb to the violence. Here is something my friend Ken sent me sometime ago that I think has value.

MEANING OF PEACE

There was once a king who offered a prize to the artist who could paint the best picture of peace.  Many artists tried. The king looked at all the pictures, but there were only two that he really liked, and he had to choose between them.

One picture was of a calm lake.  The lake was a perfect mirror for the peaceful towering mountains all around it.  Overhead was a blue sky with fluffy white clouds. All who saw this picture thought that it was a perfect picture of peace.

The second picture had mountains, too.  But these were rugged and bare.  Above was an angry sky from which rain fell, and in which lightening played.  Down the side of the mountain tumbled a foaming waterfall. This did not look peaceful at all. But when the king looked, he saw behind the waterfall a tiny bush growing in a crack in the rock.  In the bush a mother bird had built her nest…. a perfect picture of peace.

Which of the pictures won the prize? The king chose the second picture. Do you know why?

“Because,” explained the king, “peace does not mean to be in a place where there is no noise, trouble or hard work. Peace means to be in the midst of all those things and still be calm in your heart.  That is the real meaning of peace.”

~~~

“Peace is not something you wish for;

It’s something you make,

Something you do,

Something you are,

And something you give away.”

Robert Fulghum

~~~

Two elderly gentlemen were having coffee in the resort hotel the morning after their double wedding to their respective elderly wives.

Jim said, with concern, “I’ll have to see a doctor when I get home, I couldn’t consummate my marriage last night.”

“Oh, really,” says Bob. “I better see a therapist then – I didn’t even think of it!”

~~~

Few people blame themselves until they have exhausted all other possibilities.

~~~

According to a news report, a certain private school in Washington recently was faced with a unique problem.

A number of 12-year-old girls were beginning to use lipstick and would put it on in the bathroom. That was fine, but after they put on their lipstick they would press their lips to the mirror leaving dozens of little lip prints. Every night the maintenance man would remove them and the next day the girls would put them back. Finally the principal decided that something had to be done. She called all the girls to the bathroom and met them there with the maintenance man. She explained that all these lip prints were causing a major problem for the custodian who had to clean the mirrors every night.

To demonstrate how difficult it had been to clean the mirrors, she asked the maintenance man to show the girls how much effort was required. He took out a long-handled squeegee, dipped it in the toilets, and cleaned the mirror with it. Since then, there have been no lip prints on the mirror.

There are teachers, and then there are educators.

~~~

“Good advice is something a man gives when he is too old to set a bad example.”

Francois de La Rochefoucauld

~~~

Mind Games Dogs Play With Humans

1. After your humans give you a bath, DON’T LET THEM TOWEL DRY YOU! Instead, run to their bed, jump up and dry yourself off on the sheets. This is especially good if it’s right before your human’s bedtime.  

2. Act like a convicted criminal. When the humans come home, put your ears back, tail between your legs, chin down and act as if you have done something really bad. Then, watch as the humans frantically search the house for the damage they think you have caused.(Note: This only works when you have done absolutely nothing wrong.)  

3. Let the humans teach you a brand new trick. Learn it perfectly. Then the humans try to demonstrate it to someone else, stare blankly back at the humans. Pretend you have no idea what they’re talking about.  

4. Make your humans be patient. When you go outside to go ‘pee’, sniff around the entire yard as your humans wait. Act as if the spot you choose to go pee will ultimately decide the fate of the earth.  

5. Draw attention to the human. When out for a walk always pick the busiest, most visible spot to go ‘poo’. Take your time and make sure everyone watches. This works particularly well if your humans have forgotten to bring a plastic bag.  

6. When out for a walk, alternate between choking and coughing every time a strange human walks by.  

7. Make your own rules. Don’t always bring back the stick when playing fetch with the humans. Make them go and chase it once in a while.  

8. Hide from your humans. When your humans come home, don’t greet them at the door. Instead, hide from them, and make them think something terrible has happened to you. (Don’t reappear until one of your humans is panic-stricken and close to tears).  

9. When your human calls you to come back in, always take your time. Walk as slowly as possible back to the door.  

10. Wake up twenty minutes before the alarm clock is set to go off and make the humans take you out for your morning business. As soon as you get back inside, fall asleep. (Humans can rarely fall back asleep after going outside, this will drive them nuts!)  

~~~

“In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice; In practice, there is.”

Chuck Reid

~~~

A woman called to make reservations, “I want to go from Chicago to Hippopotamus, New York”

The agent was at a loss for words. Finally, the agent “Are you sure that’s the name of the town?”

“Yes, what flights do you have?” replied the customer.

After some searching, the agent came back with, “I’m sorry, Ma’am, I’ve looked up every airport code in the country and can’t find a Hippopotamus anywhere.

The customer retorted, “Oh don’t be silly. Everyone knows where it is. Check your map!”

The agent scoured a map of the state of New York and finally offered, “You don’t mean Buffalo, do you?”

“That’s it! I knew it was a big animal!”

~~~

Jack: I shouldn’t have told my fiancée about my rich uncle.

Joe: Why not?

Jack: Because now she’s my aunt.

~~~

“When we are unable to find tranquility within ourselves,

It is useless to seek it elsewhere”

François de la Rochefoucauld

~~~

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than twenty years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@comcast.net. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are hundreds of  readers from around the world.

Stay Calm

Ray’s Daily

July 12, 2022

http://rays-daily.com

The nearer a man comes to a calm mind the closer he is to strength

Marcus aurelius

My fellow residents and me are in for a special treat tomorrow. Two of Indiana’s favorite entertainers, Judy Fitzgerald and Cindy Colons are presenting the story of Patsy Cline here at 6 PM. If you live with us at the Forum you won’t want to miss this great show.

Today I would like to share with you some more tips from Angel Chernoff, here is what she suggests we can do for ourselves.

4 Five-Second Reminders that Will Make Calmness Your Superpower

1. If you don’t like someone’s behavior, stay away, but don’t hurt them. Don’t be abusive and disrespectful. That’s a sign of weakness. In fact, the real test always comes when you don’t get what you expect from people. Will you react in anger? Or will calmness continue to be your superpower?

2. Don’t lower your standards, but do know that removing your expectations of others is the best way to avoid being disappointed by them. You will end up sadly disappointed if you expect people will always do for you as you do for them. Remember, not everyone has the same heart as you.

3. People are much nicer when they’re at peace and happier, which says a lot about people who aren’t very nice to you. Wish them well, and be on your way.

4. You won’t always be a priority to others, and that’s why you need to be a priority to yourself. Learn to respect yourself, take care of yourself, and become your own support system. Your needs matter. Start meeting them. Don’t wait on others to choose you. Choose yourself, today! START making your happiness a priority!

Your ultimate goal is to grow so strong on the inside that almost nothing on the outside can affect your inner peace of mind without your conscious permission…

Because the bottom line is, despite the real world challenges you face, the biggest and most complex obstacle you will have to personally overcome on a daily basis is your own mind.

In other words, you aren’t responsible for everything that happens to you in life, but you ARE responsible for undoing the self-defeating thinking patterns that these undesirable experiences create.

YES, YOU CAN THINK BETTER, which means you can ultimately live better.

~~~

“Be like a duck. Calm on the surface, but always paddling like the dickens underneath.”

Michael Caine

~~~

WISE ADVICE FROM KIDS

“Medicine only works if it’s cherry flavored.” — Elissa, 9 

“Good food always comes with a toy.” — Ryan, 6 

“Just because your dog drinks from the toilet, doesn’t mean you should.” — Juaquim, 7 

“Don’t dry the dog in the microwave.” — Brittany, 5 

“If mommy says no, then you should ask daddy.” — Daniel, 7 

“You can’t eat soup with a fork.” — Mel, 4 

“Never ask mom when she’s going to go on a diet.” –Bob, 11 

~~~

Better to understand a little than to misunderstand a lot.

~~~

Two guys were discussing life in general over drinks one night. “My grandfather lived to be 96.”

“Ninety-six? What finally got him???”

“Liquor and women.”

“Well, that just goes to show ya,” snickered the one guy, “both will get you in the end.”

“Well actually, no, it’s not what ya think. Towards the end, Grandpa couldn’t get either one, so he just laid down and died.”

~~~

Good judgment comes from bad experience and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.

~~~

Traveling through New England a motorist stopped for gas in a tiny village. “What’s this place called?” he asked the station attendant.

“All depends,” the native drawled. “Do you mean by them that has to live in this dad-blamed, moth-eaten, dust-covered dump, or by them that’s merely enjoying its quaint and picturesque rustic charms for a short spell.”

~~~

The Levi’s company announced they will make a line of blue jeans that have built-in docking station for an iPod music player. The built-in docking station is called a “pocket.”

Conan O’Brien

~~~

Hospital Chart Bloopers

1. The patient refused autopsy.

2. The patient has no previous history of suicides.

3. Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital.

4. She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.

5. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.

6. On the second day the knee was better, and on the third day it disappeared.

7. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.

8. The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.

9. Discharge status: Alive but without permission.

10. Healthy appearing decrepit 69-year old male, mentally alert but forgetful.

11. Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.

12. She is numb from her toes down.

13. While in ER, she was examined, X-rated and sent home.

14. The skin was moist and dry.

15. Occasional, constant infrequent headaches.

16. Patient was alert and unresponsive.

17. Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid.

18. She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life, until she got a divorce.

19. I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.

20. Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.

21. Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.

22. The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.

23. Skin: somewhat pale but present.

24. The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor.

25. Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities.

~~~

“Within you, there is a stillness and sanctuary to which you can retreat at any time and be yourself.”

Hermann Hesse

~~~

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than twenty years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@comcast.net. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are hundreds of  readers from around the world.

That Golden Moment

Ray’s Daily

July 11, 2022

http://rays-daily.com

Pay attention to the beauty surrounding you.

Anne Lamott

OK I have decided that I am going to pay attention to the good stuff in my lfe and not let the not so good bother me. What about you? If we pay attention to what is right in our days we will find things are better than we realized.

When Is That Golden Moment?

When the scale tells me I’ve not gained a pound

When my glasses or phone or keys have been found,

When the cop pulls me over but spares me the ticket

When my ice cream cone drips and I get to lick it,

When I read the obituaries and don’t know a soul,

When the car just ahead of me pays for my toll,

When my pants can fit without sucking my gut in

When I’m on the dance floor and a man asks to cut in,

When it’s time for a movie and I get to choose it,

When I cut out the coupon and remember to use it.

Everyone understands the worth

Of a big celebration: a marriage, a birth

But moments of joy, too many to mention

Brighten each day, when we just pay attention.

By Eileen Hession

~~~

The act of paying attention contains tremendous power.

Deepak Chopra

~~~

A tourist was admiring the necklace worn by a Seminole Indian on one of the local Florida reservation tours.

“What is it made of?” she asked.

“Alligator’s teeth,” the Indian replied. “I suppose,” She said patronizingly, “that they mean as much to you as pearls do to us.”

“Well no, not really” he objected. “Anybody can open an oyster.”

~~~

We do not see things as they are; we see things as we are.

Talmud

~~~

I was self-conscious about going to the gym, because I thought the pounds I had put on would make me stand out among the spandex-clad regulars. I chose a treadmill in the corner so I’d be inconspicuous.

However, as I exercised, my worst fears came true. At least a dozen people turned to stare at me periodically. I thought it might be my imagination, but then one woman even squinted to get a better look.

Mortified, I stepped off the machine to leave. When I turned around, I realized that the gym’s only wall clock had been hanging just inches above my head.

~~~

Hlade’s Law: “If you have a difficult task, give it to a lazy person — they will find an easier way to do it.”

~~~

Ways To Rush Your Spouse In Walmart

-Set all the alarm clocks to go off at 2 minute intervals.

-Make a trail of apple juice on the floor to the restrooms.

-Walk up to an employee and tell them, in an official tone, “I think we have a Code 3 in Housewares” and see what happens.

-Move “CAUTION-WET FLOOR” signs to carpeted areas.

-While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if they know where the anti-depressants are.

-Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme from “Mission Impossible.”

-In the auto department, practice your “Madonna” look using different size funnels.

-Hide in the clothing rack, and when people browse through say, “PICK ME! PICK ME!”

-When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, assume the fetal position and scream, “NO! NO! It’s those voices again!”

-Go into the fitting room and yell real loud, “Hey, we’re out of toilet paper in here!”

~~~

At my age, “getting a little action” means I don’t need to take a laxative.

~~~

He said: Tiring of the same old buzz cut from the base barber at Fort Dix, New Jersey, I went into town to get my haircut. The hairdresser noticed my accent and asked where I was from.  

“Trinidad,” I said.  

“Is that in Arabia?”  

“The Caribbean.”  

She laughed, “Sorry, I never was very good at geometry.”  

~~~

You know that little indestructible black box that is used on planes, why can’t they make the whole plane out of the same stuff?

~~~

A story concerns itself with a wholesaler in New York who sent a letter to the postmaster of a small mid-western town. He asked for the name of a honest lawyer who would take a collection case against a local debtor who had refused to pay for a shipment of the wholesaler’s goods. He got this reply:

“Dear Sir:

I am the postmaster of this village and received your letter. I am also an honest lawyer and ordinarily would be pleased to accept a case against a local debtor. In this case, however, I also happen to be the person you sold those crummy goods to. I received your demand to pay and refused to honor it. I am also the banker you sent the draft to draw on the merchant, and I sent that back with a note stating that the merchant had refused to pay. And if I were not, for the time being, substituting for the pastor of our local church, I would tell you just what I thought of your claim.”

~~~

Ever notice that people who spend money on beer, cigarettes, and lottery tickets are always complaining about being broke and not feeling well?

~~~

He said: When I worked for the security department of a large retail store, my duties included responding to fire and burglar alarms. A side door of the building was wired with a security alarm, because it was not supposed to be used by customers. Nevertheless they found the convenience of the exit tempting. Even a sign with large red letters, warning “Alarm will sound if opened,” failed to deter people from using it.  

One day, after attending to a number of shrieking alarms, I placed a small handmade sign on the door that totally eliminated the problem: “Wet paint.”  

~~~

Never trust a man who says he’s the boss at home. He probably lies about other things too.

~~~

A kind-hearted fellow was walking through Central Park in New York and was astonished to see an old man, fishing rod in hand, fishing over a beautiful bed of lilies. “Tsk Tsk!” said the passerby to himself. “What a sad sight. That poor old man is fishing over a bed of flowers. I’ll see if I can help.”

So the kind fellow walked up to the old man and asked, “What are you doing, my friend?” “Fishin’, sir.” “Fishin’, eh. Well how would you like to come have a drink with me?” The old man stood put his rod away and followed the kind stranger to the corner bar. He ordered a large glass of beer and a fine cigar. His host, the kind fellow, felt good about helping the old man, and he asked, “Tell me, old friend, how many did you catch this morning?” The old fellow took a long drag on the cigar, blew a careful smoke ring and replied, “You are the sixth today, sir!”

~~~

The main thing to do is pay attention. Pay close attention to everything, notice what no one else notices. Then you’ll know what no one else knows, and that’s always useful.

Jeanne DuPrau

~~~

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than twenty years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@comcast.net. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are hundreds of  readers from around the world.

Gossip

Ray’s Daily

July 8, 2022

http://rays-daily.com

“Watch out for the joy-stealers: gossip, criticism, complaining, faultfinding, and a negative, judgmental attitude.” 

Joyce Meyer

A Ray’s Daily reprint from July 8, 2003

Nobody’s Friend

My name is Gossip. I have no respect for justice.

I maim without killing. I break hearts and ruin lives.

I am cunning and malicious and gather strength with age.

The more I am quoted the more I am believed.

My victims are helpless. They cannot protect themselves against me because I have no name or face.

To track me down is impossible. The harder you try, the more elusive I become.

I am nobody’s friend.

Once I tarnish a reputation, it is never the same.

I topple governments and wreck marriages.

I ruin careers and cause sleepless nights, heartaches and indigestion.

I make innocent people cry in their pillows.

Even my name hisses. I am called Gossip. I make headlines and headaches.

Readers, before you repeat a story, ask yourself: Is it true? Is it harmless? Is it necessary?

If it isn’t, don’t repeat it.

unknown

~~~

Love all, trust a few, do wrong to none.

William Shakespeare

~~~

The Hormone Hostage knows that there are days in the month when all a man has to do is open his mouth and he takes his life in his own hands!

This is a handy guide that should be as common as a driver’s license in the wallet of every husband, boyfriend, or significant other!

DANGEROUS….What’s for dinner?

SAFER….Can I help you with dinner?

SAFEST….Where would you like to go for dinner?

ULTRASAFE….Have some chocolate

DANGEROUS….Are you wearing that?

SAFER….Wow, you look good in brown.

SAFEST….WOW! Look at you!

ULTRASAFE….Have some chocolate

DANGEROUS….What are you so worked up about?

SAFER….Could we be overreacting?

SAFEST….Here’s fifty bucks.

ULTRASAFE….Have some chocolate

DANGEROUS….Should you be eating that?

SAFER….You know, there are a lot of apples left.

SAFEST….Can I get you a glass of wine with that?

ULTRASAFE….Have some chocolate

DANGEROUS….What did you do all day?

SAFER….I hope you didn’t over-do it today.

SAFEST….I’ve always loved you in that robe!

ULTRASAFE….Have some more chocolate.

And remember: Money talks….But Chocolate sings.

~~~

Seat belts are not as confining as wheelchairs.

~~~

Jack couldn’t get his girlfriend to agree to marry him, until one day his grandfather died, leaving him $10 million.  Oddly enough, the next week, his girlfriend, Diane agreed to marry him.

After three months of married life, Jack noticed that his beautiful new wife was ignoring him more and more. On the rare occasion that she would go to bed with him she would be indifferent, or even worse, called out other men’s names!

Whenever they went out in public, she ignored him and flirted with other men. Finally, he decided to confront her.

“Diane,” he said, “the only reason you married me was because my grandfather left me $10 million when he died!”

“Don’t be ridiculous,” she replied, “I don’t care who gave you the money!”

~~~

There’s nothing like riding a horse to make a person feel better off.

~~~

I saw my mom carrying 10 shopping bags from Bloomingdales the other day.

I said what are you doing?

She said, exercising.

~~~

Two Rabbis were discussing the decline in morals in the modern world.

“I didn’t sleep with my wife before I was married,” said one of them self-righteously. “Did you?”

“I don’t know,” said the other. “What was her maiden name?”

~~~

There’s a fine line between fishing and standing on the shore like an idiot.

~~~

A nurse at my hospital received a call from an anxious woman. “I’m diabetic and I’m afraid I’ve had too much sugar today,” she said. “Are you light-headed?” my colleague asked. “No, I’m a brunette.”

~~~

During their silver anniversary, Esther reminded her husband Morris, “Do you remember when you proposed to me, I was so overwhelmed that I didn’t talk for an hour?”

Morris replied, “Yes, Esther, that was the happiest hour of my life.”

~~~

Why is it that when you eat too much for lunch, you feel drowsy all afternoon, but when you eat a big meal in the evening, you stay awake all night?

~~~

Two sons were left a large piece of property by their father.  For months they fought over how the land should be divided.  Finally, they brought their problem to their rabbi and asked him to solve it.

“Come back tomorrow,” said the rabbi, “and we’ll talk.”

The next day the sons returned and the rabbi gave them his solution.

“Toss a coin,” he said to one of the brothers. “You call it, heads or tails,” he said to the other. “The one who wins the toss, divides the land.”

“That’s no solution,” said one of the brothers. “We’re right back where we started from.”

“Not so,” said the rabbi.  “The one who wins the toss divides the land; but the other gets first choice.”

~~~

“I’ll believe in reincarnation in my next life.”

~~~

Wisdom is knowing what to do next; virtue is doing it.

David Star Jordan

~~~

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than twenty years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@comcast.net. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are hundreds of  readers from around the world.

Have a weed free day

Ray’s Daily

July 7, 2022

http://rays-daily.com

The principles of living greatly include the capacity to face trouble with courage, disappointment with cheerfulness, and trial with humility.

Thomas S. Monson

I have a busy day today. I don’t want to waste anytime on challenges I can’t do anything about so I am just going to get rid of my concerns. Like in the following story I plan on rooting them out.

The Weeds in Our Lives

Isn’t it amazing how you never have to water your weeds or nurture them and they still give you an unwanted crop?

I can remember as a young boy growing up in Santa Cruz, California my grandfather showed me how to dig up this pesky weed called Bermuda grass. It was terrible stuff and it would really spread if you didn’t get it out by the roots.

That was then. But more recently when my wife and I bought our first home about 8 years ago; guess what I had to deal with? If you said weeds, you are correct. There was this certain patch of weeds that was similar to the Bermuda grass. In other words, just as invasive.

After getting the inside of our home settled, it was time to work on the outside. On my hands and knees I vigorously attacked the weeds with a small hand trowel getting each one out by the roots. Spring after, spring that was my ritual.

Just this Spring I realized that one particular weed was no longer prevalent but another one was in full force. So again, I got down on my hands and knees and got to work ridding them from my yard. When I was finished, my yard was better off.

What hidden message is this true story purveying? Sometimes our life can be oh so similar. Yes, we all have weeds in our life. These weeds can be challenges, setbacks, negative beliefs, or naysayers, and the list can go on and on.

The solution is when dealing with these weeds of life is to get to the root of it and remove them one by one and eventually you will conquer this round. And when another crop of weeds shows up, deal with them directly before they spread, because now that you know what to do with them by getting to the root of it, it will give you more courage and wisdom the next time a problem crops up.

You could say we all need weeds in our life to challenge us to grow. Once you know how to handle the weeds in your yard to make it beautiful – so too will your life be.

Written by Tony Masiello

~~~

You can’t dwell on disappointment. You’ve got to take the positives and keep looking ahead.

AJ Tracey

~~~

There was an old priest who got sick of all the people in his parish who kept confessing to adultery. One Sunday, in the pulpit, he said, “If I hear one more person confess to adultery, I’ll quit!”

Everyone liked him, so they came up with a code word. Someone who had committed adultery would say instead that they had “fallen.”

This seemed to satisfy the old priest and things went well until the priest passed away at a ripe, old age. A few days after the new priest arrived, he visited the mayor of the town and seemed very concerned.

“Mayor, you have to do something about the sidewalks in town. When people come into the confessional, they keep telling me they’ve fallen.”

The mayor started to laugh, realizing that no one had told the new priest about the code word. But, before he could explain, the priest shook an accusing finger at him and shouted, “I don’t know what you’re laughing about, because your wife has already fallen three times this week!”

~~~

If you don’t start, it’s certain you won’t arrive.

~~~

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FOR SALE BY OWNER: Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica. 45 volumes. Excellent condition. $1,000.00 or best offer. No longer needed. Got married last month. Wife knows everything.

~~~

E-mail is not to be used to pass on information or data.

It should be used only for company business.

~~~

TEACHER: If you had one dollar and you asked your father for another, how many dollars would you have??

VINCENT: One dollar.

TEACHER(sadly): You don’t know your arithmetic…

VINCENT(sadly): You don’t know my father…

~~~

What I need is a list of the specific unknown problems we will encounter.

~~~

Suzanne was on a flight from Detroit to San Diego when the guy next to her asked if she would like to play a fun game. She was tired and just wanted to take a nap, so she politely declined and rolled over to the window to catch a few winks. The neighbor persisted and explained that the game was easy and a lot of fun. He said, “I ask you a question, and if you don’t know the answer, you pay me five dollars, and vice versa.”

Again, she declined and tried to get some sleep. Agitated, the man said, “Okay, if you don’t know the answer, you pay me $5, and if I don’t know the answer, I will pay you $500.”

This caught Suzanne’s attention and, figuring there will be no end to this torment, agrees to the game. The guy asked the first question: “What’s the distance from the earth to the moon?” Suzanne doesn’t say a word, reaches into her purse, pulls out a $5.00 bill, and hands it to him.

“Okay,” says the man, “your turn.”

She asks, “What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four legs?”

The neighbor, puzzled, takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references… no answer. He taps into the air phone with his modem and searches the Internet and the Library of Congress… nothing. Frustrated, he sends e-mails to all his friends and coworkers but to no avail.

After an hour, he woke up Suzanne and handed her $500.

She thanked him and turned back to get some more sleep.

The guy, more than a little miffed, stirred Suzanne and asked, “Well, what’s the answer?”

Without a word, she reached into her purse, handed the guy $5, and went back to sleep.

~~~

“Nobody believes the official spokesman, but everybody trusts an unidentified source.”

Ron Nesen

~~~

A few signs your mobile home may be haunted…

You come home one day and it’s clean.

The eyes on the velvet Elvis painting move.

Instead of saying “boo” the ghost says “boo-ya’ll!”

The trailer is shaking, but there’s no tornado in sight.

Your Dale Earndhart bed sheets have eyeholes cut in them.

The lights turn on and off even though you paid the power bill.

That car in your front yard isn’t on blocks — it’s levitating by itself.

Mysterious footsteps seem to be stomping out Achy Breaky Heart.

~~~

Anytime you suffer a setback or disappointment, put your head down and plow ahead.

Les Brown

~~~

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than twenty years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@comcast.net. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are hundreds of  readers from around the world.

Your News

Ray’s Daily

July 6, 2022

http://rays-daily.com

It is during our darkest moments that we must focus to see the light.

Aristotle

Ray’s Daily reprint from July 7, 2004

Yesterday I expressed my concern about our ability to get the information we need to really understand world events. I told you that a friend of mine felt that we do not need to limit ourselves to the media at hand. He said we have libraries, the internet, alternate publications, and other sources that we could use if we really wanted to.

What I wrote resulted in the following response from a respected friend who now lives in the United States. She said, “While it’s a valid point, I would have to argue that this society makes it more difficult for us.  I come from Ireland, where there is often in-depth news programming, especially on politics, during prime time, with the main network news bulletin at 9pm. Here, we have a world of so-called “reality TV” during prime time spots, and there is rarely good in-depth news programming, especially on the networks.  And to take their knowledge a stage further, people firstly have to realize that the network news is not the end of the story.  They have to be media literate.  Even as an ex-national news reporter in Ireland, it took me a while here to figure out where to go for real information.  So it’s not that simple, really.”

The bottom line is that it is up to us to decide how important we think it is for us to understand what is going on around us. If we do think it is important we will need to do a little workand in my view we are to fulfill our responsibilities as citizens we need to do some work.

~~~

Half of the American people have never read a newspaper.

Half never voted for President. One hopes it is the same half.

Gore Vidal

~~~

In our country there really are differences in different regions, the cultures are different, the behavior is different, and this just makes our people more interesting. Unfortunately speedy communications, pop culture, and the popular media are making us more like each other every day. When we all become the same we will no longer be interesting. But before that happens let me tell you about American girls from the south.

Southern girls know bad manners when they see them:

1.  Drinking straight out of a can.

2.  Not sending thank you notes.

3.  Velvet after February.

4.  White shoes before Memorial Day or after Labor Day

Southern girls always say:

1.  “Yes, ma’am.”

2.  “Yes, sir.”

Southern girls have a distinct way with fond expressions:

1.  “Y’all come back now ya heaah?”

2.  “Well, bless your heart.”

3.  “Drop by when you can.”

4.  “How’s your mother?”

5.  “Love your hair.”

Southern girls know their three R’s:

1.  Rich

2.  Richer

3.  Richest

Southern girls know everybody’s first name:

1.  Honey

2.  Darlin’

3.  Shugah

Southern girls know the three deadly sins:

1.  Bad hair

2.  Bad manners

3.  Bad blind dates

~~~

Can you sentence a homeless man to house arrest?

~~~

“How’s your mother,” a friend asked.

“Not good,” I answered. “She’s got chronic frontal sinusitis.”

“My goodness,” the friend said.  “Where did she get that?”

“Reader’s Digest.  Last month’s issue.”

~~~

Practice makes perfect, but if nobody’s perfect, why practice?

~~~

She said: The bank where I work had just installed its first 24- hour cash machine. I encouraged an elderly gentleman to take an application for the new plastic identification cards, explaining that he would be able to get cash any time of day or night.

He declined, saying, “Lady, anything I’d need money for that late at night I shouldn’t be doing.”

~~~

“Nobody realizes that some people expend tremendous energy merely to be normal.”

Albert Camus

I wonder if he means we work hard to be just like everyone else instead of being ourselves. Ray

~~~

One day a group of scientists got together and decided that man had come a long way and no longer needed God. They picked one scientist to go and tell Him that they were done with Him.

The scientist walked up to God and said, “God, we’ve decided that we no longer need you. We’re to the point that we can clone people and do many miraculous things, so why don’t you just go on and get lost.”

God listened patiently and kindly to the man and after the scientist was done talking, God said, “Very well! How about this? Let’s have a man making contest.”

To which the man replied, “OK, great!”

But God added, “Now we’re going to do this just like I did back in the old days with Adam.”

The scientist said, “Sure, no problem” and bent down and grabbed himself a handful of dirt.

God just looked at him and said, “No, no, no. You go get your own dirt!”

~~~

My computer is so fast. Before yours can boot up, mine has already crashed three times.

~~~

When the employees of a restaurant attended a fire safety seminar, they watched a fire official demonstrate the proper way to operate an extinguisher.

“Pull the pin like a hand grenade,” he explained, “then depress the trigger to release the foam.”

Later an employee was selected to extinguish a controlled fire in the parking lot. In her nervousness, she forgot to pull the pin.

The instructor hinted, “Like a hand grenade, remember?”

In a burst of confidence she pulled the pin …. and hurled the extinguisher at the blaze.

~~~

Judge:  Was the child born out of wedlock?

Mother:  No, Sir, just outside of Louisville.

~~~

My mom had decided to trim her household budget wherever possible, so instead of having a dress dry-cleaned by Stein’s Laundry she washed it by hand. Proud of her savings, she boasted to my father, “Just think, Sam, we are five dollars richer because I washed this dress by hand.”

“Good,” my dad quickly replied. “Wash it again!”

~~~

Remember that the best relationship is one in which your love for each other exceeds your need for each other.

~~~

The day I started my construction  job, I was in the office filling out an employee form when I came to the section that wanted to know:

Single__, Married__, Divorced__. 

I marked single.  Glancing at the man next to me, who was filling out the same form, I noticed he hadn’t marked any of the blanks.  Instead he’d written, “Yes, in that order.”

~~~

Every gun that is made, every warship launched, every rocket fired signifies, in the final sense, a theft from those who hunger and are not fed, those who are cold and not clothed. This world in arms is not spending money alone. It is spending the sweat of its laborers, the genius of its scientists, the hopes of its children. This is not a way of life at all in any true sense. Under the cloud of threatening war, it is humanity hanging from a cross of iron.

Dwight D. Eisenhower

~~~

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than twenty years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@comcast.net. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are hundreds of  readers from around the world.

Tough Times

Ray’s Daily

July 5, 2022

http://rays-daily.com

Your character is formed by the challenges you face and overcome.

Nick Vujicic

Here we are, the second half of the year 2022. I hope the second half is better. The war in Ukrane, global food shortages, climate change, expensive fuel, inflation and more have taken their toll. It is going to up to us to do the best we can not to let todays realities take us down. We not only have to learn to live with the problems we also must do what we can to mitigate them.

Here are some thoughts from Angel Chernoff that challenges us to live with our problems while not letting them get to us.

3 Unfiltered Thoughts for a Tough Day

1. Too often we work hard to disown the parts of our lives that were painful, difficult, or sad. But just as we can’t rip chapters out of a book and expect the story to still make sense, we can’t rip past chapters out of our lives and expect our lives to still make sense. Keep every chapter of your life intact, and keep on turning the pages. Sooner or later you’ll get to a page that brings it all together and you’ll suddenly understand why every page and chapter before it was needed.

2. In those frustrating moments when you find yourself standing face to face with an issue you battled before – one bearing a lesson you were sure you had already learned – remember, repetition is not failure. Ask the waves, ask the leaves, ask the wind. Repetition is sometimes required to evolve and grow.

3. As you live and experience things, you must recognize what works and what doesn’t, what belongs and what doesn’t, and then let things go when you know you should. Not out of pride, inability, or arrogance, but simply because not everything is supposed to fit into your life. Close the door, change the record, clean the house, get rid of the dust. Stop being who you were so you can become who you are…

Allow yourself to see something new, and discover something new.

Allow yourself to take up a lot of positive space in your own life.

Allow yourself to think better today…

The bottom line is, despite the real world challenges you face, the biggest and most complex obstacle you will have to personally overcome on a daily basis is your own mind. In other words, you aren’t responsible for everything that happens to you in life, but you ARE responsible for undoing the self-defeating thinking patterns that these undesirable experiences create.

YES, YOU CAN THINK BETTER, which means you can ultimately live better.

~~~

If you compared your troubles, or challenges, with those of others, you would surely find that there are those whose troubles make yours look like minor inconveniences.

Catherine Pulsifer

~~~

OLD GEEZER / GEEZERETTE TEST

  1. Where did headlight dimmer switches used to be located?

      a . On the floor shift knob

      b. On the floor, left of the clutch

      c. Next to the horn

  2. The bottle top of a Royal Crown Cola bottle has holes in it. For what was it used?

      a. Capture lightning bugs.

      b. To sprinkle clothes before ironing

      c. Large salt shaker

  3. Why was having milk delivered a problem in northern winters?

      a. Cows got cold and wouldn’t produce

      b. Ice on highways forced delivery by dog sled

      c. Milkmen left deliveries outside doors and milk would freeze, expanding and pushing up the cardboard bottle top.

  4. What was the popular chewing gum named for a game of chance?

      a. Blackjack

      b. Gin

      c. Craps

  5. What method did women adapt to look as if they were wearing stockings when none was available due to rationing during W.W.II?

      a. Suntan

      b. Leg painting

      c. Wearing slacks

  6. What postwar car turned automotive design on its ear when you couldn’t tell whether it was coming or going?

      a. Studebaker

      b. Nash Metro

      c. Tucker

  7. Which was a popular candy when you were a kid?

      a. Strips of dried peanut butter

      b. Chocolate-licorice bars

      c. Wax coke-shaped bottles with colored sugar water inside

  8. How was Butch wax used?

      a. To stiffen hair cut into a flattop so it stood up

      b. To make floors shiny and prevent scuffing

      c. On the wheels of roller skates to prevent rust

  9. Before inline skates, how did you keep your roller skates attached to your shoes?

      a. With clamps, tightened by a skate key

      b. Woven straps that crossed the foot

      c. Long pieces of string or twine

  10. As a kid, what was considered the best way to reach a decision?

      a. Consider all the facts

      b. Ask Mom

      c. Eeny-meeny-miney-mo

  11. What was the worst thing you could catch from the opposite sex?

      a. A cold

      b. VD

      c. Cooties

  12. “I’ll be down to get you in a ________, Honey?”

      a. SUV

      b. Taxi

      c. Streetcar

  13. What was the name of Caroline Kennedy’s pet pony?

      a. Old Blue

      b. Paint

      c. Macaroni

  14. What was a Duck-and-Cover Drill?

      a. Part of the game of hide and seek

      b. What you did when your mom called you in to do chores

      c. Hiding under your desk, covering your head with your arms in an A bomb drill

  15. What was the name of the Indian Princess on the Howdy Doody show?

      a. Princess Summerfallwinterspring

      b. Princess Sacajewea

      c. Princess Moonshadow

  16. What did all really savvy students do when mimeographed tests were handed out in school?

      a. Immediately sniffed the purple ink, as this was believed to get you “high”

      b. Made paper airplanes to see who could sail theirs out the window

      c. Wrote another pupils name on the top, to avoid failure

  17. Why did your mom shop in stores that gave Green Stamps with purchases?

      a. To keep you out of mischief licking the backs, which tasted like bubble gum

      b. They could be put in special books and redeemed for various household items

      c. They were given to the kids to be used as stick on tattoos

  18. “Praise the Lord, and pass the _________?”

      a. Meatballs

      b. Dames

      c. Ammunition

  19. What was the name of the group who made the song “Cabdriver” a hit?

      a. The Ink Spots

      b. The Supremes

      c. The Esquires

  20. Who left his heart in San Francisco?

      a. Tony Bennett

      b. Zavier Cugat

      c. George Gershwin

  ANSWERS

  1. b) On the floor, left of the clutch. Hand controls, popular in Europe, took till the ’60s to catch on.

  2. b) To sprinkle clothes before ironing. Who had a steam iron?

  3. c) Cold weather caused the milk to freeze and expand, popping the bottle top.

  4. a) Blackjack Gum.

  5. b) Special makeup was applied followed by drawing a seam down the back of the leg with eyebrow pencil.

  6. a) 1946 Studebaker.

  7. c) Wax coke bottles containing super-sweet colored water.

  8. a) Wax for your flat top (butch) haircut.

  9. a) With clamps, tightened by a skate key, which you wore on a shoestring around your neck.

  10. c) Eeny-meeny-miney-mo.

  11. c) Cooties.

  12. b) Taxi. Better be ready by half-past eight!

  13. c) Macaroni.

  14. c) Hiding under your desk, covering your head with your arms in an A-bomb drill.

  15. a) Princess Summerfallwinterspring. She was another puppet.

  16. a) Immediately sniffed the purple ink to get “high.”

  17. b) Put in a special stamp book, they could be traded for household items at the Green Stamp store.

  18. c) Ammunition, and we’ll all be free.

  19. a) The all male, all black group, The Inkspots.

  20. a) Tony Bennett and he sounds just as good today.

  SCORING

  17 – 20 correct: You are not only older than dirt, but obviously gifted with mind bloat. Now if you could only find your glasses.

  12 – 16 correct: Not quite dirt yet, but your mind is definitely muddy.

  0 – 11 correct: You are a sad excuse of a geezer.

~~~

Expect obstacles and face them head on. They are going to come up so the way you handle them is what makes all the difference.

Lance Dale

~~~

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than twenty years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@comcast.net. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are hundreds of  readers from around the world.

Humble is better

Ray’s Daily

July 1, 2022

http://rays-daily.com

“Pride costs us more than hunger, thirst, and cold.”

Thomas Jefferson.

Today is the beginning of a long weekend that celebrates our countries Independence Day. It is a good time to take stock of ourselves. I am afraid that too many of us are so sure we are always right that our pride closes our minds to any alternatives to the point we miss a lot in our lives.

The Proud Teak

This is one of those inspirational stories that talk about pride and how it can lead to one’s downfall.

There was a proud teak tree in the forest. He was tall and strong. There was a small herb next to the tree.

The teak tree said, “I am very handsome and strong. No one can defeat me.” Hearing this, the herb replied, “Dear friend, too much pride is harmful. Even the strong will fall one day.”

The teak ignored the herb’s words. He continued to praise himself. A strong wind blew. The teak stood firmly. Even when it rained, the teak stood strong by spreading its leaves.

During these times, the herb bowed low. The teak made fun of the herb. One day, there was a storm in the forest. The herb bowed low. As usual, the teak did not want to bow.

The storm kept growing stronger. The teak could no longer bear it. He felt his strength giving way. He tried his best to stand upright, but in the end, he fell down. That was the end of the proud tree.

When everything was calm again, the herb stood straight. He looked around. He saw that the proud teak had fallen.

Inspirational stories like this one want to warn us about the dangers of showing too much pride. Do not let your pride get in the way of overcoming great difficulties. The teak was filled with too much pride. He thought he was stronger than the howling wind. His inability to yield eventually caused his downfall.

~~~

“Pride builds walls between people, humility builds bridges.”

Rick Warren.

~~~

Laws you should know

“The Law of Volunteering” If you dance with a grizzly bear, you had better let him lead.

“The Law of Avoiding Oversell” When putting cheese in a mousetrap, always leave room for the mouse.

“The Law of Common Sense” Never accept a drink from a urologist.

“The Law of Reality” Never get into fights with ugly people, they have nothing to lose.

“The Law of Self Sacrifice When you starve with a tiger, the tiger starves last.

“The Law of Motivation” Creativity is great, but plagiarism is faster.

“Boob’s Law” You always find something in the last place you look.

“Weiler’s Law” Nothing is impossible for the man who doesn’t have to do it himself.

“Law of Probable Dispersal” Whatever hits the fan will not be evenly distributed.

“Law of Volunteer Labor” People are always available for work in the past tense.

“Conway’s Law” In any organization there is one person who knows what is going on. That person must be fired.

“Iron Law of Distribution” Them that has, gets.

“Law of Cybernetic Entomology” There is always one more bug.

“Law of Drunkedness” You can’t fall off the floor.

“Heller’s Law” The first myth of management is that it exists.

“Osborne’s Law” Variables won’t; constants aren’t.

“Main’s Law” For every action there is an equal and opposite government program.

“Weinberg’s Second Law” If builders built buildings the way programmers wrote programs, then the first woodpecker that came along would have destroyed civilization.

~~~

We the people have much to enjoy, share, love, ponder, appreciate, learn, celebrate, anticipate, admire and contribute. Gets you to wondering why we squander so much time and energy on fighting, cheating, killing, envying, hating, torturing and killing each other.

~~~

She said: I returned to my parents’ home to attend a funeral.  At the chapel, my mother led me to a man who looked vaguely familiar.  “Barbara, remember Rabbi Green?” she asked as she left me in his company.

I frantically tried to place him, and suddenly it came to me.  He was the kind man who, five years earlier, had officiated at my grandmother’s funeral.  “It’s good to see you again, Rabbi,” I said.  “Though I wish it weren’t always under such tragic circumstances.”

The rabbi looked perplexed but uttered some words of consolation before he was called away.  A few minutes later, I rejoined my mother. “Imagine,” she whispered, “after all this time, to run into the rabbi who performed your first wedding!”

~~~

A friend hears the song in my heart and sings it to me when my memory fails

Pioneer Girls Leaders’ Handbook

~~~

He was advised that a small plane would be waiting to fly him over the fire. The photographer arrived at the airstrip just an hour before sundown. Sure enough, a small Cessna airplane was waiting. He jumped in with his equipment and shouted, ”Let’s go!”

The tense man sitting in the pilot’s seat swung the plane into the wind and soon they were in the air, though flying erratically. ”Fly over the north side of the fire,” said the photographer, ”and make several low-level passes.”

”Why?” asked the nervous pilot.

”Because I’m going to take pictures!” yelled the photographer. ”I’m a photographer, and photographers take pictures.” The pilot replied, ”You mean you’re not the flight instructor?”

~~~

A husband is a man who wishes he had as much fun when he goes on business trips as his wife thinks he does.

~~~

A man was showing his friend a new set of matching golf clubs he had just bought.

“Doctor’s orders,” the man told his friend. “My wife and I have been gaining too much weight and we went to see the doctor about it. He said we needed more exercise, so I joined the country club and bought myself this set of golf clubs.”

“What did you buy your wife?” the friend asked.

The man said, “A new lawn mower.”

~~~

The time to relax is when you don’t have time for it.

Sydney J. Harris

~~~

Charley, a new retiree greeter at Wal-Mart, just couldn’t seem to get to work on time. Every day he was 5, 10. sometimes 15 minutes late. But he was a good worker, really tidy, clean shaven, sharp minded and a real credit to the company and obviously demonstrating their “Older person friendly” policies.

One day the boss was in a real quandary about how to deal with it. Finally, he called him in the office for a talk. “Charley, I have to tell you, I like your work ethic, you do a bang-on job, but your being late so often is quite bothersome.”

“Yes. I know boss, and I am working on it.”

“Well good, you are a team player. That’s what I like to hear. It’s odd though, your coming in late. I know you’re retired from the Arm Forces. What did they say if you came in late there?”

“They said, “Good morning, General. Tea or coffee this morning, Sir?”

~~~

“Pride and excess bring disaster for man.”

Xun Kuang

~~~

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than twenty years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@comcast.net. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are hundreds of  readers from around the world.

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