Ray's musings and humor

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Ray’s Daily

July 15, 2022

http://rays-daily.com

The only difference between success and failure is the ability to take action.

Alexander Graham Bell

A busy day so a reprint from July 15, 2002

One of the most meaningful comments I ever received, was many years ago when the then Vice-president of the Indianapolis Chamber of Commerce said that I had the ability to lose gracefully. The game often goes to those who can play another day. The combination of patience and grace, versus anger and bridge-burning is often the key to success. If nothing else it is much more enjoyable then the trauma created by the alternative.

Many people consider patience a commonplace virtue, not to say a tame and insipid one. But rightly appreciated it is grand and heroic. Without it the strongest character has a dangerously weak spot, which at any moment may be its ruin. With it, the otherwise weakest has an element of invincible strength.

— Congregationalist

Of course the problem is to make sure that we know the difference between procrastination and patience. Being an expert at procrastination I have to guard to make sure I am not rationalizing my propensity to wait until the last minute as being anything other than putting off until tomorrow what I should doing it today.

~~~

Patience is bitter, but its fruit is sweet.

Jean Jacques Rousseau

~~~

While on maternity leave, a woman from our office brought in her new bundle of joy. She also had her seven-year- old son with her. Everyone gathered around the baby, and the little boy asked, “Mommy, can I have some money to buy a soda?”

“What do you say?” she asked.

Respectfully, the boy replied, “You’re thin and beautiful.”

The woman reached in her purse and gave her son the money.

~~~

Age does not make us childish, as some say; it finds us true children.

Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe

~~~

Three people were trying to get into heaven. Peter asked the first, “Who’s there?” “It’s me, Albert Jones,” the voice replied. St. Peter let him in.

Then St. Peter asked the second one the second same question, “Who’s there?” “It’s me, Charlie Jones.” And St. Peter let him in.

Finally he turns to the third, asking the same question, “Who’s there?” “It is I, Verla Chapman,” answered the third. “Oh, great,” muttered St. Peter. “Another one of those English teachers.”

~~~

A competitive world has two possibilities for you. You can lose. Or, if you want to win, you can change.

Lester C. Thurow

~~~

Do you realize that the only time in our lives when we like to get old is when we’re kids?

If you’re less than 10 years old, you’re so excited about aging that you think in fractions. How old are you?…. “I’m four and a half” …. You’re never 36 and a half …. you’re four and a half going on five!

That’s the key. You get into your teens, now they can’t hold you back. You jump to the next number. How old are you? “I’m gonna be 16.” You could be 12, but you’re gonna be 16.

And then the greatest day of your life happens …. you become 21. Even the words sound like a ceremony …. you BECOME 21 … YES!!!

But then you turn 30 …. ooohhh what happened there? Makes you sound like bad milk …. He TURNED, we had to throw him out. There’s no fun now.

What’s wrong?? What changed?? You BECOME 21, you TURN 30, then you’re PUSHING 40 ….. stay over there, it’s all slipping away ……..

You BECOME 21, you TURN 30, you’re PUSHING 40, you REACH 50 ….. and your dreams are gone. Then you MAKE IT to 60 ….. you didn’t think you’d make it!!!!

So you BECOME 21, you TURN 30, you’re PUSHING 40, you REACH 50, you MAKE IT to 60 …… then you build up so much speed you HIT 70!

After that, it’s a day by day thing. After that, you HIT Wednesday …. You get into your 80’s, you HIT lunch.

And it doesn’t end there …. into the 90’s you start going backwards …. I was JUST 92 …

Then a strange thing happens. If you make it over 100, you become a little kid again …. “I’m 100 and a half!!!!”

~~~

“When I turned two I was really anxious, because I’d doubled my age in a year. I thought, if this keeps up, by the time I’m six I’ll be ninety.”

Steven Wright

~~~

Dear Diary

MONDAY:  What a wonderful cruise this is going to be!  I felt singularly honored this evening.  The Captain asked me to dine at his table.

TUESDAY:  I spent the entire afternoon on the bridge with the Captain.

WEDNESDAY:  The Captain made proposals to me unbecoming an officer and a gentleman.

THURSDAY:  Tonight the Captain threatened to sink the ship if I do not give in to his indecent proposals!

FRIDAY:  This afternoon I saved 1600 lives.

~~~

“We’ve begun to long for the pitter patter of little feet – so we bought a dog.  Well, it’s cheaper, and you get more feet.”

Rita Rudner

~~~

Darryl and Harold were in a mental institution.

The place had an unusual annual contest, picking two of the best patients and giving them two questions. If they got them correct, they were deemed cured and free to go.

Darryl was called into the doctor’s office first and asked if he understood that he’d be free if he answered the questions correctly. Darryl said “yes” and the doctor proceeded. “Darryl, what would happen if I poked out one of your eyes?” Darryl said, “I’d be half blind.” “That’s correct. What if I poked out both eyes?” “I’d be completely blind.” The doctor stood up, shook Darryl’s hand, and told him he was free to go.

On Darryl’s way out, as the doctor filled out the paperwork, Darryl mentioned the exam to Harold, who was seated in the waiting room. He told him what questions were going to be asked and gave him the answers. So Harold went into the doctor’s office when he was called. The doctor went thru the formalities and then asked, “What would happen if I cut off one of your ears?” Remembering what Darryl had told him, he answered, “I’d be half blind.” The doctor looked a little puzzled, but went on. “What if I cut off the other ear?” “I’d be completely blind,” Harold answered.” “Harold, can you explain how you’d be blind?” “My hat would fall down over my eyes.”

~~~

Ideologies separate us. Dreams and anguish bring us together.

Eugene Ionesco

~~~

A couple just started their Lamaze class and they were given an activity requiring the husband to wear a bag of sand – to give him an idea of what it feels like to be pregnant.

The husband stood up and shrugged, saying, “This doesn’t feel so bad.”

The Lamaze teacher then dropped a pen and asked the husband to pick it up.

“You want me to pick up the pen as if I were pregnant, the way my wife would do it?” the husband asked.

“Exactly,” replied the instructor.

To the delight of the other husbands, he turned to his wife and said, “Honey, pick up that pen for me.”

~~~

Stupid mistakes are made by others. We only make unavoidable errors.

~~~

Youth is not the age of pleasure; we then expect too much, and we are therefore exposed to daily disappointments and mortifications.

When we are a little older, and have brought down our wishes to our experience, then we become calm and begin to enjoy ourselves.

Lord Liverpool

~~~

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than twenty years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@comcast.net. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are hundreds of  readers from around the world.

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