March 8, 2021
“All our dreams can come true – if we have the courage to pursue them.”
For many of us there are choices we can make to make the future better than just a return to our past. Some of us have learned in the past year how draining a life of isolation can be. Now that we have a chance to return to a more open lifestyle we have an opportunity to bulid a life that is going to make us as happy as possible.
Spring is almost here, let us use it as a time to create our new future, one that simplifies the days ahead. Here is an article that offers us tips on how we can uncomplicate our tomorrows.
The Top 10 Tips for Uncluttering Your Life
Mental and emotional clutter can keep you from doing what you really want to do. Here are 10 tips for “unloading” the clutter in your life. It’s time for spring cleaning!
1. Get rid of the human vampires. – Avoid contact with people who are energy drains. Even if they’re family members that you can’t avoid altogether, make a decision to limit the time you are around them and what you will allow them to engage you in.
2. Learn to say NO. – It’s the first word you learned when you were two. Use it! It’s your life, time, and resource and you have the right to use it as you see fit without comments from the peanut galley.
3. Take time for YOU. – Time is short for all of us. Make a decision to set aside down-time that is just for you, even if you can only start with 15 minutes a day.
4. Have a garage or sidewalk sale. – Getting rid of physical stuff you don’t need frees you up mentally and physically. Make room for writing that book, sewing that quilt, or whatever it is you have always wanted space for.
5. Pay cash. – Credit card bills equal bondage and lack of freedom. Free yourself and create choices for the things that really matter to you. If you can’t pay for it, you don’t need it.
6. Limit tradition. – Most tradition is senseless and a time-waster. If it doesn’t make sense, forget it!
7. Embrace quality time. – Schedule time for the things and special people in your life and then FOCUS only on them without distractions. You will both enjoy your time together more if you know beforehand that nothing else will get in the way.
8. Set priorities. – It’s impossible to do EVERYTHING well. Develop a pecking order of priorities and streamline it until you have only those things on the list that really matter.
9. Forget the Joneses’. – Even if you believe everyone’s watching you, the truth is no one’s paying that much attention to you.
10. Live YOUR life. – What works for someone else may not work for you. Take direction from your inner instinct and go with it!
“Plant your garden and decorate your own soul, instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers.”
Jose Luis Borges
IDIOTS AT WORK
I was signing the receipt for my credit card purchase when the clerk noticed I had never signed my name on the back of the credit card. She informed me that she could not complete the transaction unless the card was signed. When I asked why, she explained that it was necessary to compare the signature I had just signed on the receipt. So I signed the credit card in front of her. She carefully compared the signature to the one I had just signed on the receipt. As luck would have it, they matched.
IDIOTS IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD
I live in a semi-rural area. We recently had a new neighbor call the local township administrative office to request the removal of the Deer Crossing sign on our road. The reason: too many deer were being hit by cars and she didn’t want them to cross there anymore.
IDIOTS IN FOOD SERVICE
My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a taco. She asked the person behind the counter for “minimal lettuce.” He said he was sorry, but they only had iceberg.
IDIOTS AT THE AIRPORT
I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee asked, “Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?” To which I replied, ‘If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?” She smiled knowingly and nodded, “That’s why we ask.”
“I don’t care what is written about me so long as it isn’t true.”
Well it finally happened, retaliation! The blondes of the world got together and have decided to take revenge on the brunettes:
WHAT’S BLACK AND BLUE AND BROWN AND LAYING IN A DITCH?
A brunette who’s told too many blonde jokes.
WHAT’S THE REAL REASON A BRUNETTE KEEPS HER FIGURE?
No one else wants it.
WHY ARE SO MANY BLONDE JOKES ONE-LINERS?
So brunettes can remember them.
WHAT DO YOU CALL A BRUNETTE IN A ROOM FULL OF BLONDES?
WHY IS THE BRUNETTE CONSIDERED AN EVIL COLOR?
When was the last time you saw a blonde witch?
WHAT DO BRUNETTES MISS MOST ABOUT A GREAT PARTY?
KNOW WHO INVENTED BLONDE JOKES?
Brunettes, they had nothing better to do on Friday or Saturday nights
Time may be a great healer, but it’s a lousy beautician.
A newspaper writer, after working for 17 long years, was finally granted two months leave, during which time he would be fully paid. However, he turned down his boss’ kind offer.
The boss asked, “Why would you turn down such a generous offer?”
The newspaper writer said there were 2 reasons.
“Well, what are they?” asked the boss.
“The first,” he said, “is that I thought that my taking such a long leave might affect the newspaper’s circulation.”
The boss asked him what the other reason was.
“The other reason,” replied the writer, “is that I thought my taking such a long leave might NOT affect the newspaper’s circulation.”
A penny for your thoughts; $20 to act it out.
He said: The company where my brother worked had a phone system that rerouted after-hours calls. If any calls came in on a certain line while he was working late, Dave knew it would be a wrong number.
It got to the point where, as soon as the phone rang, Dave would pick up and say, “Psychic Hotline. I’m sorry, but you’ve dialed the wrong number.”
The callers would often reply with something like, “But I didn’t even ask to speak to anyone yet.
How did you know I dialed the wrong . . . Oh! (Click)
I can’t understand why people are frightened of new ideas. I’m frightened of the old ones.
If they are still married this is obviously untrue.
The first morning after the honeymoon, Sam got up early, went down to the kitchen, and brought his wife her breakfast in bed. It was beautifully fixed. Naturally, she was delighted.
Then he spoke: “Have you noticed just what I have done?”
“Of course, dear. Every single detail. It’s all wonderful!”
“Good. Because that’s how I want my breakfast served every morning.”
Abstinence should be practiced in moderation.
A Baptist preacher and his wife decided they needed a dog. Ever mindful of the congregation, they knew the dog must also be Baptist.
They visited an expensive kennel and explained their needs to the manager, who assured them he had just the dog for them. The dog was produced and the manager said, “Fetch the Bible.”
The dog bounded to the bookshelf, scrutinized the books, located the Bible, and brought it to the manager. The manager then said “Find Psalms 23”. The dog, showing marvelous dexterity with his paws, leafed thru the Bible, found the correct passage, and pointed to it with his paw. Duly impressed, the couple purchased the dog.
That evening a group of parishioners came to visit. The preacher and his wife began to show off the dog, having him locate several Bible verses. The visitors were amazed. Finally, one man asked, “Can he do normal dog tricks too?”
“Let’s see” said the preacher. Pointing his finger at the dog, he commanded “Heel!” The dog immediately jumped up on a chair, placed one paw on the preacher’s forehead and began to howl.
The preacher turned to his wife and exclaimed “Good grief, we’ve bought a Pentecostal dog!”
“Don’t allow your past or present condition to control you. It’s just a process that you’re going through to get you to the next level.”
Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.
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