Ray's musings and humor

Doing Well

Ray’s Daily

August 19, 2021

http://rays-daily.com

Keep your vitality. A life without health is like a river without water.

Maxime Lagacé

Ray’s Daily first published on August 19, 2004

 The other day I had to fill out a health questionnaire at the hospital. One of the questions was how is your over all health? the options were poor, fair, good, or excellent, I chose good. Later a friend asked how could I possibly choose good when I have to:

  • Use a CPAP (continuous positive air pressure) machine at night because of sleep apnia,
  • Get weekly injections of iron because of anemia,
  • Use a pacemaker because of atrial fibrillation,
  • Take a handful of pills twice a day for hypertension, occasional respiratory problems, arthritis, and the like.

The more I thought about her question the more sure I was of my answer. My CPAP machine has helped me sleep better than most people I know. My iron injections are magical creators of energy. My pacemaker keeps my heart running in a way that allows me to live a fuller life than many others. My pills are like magic potions that help keep my vitals at normal levels while so many other folks numbers are outside healthy limits.

So each day the sun rises providing me the opportunity to enjoy another 24 hours. I may move a little slower and not walk quite as far, but that is ok since it gives me more time to enjoy what’s around me as I travel through my daily adventures. Come to think of it maybe I did check the wrong box, maybe I should have checked excellent. Reviewing my health status makes me realize just how fortunate I am to be well insured so that I can access my caregivers in the health system as needed, I grieve for the millions that are not as fortunate as I as many have to report poor health when asked.

~~~

The healthy, the strong individual, is the one who asks for help when he needs it.

Whether he has an abscess on his knee or in his soul.

Rona Barrett

~~~

A elderly man took his little grandson for a walk around the local cemetery. Pausing before one gravestone he said,

“There lies a very honest man. He died owing me 50 dollars, but he struggled to the end to pay off his debts, and if anyone has gone to heaven, he has.” They walked on a bit further and then came to another grave. The old man pointed to the gravestone and said, “Now there’s a different type of man altogether. He owed me 60 dollars and he died without ever trying to pay me back. If anyone has gone to hell, he has.”

The little boy thought for a while and then said,

“You know, Grandpa, you are very lucky.”

“Why?” asked the old man in surprise.

“Well, whichever place you go to, you’ll have some money to draw on.”

~~~

“Try to keep your soul young and quivering right up to old age, and to imagine right up to the brink of death that life is only beginning. I think that is the only way to keep adding to one’s talent, and one’s inner happiness.”

George Sand

~~~

She said: My husband decided life would be easier if he wired a new light switch in the master bedroom to save us from fumbling in the dark for the lamp. He cut through the drywall and found a stash of bottles and small boxes inside the wall.

“Honey!” he called excitedly. “You’ve got to come here and see what I found.”

I ran in and quickly realized that his next task would be to fix the hole that now led into the back of our medicine cabinet.

~~~

Rubberneck: What you do to relax your wife.

~~~

A prospective juror in a Dallas District Court was surprised by the definition of voluntary manslaughter given the panel:

“An intentional killing that occurs while the defendant is under the immediate influence of sudden passion arising from an adequate cause, such as when a spouse’s mate is found in a ‘compromising position.'”

“See, I have a problem with that passion business,” responded the jury candidate. “During my first marriage, I came in and found my husband in bed with my neighbor. All I did was divorce him. I had no idea that I could have shot him.”

She wasn’t selected for the jury.

~~~

What an automated society we live in.

Have you ever noticed that when a traffic signal turns green, it automatically activates the horn of the car behind you?

~~~

Cartoon Laws Of Physics

Cartoon Law I Any body suspended in space will remain in space until made aware of its situation.

Cartoon Law II Any body in motion will tend to remain in motion until solid matter intervenes suddenly.

Cartoon Law III Any body passing through solid matter will leave a perforation conforming to its perimeter.

Cartoon Law IV The time required for an object to fall twenty stories is greater than or equal to the time it takes for whoever knocked it off the ledge to spiral down twenty flights to attempt to capture it unbroken.

Cartoon Law V All principles of gravity are negated by fear.

Cartoon Law VI As speed increases, objects can be in several places at once.

Cartoon Law VII Certain bodies can pass through solid walls painted to resemble tunnel entrances; others cannot. This trompe l’oeil inconsistency has baffled generations, but at least it is known that whoever paints an entrance on a wall’s surface to trick an opponent will be unable to pursue him into this theoretical space. The painter is flattened against the wall when he attempts to follow into the painting.

Cartoon Law VIII Any violent rearrangement of feline matter is impermanent. Cartoon cats possess even more deaths than the traditional nine lives, might comfortably afford. They can be decimated, spliced, splayed, accordion-pleated, spindled, or disassembled, but they cannot be destroyed. After a few moments of blinking self pity, they reinflate, elongate, snap back, or solidify. Corollary: A cat will assume the shape of its container.

Cartoon Law IX Everything falls faster than an anvil.

Cartoon Law X For every vengeance there is an equal and opposite revengeance.

Cartoon Law Amendment A A sharp object will always propel a character upward. When poked (usually in the buttocks) with a sharp object (usually a pin), a character will defy gravity by shooting straight up, with great velocity.

Cartoon Law Amendment B The laws of object permanence are nullified for “cool” characters.

Cartoon Law Amendment C Explosive weapons cannot cause fatal injuries. They merely turn characters temporarily black and smoky.

Cartoon Law Amendment D Gravity is transmitted by slow-moving waves of large wavelengths.

Cartoon Law Amendment E Dynamite is spontaneously generated in “C-spaces” (spaces in which cartoon laws hold).

~~~

You never get ahead of anyone as long as you try to get even with him.

Lou Holtz

~~~

A minister planning a wedding at the close of the Sunday morning service, had planned to call the couple down to be married for a brief ceremony before the congregation. For the life of him, he couldn’t think of the names of those who were to be married.

“Will those wanting to get married please come to the front?” he asked.

Immediately, nine single ladies, three widows, four widowers, and six single men stepped to the front.

~~~

Never hurry. Take plenty of exercise.

Always be cheerful. Take all the sleep you need.

You may expect to be well.

James Freeman Clarke

~~~

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than twenty years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@comcast.net. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are hundreds of  readers from around the world.

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