Ray's musings and humor

That Golden Moment

Ray’s Daily

July 11, 2022

http://rays-daily.com

Pay attention to the beauty surrounding you.

Anne Lamott

OK I have decided that I am going to pay attention to the good stuff in my lfe and not let the not so good bother me. What about you? If we pay attention to what is right in our days we will find things are better than we realized.

When Is That Golden Moment?

When the scale tells me I’ve not gained a pound

When my glasses or phone or keys have been found,

When the cop pulls me over but spares me the ticket

When my ice cream cone drips and I get to lick it,

When I read the obituaries and don’t know a soul,

When the car just ahead of me pays for my toll,

When my pants can fit without sucking my gut in

When I’m on the dance floor and a man asks to cut in,

When it’s time for a movie and I get to choose it,

When I cut out the coupon and remember to use it.

Everyone understands the worth

Of a big celebration: a marriage, a birth

But moments of joy, too many to mention

Brighten each day, when we just pay attention.

By Eileen Hession

~~~

The act of paying attention contains tremendous power.

Deepak Chopra

~~~

A tourist was admiring the necklace worn by a Seminole Indian on one of the local Florida reservation tours.

“What is it made of?” she asked.

“Alligator’s teeth,” the Indian replied. “I suppose,” She said patronizingly, “that they mean as much to you as pearls do to us.”

“Well no, not really” he objected. “Anybody can open an oyster.”

~~~

We do not see things as they are; we see things as we are.

Talmud

~~~

I was self-conscious about going to the gym, because I thought the pounds I had put on would make me stand out among the spandex-clad regulars. I chose a treadmill in the corner so I’d be inconspicuous.

However, as I exercised, my worst fears came true. At least a dozen people turned to stare at me periodically. I thought it might be my imagination, but then one woman even squinted to get a better look.

Mortified, I stepped off the machine to leave. When I turned around, I realized that the gym’s only wall clock had been hanging just inches above my head.

~~~

Hlade’s Law: “If you have a difficult task, give it to a lazy person — they will find an easier way to do it.”

~~~

Ways To Rush Your Spouse In Walmart

-Set all the alarm clocks to go off at 2 minute intervals.

-Make a trail of apple juice on the floor to the restrooms.

-Walk up to an employee and tell them, in an official tone, “I think we have a Code 3 in Housewares” and see what happens.

-Move “CAUTION-WET FLOOR” signs to carpeted areas.

-While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if they know where the anti-depressants are.

-Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme from “Mission Impossible.”

-In the auto department, practice your “Madonna” look using different size funnels.

-Hide in the clothing rack, and when people browse through say, “PICK ME! PICK ME!”

-When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, assume the fetal position and scream, “NO! NO! It’s those voices again!”

-Go into the fitting room and yell real loud, “Hey, we’re out of toilet paper in here!”

~~~

At my age, “getting a little action” means I don’t need to take a laxative.

~~~

He said: Tiring of the same old buzz cut from the base barber at Fort Dix, New Jersey, I went into town to get my haircut. The hairdresser noticed my accent and asked where I was from.  

“Trinidad,” I said.  

“Is that in Arabia?”  

“The Caribbean.”  

She laughed, “Sorry, I never was very good at geometry.”  

~~~

You know that little indestructible black box that is used on planes, why can’t they make the whole plane out of the same stuff?

~~~

A story concerns itself with a wholesaler in New York who sent a letter to the postmaster of a small mid-western town. He asked for the name of a honest lawyer who would take a collection case against a local debtor who had refused to pay for a shipment of the wholesaler’s goods. He got this reply:

“Dear Sir:

I am the postmaster of this village and received your letter. I am also an honest lawyer and ordinarily would be pleased to accept a case against a local debtor. In this case, however, I also happen to be the person you sold those crummy goods to. I received your demand to pay and refused to honor it. I am also the banker you sent the draft to draw on the merchant, and I sent that back with a note stating that the merchant had refused to pay. And if I were not, for the time being, substituting for the pastor of our local church, I would tell you just what I thought of your claim.”

~~~

Ever notice that people who spend money on beer, cigarettes, and lottery tickets are always complaining about being broke and not feeling well?

~~~

He said: When I worked for the security department of a large retail store, my duties included responding to fire and burglar alarms. A side door of the building was wired with a security alarm, because it was not supposed to be used by customers. Nevertheless they found the convenience of the exit tempting. Even a sign with large red letters, warning “Alarm will sound if opened,” failed to deter people from using it.  

One day, after attending to a number of shrieking alarms, I placed a small handmade sign on the door that totally eliminated the problem: “Wet paint.”  

~~~

Never trust a man who says he’s the boss at home. He probably lies about other things too.

~~~

A kind-hearted fellow was walking through Central Park in New York and was astonished to see an old man, fishing rod in hand, fishing over a beautiful bed of lilies. “Tsk Tsk!” said the passerby to himself. “What a sad sight. That poor old man is fishing over a bed of flowers. I’ll see if I can help.”

So the kind fellow walked up to the old man and asked, “What are you doing, my friend?” “Fishin’, sir.” “Fishin’, eh. Well how would you like to come have a drink with me?” The old man stood put his rod away and followed the kind stranger to the corner bar. He ordered a large glass of beer and a fine cigar. His host, the kind fellow, felt good about helping the old man, and he asked, “Tell me, old friend, how many did you catch this morning?” The old fellow took a long drag on the cigar, blew a careful smoke ring and replied, “You are the sixth today, sir!”

~~~

The main thing to do is pay attention. Pay close attention to everything, notice what no one else notices. Then you’ll know what no one else knows, and that’s always useful.

Jeanne DuPrau

~~~

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than twenty years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@comcast.net. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are hundreds of  readers from around the world.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

Tag Cloud

%d bloggers like this: