February 14, 2022
“Count your age by friends, not years. Count your life by smiles, not tears.”
Today is Valentines Day. For me it is a day when I think of how much my wife of 68 years has provided me by her companionship during both good times and troublesome times. I find that our sitting together, holding hands is rearding enough. We have so many rewarding events in our life together that we have much to be grateful for.
Even though her memory loss has kept her in a special care facility I do visit her most days when we share memories. I find that aging does not have to mean that life is no longer enjoyable. Here are some thoughts on aging to think about.
Observations on Aging
- Some people try to turn back their odometers. Not me! My theory on aging is that I want people to know ‘why’ I look this way. I’ve traveled a long way and many of the roads weren’t paved.
- First you forget names, then you forget faces. Then you forget to pull up your zipper.
- Being young is beautiful, but being old is comfortable.
- When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to your youth, remember Algebra.
- One of the many things no one tells you about aging is that it is better than being young.
- You know you are getting old when everything either dries up or leaks.
- Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, martini in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming “WOO HOO what a ride!”
“Anyone who keeps the ability to see beauty never grows old.”
The chief of staff of the US Air Force decided that he would personally intervene in the recruiting crisis affecting all of our armed services. He directed that a Air Force base nearby to a Redneck town be opened and that all eligible young men and women be invited to come and see it. As he and his staff were standing near a brand new F-15 Fighter, a pair of twin brothers who looked like they had just stepped off a Marine Corps recruiting poster walked up to them. The chief of staff walked up to them, stuck out his hand and introduced himself. He looked at the first young man and asked, “Son, what skills can you bring to the Air Force?”
The young man looks at him and says, “I’m a pilot!”
The general gets all excited, turns to his aide and says, “Get him in today, all the paper work done, everything, do it!” The aide hustles the young man off. The general looks at the second young man and asked, “What skills to you bring to the Air Force?”
The young man says, “I chop wood!”
“Son,” the general replies, “we don’t need wood choppers in the Air Force, what do you know how to do?”
“I chop wood!”
“Young man,” huffs the general, “you are not listening to me, we don’t need wood choppers, this is the 20th century!”
“Well,” the young man says, “you hired my brother!”
“Of course we did,” says the general, “he’s a pilot!”
The young man rolls his eyes and says, “Dang it, I have to chop it before he can pile it!”
Alcohol and calculus don’t mix. Never drink and derive.
LOVEMAKING TIPS FOR OLDER PERSONS
Put bifocals on. Double check that you’re with the right partner.
Set alarm on your clock for 2 minutes … in case you doze off in the middle.
Set the mood with lighting. Turn ’em ALL OFF!
Make sure you put 911 on your speed dial before you begin … just in case!
Write partner’s name on your hand in case you can’t remember what to scream out at the end.
“What we think, or what we know, or what we believe is, in the end, of little consequence.
The only consequence is what we do.”
Two advertising executives were having lunch and talking. The young exec trainee said to the older, wiser man, “Where has Ben Harris been hanging out? I haven’t seen him for a while.”
The senior exec replied, “Haven’t you heard? Ben Harris went to that great ad agency in the sky.”
“Good Lord,” replied the junior man, “You’re kidding me, right? What did he have?”
“Oh, nothing much,” replied the elder exec. “A small toothpaste account and a couple of discount stores, but nothing much worth going after.”
If you don’t have wrinkles, you haven’t laughed enough.
Miss Matthews, a grade school teacher in Kentucky, asked her students to use the word “fascinate” in a sentence.
Molly put up her hand and said “My family went to my granddad’s farm, and we all saw his pet sheep. It was fascinating.”
Miss Matthews said, “That was good, but I wanted you to use the word fascinate, not fascinating.”
Sally raised her hand. She said, “My family went to see Rock City and I was fascinated.”
Miss Matthews said, “Well, that was good Sally, but I wanted you to use the word “fascinate.”
Johnny raised his hand. The teacher hesitated because she had been burned by Johnny before.
She finally decided there was no way he could damage the word “fascinate,” so she called on him.
He said, “My aunt Bessie has a sweater with ten buttons, but her breasts are so huge she can only fasten eight.”
Miss Matthews cried.
Medicine is sky high. I got one prescription that says, “Take one capsule as often as you can afford it.”
A woman, on meeting a psychologist at a party, made a pitch for some free professional advice. “What kind of toy would you suggest giving a little boy on his third birthday?” she asked.
“First I’d have to know more about the child,” the psychologist hedged.
The woman took a deep breath. “He’s very bright and quick-witted and exceptionally advanced for his age,” she said.
“He has good coordination, expresses himself very well…”
“Oh, I see,” the psychologist said, “It’s YOUR child!”
“Relish love in your old age! Aged love is like aged wine; it becomes more satisfying, more refreshing, more valuable, more appreciated and more intoxicating!”
Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than twenty years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at firstname.lastname@example.org. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are hundreds of readers from around the world.