March 14, 2022
It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are.
I have another very early Doctor appointment this morning so another look into the past.
Ray’s Daily first published on March 14, 2007
A number of our readers have reminded me that our first responsibility is to understand that happiness rests on our own shoulders and is not the responsibility of someone else. For example my friend Gretchen wrote in part:
I think many fail to realize that Love is a commitment. NO relationship is without times of sadness, sorrow or pain. It’s the commitment that gets you through and the willingness to stay committed that allows the circle of joy to come back around. Our disposable society makes it too easy to “Let it go” or to “leave the problems” when true happiness may be found in the home where concepts like “kindness, compassion, forgiveness” can work into our lives. Do we let our backyard gardens grow by themselves? Or do we fertilize, weed and reseed them? “Numbness” is a sign that things have gone entirely too long without being tended. We’ve then allowed the weeds of doubt and despair take over. Sometimes the help of a good counselor can bring to life the things that have died. Tend your gardens with forgiveness and we won’t have to look “outside” to find happiness.
[Obviously in abusive situations there is a time to walk away….but not without thoughtful consideration and good council]
This is what I heard from Chouchou:
Too many people live in the hope of finding happiness with someone else. Nobody else can make you happy. The way to find happiness is by loving yourself and being kind to yourself, knowing whom you are and what you have to offer so you can grow to be the best you can be by yourself. Only then are you able to give & receive love in return.
Angie told me:
A few years ago, I decided to make MYSELF a priority. And as all worthwhile things, it was difficult as I had to check myself – ensuring that I was living the message that I spoke. I had to define “Dignity” and “Integrity” all over!
I am really fortunate that these good people were willing to share their wisdom. I do agree with them for I think they both are saying that is becomes too easy to place the blame for our unhappiness on others. Gretchen reminded me that if we want happiness bad enough it is often up to us to work for it, for if we don’t we may miss more happiness than we thought possible. Chouchou reminds me that if we are committed to our unhappiness rather than our happiness no one outside is going to make us happy. Sadly I have met way too many people who don’t particularly like themselves and who seem to live in their own unhappiness. So many of these people need our love but can’t accept it for what it is. Angie reminded me that it is up to us to be who we are and we do not have to pretend to be someone else.
As I have shared with you before, this is as good as I get. I am who I am, flaws and all. I will never consciously do anything hurtful and I will always value the fact that you cared enough to be my friend.
All my life I had been looking for something, and everywhere I turned someone tried to tell me what it was. I accepted their answers too, though they were often in contradiction and even self-contradictory. I was naïve. I was looking for myself and asking everyone except myself questions which I, and only I, could answer. It took me a long time and much painful boomeranging of my expectations to achieve a realization everyone else appears to have been born with: that I am nobody but myself.
Chinese speaking to a Chinese operator, no comments read for your self.
Caller : Hello, can I speak to Annie Wan ?
Operator : Yes, you can speak to me.
Caller: No, I want to speak to Annie Wan!
Operator: You are talking to someone! Who is this?
Caller: I’m Sum Wan .And I need to talk to Annie Wan! It’s urgent.
Operator: I know u are someone and u want to talk to anyone! But what’s this urgent matter about?
Caller: Well just tell my sister Annie Wan that our brother,Noe Wan was involved in an accident. Noe Wan got injured and now Noe Wan is being sent to the hospital. Right now, Avery Wan is on his way to the hospital.
Operator: Look if no one was injured and no one was sent to the hospital from the accident that isn’t an urgent matter! You may find this hilarious but I don’t have time for this!
Caller: You are so rude! Who are you?
Operator: I’m Saw Lee.
Caller: Yes! You should be sorry. Now give me your name.
I hope my Chinese readers understand that it is we who misunderstand not those who speak the words. Ray
Forgiveness is the healing of wounds caused by another.
Two Cajun fishermen, Boudreaux & Thibodeaux, went deep in the bayou fishing. They were gone a couple of weeks. On their return they noticed a Taco Bell had been built while they were away.
Boudreaux turns to Thibodeaux and says, “Look at dat, we not gone no time and dem Mexicans done come over here and built a telephone company.”
A husband: A person who expects his wife to be perfect and to understand why he isn’t.
A little boy was walking down a dirt road after church one Sunday afternoon when he came to a crossroads where he met a little girl coming from the other direction.
“Hello,” said the little boy.
“Hi,” replied the little girl.
“Where are you going?” asked the little boy.
“I’ve been to church this morning, and I’m on my way home,” answered the little girl.
“Me, too,” replied the little boy. “I’m also on my way home from church. Which church do you go to?”
“I go to the Baptist church back down the road,” said the little girl. “What about you?”
“I go to the Methodist church back on the top of the hill.” replied the little boy.
They discovered they were both going the same way, so they decided to walk together. They came to a low spot in the road where spring rains had partially flooded the road, so that there was no way they could get across to the other side without getting wet.
“If I get my new Sunday dress wet, my mom’ll skin me alive,” said the little girl.
“My mom will tan my hide, too, if I get my new Sunday suit wet,” replied the little boy.
“I tell you what I think I’ll do,” said the little girl. “I’m gonna pull off all my clothes and hold them over my head and wade across.”
“That’s a good idea,” said the little boy. “I’m gonna do the same thing with my suit.”
So they both undressed and waded across to the other side without getting any of their clothes wet. They were standing there in the sun, waiting to drip dry before putting their clothes back on, when the little boy (staring at her intently) finally remarked, “You know, I never did realize before just how much difference there really is between a Baptist and a Methodist!”
The best proof of love is trust.
While my wife and I were shopping at a mall, a shapely young woman in a short, form-fitting dress strolled by. My eyes involuntarily followed her.
Without looking up from the item she was examining, my wife asked, “Was that worth the trouble you’re in?”
How many cares one loses when one decides not to be something but to be someone.
Gabrielle “Coco” Chanel
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