Ray's musings and humor

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Ray’s Daily

June 6, 2022

http://rays-daily.com

“It takes a great man to be a good listener.”

Calvin Coolidge

I think one of the greatest gifts we can give to others is really listening to what they say. Too many folks are so busy stressing their views that they don’t allow time to hear the other guy. I find that it is also important to make sure you understand what is being said. I have often been surprised that when I said “if I heard you right you said” that I had missed what they wanted me to know. Be a good friend and really listen.

Please listen to me

When I ask you to listen to me and you start giving advice, you have not done what I asked.

When I ask you to listen to me and you begin to tell me why I shouldn’t feel that way, you are trampling on my feelings.

When I ask you to listen to me and you feel you have to do something to solve my problems, you have failed me, strange as that may seem.

All I ask is that you listen. Not talk or do, just hear me. Advice is cheap: 50 cents will get you both Dorothy Dix and Dr Spock in the same newspaper. And I can do for myself I’m not helpless. Maybe discouraged and faltering, but not helpless.

When you do something for me that I can and need to do for myself you contribute to my fear and weakness. But when you accept as a simple fact that I do feel what I feel, no matter how irrational, then I quit trying to convince you and can get about the business of understanding what’s behind this irrational feeling.

And when that’s clear, the answers are obvious and I don’t need advice. So, please listen and just hear me, and if you want to talk, wait a minute for your turn; and I’ll listen to you.

Author Unknown

~~~

“Friends are those rare people who ask how we are, and then wait to hear the answer.”

Ed Cunningham

~~~

And God populated the earth with broccoli and cauliflower and spinach, green and yellow vegetables of all kinds, so Man and Woman would live long and healthy lives.

And Satan created McDonald’s.  And McDonald’s brought forth the 99- cent double-cheeseburger. And Satan said to Man, “You want fries with that?”

And Man said, “Super size them.”  And Man gained pounds.

And God created the healthful yogurt, that woman might keep her figure that man found so fair.

And Satan froze the yogurt, and he brought forth chocolate, nuts and brightly colored sprinkle candy to put on the yogurt.  And woman gained pounds.

And God said, “Try my crispy fresh salad.”

And Satan brought forth creamy dressings, bacon bits, and shredded cheese.

And there was ice cream for dessert.  And woman gained pounds.

And God said, “I have sent your heart healthy vegetables and olive oil with which to cook them.”

And Satan brought forth chicken-fried steak so big it needed its own platter.  And Man gained pounds, and his bad cholesterol went through the roof.

And God brought forth running shoes, and Man resolved to lose those extra pounds.

And Satan brought forth cable TV with remote control so Man would not have to toil to change channels between ESPN and ESPN2.  And Man gained pounds.

And God said, “You’re running up the score, Devil.”  And God brought forth the potato, a vegetable naturally low in fat and brimming with nutrition.

And Satan peeled off the healthful skin and sliced the starchy center into chips and deep-fat fried them.  And he created sour cream dip also.

And Man clutched his remote control and ate the potato chips swaddled in cholesterol. And Satan saw and said, “It is good.”

And Man went into cardiac arrest.

And God sighed and created quadruple bypass surgery…..

And Satan created HMOs. . .

~~~

Buy one for the price of two and get another one free!

~~~

I took my daughter to the doctor for her 2-year-old check. They had her do coordination tests, like stacking blocks, and they watch and see if they walk properly.  And then the doctor said, “Allison, can you stand on one foot for me?” And she walked over and stood on his foot.

~~~

Oliver Wendell Holmes once attended a meeting in which he was the shortest man present. “Dr. Holmes,” quipped a friend, “I should think you’d feel rather small among us big fellows.”

“I do,” retorted Holmes. “I feel like a dime among a lot of pennies.”

~~~

You can tell the romance is getting serious when the girl starts asking her mom how to thaw food.

~~~

One of my first evenings back from overseas, my girl’s understanding parents left us alone in the living room.

Naturally, we did not talk all the time. In the midst of a kiss, I noticed her little sister in her nightgown watching us from the doorway.

“If you will be a good girl and go to bed, I will give you a quarter,” I said to her.

Without taking the bribe or saying a word, she ran off but soon was back again.

“Here is a dollar,” she said. “I wanna watch.”

~~~

“Don’t spend two dollars to dry clean a shirt. Donate it to the Salvation Army instead. They’ll clean it and put it on a hanger. Next morning buy it back for seventy-five cents.”

~~~

Whenever your children are out of control, you can take comfort from the thought that even God’s omnipotence did not extend to His own children. After creating heaven and earth, God created Adam and Eve.  And the first thing he said was “DON’T!”

“Don’t what?” Adam replied.

“Don’t eat the forbidden fruit.” God said.

“Forbidden fruit?  We have forbidden fruit?  Hey Eve…we have forbidden fruit!!!!!”

“No Way!”

“Yes way!”

“Do NOT eat the fruit!” said God.

“Why”

“Because I am your Father and I said so!” God replied, wondering why He hadn’t stopped creation after making the elephants.  A few minutes later, God saw His children having an apple break and He was ticked!

“Didn’t I tell you not to eat the fruit?” God asked.

“Uh huh,” Adam replied.

“Then why did you?” said the Father.

“I don’t know,” said Eve.

“She started it!” Adam said “Did not!”

“Did too!”

“DID NOT!”

Having had it with the two of them, God’s punishment was that Adam and Eve should have children of their own. Thus the pattern was set and it has never changed.

~~~

Success stops when you do.

~~~

“George is so forgetful,” the sales manager complained to his secretary.  “It’s a wonder he can sell and I’m not sure he’ll even remember to come back.”

Just then the door flew open, and in bounced George. “You’ll never guess what happened!” he shouted. “While I was at lunch, I met Old Man Brown, who hasn’t bought anything from us for five years. Well, we got to talking and he gave me this half-million dollar order!”

“See,” sighed the sales manager to his secretary. “I told you he’d forget the sandwiches.”

~~~

“Sometimes all a person wants is an empathetic ear; all he or she needs is to talk it out. Just offering a listening ear and an understanding heart for his or her suffering can be a big comfort.”

Roy T. Bennett

~~~

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than twenty years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@comcast.net. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are hundreds of  readers from around the world.

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