January 6, 2022
Lighten up, just enjoy life, smile more, laugh more, and don’t get so worked up about things
Ray’s Daily first published on January 6, 2004
Yesterday I talked about the multitude of things I would like to learn, do, and see. I did not mean to sound like I was complaining; I do enjoy the fact that I have so many choices. I doubt that even if I had started when I was a teen that I would ever do everything that interests me. I did allude to the fact that naps were one of my choices. I also recommend day-dreaming and unleashing your imagination, for it is there we often find the beginnings of a new adventure. The problem is the fact we often just dream and find all the reasons not to turn some our dreams into reality. Next time why not stop and ask yourself why not instead of automatically saying no to yourself. If you dream about how great laying on a warm beach would be, think about when and how you might do it.
I have often thought that the best time to take a vacation was when you had every reason not to do so. Too much work to do, too many things to do, and so on. Sometimes we are so busy that we don’t realize that we need a break. I think the same principle applies in other ways, like an old friend often says, “If you think you can’t, your right.” So enjoy, if you don’t you will miss a lot.
“Rest is not idleness, and to lie sometimes on the grass under trees on a summer’s day, listening to the murmur of the water, or watching the clouds float across the sky, is by no means a waste of time.”
To: All Hospital Staff
Subject: New Cost Cutting Measures
Effective immediately, this hospital will no longer provide security. Each charge nurse will be issued a .38 caliber revolver and 12 rounds of ammunition. An additional 12 rounds will be stored in pharmacy. In addition to routine nursing duties, Charge Nurses will rotate the patrolling of the hospital grounds. A bicycle and helmet will be provided for patrolling the parking areas.
In light of the similarity of monitoring equipment, ICU will now take over the security surveillance duties. The ward clerk will be responsible for watching cardiac monitors and security monitors as well as regular duties.
Food service will be discontinued. Patients wishing to be fed will need to let their families know to bring something or may make arrangements with Subway or Pizza Hut to deliver. Coin-operated telephones will be available in patient rooms for this purpose as well as for other calls the patient may wish to make.
Housekeeping and Physical Therapy will be combined. Mops will be issued to those patients who are ambulatory, thus providing range of motion exercises as well as a clean environment. Families and ambulatory patients may also sign up to clean the rooms of non-ambulatory patients for special discounts on their final bill. Time cards will be provided.
As you can see on the “from” line above, hospital administration is assuming the grounds keeping duties. If an administrator cannot be reached by calling his/her office, it is suggested that you walk outside and listen for the sound of a lawn mower, weed-whacker, etc.
Maintenance is being eliminated. The hospital has subscribed to the Time-Life “How to…” series of maintenance books. These can be checked out from administration, and a toolbox will be standard equipment on all nursing units.
We will be receiving the series at a rate of one volume every other month. We already have the volume on “Basic Wiring,” but if a non-electrical problem occurs, please try to handle it as best you can until the appropriate volume arrives.
Cutbacks in phlebotomy staff will be accommodated by only performing blood-related tests on patients who are already bleeding.
Physicians will be informed that they may order no more than two X-rays per patient stay. This is due to the turnaround time required by Photomat. Two prints will be provided for the price of one, and physicians are being advised to clip coupons from the Sunday paper if they want extra sets. Photomat will also honor competitors coupons for one-hour processing in emergency situations, so if you come across any extra coupons please clip out and send these to ER.
In view of the hot summer temperatures, the Utilities Dept. has been asked to install individual meters in each patient room, office, etc., so that electrical consumption can be monitored and appropriately billed. Fans will be available for sale or lease in the hospital gift shop.
In addition to the current recycling programs, a bin for collection of unused fruit and bread will soon be provided on each floor.
Families, patients, and the few remaining employees are asked to contribute discarded produce. Pharmacy will utilize this for antibiotic production. These will be available for purchase and, coincidentally, will soon be the only antibiotics on our HMO’s formulary.
If you find in your heart to care for somebody else, you will have succeeded.
An elderly woman from Brooklyn decided to prepare her will and make her final requests. She told her rabbi she had two final requests.
First, she wanted to be cremated, and second, she wanted her ashes scattered over Bloomingdales.
“Bloomingdales!” the rabbi exclaimed. “Why Bloomingdales?”
“Then I’ll be sure my daughters visit me twice a week.”
Chicago O’Hare Airport Control Tower: “Delta 351, you have traffic at 10 o’clock, 6 miles!”
Delta 351: “Give us another hint! We all have digital watches!”
Readers of William Safire’s “On Language” column in THE NEW YORK TIMES MAGAZINE were asked to give sports-related definitions for common words:
- Superficial: A really good referee
- Beleaguered: Stuck in the semi pros
- Hermit: Girl’s baseball glove
- Saturnine: Baseball team that plays on weekends
- Truncate: Tailgate party given by a compact-car owner
- Wrinkle: A small hockey arena
- Haiku: Signal to center from a Japanese quarterback
One discovers a friend by chance, and cannot but feel regret that 20 or 30 years of life may have been spent without the least knowledge of him.
Charles Dudley Warner
Jane says that there are seven stages to the married cold
Stage 1: Sugar Dumpling, I’ve really been worried about my baby girl. That’s a bad sniffle, and there’s no telling about these things with all the strep that’s going around. I’m going to put you in the hospital for a general check-up and a good rest. I know the food’s terrible, but I’m going to bring you dinner every night from Rosini’s. I have it all arranged with the floor supervisor.
Stage 2: Listen, Darling, I don’t like the sound of that cough. I’m going to call Doc Miller to rush over here. Now you go to bed like a good girl just for Papa.
Stage 3: Maybe you’d better lie down, Honey. Nothing like a little rest when you feel lousy. I’ll bring you something. Do we have any canned soup?
Stage 4: Now look, Dear, be sensible. After you’ve fed the kids, and gotten the dishes done, and the floor mopped, you’d better lie down for a while.
Stage 5: Why don’t you take a couple of aspirins?
Stage 6: Why don’t you just gargle or something instead of sitting around barking like a seal all evening?
Stage 7: Would you stop coughing on me? Are you trying to give me pneumonia?
“It is not how much we do, but how much love we put into doing it.
It is not how much we give, but how much love we put into giving.”
Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.
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