Ray's musings and humor

Ray’s Daily

June 7, 2022

http://rays-daily.com

There is no cure for birth and death save to enjoy the interval

George Santayana

Ray’s Daily first published on June 7, 2005

 ~~~

It was forty years ago today that the Supreme Court ruled that laws banning birth control are an unconstitutional violation of privacy. I wonder if that means that those of us older than forty will never know if we might not have been. Since all of my children are now adults who are over forty years old, I want to state right now that they are all here on purpose and each has provided us the best years of our lives.

At least I know they are now adults but as Holbrook Jackson once said, “A mother never realizes that her children are no longer children.” I wonder how many husbands often have to remind his wife that the kids are grown up now and that they don’t need us to tell them what to do.

If you are as lucky as we are you will spend your life thanking your lucky stars that you have been blessed with children who have given your lives so much of its meaning. Of course there are times in the early years when restraint on the part of we parents was difficult at best. But like a friend said at a meeting the other day, “Grandchildren are the rewards we receive for not killing our children.”

~~~

Grown-ups never understand anything for themselves, and it is tiresome for children to be always and forever explaining things to them.

Antoine de Saint-Exupery

~~~

A Cajun was stopped by a game warden in South Louisiana recently with two ice chests of fish, leaving a bayou well known for its fishing.  

The game warden asked the man, “Do you have a license to catch those fish?”  

“Naw, ma fren, I ain’t got none of dem, no. Dese here are my pet fish.”  

“Pet fish?”  

“Ya. Avery night I take dese here fish down to de bayou and let dem swim ’round for a while. Den I whistle and dey jump rat back inta dis here ice chest and I take dem home.”  

“That’s a bunch of hooey! Fish can’t do that!”  

The Cajun looked at the game warden for a moment and then said, “It’s de truth ma’ fren. I’ll show you. It really works.”  

“Okay, I’ve GOT to see this!”  

The Cajun poured the fish into the bayou and stood and waited.  

After several minutes, the game warden turned to him and said, “Well?”  

“Well, what?” Said the Cajun.  

“When are you going to call them back?”  

“Call who back?”  

“The FISH!”  

“What fish?”  

~~~

We face the question whether a still higher “standard of living” is worth its cost in things natural, wild, and free.

Aldo Leopold

~~~

An engineer, a physicist, and a lawyer were being interviewed for a position as chief executive officer (CEO) of a large corporation. The engineer was interviewed first and was asked a long list of questions, endiing with. . .”How much is two plus two?”

The engineer excused himself and made a series of measurements and calculations before returning to the board room and announcing. . .”Four!”

The physicist was interviewed next and was asked the same questions. Again, the last question was. . .”How much is two plus two?”

Before answering the last question, he excused himself, made for the library, and did a great deal of research. After consulting with the United States Bureau of Standards and making many calculations, he also announced. . .”Four!”

The lawyer was interviewed last, and again…. the final question was “How much is two plus two?”

The lawyer draws all the shades in the room, looks outside to see if anyone is there, checks the telephone for listening devices, and finally whispers. . .        “How much do you want it to be?”

~~~

Truth does not become more true by virtue of the fact that the entire world agrees with it, nor less so even if the whole world disagrees with it.

Maimonides

~~~

From Jane:

New Drugs For Women

D A M N I T O L

Take 2 and the rest of the world can go to hell for up to 8 full hours.

ST. M O M M A’S W O R T

Plant extract that treats mom’s depression by rendering preschoolers unconscious for up to two days.

E M P T Y N E S T R O G E N

Suppository that eliminates melancholy and loneliness by reminding you of how awful they were as teenagers and how you couldn’t wait till they moved out.

P E P T O B I M B O

Liquid silicone drink for single women. Two full cups swallowed ! before an evening out increases breast size, decreases intelligence, and prevents conception.

D U M B E R O L

When taken with Peptobimbo, can cause dangerously low IQ, resulting in enjoyment of country music and pickup trucks.

F L I P I T O R

Increases life expectancy of commuters by controlling road rage and the urge to flip off other drivers.

B U Y A G R A

Injectable stimulant taken prior to shopping Increases potency, duration, and credit limit of spending spree.

J A C K A S S P I R I N

Relieves headache caused by a man who can’t remember your birthday, anniversary, phone number, or to drop the toilet seat.

A N T I-T A L K S I D E N T

A spray carried in a purse or wallet to be used on anyone too eager to share their life stories with total strangers in elevators.

N A G A M E N T

When administered to a boyfriend or husband, provides the same irritation level as nagging him.

~~~

Never get into a pissing contest with a skunk.

~~~

Waiter: Tea or coffee, gentlemen?

1st customer: I’ll have tea.

2nd customer: Me, too.  And be sure the glass is clean!

(Waiter exits, returns)

Waiter: Two teas.  Which one asked for the clean glass?

~~~

“It’s no use. Art doesn’t listen to me,” said a little boy who was praying for a new bike.

“Art who?” asked the boy’s mother.

“Art in heaven,” came the reply.

~~~

An American businessman goes to Japan on a business trip, but he hates Japanese food, so he asks the concierge at his hotel if there’s any place around where he can get American food.

The concierge tells him he’s in luck, there’s a pizza place that just opened, and they deliver. The concierge gives the businessman the phone number, and he goes back to his room and orders a pizza.

Thirty minutes later, the delivery guy shows up to the door with the pizza.

The businessman takes the pizza, and starts sneezing uncontrollably. He asks the delivery man, “What the heck did you put on this pizza?”

The delivery man bows deeply and says, “We put on the pizza what you ordered: pepper only.”

~~~

Most folks are about as happy as they make up their minds to be.

Abraham Lincoln

~~~

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than twenty years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@comcast.net. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are hundreds of  readers from around the world.

Comments on: "Children are our treasure" (1)

  1. priceless treasure

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