June 10, 2022
To be responsible, keep your promises to others. To be successful, keep your promises to yourself.
Ray’s Daily first published on June 10, 2002
If you are like I am you find the problems of the world today spread a cloud across so much of what we do and see. We try to balance our search for security with our great love of personal freedom. We fear for the future of the children while we bask in the joy they give to us. We search for security during insecure times. For many there are only two choices, total self centered ignorance that allows one to not see what’s around them, or unbridled pessimism that drags one into the depth of despair. For most of us there is a middle ground. What follows is something that was sent to me and I think if everyone would do what it suggests we will have made life better for others as well as ourselves.
Today let us promise ourselves….
To be so strong that nothing can disturb our peace of mind.
To talk health, happiness, and prosperity to every person we meet.
To make all our friends feel that there is something special in them.
To look at the sunny side of everything and make our optimism come true.
To think only the best, to work only for the best, and to expect only the best.
To be just as enthusiastic about the success of others as we are about our own.
To forget the mistakes of the past and press on to the greater achievements of the future.
To wear a cheerful countenance at all times and give every living creature we meet a smile.
To give so much time to the improvement of our self that we have no time to criticize others.
To be too large for worry, too noble for anger, too strong for fear; and too happy to permit the presence of trouble.
To think well of ourselves and to proclaim this fact to the world, not in loud words, but in great deeds.
To live in the faith that the whole world is on your side so long as we are true to the best that is in us.
The great tragedy of life is not that men perish, but that they cease to love.
William Somerset Maugham
In an upscale pet-supply store, a customer wanted to buy a red sweater for her dog. The clerk suggested that she bring her dog in for a proper fit.
“I can’t do that!” she said. “The sweater is going to be a surprise!”
The Images of Mother
4 YEARS OF AGE ~ My Mommy can do anything!
8 YEARS OF AGE ~ My Mom knows a lot! A whole lot!
12 YEARS OF AGE ~ My Mother doesn’t really know quite everything.
14 YEARS OF AGE ~ Naturally, Mother doesn’t know that, either.
16 YEARS OF AGE ~ Mother? She’s hopelessly old-fashioned.
18 YEARS OF AGE ~ That old woman? She’s way out of date!
25 YEARS OF AGE ~ Well, she might know a little bit about it.
35 YEARS OF AGE ~ Before we decide, let’s get Mom’s opinion.
45 YEARS OF AGE ~ Wonder what Mom thinks about it?
65 YEARS OF AGE ~ Wish I could talk it over with Mom.
Diner: I can’t eat such a rotten chicken. Call the manager!
Waiter: It’s no use. He won’t eat it either.
Every time a new Pope is elected, there’s a whole lot of rituals and ceremonies that have to be gone through, in accordance with tradition. Well there’s one tradition that very few people know about.
Shortly after the new Pope is enthroned, the Chief Rabbi seeks an audience. He is shown into the Pope’s presence, whereupon he presents him with a silver tray bearing a velvet cushion. On top of the cushion is an ancient, shriveled parchment envelope.
The Pope symbolically stretches out his arm in a gesture of rejection.
The Chief Rabbi then retires, taking the envelope with him and does not return until the next Pope is elected. John Paul II was intrigued by this ritual, whose origins were unknown to him. He instructed the best scholars of the Vatican to research it, but they came up with nothing. When the time came and the Chief Rabbi was shown into his presence, he faithfully enacted the ritual rejection but, as the Chief Rabbi turned to leave, he called him back.
“My brother,” the Holy Father whispered, “I must confess that we Catholics are ignorant of the meaning of this ritual enacted for centuries between us and you, the representative of the Jewish people. I have to ask you, what is it all about?”
The Chief Rabbi shrugs and replies: “But we have no more idea than you do. The origin of the ceremony is lost in the traditions of ancient history.”
The Pope said: “Let us retire to my private chambers and enjoy a glass of wine together, then, with your agreement, we shall open the envelope and discover at last the secret.”
The Chief Rabbi agreed.
Fortified in their resolve by the wine, they gingerly pried open the curling parchment envelope and with trembling fingers, the Chief Rabbi reached inside and extracted a folded sheet of similarly ancient paper. As the Pope peered over his shoulder, he slowly opened it.
They both gasped with shock.
It was the check for the Last Supper.
TERRIBLE TWO’S: Having both kids at home all summer.
Family leaving Church after services:
Father; “That was the longest driest, least informative sermon I’ve ever heard.”
Mother; “The choir was terrible. I never heard some of those hymns before, and they were singing them off key.”
Little Tommy; “I don’t know, all in all it wasn’t bad show. Three of us for a buck.”
“Happiness is good health and a bad memory.”
Eighty four year old Morris was hit by a car and lay bleeding on the sidewalk. A policeman arrived on the scene and, glancing at the victim, immediately called for a priest and an ambulance.
The priest arrived first, and bending over Morris, he asked, “Do you believe in the Father, the Son and the Holy Ghost?”
Morris lifted his head, opened his eyes wide and turned to the crowd that had gathered around him. “I am laying here dying and this schmendrick is asking me riddles!”
There’s one thing about baldness…..it’s neat.
On her way back from the concession stand, Sally asked a man at the end of the row, “Pardon me, but did I step on your foot before?”
Expecting an apology, the man said, “Indeed you did.”
The woman nodded. “Oh good. Then this is my row.”
“So,” Jane asked the detective she had hired. “Did you trail my husband?”
“Yes ma’am. I did. I followed him to a bar, to an out-of-the-way restaurant and then to an apartment.”
A big smile crossed Jane’s face. “Aha! I’ve got him!” she said gloating. “Is there any doubt what he was doing?”
“No ma’am.” replied the sleuth, “It’s pretty clear that he was following you.”
“Are you saying that your wife is outspoken?”
“Not by anyone I know of.”
Life is partly what we make it, and partly what it is made by the friends whom we choose.
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