November 18, 2021
“If you can stay positive in a negative situation, you win.”
Some one said it is never too late to be the person you would like to be. I know that I consider myself as someone in constant development.
I do appreciate so many of the folks I know who spend their days just being worthy. At a time when we are surrounded by animosity it is heartning to be with the folks who stay positive.
Here are some tips for those who strive to be special.
You can’t be all things to all people.
You can’t do all things at once.
You can’t do all things equally well.
You can’t do all things better than everyone else.
Your humanity is showing just like everyone else’s.
You have to find out who you are, and be that.
You have to decide what comes first, and do that.
You have to discover your strengths, and use them.
You have to learn not to compete with others,
Because no one else is in the contest of being you.
You will have learned to accept your own uniqueness.
You will have learned to set priorities and make decisions.
You will have learned to live with your limitations.
You will have learned to give yourself the respect that is due.
And you’ll be a most vital mortal.
Dare To Believe
That you are a wonderful, unique person.
That you are a once-in-all-history event.
That it’s more than a right, it’s your duty, to be who you are.
That life is not a problem to solve, but a gift to cherish.
And you’ll be able to stay one up on what used to get you down.
“I dwell in possibility.”
Deep Thoughts by Jack Handy
* To me, it’s a good idea to always carry two sacks of something when you walk around. That way, if anybody says, “Hey, can you give me a hand?” You can say, “Sorry, got these sacks.”
* If trees could scream, would we be so cavalier about cutting them down? We might, if they screamed all the time, for no good reason.
* To me, boxing is like a ballet, except there’s no music, no choreography and the dancers hit each other.
I am a great believer in luck, and I find the harder I work, the more I have of it.
These are from an actual newspaper contest where entrants ages 4 to 15 were asked to imitate “Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey.”
“I believe you should live each day as if it is your last, which is why I don’t have any clean laundry because, come on, who wants to wash clothes on the last day of their life?” –Age 15
“It sure would be nice if we got a day off for the president’s birthday, like they do for the queen’s. Of course, then we would have a lot of people voting for a candidate born on July 3 or December 26, just for the long weekends.” -Age 8
“For centuries, people thought the moon was made of green cheese. Then the astronauts found that the moon is really a big hard rock. That’s what happens to cheese when you leave it out.” -Age 6
“When I go to heaven, I want to see my grandpa again. But he better have lost the nose hair and the old-man smell.” -Age 5
“If we could just get everyone to close their eyes and visualize world peace for an hour, imagine how serene and quiet it would be until the looting started.” -Age 15
The reason people blame things on the previous generation is that there’s only one other choice.
Two sisters spent two weeks in Paris. The locals obviously hated Americans. No matter where they went, they were subject to rude behavior from waiters, store clerks, pedestrians, etc. After awhile, it started to irritate them.
One day, in Paris, one sister went shopping. She entered a store and started looking around. She was the only customer in the store. As she was looking through the clothes on the rack, a clerk hurriedly approached her and very abruptly asked if he could help her.
The sister was used to this bad treatment by now and she politely declined his help. She continued to look at the clothes. Then she noticed that every clerk in the store was staring at her.
Defiantly, she continued to look through the clothes. When she could take this treatment no longer, she turned on her heels, with her head held high and left the shop.
As she left, she noticed that the sign on the store read, “Dry Cleaners.”
Before resolving to jog five miles a day, visit a cardiologist to have your heart examined, a podiatrist to have your feet examined and a psychiatrist to have your head examined.
Jill: I had to take the bus the other day, and a gentleman asked his young son to give up his seat “for the lady” – ME!
Mary: Well, that was just common courtesy, right?
Jill: I don’t know. The boy was sitting on his father’s lap!
Summer camps are places that are staffed by seventeen-year-old counselors, which is amusing since you wouldn’t trust them with your car, but with your kids it’s okay.
A psychiatrist was trying to comfort a new patient who was terribly upset. “You see, Doc,” the patient explained, “my problem is that I like shoes much better than I like boots.”
“Why, that’s no problem,” answered the doctor. “I like shoes better than boots.”
The patient was thrilled, “That’s neat, Doc! How do you like them, fried or scrambled?”
It’s more fun to color outside the lines.
While waiting to register at a hotel, I overheard the couple ahead of me asking for a room with a king, queen or double bed. The clerk apologized and said that the only rooms available had twin beds.
Disappointed, the man remarked, “I don’t know. We’ve been sharing the same bed for 44 years.” “Could you possibly put them close together?” the wife asked.
Several people nearby smiled, and someone commented, “How romantic.”
Then the woman finished her request with, “Because if he snores, I want to be able to punch him.”
“Inspiration comes from within yourself. One has to be positive. When you’re positive, good things happen.”
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