Ray's musings and humor

Archive for February, 2021

Stay Stress Free

Ray’s Daily

February 12, 2021

http://rays-daily.com

“Calmness is the cradle of power.”

Josiah Gilbert Holland

Do these days seem as bad as any in the past? It sure seems that way. The pandemic, job losses, homelessness and politicsl turmoil really are stressful for many of us.

In my case I have lived through global depression, a number of wars and personal setbacks that have taught me that most stress does little for my well being. It helps to remember that most things that get us down are not a bad as we imagine.

These days I find that working to minimize stress is vital to staying as happy as possible. I have abridged the following article that offers useful tips on how to jettison stress.

Top Ten Habits that Help You Manage Your Stress

By Linda Dessau

Here are my favorite self-care habits for dealing with stress:

1. Get in the habit of noticing. – Take an inventory of all the things that just don’t feel right in your life or that you know are causing you stress. Once you have your list in place, look at what you can change yourself, and do it.

2. Get in the habit of asking for help. – For what you can’t change yourself, you need a team. Build a team of experts to handle your list. A coach, at the top of the list, will help with the big picture and will keep you honest about your efforts.

3. Get in the habit of bouncing back. – Think of Plan A as your basic self-care plan while stress is under control. Now imagine something happens and you are under stress. Instead of abandoning all self-care because you can’t do it all, have a Plan B ready beforehand.

4. Get in the habit of relaxing. – If you practice relaxation techniques (breathing, meditation, imagery, music) every day, then when stressful situations come up you’ll have the tools at your fingertips.

5. Get in the habit of gratitude. – Our attitude comes from our emotions and our emotions come from our thoughts. Thinking about what we’re grateful for and what we’re good at can keep things positive. It’s not about shying away from what’s challenging you; it’s about approaching life from a place of strength and not as a victim.

6. Get in the habit of creating. – Experiment with a new recipe in the kitchen, write a poem, bang a drum, do a craft, take a dance class or do something else that feels creative to you.

7. Get in the habit of putting your stuff away. – Physical clutter can really impact on mental, emotional and physical health. Get rid of things that don’t make you happy when you look at them.

8. Get in the habit of breathing. – This is the simplest and quickest way to relax yourself in a stressful situation. The minute you focus on your breathing it automatically gets slower and deeper.

9. Get in the habit of daydreaming. – Take yourself away on an imaginary holiday. Just close your eyes and go! Picture somewhere you’ve been or somewhere you’ve dreamed of.

 10. Get in the habit of giggling. – Laugh out loud every day. Don’t let your stress get the better of you!

~~~

“There are times when we stop, we sit still. We listen and breezes from a whole other world begin to whisper.”

James Carroll

~~~

An old Native Chief sat in his hut on the reservation, smoking a ceremonial pipe and eyeing two Government officials sent to interview him. “Chief Two Eagles” asked one Official, “you have observed the white man for 90 years. You’ve seen his wars and his technological advances. You’ve seen his progress and the damage he’s done.”  

The Chief nodded in agreement.  

The Official continued, “Considering all these events, in your opinion, where did the white man go wrong?”  

The Chief stared at the Government officials for over a minute and then calmly replied, “When white man found the land, Natives were running it. No taxes, no debt, plenty buffalo, plenty beaver, women did all the work, Medicine Man free, Indian man spent all day hunting and fishing, and all night having sex.”  

Then the Chief leaned back and smiled, “Only white man dumb enough to think he could improve system like that.”

~~~

It worked… Now if I could only remember what I did.

~~~

She said: One evening, two girlfriends and I went to a nightclub, only to find the place packed with young people. At 40, we felt old, but before we could make a dignified exit, a tall, handsome man approached us.  

“Perhaps we were being a little hasty in leaving,” I thought.  

Then with a big smile, the man extended his hand to one of my friends and said, “Hello. Remember me? You were my third grade teacher.” 

~~~

Words of comfort, skillfully administered, are the oldest therapy known to man.

Louis Nizer

~~~

Earthquakes can strike without warning, and being prepared for such a disaster can mean the difference between life and death. Here are some tips to help you and your loved ones make it through a quake:

~ Those living in areas not prone to earthquakes can respond quickly to the plight of disaster victims in quake zones by complacently smirking and saying, “I told you so.”

~ To minimize loss and damage in a quake, try not to own things.

~ Practice your burrowing-out-from-under-40-tons-of-rubble skills ahead of time.

~ Look out your window often. If you see a large, zig-zag-shaped crevasse moving rapidly from the horizon toward your home, step either to the right or the left.

~ For those who fear earthquakes, it may comfort you to know that a majority of the damage during the 1906 San Francisco earthquake did not come from the tremors themselves. Instead, it was from the raging, out- of-control fires that consumed most of the city.

~ A doorway is the safest place to be during a quake. Eat, sleep, and work in doorways.

~ Be sure to mail your house-insurance payments a full five business days before a major earthquake strikes.

~ In the event of a quake, get under something heavy, such as a desk, a table, or your boss.

~ If you are caught in a major earthquake in Southern California and are part of the entertainment industry, take a moment or two to reflect on how grossly you’ve wasted your life.

~~~

hAS ANYONE SEEN MY cAPS~OCK KEY?

~~~

A woman pregnant with her first child paid a visit to her obstetrician’s office. After the exam, she shyly said, “My husband wants me to ask you…”  

The doctor cut her off and reassured her, “I know, I know, I get the same question all the time. Sex is fine until late in the pregnancy.”  

“No, that’s not it,” the woman confessed. “He wants to know if I can still mow the lawn.”  

~~~

Abstinence should be practiced in moderation.

~~~

An Australian was in Ireland. On his way to Belfast, he stopped at a bar and asked one of the locals, “What’s the quickest way to Belfast?”

The Irishmen asked, “Are you walking or driving?”

The Australian replied, “I’m driving!”

The Irishman said, “Aye, that’d be the quickest way!”

~~~

“The more tranquil a man becomes, the greater is his success, his influence, his power for good. Calmness of mind is one of the beautiful jewels of wisdom.”

James Allen

~~~

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than twenty years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@comcast.net. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are hundreds of  readers from around the world.

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Simplicity Pays

Ray’s Daily

February 11, 2021

http://rays-daily.com

“Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication.”

Clare Boothe Luce

I sometimes feel overwhelmed by what I have choosen to do. I have no job that includes required tasks, In effect I am my own boss and I should focus on improving the value of my efforts. I do understand that my life gets complicated because of the choices I make so it worth reviewing those choices. I want to decide to eliminate my less important activites and concentrate on those that have meaning and generate the mpst satisfaction.

I have excerpted below some thoughts from an article by Angel Chernoff that I think are worthy of our consideration.

11 Easy Ways to Uncomplicate Your Life

Truth be told, the average day is actually pretty simple, but we insist on making it complicated.  Let’s break the cycle!  Here are a few easy ways to gradually uncomplicate your life — and yes, it’s a GRADUAL process, because it’s easy to change your life one tiny step at a time:

  • Learn from the past, and then get the heck out of there! –Never regret.  If it’s good, it’s wonderful.  If it’s bad, it’s experience. 
  • Focus on what’s truly important. – Identify what’s most important to you.  Eliminate as much as you possibly can of everything else.  No wasted time, no fluff, no regrets.
  • Focus on being productive, not being busy. – Don’t just get things done; get the right things done.  Results are always more important than the time it takes to achieve them.
  • Give what you want to receive. – You get the best out of most people and situations when you give the best of yourself.  Start practicing the golden rule.  If you want love, give love.  If you want friends, be friendly.
  • Stop trying to be everything to everyone. – Don’t try to be friends with everyone.  Cultivate closer relationships with fewer people.  Start focusing on being everything to someone.  Helping or pleasing everyone is impossible.
  • Do what you know in your heart is right. – Stop doing immoral things simply because you can.  Start being honest with yourself and everyone else.  Don’t cheat.  Be faithful.  Be kind.  Do the right thing!  Keep life simple and enjoyable by doing what you know in your heart is right.
  • Organize your space. – Start clearing clutter.  Get rid of stuff you don’t use and then organize what’s left
  • Be efficient. – Stop being inefficient simply because you’ve always done it that way.  If you keep doing what you’re doing, you’ll keep getting what you’re getting.  Instead, streamline your life by finding better ways of handling common tasks.
  • Let things be less than perfect. – Smile every chance you get; not because life has been easy, perfect, or exactly as you had anticipated, but because you choose to be happy and grateful for all the good things you do have, and all the problems you know you don’t have.
  • Let go of needless drama and those who create it. – Never create unnecessary drama, and don’t surround yourself with those who do.
  • Forget what everyone else thinks and wants for you. – One of the greatest freedoms is simply not caring what everyone else thinks of you.  The best thing you can do in moments of indecision is to simply follow your heart.  Don’t just accept the safe and easy choices because you’re afraid of what others will think, or afraid of what might happen.  If you do, nothing will ever happen. 

~~~

“I have three things to teach: simplicity, patience, compassion. These three are your greatest treasures.”

Lao Tzu

~~~

This comes from a Catholic elementary school. Kids were asked questions about the Old and New Testaments. They have not been retouched or corrected (i.e., incorrect spelling has been left in.)

1. In the first book of the bible, Guinessis, God got tired of creating the world, so he took the Sabbath off.

2. Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree. Noah’s wife was called Joan of Ark. Noah built an ark, which the animals come on to in pears.

3. Lot’s wife was a pillar of salt by day, but a ball of fire by night.

4. The Jews were a proud people and throughout history they had trouble with the unsympathetic Genitals.

5. Samson was a strongman who let himself be led astray by a Jezebel like Delilah.

6. Moses led the Hebrews to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened bread which is bread without any ingredients.

7. The Egyptians were all drowned in the dessert. Afterwards, Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the ten amendments.

8. The seventh amendment is “Thou shalt not admit adultery.”

9. Moses died before he ever reached Canada. Then Joshua led the Hebrews in the battle of Geritol.

10. The greatest miracle in the Bible is when Joshua told his son to stand still and he obeyed him. 11. David was a Hebrew king skilled at playing the liar. He fought with the Finklesteins, a race of people who lived in Biblical times.

12. Solomon, one of David’s sons, had 300 wives and 700 porcupines.

13. When Mary heard that she was the mother of Jesus, she sang the Magna Carta.

14. When the three wise guys from the East side arrived, they found Jesus in the manager.

15. Jesus was born because Mary had an immaculate contraption.

16. Jesus enunciated the Golden Rule, which says to do one to others before they do one to you. He also explained, “a man doth not live by sweat alone.”

17. It was a miracle when Jesus rose from the dead and managed to get the tombstone off the entrance.

18. The people who followed the Lord were called the 12 decibels.

19. The epistles were the wives of the apostles.

20. One of the opossums was St. Matthew who was also a taximan.

21. St. Paul cavorted to Christianity. He preached holy acrimony, which is another name for marriage.

22. Christians have only one spouse. This is called monotony.

~~~

Help beautify our dumps. Throw away something pretty.

~~~

An elderly man went to the doctor for a visit.  “Doc,” he says,” I am so stricken. I have chest pains, headaches, back pains, nausea, arthritis, constipation, stomach cramps, earaches, burning in the eyes, congested lungs…..”

“Sir,” says the doctor,” you complain you have so many things…what DON’T you have?”

The man answers, “Teeth.”

~~~

I can resist anything but temptation.

~~~

News from the British papers:

Commenting on a complaint from a Mr. Arthur Purdey about a large gas bill, a spokesman for North West gas said, “We agree it was rather high for the time of year. It’s possible Mr. Purdey has been charged for the gas used up during the explosion that destroyed his house.” (The Daily Telegraph)

Irish police are being handicapped in a search for a stolen van, because they cannot issue a description. It’s a Special Branch vehicle and they don’t want the public to know what it looks like. (The Guardian)

A young girl who was blown out to sea on a set of inflatable teeth was rescued by a man on an inflatable lobster. A coastguard spokesman commented, “This sort of thing is all too common”. (The Times)

~~~

“I’m living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart.”

e. e. cummings

~~~

After meeting with the boss, the head salesperson mustered the troops.

“People,” he said, “I’ve just been informed that we’re going to be having a fire sale.”

“A fire sale?” spoke up one agent.  “But we sell insurance.”

“I said a fire sale, and I meant it,” he replied rather coldly. “Anyone who doesn’t make a sale gets fired….”

~~~

“That’s been one of my mantras – focus and simplicity. Simple can be harder than complex. You have to work hard to get your thinking clean to make it simple. But it’s worth it in the end because once you get there, you can move mountains.”

Steve Jobs

~~~

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than twenty years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@comcast.net. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are hundreds of  readers from around the world.

We Need Each Other

Ray’s Daily

February 10, 2021

http://rays-daily.com

“What sunshine is to flowers, smiles are to humanity. They are but trifles, to be sure but, scattered along life’s pathway, the good they do is inconceivable.” “No soul is desolate as long as there is a human being for whom it can feel trust and reverence.”

George Eliot

Ray’s Daily first published onFebruary 10, 2006

I may have mentioned before that I worry about the desocialization that I think is gaining ground in our society. Coming from an earlier generation I miss the things we use to do together. As we have become more specialized, geographically separated, and for some almost transient workers, a feeling of isolation can grow and fester.

Fortunately some of the gap is filled by the electro-socialization that takes place by our remote communication with others. In the old days we might call them pen pals but I think for many of us they are more than that. They are often people we can lean on, someone with whom we can share our secrets, our joys and our sorrows. I guess for many of the people we connect with electronically they become acquaintances.

For me the relationship is more than casual even though we may be separated by thousands of miles, gender, age, nationality or religion. I wonder if we need a new word for these relationships. What can I call the people who send me messages like:

  • FEELING OTHERS PAIN AND JOY IS THE QUALITY I LIKE IN A PERSON, I CAN CRY AT STRANGERS BAD NEWS AND I CAN BE HAPPY AND CRY AT OTHERS JOY, A WODERFUL THING THAT, I UNDERSTAND ALL YOU HAVE SAID RAY, THANKYOU FOR STIRRING MY EMOTIONS

LOVE AND HUGS PAULA – S.Derbyshire UK

  • Your posts are all very heartfelt. I enjoy reading them very much. Thanks for adding me a friend I will visit often for inspiration.

Richard – Florida

  • I just had to share “I will be there” with my brother. We can be there to lighten someone else’s load; I want my friends to know I am there for them whenever needed… to listen.

Blessings, Kathie – Bogalusa, Louisiana

 When you think about it we really don’t need a new word for these people, for they are friends just as if we could see and touch them everyday. These friends and all of you that stay in touch are my confidants, you provide comfort and support, and fortunately there is always one or more of you there. It is when we share our feelings and care for each other that we become friends.

Of course this only works if we let it. We need to be grateful to those who care enough to take an interest in us, people often know us as well as almost anyone else. And Paula, Richard, Kathie and all the rest of you, thanks, I am glad we have met and become friends.

Ray

~~~

“The most I can do for my friend is simply to be his friend. I have no wealth to bestow on him. If he knows that I am happy in loving him, he will want no other reward. Is not friendship divine in this?”

Henry David Thoreau

~~~

Jack has died. His lawyer is standing before the family and reads out Jack’s last will and testament.

“To my dear wife Esther, I leave the house, 50 acres of land, and one million dollars. To my son Barry, I leave my big Lexus and the Jaguar. To my daughter Suzy, I leave my yacht and $250,000. And to my brother-in-law Jeff, who always insisted that health is better than wealth, I leave my sun lamp.”

~~~

Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.

~~~

A young man from the city went to visit his farmer uncle. For the first few days, the uncle showed him the usual things – chickens, cows, crops, etc. After three days, however, it was obvious that the nephew was getting bored, and the uncle was running out of things to amuse him with.

Finally, the uncle had an idea. “Why don’t you grab a gun, take the dogs, and go shooting?”

This seemed to cheer the nephew up, and with enthusiasm, off he went, dogs in trail.

After a few hours, the nephew returned.

“How did you enjoy that?” asked the uncle.

“It was great!” exclaimed the nephew. “Got any more dogs?”

~~~

A merry heart doeth good like a medicine; but a broken spirit drieth the bones.

Proverbs 17:2

~~~

A rabbi, burdened by the importance of his work, went into the synagogue to pray. Falling to his knees, he lamented, “Oh, Lord, I am nothing! I am nothing!”  

Just then a Jewish judge passed by and overhearing the prayer was moved to join the rabbi on his knees. Shortly, he too, was crying aloud, “Oh, Lord, I too am nothing! I am nothing!”  

The janitor of the temple, awed by the sight of the two men praying joined them, crying, “Oh, Lord, I also am nothing! I am nothing!”  

At this the judge nudged the rabbi and said, “Look who thinks he’s nothing.”  

~~~

No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to take it too seriously.

~~~

My first stop on my vacation was my sister’s house in Montana.  She’s extremely organized.  Before she leaves on a trip, she always types up address labels for her postcards.  This time, I figured I’d done her one better. 

I boasted, “You’ll be impressed. I’ve already written thank-you notes to everyone with whom I’ll be staying.  They’re all stamped and ready to go.”

My sister was silent for a moment, and then she said, “You mean those little envelopes I saw in your room and mailed this morning?” 

~~~

“I phoned my dad to tell him I had stopped smoking. He called me a quitter.”

Steven Pearl

~~~

Molly was worried that her three-year-old son was unusually precocious, and took him to a psychiatrist.

“Right,” said the shrink, “We’ll just try a few simple tests.” To Morris the boy, he said “Say a few words – anything that comes into your mind.”

The boy turned to his mother and asked, “Does he want logically constructed sentences or just a few random and purely isolated words without any split infinitives?”

~~~

“A great many people think they are thinking when they are really rearranging their prejudices.”

Edward R. Murrow

~~~

The Sunday school teacher was carefully explaining the story of Elijah the Prophet and the false prophets of Baal. She explained how Elijah built the altar, put wood upon it, cut the steer in pieces and laid it upon the altar.

And then Elijah commanded the people of God to fill four barrels of water and pour it over the altar. He had them do this four times. “Now, said the teacher, “can anyone in the class tell me why the Lord would have Elijah pour water over the steer on the altar?”

A little girl in the back of the room raised her hand with great enthusiasm. “To make the gravy,” came her enthusiastic reply.

~~~

“The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.”

Samuel Johnson

~~~

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than twenty years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@comcast.net. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are hundreds of  readers from around the world.

Gone But Not Forgotten

Ray’s Daily

February 9, 2021

http://rays-daily.com

The easiest and simplest way to deal with sorrow is to remember that nothing is permanent.

SWAMI SWAROOPANANDA

One of the realities of aging is the continued losses we have to live with. As friends and family pass on we must learn to handle our grief in a manner that focuses on the good memories from days gone by with out letting the loss debilitate us. In my current community we have many neighbors who are 95 years old and some well into their hundreds. They become friends and inspirations. And each month some fall ill our pass.

I appreciate the time we have shared experiences while learning about their past life. I cannot overestimate the value of listening and learning from my elders, yes even now when I am 86 years old. Interpersonal relationships among the aged is a great way to combat one of the great illnesses of old age, loneliness.

I have learned to live with my sorrows avoiding lingering sadness. I think there is truth in the following story.

Getting rid of sorrows

A wise and knowledgeable man held a seminar to teach people how to get rid of sorrows in their life. Many people gathered to hear the wise man’s words. The man entered the room and to start his seminar he told a very funny joke and everyone roared with laughter.

After a couple of minutes he told them the same joke and only a few of them smiled or laughed and when he told the same joke for the third time no one smiled or laughed.

The wise man smiled and said . . . ‘You can’t laugh at the same joke over and over. So why do you cry over the same problem over and over?’

Author Unknown

~~~

Every heart has its secret sorrows which the world knows not, and oftentimes we call a man cold, when he is only sad.

HENRY WADSWORTH LONGFELLOW

~~~

A grammar school teacher from Miami, remembers this Oscar-worthy birth tableau from one of her students. I’ve been teaching now for about fifteen years. I have two children myself, but the best birth story I know is the one I saw in my own first-grade classroom a few years back. When I was a child, I loved show-and-tell. So I always have a few sessions with my students. It helps them get over shyness and experience a little public speaking. And it gives me a break and some guaranteed entertainment.

Usually, show-and-tell is pretty tame. Children bring in pet turtles, model airplanes, pictures of fish they catch, stuff like that. And I never, ever place any boundaries or limitations on them. If they want to lug it to school and talk about it, they’re welcome.

Well, one day this little girl, Anna, a very bright, very outgoing child, takes her turn and waddles up to the front of the class with a pillow stuffed under her sweater. She holds up a snapshot of an infant and says, “This is Luke, my baby brother, and I’m going to tell you about his birthday. First, Mom and Dad made him as a symbol of their love, and then Dad put a seed in my Mom’s stomach, and Luke grew in there. He ate for nine months through an umbrella cord. “She’s standing there with her hands on the pillow, and I’m trying not to laugh and wishing I had my camcorder with me. The children are watching her in amazement. “Then, about two Saturdays ago, my Mom starts saying and going Oh, oh, oh!”

Anna puts a hand behind her back and groans. “She walked around the house for, like an hour, Oh, oh, oh!” Now the child is doing this hysterical duck walk; holding her back and groaning. “My Dad called the middle wife. She delivers babies, but she doesn’t have a sign on the car like the Domino’s man. They got my Mom to lie down in bed like this.” Anna lies down with her back against the wall. “And then, pop! My Mom had this bag of water she kept in there in case he got thirsty, and it just blew up and spilled all over the bed, like psshhheew!”

This child is sitting on the floor with her little hands miming water flowing away. “Then the middle wife starts saying ‘push, push, and breathe, breathe. “They started counting, but never even got past ten.” “Then, all of a sudden, out comes my brother. He was covered in yucky stuff. They said it was from Mom’s play-center, so there must be a lot of stuff inside there for him to do.”

Then Anna stood up, took a big theatrical bow and returned to her seat. I’m sure I applauded the loudest. Ever since then, if it’s show-and-tell day, I bring my camcorder, just in case another Anna comes along!

~~~

Someday they’ll invent a pill that is so powerful that you’ll have to be in perfect health to take it.

Herb Shriner

~~~

The late great Johnny Carson was the master joke teller as you can see below.

“I was so naïve as a kid I used to sneak behind the barn and do nothing.”

“According to statistics, it’s a lot easier to get hit by lightning than to win a Lotto jackpot. The good side: You don’t hear from your relatives.”

“For three days after death, hair and fingernails continue to grow but phone calls taper off.”

“Happiness is seeing the muscular lifeguard all the girls were admiring leave the beach hand in hand with another muscular lifeguard.”

“If God didn’t want man to hunt, He wouldn’t have given us plaid shirts.”

“The difference between divorce and legal separation is that a legal separation gives a husband time to hide his money.”

“The Surgeon General announced today the ultimate safe-sex product. It’s called a Rubik’s condom: By the time you’ve figured out how to use it, you’ve lost the urge.”

“When turkeys mate they think of swans.”

“What’s all this fuss about plutonium? How could something named after a Disney character be dangerous?”

“The Oscars are two hours of sparkling entertainment spread over four hours.”

“I know a man who gave up smoking, drinking, sex, and rich food. He was healthy right up to the day he killed himself.”

~~~

She said:

When my grandson asked me how old I was, I teasingly replied “I’m not sure.”

“Look in your underwear, Grandma,” he advised.  “Mine says I’m four.”

~~~

She said:

Our family owned restaurant is the setting for many of our discussions about how to handle the customer who asks, “What’s good tonight?”

Obviously, we would never serve anything we didn’t think was good.  I braced myself one Saturday night when I heard the dreaded question posed to my husband.

He calmly replied, “Anything over $13.95.”

~~~

Have you noticed how living in a nudist colony takes all the fun out of Mardi Gras.

~~~

While shopping in a supermarket in Florida, I heard over the PA system:

“A wallet containing a large sum of money was found, but it contains no ID.  Will those laying claim to it please form a double line at the customer service counter?”

~~~

All I ask is a chance to prove that money can’t make me happy.

~~~

A Sunday school class was studying the Ten Commandments.

They were ready to discuss the last one. The teacher asked if anyone could tell her what it was. Susie raised her hand, stood tall, and quoted,

“Thou shall not take the covers off thy neighbor’s wife.”

~~~

Always read stuff that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it.

~~~

Jill:  Look, Mary!  That couple at the corner table’s getting engaged.  He just gave her a ring.  How did your ex propose to you?

Mary:  Well, he said, “If you get pregnant, I’ll marry you.”

~~~

There is no despair so absolute as that which comes with the first moments of our first great sorrow, when we have not yet known what it is to have suffered and be healed, to have despaired and to have recovered hope.

GEORGE ELIOT

~~~

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than twenty years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@comcast.net. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are hundreds of  readers from around the world.

What to do next?

Ray’s Daily

February 8, 2021

http://rays-daily.com

All I can be is me- whoever that is.

Bob Dylan

I am at an interesting point in my life. I find there is little left on my things to do list. My daughters and the housekeepers have made my residents very liveable. I purchased a new internet radio that allows me to connect with radio stations and learning sources around the world. I have received my two vaccinations to help me avoid Covid infections. I have started regular Covid tests that allow me to now make regular visits to see my wife in her memory care facility. The mandatory lock down at my independent living facility has loosend up so I can again see my fellow residents.

So I am at the point where I need to answer the question “now what?.” I know spending my days sitting in my recliner all day will do me no good. Of course writing the Daily and visiting my wife will fill some of my time. I also read books on my Amazon tablet but my failing eyesight sometimes makes that difficult. But I am required by the curret regulations to only venture out for doctors appointments. So I shall explore alternatives to stagnation and decide what to do next.

Here is what one author has decided he is going to do, his ideas are helpful to those of us working on our own lists.

The Top 10 Most Important Things to do Today

by Michael E. Angier

This is my list. They’re the ones I’ve selected for my life at present. Consider them suggestions for yourself–ideas to help you generate your own top ten list. By getting clear on and acting upon YOUR most important steps, you’ll be moving toward and experiencing your highest and best.

1. Practice gratefulness. Reflect upon the things in my life for which I’m grateful. If I appreciate more of what I have, I will have even more to appreciate.

2. Write out my three most important goals and visualize how my life will be when I have achieved them. FEEL it. EXPERIENCE it in as much sensory detail as I can possibly imagine.

3. Take some action steps toward each of the three goals.

4. Exercise my body and monitor carefully what I eat and drink. Reduce fat and caloric intake while expending more calories. Eat only small amounts at one time.

5. Read something educational, inspirational or entertaining–preferably all three.

6. Meditate. Empty my conscious mind and listen to the Super-conscious.

7. Have fun doing something I love to do. Experience joy.

8. Write something–anything. If not an article or part of my book, then write in my journal.

9. Perform some act of kindness. Do a thoughtful, magnanimous thing–anonymously if possible.

10. Finish something. Do something I can call complete.

~~~

It is never too late to be what you might have been.

George Eliot

~~~

At an all-girls’ college, dates were permitted only on Saturday nights. One young man showed up on a Tuesday evening, however, explaining to an older woman at a desk in the lobby of the dorm, that it was imperative he see a certain young lady.

“I want to surprise her. You see, I’m her brother.”

“Oh, she’ll be *real* surprised all right,” replied the woman. “In fact, even I’m surprised… I’m her mother.”

~~~

“The honeymoon is over when he phones to say he’ll be late for supper and she’s already left a note that it’s in the refrigerator.”

Bill Lawrence

~~~

A man walks into a dentist’s office and says, “Excuse me, can you help me. I think I’m a moth.”

Dentist: “You don’t need a dentist. You need a psychiatrist.”

Man: “Yes, I know.”

Dentist: “So why did you come in here?”

Man: “The light was on…”

~~~

“The only way to entertain some folks is to listen to them.”

Kin Hubbard

~~~

The fellow had recently succumbed to promotions for satellite TV, which advertised non-stop sport day and night.  It was to be expected, however, that his wife did not share his enthusiasm.

One evening she could take it no longer and confronted her husband:

“It’s like this every day,” said she.  “It’s true–you love football more than you love me.”

Such a cosmic question was new to the man, and several moments’ reflection was in order.

“Why, yes, I do,” said he.  “But I can sincerely say,” he continued thoughtfully, “that I love you more than baseball …”

~~~

She wouldn’t try so hard to conceal her age if her husband would act his.

~~~

Press Bloopers

He left for a vacation at his lodge, taking his favorite two great dames with him.  

Rev. Hammond was congratulated on being able to get his parish plastered.  

His left thumb, which was shot away, is doing nicely.  

We’ve got fifty yankettes married into English nobility right now. Some of them are duchesses. Some are countesses. Eleven are baronesses. Only one is a lady.  

The font so generously presented by Mrs. Smith will be set in position at the east end of the Church. Babies may now be baptized at both ends.  

The church is now forming a Little Mothers Club. All women desiring to become Little Mothers are asked to meet with the pastor in his study after services.  

Dr. Gilbert Murray, O.M., will celebrate his ninetieth birthday quietly at his home at Boars Hill, near Oxford, tomorrow, with his wife, Lady Mary Murray. They have been married 66 years. This evening he is to broadcast in the BBC Home Service a talk called “Unfinished Battle.”  

A loudspeaker system has been installed in the church. It was given by one of the members in memory of his wife.  

~~~

Hospitality is making your guests feel at home, even if you wish they were.

~~~

One of my students could not take my college seminar final exam because of a funeral. “No problem,” I told him. “Make it up the following week.”

That week came, and again he couldn’t take the test due to another funeral.

“You’ll have to take the test early next week,” I insisted. “I can’t keep postponing it.” “I’ll take the test next week if no one dies,” he told me.

By now I was suspicious. “How can you have so many people you know pass away in three weeks?” I asked. “I don’t know any of these people,” he said. “I’m the only gravedigger in town.”

~~~

The day the child realizes that all adults are imperfect he becomes an adolescent; the day he forgives them, he becomes an adult; the day he forgives himself, he becomes wise.

Aiden Nowlan

~~~

We telemarketers know we’re universally loathed.  Still, some people are quite pleasant on the phone.  One day I called a number and asked to speak with Mr. Morgan.  The woman who answered explained that he no longer lived at that address, but she did have a number where he could be reached.

I thanked her, rang that number, and was greeted with, “Good morning, Highland View Cemetery.”

~~~

You may not control all the events that happen to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them.

Maya Angelou

~~~

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than twenty years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@comcast.net. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are hundreds of  readers from around the world.

How Are You Doing?

Ray’s Daily

February 5, 2021

http://rays-daily.com

“People should find happiness in the little things, like family.”

Amanda Bynes

Here it is the end of another week. In my case it was good week. I have been able to spend time with my wife in her memory care residence as well as visit with a couple of family members.

One thing that has happened to me during this pandemic period of isolation is learning to appreciate the little things in life that we so often take for granted. I know in my case it has allowed me to stay pretty happy. Sure I wish things were different but I can’t change what they are, but I can focus on the good and not waste time on the bad. Happiness is always better than sadness.

I agree with the following article. I hope you will too.

What makes us happy?

There is an ever-growing body of knowledge about the nature and causes of happiness. For one thing, it’s clear that happiness is a feeling, not a circumstance. Happiness is more than just fun or pleasure. It’s a more durable sense of well being.

Our happiness depends not on what happens to us, but what happens in us. In other words, it’s the way we choose to think about our lives. Abe Lincoln said, ‘People are generally about as happy as they’re willing to be.’ A Buddhist proverb tells us that pain is inevitable, but suffering is optional.

So, what are the most common attributes of happy people? Well, it’s not money, fame, or good looks. It’s not even intelligence or talent. No, the two most important factors are gratitude and rewarding personal relationships.

The formula is simple: count your blessings and enjoy your family and friends. Sadly, simple is not always easy.

People whose natural instincts produce a gloomy outlook and pessimism need to re-train their minds. It’s one thing to say happiness is not getting what you want but wanting what you get; it’s quite another to really be satisfied with what we have. For many people, it takes discipline and practice to think positively.

Sometimes it’s just a matter of changing one’s perspective, choosing to see and appreciate the silver lining, the half full glass. In other cases, what’s required is refusing to dwell on pain, disappointment, or envy, and instead force one’s mind toward good thoughts, including all the things we should be grateful for.

Interestingly, the ability to maintain a positive attitude is also important in forming and sustaining meaningful relationships  -seeing and bringing out the best.

Written by Michael Josephson

~~~

“The true secret of happiness lies in the taking a genuine interest in all the details of daily life.”

William Morris

~~~

WE ARE PLEASED TO ANNOUNCE LUTHERAN AIR IS NOW OPERATING FROM DULUTH AIRPORT YA SHURE, YA BETCHA! DIS IS DA LATEST AIR SERVICE TO SPROUT UP IN MINNYSOTA. ALSO SERVING VISCONSIN, NORT AND SOUT DAKOTA.

If you are travelin soon, consider Lutran (Lutheran) Air, da no-frills airline. You’re all in da same boat on Lutran Air, where flyin is a upliftin experience. Dere is no first class on any Lutran Air flight.

Meals are potluck. Rows 1-6, bring rolls; 7-15, bring a salad; 16-21, a main dish, and 22-30, a dessert. Basses and tenors please sit in da rear of da aircraft.

Everyone is responsible for his or her own baggage. All fares are by free will offering and da plane will not land ’til da budget is met.

Pay attention to your flight attendant, who will acquaint you wit da safety system aboard dis Lutran Air 599.

Okay den, listen up. I’m only gonna say dis vonce. In da event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, I am frankly going to be real surprised and so vill Captain Olson, because we fly right around two tousand feet, so loss of cabin pressure would probably mean da Second Coming or someting of dat nature, and I wouldn’t bodar with doze liddle masks on da rubber tubes.

You’re gonna have bigger tings to worry about den dat. Just stuff doze back up in dair little holes. Probably da masks fell out because of turbulence which, to be honest wit you, we’re going to have quite a bit of at two tousand feet, sort a like driving across a plowed field, but after a while you get used to it.

In da event of a water landing, I’d say forget it. Start saying da Lord’s Prayer and just hope you get to da part about forgive us our sins as we forgive doze who sin against us, which some people say “trespass against us,” which isn’t right, but what can you do?

Da use of cell phones on da plane is strictly forbidden, not because day may confuse da plane’s navigation system, which is seat of da pants all da way. No, it’s because cell phones are a pain in da wazoo, and if God meant you to use a cell phone, He would have put your mout on da side of your head.

We start lunch right about noon and it’s buffet style with da coffee pot up front. Den we’ll have da hymn sing; hymnals are in da seat pocket in front of you. Don’t take yours wit you when you go or I am going to be real upset and I am not kiddin!

Right now I’ll say Grace. “Come, Lord Jesus, be our guest and let deze gifts to us be blessed. Fadar, Son, and Holy Ghost, may we land in Dulut or pretty close. Amen!

~~~

According to Redbook magazine, 1 in 4 adults say that honesty about money is more important than honesty about fidelity. The other 3 adults were women!

~~~

A lawyer runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by a Sheriff’s Deputy. He thinks that he is smarter than the Deputy because he is sure that he has a better education. He decides to prove this to himself and have some fun at the deputy’s expense…Deputy says, “License and registration, please.” Lawyer says, “What for?” Deputy says, “You didn’t come to a complete stop at the stop sign ..” Lawyer says, “I slowed down, and no one was coming.” Deputy says, “You still didn’t come to a complete stop.

License and registration, please.” Lawyer says, “What’s the difference?”

Deputy says, “The difference is, you have to come to a complete stop, that’s the law. License and registration, please!” Lawyer says, “If you can show me the legal difference between slow down and stop, I’ll give you my license and registration and you give me the ticket, if not you let me go and no ticket.” Deputy says, “Exit your vehicle, sir.” At this point, the deputy takes out his nightstick and starts beating the ever-loving crap out of the lawyer and says: “Do you want me to stop or just slow down?”

~~~

Forgiveness means giving up all hope of a better past.

Landrum Bolling

~~~

I was at a party this weekend and a jokester, stifling a laugh said, “Listen to this: One day, Moskowitz and Finkelstein were going to…”

At this, my Jewish friend, Al Cohen said, “Moskowitz and Finkelstein; Moskowitz and Finkelstein; always two Jews. Why do they have to be Jewish? Can’t you tell the joke with other nationalities involved? Why don’t you make them Chinese for a change?”

The jokester, sobered and embarrassed, said, “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to offend. Here’s the joke: One day, Hong-lee Yang and Mao-chen Foo were going to the synagogue to attend the bar mitzvah of Hong-lee Yang’s nephew…”

~~~

“I think the pilot on my last trip was pretty new to his job. I base that on his pre-flight announcement, ‘We’re going to be taking off in a few… Whoa, here we go!'”

~~~

A woman went to a computer dating service and said she didn’t care about looks, income or background. All she wanted was a man of upright character. Then a man came in and told them the only thing he was seeking in a woman was intelligence. The service matched them together at once because they had one thing in common — they were both pathological liars.

~~~

Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.

~~~

According to my mother, she and Dad decided to start a family soon after he became an officer in the Air Force. When months went by without success, they consulted the base physician, who chose to examine Mom right then and there.  

“Please disrobe,” he told her.  

“With him in the room??” she yelled, pointing to my father.  

Turning to Dad, the doctor said, “Captain, I think I found the problem.”  

~~~

“To enjoy good health, to bring true happiness to one’s family, to bring peace to all, one must first discipline and control one’s own mind. If a man can control his mind he can find the way to Enlightenment, and all wisdom and virtue will naturally come to him.”

Buddha

~~~

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than twenty years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@comcast.net. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are hundreds of  readers from around the world.

Thanks For Caring

Ray’s Daily

February 4, 2021

http://rays-daily.com

“Unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot, nothing is going to get better. It’s not.”

Dr. Seuss

I really enjoy the wonderful folks I have met over the years, especially those who care for others. Here is a story that reminds me of how much I have benefited from these good people.

I Know You By Heart

I recently heard someone say, ‘What you do for others you do also for yourself.’ I was confused at first, because it almost made me feel selfish. I mean, I love doing things for other people, but my wife told my recently that I always put others first. She was saying that was one of my faults. I needed a little more ‘me’ in my efforts to change the world.

I visit people in nursing homes, retirement and senior centres. I love to spend time with older folks. It’s like mining for gold. They have been down the road ahead of me and I want to know what they have learned so that I make the right choices.

A speaker at a conference I attended many years ago asked, ‘Where do you think the most valued real estate is in the world.’

Hands went up and offered big city names, resorts in development and exotic locations around the world. ‘Nice try,’ he said. ‘The most valuable real estate are the cemeteries. Buried there are dreams that might have changed the world, perhaps cures for major diseases that were never developed and people who could have made a difference in your life but never took the chance. What happened? No one listened.’

I listen, I encourage, but I don’t realize the value of what I do or understand the impact. It was during a recent visit to a new facility that I realized that my efforts made a difference in the lives of those I met.

‘How are you today?’ I heard someone ask.

I turned around and scanned the room to see who was speaking. ‘I heard the voice of an angel!’ I said smiling. ‘Where are you?’ Then I heard a faint laugh in the corner.

‘Oh, there you are. I am so lucky to find you today,’ I said. She was seated on an old Victorian looking couch. It reminded me of the furniture in my mother’s living room. We could only sit on it when company came. So, I jumped at the opportunity to sit next to this wonderful woman. Her hair was white and neatly brushed with an occasional wave gently reflecting the light from the nearby window. Her hands crossed on her lap resting on top of a knitted pink blanket that covered her legs. Two practical looking walking shoes peeked out at the bottom and a wooden cane was placed within her reach nearby. ‘It’s good to see you,’ she said. ‘I love when you come to visit.’

I was a bit surprised to hear her say that. I had never been here before. Maybe she was transferred her from another place and she remembered me. ‘It’s good to see you, too,’ I said.

‘You always brighten my day,’ she added. I sat quietly for a moment trying desperately to remember if we had met before. I really love to remember names. It makes people feel good when you remember.Then I asked, ‘When was the last time I saw you?’

She turned her head away for a moment and then looking back at me, she said, ‘Oh, we’ve never met, you and I. But I know you by heart.’

How curious. We never met, but she knows me by heart.It must have been the look on my face that caused her to explain further.

‘There is something about people like you. You are the ones who carry the world on your back. When you walk in a room you make us smile. When you touch my hand I can feel the warmth in your heart. People like you bring flowers, music and sunshine. Even when you bring nothing at all, you leave so much behind’ I was humbled and at a loss for words.

‘My, I thank you for saying that,’ I said. ‘When you said, I know you by heart, I naturally felt like I must have met you before.’ ‘I know you by heart, because I always did the same thing. I always put others first,’ she said. There it was again. ‘Putting others first.’

Then I shared, ‘I heard someone say – what you do for others you do also for yourself.’

‘I am living proof of that,’ she said. ‘You see, after all that time, after all that caring it all came back to me. People like you now visit me and I know you by heart.’

Written by Bob Perks

~~~

“Great opportunities to help others seldom come, but small ones surround us every day.”

Sally Koch

~~~

Want to Stay Stressed?

You’ll have no trouble if you practice the following clinically proven methods:

Never Exercise – Exercise wastes a lot of time that could be spent worrying.

Eat Anything You Want – Hey, if cigarette smoke can’t cleanse your system, a balanced diet isn’t likely to.

Gain Weight – Work hard at staying at least 25% over your recommended weight.

Take Plenty of Stimulants – The old standards of caffeine, nicotine, sugar, and cola will continue to do the job just fine.

Avoid Relaxation Practices – Ignore the evidence suggesting that meditation, yoga, deep breathing, and/or mental imaging help to reduce stress. The ‘perpetual work’ ethic is good for staying stressed.

Get Rid of Your Social Support System – Let the few friends who are willing to tolerate you know that you concern yourself with friendships only if you have time, and you never have time. If a few people persist in trying to be your friend, avoid them.

Personalize All Criticism – Anyone who criticizes any aspect of your work, family, dog, house, or car is mounting a personal attack. Don’t take time to listen, be offended, then return the attack!

Males and Females Alike – Be Macho. Never ever ask for help, and if you want it done right, do it yourself!

Become a Workaholic – Put work before everything else, and be sure to take work home evenings and weekends. Keep reminding yourself that vacations are for sissies.

Discard Good Time Management Skills – Schedule in more activities every day than you can possibly get done and then worry about it all whenever you get a chance.

Procrastinate – Putting things off to the last second always produces a marvelous amount of stress.

Worry about Things You Can’t Control – Worry about the stock market, earthquakes, the approaching Ice Age, you know, all the big issues.

Become Not Only a Perfectionist But Set Impossibly High Standards – and either beat yourself up, or feel guilty, depressed, discouraged, and/or inadequate when you don’t meet them.

Throw Out Your Sense of Humor – Staying stressed is no laughing matter, and it shouldn’t be treated as one.

~~~

If you have trouble getting your children’s attention, just sit down and look comfortable.

~~~

During the Second World War, when many young men were being trained for combat, they were stationed in the south, and it was the custom for some of the local residents to offer some Southern Hospitality to our fighting men.

One day, in a camp that will remain nameless, the phone rang; a woman at a local woman’s school offered to entertain a dozen soldiers at a party being held the upcoming weekend, and would the captain send some of her best behaved men over? The captain agreed, but before he could finalize the agreements, the woman made a request: “Please, suh, don’t send any Jewish boys.”

The captain agreed … no Jews.

The day of the party, the soldiers were dropped off at the school, and knocked on the door. The hostess opened the door … to the sight of a dozen Black soldiers, all in dress uniforms.

“Why, th-there m-must be some kind of m-mistake,” she stammered.

“No, ma’am,” said one of the soldiers, “Captain Rabinowitz, he doesn’t make mistakes.”

~~~

The greatest test of courage on the earth is to bear defeat without losing heart.

R. G. Ingersoll

~~~

In a very exclusive private school near California’s Silicon Valley, a third-grade teacher was lecturing her upper-high-class students about the less fortunate.  She asked them each to write an essay about a poor family in the area.

One little girl’s paper began: “Once upon a time there was a poor family. The father was poor. The mother was poor.  The children were poor. The nannies were poor.  The pool man was poor. The personal trainer was poor. The gardeners were poor. . . . . This was a very poor family!

~~~

“The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible.”

George Burns.

~~~

“I am only one, but I am one. I cannot do everything, but I can do something. And I will not let what I cannot do interfere with what I can do.”

Edward Everett Hale

~~~

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than twenty years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@comcast.net. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are hundreds of  readers from around the world.

What do you do?

Ray’s Daily

February 3, 2021

http://rays-daily.com

“No matter how busy you may think you are, you must find time for reading, or surrender yourself to self-chosen ignorance.”

Confucius

I had a great day yesterday, I got to visit my wife in her long term care facility for the first time in months. It went well, her memory loss has not dampained her affection. I now will be able to visit her often as I have been designated as one of her caregivers. I am being regukarly tested to make sure I am Covid free and am grateful to our residents executive director for her making this possible. I am off to a early doctor appointment so here is another reprint.

Ray’s Daily first published on February 3, 2009

I had lunch with a friend the other day and we talked about how frustrating it gets when there is something we know we would like to do and should do but we are so busy with other stuff that we think we have to do that we never get the good stuff done. It is the age old story of doing those things that sound critical (do it now stuff) but are not all that important instead of our doing those things that really are important but don’t have to be done right now. Unfortunately too many of the important things that are waiting until they become do “right now” things just linger and like a stone in your shoe create continued discomfort.

I feel especially guilty about my falling into this trap so often as I am my own boss and can make my own decisions and yet I still find myself saying yes more than I should, trying to read every page of every magazine I get, trying to learn more than I have time to study, and on and on. But I am getting better, and you know what? Every time I get something done that really is important I get a big boost. I have found that it is much more fun to get pleasure from something done, even if no one ever knows I did it, then feeling low because of all the things unfinished still on my plate.

I am sure few of you have the problem, but if you do you might benefit from some of Gretchen Rubin’s wisdom, here is what she offers:

Don’t confuse what you must do with what you choose to do. For example:

You don’t have to carry around a bottle of water.

You don’t have to finish a magazine before you throw it away.

You don’t have to dress to express your individuality.

You don’t have to drink wine with dinner.

You don’t have to carry a wallet.

You don’t have to watch reality TV.

You don’t have to take a shower every day.

You don’t have to check your email every minute.

You don’t have to answer your phone.

You don’t have to send out holiday cards.

You don’t have to read or watch crime reports.

You don’t have to keep up with sports news or celebrity gossip.

You don’t have to have house plants.

You don’t have to wear uncomfortable shoes.

~~~

You do have to keep some cash around at all times.

You do have to call when you’re going to be late.

You do have to remember the birthdays of your immediate family.

You do have to back up your computer files.

You do have to exercise regularly.

You do have to keep a cache of toilet paper in the house.

You do have to keep your phone charged.

You do have to keep a spare key.

~~~

“A man who is very busy seldom changes his opinions.”

Friedrich Nietzsche

~~~

Some advice from my personal trainer:

Q: I’ve heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?

A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that’s it… don’t waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that’s like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.

Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?

A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable slop.

Q: Is beer or wine bad for me?

A: Look, it goes to the earlier point about fruits and vegetables. As we all know, scientists divide everything in the world into three categories: animal, mineral, and vegetable. We all know that beer and wine are not animal, and they are not on the periodic table of elements, so that only leaves one thing, right? My advice: Have a burger and a beer and enjoy your liquid vegetables.

Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?

A: Well, if you have a body, and you have body fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.

Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?

A: Can’t think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain… Good.

Q: Aren’t fried foods bad for you?

A: You’re not listening. Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they’re permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?

Q: What’s the secret to healthy eating?

A: Thicker gravy.

Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?

A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.

Q: Is chocolate bad for me?

A: Are you crazy? Hello… Cocoa beans?!… Another vegetable! It’s the best feel good food around!

Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets. Have a cookie… flour is a veggie!

One more thing… “When life hands you lemons, ask for a bottle of tequila and salt.”

~~~

~~~

Of all the liars in the world, sometimes the worst are your own fears.

Rudyard Kipling

~~~

Woman phones up her husband at work for a chat.

Husband: “I’m sorry dear, but I’m up to my neck in work today.”

Wife: “But I’ve got some good news and some bad news for you, dear.”

Husband: “Okay, darling, but as I’ve got very little time now, so just give me the good news.”

Wife: “Well, the air bag works.”

~~~

Did you really think Mr. Rogers wanted you or me as a neighbor?

~~~

“Oh, No!” he gasped as he surveyed the disaster before him. Never in his 40 years of life had he seen anything like it. How anyone could have survived he did not know. He could only hope that somewhere amid the overwhelming destruction he would find his 16-year-old son. Only the slim hope of finding Danny kept him from turning and fleeing the scene. He took a deep breath and proceeded. Walking was virtually impossible with so many things strewn across his path. He moved ahead slowly.

“Danny! Danny!” he whispered to himself. He tripped and almost fell several times. He heard someone, or something, move. At least he thought he did. Perhaps, he was just hoping he did. He shook his head and felt his gut tighten. He couldn’t understand how this could have happened. There was some light but not enough to see very much. Something cold and wet brushed against his hand. He jerked it away. In desperation, he took another step then cried out, “Danny!”

From a nearby pile of unidentified material, he heard his son. “Yes, Dad,” he said, in a voice so weak it could hardly be heard.

“It’s time to get up and get ready for school,” the man sighed, “and, for heaven’s sake, clean up this room.”

~~~

Life is like a game of cards.

The hand that is dealt you represents determinism; the way you play it is free will.

Jawaharlal Nehru

~~~

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than twenty years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@comcast.net. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are hundreds of  readers from around the world.

Thank You All

Ray’s Daily

February 2, 2021

http://rays-daily.com

“Anything is possible when you have the right people there to support you.”

Misty Copeland

I have been overwhelmed by the nearly 150 birthday greetings I have received in the last few days. As I think I said yesterday I plan to continue to make the best of the rest of my life. I don’t mind being a young 86 year old. I have found that life is best when you don’t let it take you down.

I have found that one of the secrets of the good life is having caring friends like so many of you. I think that making and keeping friends along with a caring family makes for happy lives. It is not easy these days with the pandemic and the conflict around us. It is important that we don’t let external events take us down.

Here are some thoughts I extracted from a recent article by Marc Chernoff that are worth our remembering.

Now would also be an opportune time to remind yourself of some key truths we tend to deny when we’re stuck too deep in our own heads…

  • There’s a lot about our lives we absolutely can’t control. – You cannot control everything that happens in life, but you can control how you respond.  In your response is your greatest power.
  • Our expectations often make us utterly unhappy. – Happiness is letting go of what you assume your life is supposed to be like right now and sincerely appreciating it for everything that it is.
  • A moment spent worrying is a moment wasted. – Worrying will never change the outcome.  Do more, worry less.  Train your mind to see the lesson in every situation, and then make the best of it.
  • Success easily gets to our heads, and failure easily gets to our hearts. – Our character is often revealed at our highs and lows.  Be humble at the mountaintops.  Be steadfast in the valleys.  Be faithful in between.
  • Most of us don’t need more to be happy – we need less. – When things aren’t adding up in your life, begin subtracting.  Life gets a lot simpler when you clear the clutter (mental and physical) that makes it complicated. 
  • Most of the arguments we have with one another are pointless. – Be selective in your battles.  Oftentimes peace is better than being right.  You simply don’t need to attend every argument you’re invited to.
  • It’s easier to hold on to the way things are than it is to let go and grow. – Letting go and moving forward means coming to the realization that some things are a part of your history, but not a part of your destiny.

~~~

Some people go to priests. Others to poetry. I to my friends.”

Virginia Woolf

~~~

“Chocolate Rules”

If you’ve got melted chocolate all over your hands, you’re eating it too slowly.

Chocolate covered raisins, cherries, orange slices & strawberries all count as fruit, so eat as many as you want.

The problem: How to get 2 pounds of chocolate home from the store in hot car. The solution: Eat it in the parking lot.

Diet tip: Eat a chocolate bar before each meal. It’ll take the edge off your appetite and you’ll eat less.

A nice box of chocolates can provide your total daily intake of calories in one place. Isn’t that handy?

If you can’t eat all your chocolate, it will keep in the freezer. But if you can’t eat all your chocolate, what is wrong with you?

If calories are an issue, store your chocolate on top of the fridge. Calories are afraid of heights, and they will jump out of the chocolate to protect themselves.

If you eat equal amounts of dark chocolate and white chocolate, is that a balanced diet?

Money talks. Chocolate sings.

Chocolate has many preservatives. Preservatives make you look younger.

Q. Why is there no such organization as Chocoholics Anonymous? A. Because no one wants to quit.

If not for chocolate, there would be no need for control top pantyhose. An entire garment industry would be devastated.

Put “eat chocolate” at the top of your list of things to do today. That way, at least you’ll get one thing done.

~~~

FAILURE IS NOT AN OPTION! It comes bundled with the software.

~~~

An elderly couple, Marty and Helen, along with some friends agreed to try a Thai Restaurant. While looking at the menu, Helen noticed her husband looking at the vegetarian section of the menu. “What would you like Marty?” She asked. “I’m looking at this Eggplant Spicy dish.” He replied.

“Marty, you like meat and potatoes. You won’t like that dish.” Helen said.

“What do you know,” answered Marty, “I’m getting it.”

“Marty, I’m telling’ you, you are a meat and potatoes kind of guy.

You won’t like it!” Helen exclaimed.

“I’m getting it and that is the last word!” says Marty.

A short while later the meals arrive at the table. Marty looks down and his dish and says to Helen, “Where are my eggs?”

~~~

It is far easier to leave angry words unspoken than to mend the heart those words have broken.

~~~

A man stubbed his toe so badly he decided to go to the doctor. When he arrived at the office, the nurse directed him to remove all his clothes and wait in the next room.

“I just hurt my toe,” complained the man. “Why do I need to take off my clothes?”

“Everyone who sees the doctor has to undress,” explained the nurse politely. “It’s our policy.”

“Well, I think it’s a stupid policy! Making me undress just to look at my toe! Geeez!”

From the next room another man’s voice piped up. . . “That’s nothing! I just came here to fix the telephone!”

~~~

Celibacy is not hereditary.

~~~

During the final exam, the professor noticed that Billy Walters kept looking at his hand before writing down an answer on his test. This went on throughout the entire exam, leaving the professor no other choice than to interrogate the student’s test-taking habit.

“Mr. Walters,” the professor began. “Is there something interesting written on your palm?”

“Not at all,” Billy replied. “It’s all pretty boring.”

~~~

If you don’t know where you are going, you might wind up someplace else.

Yogi Berra

~~~

One time when I was home visiting my folks, my mom asked me to set the table for dinner. I opened the refrigerator and taped to the inside of the door was a risque picture of a lovely, slender, perfectly built, but scantily-clad young woman.

“Mom, what’s this?” I asked.

“Oh, I put that up there to remind me not to over-eat,” she answered.

“Is it working?” I asked.

“Yes and no,” she explained. “I’ve lost 15 pounds, but your dad has gained 20!”

~~~

If ignorance is bliss, why aren’t more people happy?

~~~

An old, tired looking dog wandered into the yard. I could tell from his collar and well-fed belly that he had a home. He followed me into the house, down the hall and fell asleep in a corner. An hour later, he went to the door and I let him out. The next day, he was back. He resumed his position in the hall and slept for an hour. This continued for several weeks. Curious, I pinned a note to his collar that said, “Every afternoon, your dog comes to my house for a nap.”

The next day, he arrived with a different note pinned to his collar. It said, “He lives in a home with ten children. He’s trying to catch up on his sleep. Can I come with him tomorrow?!”

~~~

“There are three things that grow more precious with age; old wood to burn, old books to read, and old friends to enjoy.”

Henry Ford

~~~

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than twenty years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@comcast.net. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are hundreds of  readers from around the world.

Life Goes On

February 1, 2021

http://rays-daily.com

“The great thing about getting older is that you don’t lose all the other ages you’ve been.”

Madeleine L’Engle,

Today I am 86 years old for only the second day. While my body reminds me that I am far from being as spry as I once was my mind thinks I am about as capable as I always have been. My mind is not all that right as there are some things hard to remember.

The one thing for sure is that today is the first day of the rest of my life and I intend to make the best of the days ahead. While my children are on the cusps of seniorhood they are doing well as are my seven grandchildren. My greatgrandchildren spend their days giving pleasure to others, I am sorry I don’t get to see them these days.. While I am separated from my wife after our 67 years of marriage she is close by in her long term care facility and is well taken care of.

It has not always been easy but we have been able to deal with it all. Things could not have been much better. Here is a poem that explains how to make the best of the cards we are dealt.

Oh, and by the way all the birthday greetings I received made my day yesterday, thanks everyone.

Stick to it

When things go wrong as they sometimes will,

When the road you’re trudging seems all uphill.

When the funds are low and the debts are high,

And you want to smile but you have to sigh.

When care is pressing you down a bit,

Rest if you must, but don’t you quit.

Life is queer with its twists and turns,

As everyone of us sometimes learns.

And many a fellow turns about,

When he might have won had he stuck it out.

Don’t give up though the pace seems slow,

You may succeed with another blow.

Often the goal is nearer than

It seems to a faint and faltering man.

Often the struggler has given up,

When he might have captured the victor’s cup.

And he learned too late when the night came down,

How close he was to the golden crown.

Success is failure turned inside out,

The silver tint of the clouds of doubt.

And you never can tell how close you are,

It may be near when it seems afar.

So stick to the fight when you’re hardest hit,

It’s when things seem worst that you mustn’t quit.

Author Unknown

~~~

“You can’t help getting older, but you don’t have to get old.”

George Burns

~~~

An airline pilot was scheduled to take a flight from New York to Los Angeles. The weather was too bad in New York to allow his usual on time departure.

The weather in New York finally cleared and the pilot asked for his departure clearance. He was very dismayed to hear that he had another delay due to the increased traffic now leaving New York.

Sometime later he finally received his clearance and decided he would try to make up the time lost by asking for a direct route to Los Angeles. Halfway across the country he was told to turn due South.

Knowing that this turn would now throw him further behind schedule he inquired, quite agitated, to the controller for the reason of the turn off course. The controller replied that the turn was for noise abatement.

The pilot was infuriated and said to the controller, “Look buddy, I am already way behind schedule with all the delays you guys have given me today. I really don’t see how I could be causing a noise problem for pedestrians when I am over six miles above the earth!”

The controller answered in a calm voice, “Apparently, Captain, you have never heard two 747s collide!”

~~~

“When the archer misses the mark, he turns and looks for the fault within himself.  Failure to hit the bull’s eye is never the fault of the target.  To improve your aim — improve yourself.”

Gilbert Garland

~~~

A woman who plays cards one night a month with a group of friends was concerned that she always woke up her husband when she came home around 11:30. One night she decided to try not to rouse him. She undressed in the living room and, purse over arm, tiptoed nude into the bedroom – only to find her husband sitting up in bed reading.  

“Dammit woman!” he exclaimed. “Did you lose everything?”  

~~~

My mail is a little slow.  Last month my flower seeds came as a bouquet.

~~~

The Politically Correct National Football League would like to announce its name changes and schedules for the ’03/04 season:

The Washington Native Americans will host the New York Very Tall People on opening day.  Other key games include the Dallas Western-Style Laborers hosting the St. Louis Uninvited Guests, and the Minnesota Plundering Norsemen taking on the Green Bay Meat Industry Workers.

In Week 2, there are several key matchups, highlighted by the showdown between the San Francisco Precious Metal Enthusiasts and the New Orleans Pretty Good People. The Atlanta Birds of Prey will play host to the Philadelphia Birds of Prey, while the Seattle Birds of Prey will visit the Phoenix Male Finches.

The Monday night game will pit the Miami Pelagic Percoid Food Fishes against the Denver Untamed Beasts of Burden. The Cincinnati Large Bangladeshi Carnivorous Mammals will travel to Tampa Bay for a clash with the West Indies Free booters later in Week 9. And the Detroit Large Carnivorous Cats will play the Chicago Securities-Traders-in-a-Declining-Market.

Week 9 also features the Indianapolis Young Male Horses at the New England Zealous Lovers of Country.

~~~

Misers aren’t much fun to live with, but they make great ancestors.

~~~

There are only two kinds of drivers: Idiots and Maniacs.

Idiots include anyone that drives slower than me, and the Maniacs are everyone that drives faster than me.

~~~

A Sunday school teacher said to her children, “We have been learning how powerful kings and queens were in Bible times. But, there is a higher power. Can anybody tell me what it is?”

One child blurted out, “Aces!”

~~~

To fight fear, act. To increase fear—wait, put off, postpone.

David J. Schwartz

~~~

My niece, pregnant with her second child, was certain she wanted an epidural for pain management during childbirth. Her doctor asked her at which stage of labor she wanted the epidural administered.  

Her response: “Just meet me in the parking lot!”  

~~~

I value the friend who for me finds time on his calendar, but I cherish the friend who for me does not consult his calendar.

Robert Brault

~~~

The guest lecturer to a famous Medical College stopped by the bulletin board on his way to the lecture room.

Listed for the day was the topic, “Surprises in Obstetrics.” Scrawled under it in pencil were the words,

“Mary had a little lamb.”

~~~

“Why are people afraid of getting older? You feel wiser. You feel more mature. You feel like you know yourself better. You would trade that for softer skin? Not me!”

Anna Kournikova,

~~~

the target.  To improve your aim — improve yourself.”

Gilbert Garland

~~~

A woman who plays cards one night a month with a group of friends was concerned that she always woke up her husband when she came home around 11:30. One night she decided to try not to rouse him. She undressed in the living room and, purse over arm, tiptoed nude into the bedroom – only to find her husband sitting up in bed reading.  

“Dammit woman!” he exclaimed. “Did you lose everything?”  

~~~

My mail is a little slow.  Last month my flower seeds came as a bouquet.

~~~

The Politically Correct National Football League would like to announce its name changes and schedules for the ’03/04 season:

The Washington Native Americans will host the New York Very Tall People on opening day.  Other key games include the Dallas Western-Style Laborers hosting the St. Louis Uninvited Guests, and the Minnesota Plundering Norsemen taking on the Green Bay Meat Industry Workers.

In Week 2, there are several key matchups, highlighted by the showdown between the San Francisco Precious Metal Enthusiasts and the New Orleans Pretty Good People. The Atlanta Birds of Prey will play host to the Philadelphia Birds of Prey, while the Seattle Birds of Prey will visit the Phoenix Male Finches.

The Monday night game will pit the Miami Pelagic Percoid Food Fishes against the Denver Untamed Beasts of Burden. The Cincinnati Large Bangladeshi Carnivorous Mammals will travel to Tampa Bay for a clash with the West Indies Free booters later in Week 9. And the Detroit Large Carnivorous Cats will play the Chicago Securities-Traders-in-a-Declining-Market.

Week 9 also features the Indianapolis Young Male Horses at the New England Zealous Lovers of Country.

~~~

Misers aren’t much fun to live with, but they make great ancestors.

~~~

There are only two kinds of drivers: Idiots and Maniacs.

Idiots include anyone that drives slower than me, and the Maniacs are everyone that drives faster than me.

~~~

A Sunday school teacher said to her children, “We have been learning how powerful kings and queens were in Bible times. But, there is a higher power. Can anybody tell me what it is?”

One child blurted out, “Aces!”

~~~

To fight fear, act. To increase fear—wait, put off, postpone.

David J. Schwartz

~~~

My niece, pregnant with her second child, was certain she wanted an epidural for pain management during childbirth. Her doctor asked her at which stage of labor she wanted the epidural administered.  

Her response: “Just meet me in the parking lot!”  

~~~

I value the friend who for me finds time on his calendar, but I cherish the friend who for me does not consult his calendar.

Robert Brault

~~~

The guest lecturer to a famous Medical College stopped by the bulletin board on his way to the lecture room.

Listed for the day was the topic, “Surprises in Obstetrics.” Scrawled under it in pencil were the words,

“Mary had a little lamb.”

~~~

“Why are people afraid of getting older? You feel wiser. You feel more mature. You feel like you know yourself better. You would trade that for softer skin? Not me!”

Anna Kournikova,

~~~

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than twenty years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@comcast.net. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are hundreds of  readers from around the world.

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