Ray's musings and humor

Archive for November, 2021

Tips for a better life

Ray’s Daily

November 11, 2021


What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.

Ralph Waldo Emerson

Ray’s Daily first published on November 11, 2008

I have another full day today and I was not sure what I would write for our Daily when my Friend Kathy decided for me. She sent me the following and I think it really deserves our consideration. You know, it is really worth our while to invest in ourselves whenever we can. Here is the gift she sent:

Tips for Better Life – 2008 ( it’s not to late)

1. Take a 10-30 minute walk every day. And while you walk, smile. It is the ultimate anti-depressant.

2. Sit in silence for at least 10 minutes each day. Buy a lock if you have to.

3. Buy a DVR and tape your late night shows   and get more sleep .       

4. When you wake up in the morning complete the following statement, ‘My purpose is to __________ today.’

5. Live with the 3 E’s — Energy, Enthusiasm, and Empathy.

6. Play more games and read more books than you did in 2007.

7. Make time to pray. It provide us with daily fuel for our busy lives.

8. Spend time with people over the age of 70 and under the age of 6.

9. Dream more while you are awake.

10. Eat more foods that grow on trees and plants and eat less food that is manufactured in plants.

11. Drink green tea and plenty of water. Eat blueberries, wild Alaskan salmon, broccoli, almonds & walnuts.

12. Try to make at least three people smile each day.

13. Clear clutter from your house, your car, your desk and let new and flowing energy into your life.

14. Don’t waste your precious energy on gossip, energy vampires, issues of the past, negative thoughts or things you cannot control. Instead invest your energy in the positive present moment.

15. Realize that life is a school and you are here to learn. Problems are simply part of the curriculum that appear and fade away like algebra class but the lessons you learn will last a lifetime.

16. Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince and dinner like a college kid with a maxed out charge card.

17. Smile and laugh more. It will keep the energy vampires away.

18. Life isn’t fair, but it’s still good.

19. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.

20. Don’t take yourself so seriously. No one else does.

21. You don’t have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.

22. Make peace with your past so it won’t spoil the present.

23. Don’t compare your life to others’. You have no idea what their journey is all about.

24. No one is in charge of your happiness except you.

25. Frame every so-called disaster with these words: ‘In five years, will this matter?’

26. Forgive everyone for everything.

27. What other people think of you is none of your business.

28. GOD heals everything.

29. However good or bad a situation is it will change.

30. Your job won’t take care of you when you are sick. Your friends will, stay in touch.

31. Get rid of anything that isn’t useful, beautiful or joyful.

32. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.

33. The best is yet to come.

34. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.

35. Do the right thing!

36. Call your family often. (Or email them to death!!!) Hey I’m thinking of ya!

37. Each night before you go to bed complete the following statements: I am thankful for __________. Today I accomplished _________.

38. Remember that you are too blessed to be stressed.

39. Enjoy the ride. Remember this is not Disney World and you certainly don’t want a fast pass. You only have one ride through life so make the most of it and enjoy the ride.


May your troubles be less, May your blessings be more;

May nothing but happiness come through your door!


A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store, but couldn’t find one that would be big enough for her family reunion.

She asked a stock boy, “Do these turkeys get any bigger?”

The stock boy replied, “No ma’am, they’re dead.”


“There can be no defense like elaborate courtesy.”

Edward V. Lucas


A doctor said to his patient, “You have a slight heart condition, but I wouldn’t worry about it.”

“Really, doc?” the patient replied. “Well, if you had a slight heart condition, I wouldn’t worry about it either.”


A man who says marriage is a 50-50 proposition doesn’t understand two things: 1 – Women, 2 – Fractions


As an assistant professor, I taught during the day and did research at night. I would usually take a break around eight, however, to play the strategy game Warcraft online with a teammate. One night, I was paired with a veteran of the game who was a master strategist. With him at the helm, our troops crushed one opponent after another and after six games, we were undefeated. Suddenly, my fearless leader informed me his mom wanted him to go to bed.

“How old are you”? I typed.

“Twelve,” he replied. “How old are you”?

Feeling my face redden, I answered, “Ten.”


Cry if you want to, I won’t tell you not to, I won’t try to cheer you, I’ll just be here if you want me to be.

C. Porter


After buying her kids a pet hamster, after they PROMISED they would take care of it, Mom, as usual, ended up with the responsibility.  

One evening, exasperated, she asked them, “How many times do you think that hamster would have died if I hadn’t looked after it?”  

After a moment, her 5-year-old son replied quizzically, “Er…. Once?”  


Behind every successful man, is a surprised mother-in-law.


I was at a party this weekend and a jokester, stifling a laugh said, “Listen to this: One day, Moskowitz and Finkelstein were going to…”  

At this, my Jewish friend, Al Cohen said, “Moskowitz and Finkelstein; Moskowitz and Finkelstein; always two Jews! Why do they have to be Jewish? Can’t you tell the joke with other nationalities involved? Why don’t you make them Chinese for a change?”  

The jokester, sobered and embarrassed, said, “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to offend. Here’s the joke: One day, Hong-lee Yang and Mao-chen Foo were going to the synagogue to attend the bar mitzvah of Hong-lee Yang’s nephew…”  


When wealth is lost, nothing is lost;

When health is lost, something is lost;

When character is lost, all is lost!

German Proverb


Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than twenty years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@comcast.net. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are hundreds of  readers from around the world.

Love One Another

Ray’s Daily

November 9, 2021


Love is the best medicine, and there is more than enough to go around once you open your heart.

Julie Marie

Ray’s Daily first published on November 9, 2005


I sometimes think that too many of us cringe at the word love. Some feel that it is a sign of weakness to profess love for something or someone. Others fear love because they believe it has the potential to hurt if they let it in. Fortunately there are others who know how important the ability to love is for their happiness in life.

Just think what the world would be like if people Mother Theresa had not had the ability to love others so much that they did not require anything back. When you think about it there is something to be said even for unrequited love, for there is a joy in having the capacity to love, it does not require love in return, the reward is in having the ability to offer it unconditionally to others. Too many of us have grown up conditioned to view the open offering of love as something sissy or un-macho when in reality it is the strong and confident that have the ability to share their feelings and offer their love. It is not only OK to love others, it is also OK to tell them you do.

Here is a poem by Robert Ward that someone sent me recently; it says it all.

I wish you the courage to be warm when the world would prefer that you be cool.

I wish you success sufficient to your needs;

I wish you failure to temper that success.

I wish you joy in all your days;

I wish you sadness so that you may better measure that joy.

I wish you gladness to overbalance grief.

I wish you humor and a twinkle in the eye.

I wish you glory and the strength to bear its burdens.

I wish you sunshine on your path and storms to season your journey.

I wish you peace in the world in which you live and in the smallest corner of the heart where truth is kept.

I wish you faith to help define your living and your life.

More I cannot wish you, except perhaps love, to make all the rest worthwhile.

I love you all, thanks for being there.


As you continue to send out love, the energy returns to you in a regenerating spiral…

As love accumulates, it keeps your system in balance and harmony.

Love is the tool, and more love is the end product.

Sara Paddison


A husband and wife went to the fairgrounds. The wife wanted to go on the Ferris wheel, but the husband wasn’t comfortable with that. So the wife went on the ride by herself. The wheel went round and round and suddenly the wife was thrown out and landed in a heap at her husband’s feet.  

“Are you hurt?” he asked.  

“Of course I’m hurt!” she replied. “Three times around and you didn’t wave once.”  


An antique is something your grandmother bought, your mother threw out, and you are now buying back.



…you try to do a few pushups and discover that certain body parts refuse to leave the floor.

…your children look through your wedding album and want to know who Daddy’s first wife was.

…you get winded just saying the words “six-kilometer run.”

…you analyze your body honestly and decide what you should develop first is your sense of humor.

…you accept the fact that you can fool some of the people all of the time and all of the people some of the time, but not while you’re wearing a bathing suit.


Everyone should have a spouse, because there are a number of things that go wrong that one can’t blame on the government.


A bricklayer at my husband’s construction job routinely complained about the contents of his lunch box. “I’m sick and tired of getting the same old thing!” he shouted one day. “Tonight I’ll set my wife straight.”

The next day the men could hardly wait until lunch time to hear what happened.

“You bet I told her off,” the bricklayer boasted. “I said, ‘No more of the same old stuff. Be creative!’ We had one heck of a fight, but I got my point across.”

He had indeed. In front of an admiring audience, he opened his lunch box to find that his wife had packed a coconut- and a hammer.


“The reason why worry kills more people than work is that more people worry than work.”

Robert Frost


Jill and Nadine were having lunch and Jill looked a little upset.

“What’s wrong?” asked Jill.

“I’m really worried about myself,” Nadine said forlornly. “My memory has always been a source of quiet pride to me, but lately it’s been failing me. I’m having a hard time remembering things from the mundane to the major.”

“I wouldn’t worry too much about it,” Jill said consolingly, “sounds like you’ll forget all about it tomorrow.”


Always behave like a duck…. keep calm and unruffled on the surface, but paddle like crazy underneath!


Traffic Court Judge:  “And, when you crashed into the stop sign, ma’am, just what gear were you in?”

Blonde Driver:  “Oh, that’s easy! It was the blue print suit, navy pumps, and matching handbag, your Honor.”


Why do we say something is awfully good? What exactly do we mean by this?


Jill and Nadine hadn’t seen each other in awhile, so they decided to meet for lunch. The talk naturally got around to their respective love lives. Jill confided that there really wasn’t anyone special in her life. Nadine, on the other hand, was beaming about the new man she had found.

“He’s perfect.  He’s handsome, and last night when we went out to dinner, he said the four little words I’ve been waiting to hear a man say to me!”

“He said ‘will you marry me’?” Jill asked.

Nadine replied, “No, he said ‘put your money away’.”


Consciousness:  That annoying time between naps.


The minister’s car wouldn’t start and so he called the garage to come and tow it in for repairs. When the truck driver appeared at his house to get the car, the minister says,

“I hope you go easy on me. You know I’m only a poor preacher.”

“I know,” replied the tow truck driver… “I’ve heard you preach.”


Love the heart that hurts you,

But never hurt the heart that loves you.

Vipin Sharma


Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than twenty years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@comcast.net. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are hundreds of  readers from around the world.

Still Recovering

Ray’s Daily

November 8, 2021


. “Wisdom is not a product of schooling but of the lifelong attempt to acquire it.”

Albert Einstein

I am still recovering from my Pneumonia but I am getting better. Tomorrow I haope to venture out fot the first time in more than a week to attend a veterns breakfast. While I am still a little under the weather I hopeto restart the Daily sometime this week. In the meantime here is another Daily for yesteryear.

Ray’s Daily first published on November 8, 2004

You may remember that a few weeks ago I groused a little bit about my things I want to do backlog. A Doctor friend of mine responded at the time that she had research material and other stuff all over her place and suffered from the same problem. Of course her work is important, so there is a difference. I told her I was thinking about throwing away all the magazines that have piled up, the books yet to read, the software that has gone unused, and all those other things that have become a burden so that I would be caught up for at least one day.

I decided this past weekend that I was going to do something about my backlog. I started in by skimming weeks of Newsweek, Time, and US News magazine issues. Once I started it dawned on me that every issue was dominated by articles about the upcoming elections. You know, who was doing what, what the polls said, what the trends were like, campaign strategies, and a whole lot more of the same. While there was some important information about some of the critical issues we face, they did not get nearly as much space as the political news. That got me to thinking about the reading that takes up so much of my time, and the guilt I feel when I am not reading everything on a timely basis. The result is that I have decided that reading about what might happen tomorrow changes nothing and if I wait until tomorrow I will find out what happened.

So why should I read speculation? Why should I read about things that are either of no great consequence or that I cannot influence in anyway? Don’t get me wrong, I still want to know what is behind the news of the war, what issues we will face tomorrow, how things work, in other words things to be learned, not things to be observed. That’s when it hit me; since I retired I have loaded my unstructured time with things that kept me from participating in things that might make a difference because I was spending so much time observing. Sitting back and observing might even lead to stagnation and true old age. Yes, I still want to learn, but so I understand, not so that I know useless facts and opinion.

So unless it is something to help me understand, or that I can influence, or about an issue close to my heart I will leave the observing to others, while I go out in the world to participate and play. I hope to see you there.


One hour of life, crowded to the full with glorious action, and filled with noble risks, is worth whole years of those mean observances of paltry decorum, in which men steal through existence, like sluggish waters through a marsh, without either honor or observation.

Sir Walter Scott


Master Sergeant Alfie was a thirty-year Army veteran now assigned to a training battalion and tough as nails. He seemed to have no thought whatsoever about how others responded to his cut-and-dried military manner. One day he assembled the training battalion and announced, “Private Monroe, take one step forward.” Private Monroe took one step forward, and the sergeant bellowed, “Private Monroe. Report to the chaplain; your mother just died.” Monroe just crumbled and fainted dead away from shock. Later that day, the battalion commander chewed out the master sergeant: “You’re going to have to learn something about TACT.

You just can’t yell at a man and tell him his mother just died. The next time you’re called on for this duty, you’d better do it in a more compassionate way.” It just so happened that the very next day, another soldier’s mother died, and the MSGT assembled the troops again. “All you whose mother is living” he shouted, “take one step forward. NOT SO FAST, TAYLOR!”


“I wasted time, and now doth time waste me.”

William Shakespeare


There were three men at a bar. One man got drunk and started a fight with the other two men. The police came and took the drunk guy to jail.

The next day the man went before the judge.  The judge asked the man, “Where do you work?”

The man said, “Here and there.”

The judge then asked the man, “What do you do for a living?”

The man said, “This and that.”

The judge then said, “Take him away.”

The man said, “Wait, judge when will I get out?”

The judge said, “Sooner or later.”


“Suicidal Blonde Twin Kills Sister By Mistake!”


A rather awkward freshman finally got up the nerve to ask a pretty junior for a dance at the homecoming.

She gave him the once-over and said, “Sorry, I won’t dance with a child.”

“Please forgive me,” responded the underclassman. “I didn’t realize you were pregnant.”


Preacher’s wife to preacher as he leaves for Sunday service:

Remember!  Don’t call anyone a sinner until AFTER the collection.


The lady lawyer approached the jury box and began an eloquent plea for her client: “Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I want to tell you about this man.  There’s so much to say that is good: he never beat his mother; he was always kind to little children; he never did a dishonest thing in his life; he has always lived by the golden rule; he is a model of everything decent, forthright, and honest.  Everyone loves him and. . . “

Her client leaned over to a friend and said, “How do like her? I pay her good dough to defend me, and she’s telling the jury about some other guy.”


My wife dresses to kill. She also cooks the same way.

-Henny Youngman


Two blondes are racing down a bumpy back road in a pretty beat up car down to a bank they’re going to rob.

“Drive slower,” pleads the one in the passenger seat, “I don’t want all the dynamite in the trunk to explode.”

“Relax,” the driver replies. “Even if it did, I’ve got a spare box under the passenger seat.”


“Happiness is good health and a bad memory.”

Ingrid Bergman


Mr. Smith was a traveling salesman and frequent flyer, so he was always very, VERY careful to mark his luggage so that no one would mistakenly take his bags.  He always did this with bright ribbons and tape, so he was quite surprised to see his bags grabbed by a well-dressed man when he got to the luggage carousel.

Mr. Smith walked over to the fellow and pointed out the colored ribbons tied to the handle, and the fluorescent tape on the sides.

“I believe that luggage is mine.  Were your bags marked like this?” he asked.

“Actually,” the man replied, “I was wondering who did this to my luggage.”


“Don’t worry,” a patient told his psychiatrist. “I’ll pay every cent I owe or my name isn’t Alexander the Great!”


Love is holding hands in the street. Marriage is holding arguments in the street

Love is dinner for 2 in your favorite restaurant. Marriage is Chinese take-out.

Love is cuddling on a sofa. Marriage is deciding on a sofa.

Love is talking about having children. Marriage is talking about getting away from children.

Love is losing your appetite. Marriage is losing your figure.

Love is a flickering flame. Marriage is a flickering television.

Love is 1 drink and 2 straws. Marriage is “Don’t you think you’ve had enough?!”


Speak softly and carry a cellular phone.


Morris had proposed to young Sarah, and was being interviewed by Sam, his prospective father-in-law.

“Do you think you are earning enough to support a family?” the older man asked Morris the suitor.

“Yes, sir,” replied Morris, “I’m sure that I am.”

“Think long and carefully now,” said Sarah’s father. “There are twelve of us…including Uncle Izzy”


“Some people are making such thorough plans for rainy days that they aren’t enjoying today’s sunshine.”

William Feather


Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than twenty years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@comcast.net. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are hundreds of  readers from around the world.


Ray’s Daily

November 2, 2021


Truth has not special time of its own.

Its hour is now—always and indeed then most truly when it seems unsuitable to actual circumstances.

Albert Schweitzer

I am down with a killer cold so here is another reprint.

Ray’s Daily first published on November 2, 2005


Have you sometimes wished that you could always see things through rose colored glasses? I have occasionally even though it would be a problem if I did. When you get right down to it we are much better off seeing things as they are versus seeing them as we would like them to be. Don’t get me wrong I am not advocating pessimism, I am advocating recognizing both the good and the bad, and when we do that we embrace the good and either ignore or get over the bad.

I wish everyone would feel the same way. I wonder sometimes what I am missing when I hear leaders saying that things are going well in Iraq or that the economy is doing well even though we continue to build massive debt. It seems to me that when they speak this way they either are trying to con the public or they don’t realize reality, I don’t know what is worse.

Meanwhile yours and my life goes on. I am sorry that my friend Sara will be leaving Indianapolis for good by the end of the year, but I am happy she is doing so in order to enter the next phase her life including her marriage. Another friend will soon be packing to move back to Iceland and his family. I will always have fond memories of the times we had together and the things he did for me and so many others.

I was saddened by the death of a fellow service club member. He was a man who unselfishly gave of himself over many years, as a judge, educator, and humanitarian. He will be missed.

We are challenged every day. We can either let things get us down or fall back on our resiliency to rise above the bad times so we can see the good. I just wish people would quit trying to con us and instead share the facts. I think we all could handle truth, even on a regular basis. Maybe if they understood that winning is not nearly as good as living the good life, they would quit.


What a man believes upon grossly insufficient evidence is an index into his desires — desires of which he himself is often unconscious. If a man is offered a fact which goes against his instincts, he will scrutinize it closely, and unless the evidence is overwhelming, he will refuse to believe it. If, on the other hand, he is offered something which affords a reason for acting in accordance to his instincts, he will accept it even on the slightest evidence. The origin of myths is explained in this way.

Bertrand Russell


Helpful Hints for the Inexperienced Traveler

Be very suspicious if the advertised price of a Caribbean cruise includes the phrase “Free Ammo”.

There is no legitimate reason for a travel agent to need to know if you have experience in jungle warfare.

If you find yourself in Iran, do not use the word blankethead.

On a trip to Canada, your travel agent should not charge you for an interpreter.

While in the Vatican, do not refer to St. Peter as “Petey-Boy.”

Do not board a cruise ship if passengers are being issued oars.

In South America, say no to anyone wanting you to deliver a suitcase of powdered sugar to their grandmother in Miami.

Legitimate travel agents do not dress in foreign military uniforms.


“One has a greater sense of intellectual degradation after an interview with a doctor than from any human experience.”

Alice James


A doctor and a lawyer were talking at a party. Their conversation was constantly interrupted by people describing their ailments and asking the doctor for free medical advice.

After an hour of this, the exasperated doctor asked the lawyer, “What do you do to stop people from asking you for legal advice when you’re out of the office?”

“I give it to them,” replied the lawyer, “and then I send them a bill.”

The doctor was shocked, but agreed to give it a try. The next day, still feeling slightly guilty, the doctor prepared the bills. When he went to place them in his mailbox, he found a bill from the lawyer.


“Freedom of the press is limited to those who own one.”

A. J. Liebling


While shopping in a supermarket in Washington, D.C., I heard over the PA system: “A wallet containing a large sum of money was found, but it contains no ID. Will those laying claim to it please form a double line at the customer service counter?”


George Burns told a story about cheating on his wife once during their marriage.  He kept it to himself, but he felt so bad that he bought Gracie a beautiful diamond bracelet.  Finally, after several years had gone by, he confessed to Gracie about his indiscretion.  She said, “I know.  I was hoping you’d do it again.  I wanted a ring to match.”


“If it weren’t for Philo T. Farnsworth, inventor of television, we’d still be eating frozen radio dinners.”

Johnny Carson


A Mexican bandit made a specialty of crossing the Rio Grande from time to time, robbing banks in Texas. Finally, a reward was offered for his capture, DEAD or ALIVE! A trigger happy, young, enterprising Texas Ranger decided to track down the bandit on his own and collect the reward. After a lengthy search, the Ranger tracked the bandit to his favorite cantina and snuck up behind him. At the sound of the Ranger’s guns cocking and preparing to fire, the surprised bandit sped around only to see both of the Ranger’s six-shooters bearing down on him. The Ranger announced, “You’re under arrest! Tell me where you hid the loot or I’ll drop you where you stand,” his finger becoming itchy on the trigger. However, the bandit didn’t speak English and the Ranger didn’t speak Spanish. Fortunately for the Ranger, a bilingual lawyer was present in the cantina and translated the Ranger’s demand to the bandit.

The terrified bandit blurted out, in Spanish, that the loot was buried next to an old oak tree behind the cantina. “What did he say, what did he say?” the Ranger hurriedly asked. To which the lawyer replied, “Well, the best I can make out he said … SHOOT!”


“One of the keys to happiness is a bad memory.”

Rita Mae Brown


Mom’s Dictionary

Bottle feeding: An opportunity for Daddy to get up at 2 AM, too.

Defense: What you’d better have around de yard if you’re going to let the children play outside.

Drooling: How teething babies wash their chins.

Dumbwaiter: One who asks if the kids would care to order dessert.

Feedback: The inevitable result when the baby doesn’t appreciate the strained carrots.

Full name: What you call your child when you’re mad at him.

Grandparents: The people who think your children are wonderful even though they’re sure you’re not raising them right.

Hearsay: What toddlers do when anyone mutters a dirty word.

Independent: How we want our children to be as long as they do everything we say.

Look out: What it’s too late for your child to do by the time you scream it.

Puddle: A small body of water that draws other small bodies wearing ‘dry’ shoes into it.

Show off: A child who is more talented than yours.

Sterilize: What you do to your first baby’s pacifier by boiling it and to your last baby’s pacifier by blowing on it.

Storeroom: The distance required between the supermarket aisles so that children in shopping carts can’t quite reach anything.

Top Bunk: Where you should never put a child wearing Superman jammies.

Verbal: Ability to whine in actual words.

Whoodunit: None of the kids in your house!

Ooops: An exclamation that translates roughly into ‘get a sponge.’


The first step towards the solution of any problem is optimism.

John Baines


Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than twenty years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@comcast.net. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are hundreds of  readers from around the world.

A Great Humanitarian

Ray’s Daily

November 1, 2021


“Seek always to do some good, somewhere.”

Albert Schweitzer.

I have an early Doctor appointment this morning and tomorrow morning so here is a Daily from yesteryear.

Ray’s Daily first published on November 1, 2002

I spent the day accompanying a close friend as he had all day heart tests. His plumbing turned out to be good, but his electrical system sucks. So tomorrow I pick him up, take him back to the hospital where they will do some electrical tests and then install a Pacemaker. He will be in overnight and if all is well I will take him home on Saturday. I will wait until he has stabilized before I teach him the secret Pacemaker patient handshake that I learned a few years ago when I had mine installed.


Reporters and city officials gathered at a Chicago railroad station one afternoon in 1953. The person they were meeting was the 1952 Nobel Peace Prize winner. A few minutes after the train came to a stop, a giant of a man – six feet four inches – with bushy hair and a large mustache stepped from the train. Cameras flashed. City officials approached him with hands outstretched. Various people began telling him how honored they were to meet him.

The man politely thanked them and then, looking over their heads, asked if he could be excused for a moment. He quickly walked through the crowd until he reached the side of an elderly black woman who was struggling with two large suitcases. He picked up the bags and with a smile, escorted the woman to a bus. After helping her aboard, he wished her a safe journey. As he returned to the greeting party he apologized, “Sorry to have kept you waiting.”

The man was Dr. Albert Schweitzer, the famous missionary doctor who had spent his life helping the poor in Africa. In response to Schweitzer’s action, one member of the reception committee said with great admiration to the reporter standing next to him, “That’s the first time I ever saw a sermon walking.”

My thought for the day: Where are you Albert? We need you back!


There is a head-on collision on the 91 Freeway and two young men from Palm Springs are killed and end up in Hell.

The next day, the Devil stops in to check on them and sees them dressed in warm clothes with a heavy coat, ski cap and mittens warming themselves around the fire.

The Devil asks them, “What are you doing? Isn’t it hot enough for you here in Hell?”

One of the men answers, “You know the weather has been quite warm in Southern California and we would have expected it to be as least as worm here.”

This gets the Devil a little steamed up and he decides to fix the two guys. He cranks the heat up as high as it will go.

The next morning, people are wailing and screaming every where because of the intense heat.

He rushes to the room with the two guys from Palm Springs and finds them dressed as they were before still sitting by the fire and seeming to have a good time.

The Devil is astonished, “Everyone down here is in misery, and you two seem to be enjoying yourself.”

“Well, actually it is more comfortable than the heat wave we were having back home,” is the response.

Now the devil is now absolutely furious, he can hardly see straight. Finally he comes up with the answer. “No matter how hot I make it, these men seem very comfortable. They must be comfortable because they are used to the heat,” he decides. “I’ll fix them. I’ll turn the heat completely off.”

The next morning, the temperature is below zero, icicles are hanging every where, people are shivering unable to get themselves warm.

The Devil smiles and rushes to the room with the two Californians. When he gets there, he finds them still dressed in their winter clothes but now they are jumping up and down, cheering, yelling and screaming like mad.

The Devil is dumb-founded, “I don’t understand, when I turn up the heat you’re happy. Now its freezing cold and you’re even more happy. What is wrong with you two?

The Californians look at the Devil and answer, “Hell is frozen over. That means that the Angels have won the World Series.”


“You can accomplish much if you don’t care who gets the credit.”

Ronald Reagan


Jesus and Satan have an argument as to who is the better computer programmer. This goes on for a few hours until they agree to hold a contest with God as the judge.

They set themselves before their computers and begin. They type furiously for several hours, lines of code streaming up the screen.

Seconds before the end of the competition, a bolt of lightning strikes, taking out the electricity. Moments later, the power is restored, and God announces that the contest is over. He asks Satan to show what he has come up with. Satan is visibly upset, and cries, “I have nothing! I lost it all when the power went out.”

“Very well, then,” says God, “let us see if Jesus fared any better.”

Jesus enters a command, and the screen comes to life in vivid display, the voices of an angelic choir pour forth from the speakers. Satan is astonished.

He stutters, “But how?! I lost everything yet Jesus’ program is intact! How did he do it?”

God chuckles, “Jesus saves.”


“Logic is the art of going wrong with confidence”

Joseph Wood Krutch


Esther was entranced with an expensive mink coat she had seen in an exclusive shop, and for days she cudgeled her brain to think of a way to bring up the subject to her husband. Suddenly she had an inspired thought.

“Sol, last night I had a lovely dream.”

“What kind of a dream, Esther?”

“I dreamed that we passed by Saks Fifth Avenue, and there in the window was this gorgeous mink coat — only $6,200. And you know what you did? You went right in and bought it for me, Sollie dear!”

“Say, that really was a wonderful dream! Hereafter, in all your dreams, you should wear it in good health, Esther dear!”


“A man’s got to do what a man’s got to do. A woman must do what he can’t.”

Rhonda Hansome


PSA was following United Airlines, taxiing out for departure. PSA called the tower and said, “Tower, this is United 586. We’ve got a little problem, so go ahead and let PSA go first.” The tower promptly cleared PSA for takeoff before United had a chance to object to the impersonation.


Little Johnny was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar after another. After the 6th one a man on the bench across from him said, “Son, you know eating all that candy isn’t good for you. It will give you acne, rot your teeth, make you fat.”

Little Johnny replied, “My grandfather lived to be 107 years old.”

The man asked, “Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a  time?”

Little Johnny answered, “No, he minded his own bloody business!”


Dear Abby,

Our son was married in January. Five months later his wife had a ten-pound baby girl. They said the baby was premature. Tell me, can a baby this big be that early? Wondering

Dear Wondering,

The baby was on time, the wedding was late. Forget it.


“I feel the greatest reward for doing is the opportunity to do more.”

Jonas Salk


Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than twenty years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@comcast.net. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are hundreds of  readers from around the world.

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