May 12, 2021
“You have to learn to say no without feeling guilty, setting boundaries is healthy. You need to learn to respect and take care of yourself.”
Ray’s Daily first published on May 12, 2005
I know, like most of us that it is really hard to say no. Today I had to say no to a friend who wanted me to continue to take an active role in a major project. While it was hard to do, it was the right thing to do. Why? Because others can do it better and I might slow down the progress. Of course there a lot of other times when no is the right answer. The worst thing you can possibly do is to say yes and then not follow through. Last weekend as an example I was involved in an event where so many volunteers said yes that others were told no more were needed and then of course many canceled or never showed up and we ended up short handed. It is not easy to say no, but often it is much worse to say yes.
Linda D. Tillman, Ph.D. is a clinical psychologist and coach who recently provided some “no” tips.
1. When someone makes a request, it is always OK to *ASK FOR TIME TO THINK IT OVER*. In thinking it over, remind yourself that the decision is entirely up to you.
2. Use your nonverbal assertiveness to underline the “No.” Make sure that your voice is firm and direct. Look into the person’s eyes as you say, “No.” Shake your head “No,” as you say, “No.”
3. Remember that “No,” is an honorable response. If you decide that “No” is the answer that you prefer to give, then it is authentic and honest for you to say, “No.”
4. If you say, “Yes,” when you want to say, “No,” you will feel resentful throughout whatever you agreed to do. This costs you energy and discomfort and is not necessary if you just say, “No” when you need to.
5. If you are saying, “No,” to someone whom you would help under different circumstances, use an empathic response to ease the rejection. For example, to your friend who needs you to keep her child while she goes to the doctor, you might say, “No, Susie, I can’t keep Billie for you. I know it must be hard for you to find someone at that time of day, but I have already made lunch plans and I won’t be able to help you.
6. Start your sentence with the word, “No.” It’s easier to keep the commitment to say, “No,” if it’s the first word out of your mouth.
I am only one, but I am one.
I cannot do everything, but I can do something.
And I will not let what I cannot do interfere with what I can do.
Edward Everett Hale
I got this from Wendy..
1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE. “If you’re going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning.”
2. My mother taught me RELIGION. “You better pray that will come out of the carpet.”
3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL. “If you don’t straighten up, I’m going to knock you into the middle next week!”
4. My mother taught me LOGIC. ” Because I said so, that’s why.”
5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC. “If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you’re not going to the store with me.”
6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT. “Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you’re in an accident.”
7. My mother taught me IRONY. “Keep crying, and I’ll give you something to cry about.”
8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS. “Shut your mouth and eat your supper.”
9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM. “Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!”
10. My mother taught me about STAMINA. “You’ll sit there until all that spinach is gone.”
11. My mother taught me about WEATHER. “This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it.”
12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY. “If I told you once, I’ve told you a million times. Don’t exaggerate!”
13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE. “I brought you into this world, and I can take you out.”
14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION. “Stop acting like your father!”
15. My mother taught me about ENVY. “There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don’t have wonderful parents like you do.”
16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION. “Just wait until we get home.”
17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING. “You are going to get it when you get home!”
18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE. “If you don’t stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way.”
19. My mother taught me ESP. “Put your sweater on; don’t you think I know when you are cold?”
20. My mother taught me HUMOR. “When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don’t come running to me.”
21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT. “If you don’t eat your vegetables, you’ll never grow up.”
22. My mother taught me GENETICS. “You’re just like your father.”
23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS. “Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?”
24. My mother taught me WISDOM. “When you get to be my age, you’ll understand.”
25. And my favorite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE. “One day you’ll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!”
“Only I can change my life. No one can do it for me. “
(No animals were hurt in making this joke!)
Bert took his Saint Bernard to the vet. “Doctor,” he said, “I need you to cut off my dog’s tail.”
The vet stepped back, “Bert, why should I do such a terrible thing?”
“Because my mother-in-law’s arriving tomorrow, and I don’t want anything to make her think she’s welcome.”
Some think it’s holding on that makes one strong; sometimes it’s letting go.
Mary: I wish I’d known more about midlife before I got here!
Jill: What do you mean?
Mary: Well, I lost my sex drive years ago. I had no idea it could be menopause! I thought it was just because I was married!
Education is when you read the fine print. Experience is what you get if you don’t.
Overheard at the senior center:
You know you’re getting on in years when the girls at the office start confiding in you.
Old age is when it takes longer to rest than to get tired.
By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he’s too old to go anywhere.
Old age is when you have stopped growing at both ends, and have begun to grow in the middle.
Billy Graham has described heaven as a family reunion that never ends. What must hell possibly be like? Home videos of the same reunion?
Being a senior adult is having a choice of two temptations and choosing the one that will get you home earlier.
You know you’re into old age when you realize that caution is the only thing you care to exercise.
Don’t worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older, it will avoid you.
You’re getting old when you’re sitting in a rocker and you can’t get it started.
A 6 YEAR OLD WAS ASKED WHERE HIS GRANDMA LIVED. ”OH,” HE SAID, ”SHE LIVES AT THE AIRPORT, AND WHEN WE WANT HER WE JUST GO GET HER. THEN WHEN WE’RE DONE HAVING HER VISIT, WE TAKE HER BACK TO THE AIRPORT.
Act as if what you do makes a difference. It does.
Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.
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