Ray's musings and humor

Archive for December, 2020

Things Are Better Than We Realize

Ray’s Daily

December 14, 2020


“Train your mind to see the good in every situation.”

These days I feel like a hermit. I miss being able to visit with my wife. I miss not being able to see my grandchildren and great grandchildren. I miss not being able to visit with friends. I miss not being able to interact with my neighbors. I, like so many others are locked down in order to avoid the COVID-19 virus. But:

  • I am well fed while thousands of others go hungry
  • I have a warm and comfortable place to live while thousands are homeless
  • I have children who help my wife and me with our needs while others have no one
  • I am virus free while millions of others suffer the raviges of disease
  • I have adequate resources while thousands of others have lost their income and savings

So even during these tough times I have a lot to be thankful for.

Promise yourself

To be so strong that nothing can disturb your peace of mind.

To talk health, happiness, and prosperity to every person you meet.

To make all your friends feel that there is something in them.

To look at the sunny side of everything and make your optimism come true.

To think only the best, to work only for the best, and to expect only the best.

To be just as enthusiastic about the success of others as you are about your own.

To forget the mistakes of the past and press on to the greater achievements of the future.

To wear a cheerful countenance at all times and give every living creature you meet a smile.

To give so much time to the improvement of yourself that you have no time to criticize others.

To be too large for worry, too noble for anger, too strong for fear; and too happy to permit the presence of trouble.

To think well of yourself and to proclaim this fact to the world, not in loud words, but in great deeds.

To live in the faith that the whole world is on your side so long as you are true to the best that is in you.

C.D. Larson


“Say something positive, and you’ll see something positive.”

Jim Thompson


Pete and Gladys were looking at a new living room suite in the furniture store.  Pete says to the salesman, “We really like it, but I don’t think we can afford it.”

The salesman says, “You just make a small down payment.  Then you don’t make another payment for six months.”
Gladys wheeled around with her hands on her hips and says, “Who told you about us?”


A newly married man asks his wife, “Would you have married me if my father hadn’t left me a fortune?”
“Darling,” the woman replies sweetly, “I’d have married you no matter who left a you a fortune.”

A lot of trouble in this world is caused by combining a narrow mind with a wide mouth.

At the airport for a business trip, I settled down to wait for the boarding announcement at Gate 35. Then I heard the voice on the public address system saying, “We apologize for the inconvenience, but Delta Flight 570 will board from Gate 41.”

So my family picked up our luggage and carried it over to Gate 41. Not ten minutes later the public address voice told us that Flight 570 would in fact be boarding from Gate 35.

So again we gathered our carry-on luggage and returned to the original gate. Just as we were settling down, the public address voice spoke again: “Thank you for participating in Delta’s physical fitness program.”


A reporter was interviewing a 104-year-young woman. “And what do you think is the best thing about 104?” the journalist asked.

“No peer pressure,” she replied.

Differences Between You and Your Boss…
When you take a long time, you’re slow.
When your boss takes a long time, he’s thorough…
When you don’t do it, you’re lazy.
When your boss doesn’t do it, he’s too busy…
When you make a mistake, you’re an idiot.
When your boss makes a mistake, he’s only human…
When doing something without being told, you’re overstepping your authority.
When your boss does the same thing, that’s initiative…
When you take a stand, you’re being bull-headed.
When your boss does it, he’s being firm…
When you overlooked a rule of etiquette, you’re being rude.
When your boss skips a few rules, he’s being original…
When you please your boss, you’re apple polishing.
When your boss pleases his boss, he’s being co-operative…
When you’re out of the office, you’re wandering around.
When your boss is out of the office, he’s on business…
When you’re on a day off sick, you’re always sick.
When your boss is a day off sick, he must be very ill…
When you apply for leave, you must be going for an interview.
When your boss applies for leave, it’s because he’s overworked…


A well adjusted woman is one who not only knows what she wants for her birthday, but even knows what she’s going to exchange it for.


A man goes to the track and sees a Priest blessing a horse before a race and quickly goes to the ticket window and bets. The horse wins. He watches the Priest carefully for the next four races, and continues to win, until he has quite a small fortune. He decides to bet it all on one last race.

Before the horse crosses the finish line however, it drops dead. The man rushes up to the Priest, confronts him with what he’s seen and demands an explanation.

The Priest just shakes his head sadly and says, “That’s one of the problems with you Protestants. You don’t know the difference between a blessing and the last rites.”

In times of prosperity men ask too little of God. In times of adversity, they ask too much.

Top brass from the Army, Navy and Marine Corps were arguing about who had the bravest troops. They decided to settle the dispute using an enlisted man from each branch.

The Army General called a private over and ordered him to climb to the top of the base flagpole while singing “The Caissons Go Rolling Along,” then let go with both hands, and salute. The private quickly complied.

Next, the Admiral ordered a sailor to climb the pole, polish the brass knob at the top, sing “Anchors Aweigh,” salute smartly and jump off. The sailor did as he was told and landed on the concrete below.

Finally, the marine was told to do exactly as the army and navy men had done, but in full battle gear, pack filled with bricks, loaded weapon carried high. He took one look at the Marine General and said, “You’re out of your mind, sir!”

The marine commander turned to the others. “Now THAT’S guts!”


. “Inspiration comes from within yourself. One has to be positive. When you’re positive, good things happen.”

Deep Roy


Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than twenty years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.


Aging Gracefuly

Ray’s Daily

December 11, 2020


“The longer I live, the more beautiful life becomes.”

Frank Lloyd Wright

You know what I don’t understand is why some folks seem to go through life always complaining. At my age I don’t have time to waste focusing on my maladies or limitations. I am aware of the changes that have come with aging but letting them change my behavior would be of no value.

As my wife and I have had to learn to deal with our separation now that she has meved to an extended care facility, we are doing OK. She is getting the professional help needed to make her days as pleasant as possible, and I am grateful for that.

Yes, my days are different now but that does not mean that I won’t be able to enjoy what I have. Many of the folks who are even much older then I am in my community are an inspiration because they stay positive.

Here is a story I may have shared before, it is an example of the way some of my new friends live their lives.

Each day is a gift

A 92-year-old delicate but well-poised and proud man, who is fully dressed each morning by eight o’clock, with his hair fashionably coifed and his face shaved perfectly, even though he is legally blind, moved to a nursing home today.

His wife of 70 years recently passed away, making the move necessary. After many hours of waiting patiently in the lobby of the nursing home, he smiled sweetly when told his room was ready.

As he manoeuvred his walker to the elevator, I provided a visual description of his tiny room, including the eyelet sheets that had been hung on his window.

‘I love it,’ he stated with the enthusiasm of an eight-year-old having just been presented with a new puppy.

‘Mr. Jones, you haven’t seen the room; just wait.’

‘That doesn’t have anything to do with it,’ he replied.

‘Happiness is something you decide on ahead of time. Whether I like my room or not doesn’t depend on how the furniture is arranged … it’s how I arrange my mind. I already decided to love it. ‘It’s a decision I make every morning when I wake up. I have a choice; I can spend the day in bed recounting the difficulty I have with the parts of my body that no longer work, or get out of bed and be thankful for the ones that do.’

‘Each day is a gift, and as long as my eyes open, I’ll focus on the new day and all the happy memories I’ve stored away. Just for this time in my life.’

‘Old age is like a bank account. You withdraw from what you’ve put in.’

‘So, my advice to you would be to deposit a lot of happiness in the bank account of memories! Thank you for your part in filling my Memory bank. I am still depositing.’

Remember these five simple rules to be happy:

1. Free your heart from hatred

2. Free your mind from worries

3. Live simply

4. Give more

5. Expect less

Author Unknown


“There is a fountain of youth: it is your mind, your talents, the creativity you bring to your life and the lives of people you love. When you learn to tap this source, you will truly have defeated age.”

Sophia Loren


Bizarre Courtroom Testimony

Q: You say the stairs went down to the basement?  

A: Yes.  

Q: And these stairs, did they go up also?  

Q: Can you describe the individual?  

A: He was about medium height and had a beard.  

Q: Was this a male, or a female?  

Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?  

A: All my autopsies have been performed on dead people.  

Q: Could you see him from where you were standing?  

A: I could see his head.  

Q: And where was his head?  

A: Just above his shoulders.  

Q: Were you acquainted with the deceased?  

A: Yes, sir.  

Q: Before or after he died?  

Q. Did you ever stay all night with this man in New York?  

A: I refuse to answer that question.  

Q: Did you ever stay all night with this man in Chicago?  

A: I refuse to answer that question.  

Q: Did you ever stay all night with this man in Miami?  

A: No.  


“Most people are so lazy, that they don’t even exercise good judgment!”


Nancy:  Mary, what exactly is an “oxymoron”?

Mary:  It’s a phrase made up of contradictory terms, like “deafening silence.”

Nancy:  Oh, I get it.  Like “Mr. Perfect”!


If you don’t like something, change it. If you can’t change it, change your attitude. Don’t complain.

Maya Angelou


To all those of you taking time off for the holidays, here’s some great suggestions for when you set up your “out of office” auto replies …

  • You are receiving this automatic notification because I am out of the office. If I was in, chances are you wouldn’t have received anything at all.
  • Thank you for your email. Your credit card has been charged $5.99 for the first ten words and $1.99 for each additional word in your message.
  • The e-mail server is unable to verify your server connection and is unable to deliver this message. Please restart your computer and try sending again. (The beauty of this one is that when you return, you can see how many in-duh-viduals did this over and over.)
  • Thank you for your message, which has been added to a queuing system. You are currently in 352nd place, and can expect to receive a reply in approximately 19 weeks.
  • I’ve run away to join a different circus.
  • I am currently out at a job interview and will reply to you if I fail to get the position.
  • I will be out of the office for the next 2 weeks for medical reasons. When I return, please refer to me as ‘Margaret’ instead of ‘Steve’.


“I think animal testing is a terrible idea; they get all nervous and give the wrong answers.”

Joseph Blosephina


An old man strode in to his doctors office and said, “Doc, my druggist said to tell you to change my prescription and to check the prescription you’ve been giving to Mrs. Smith.”

“Oh, he did, did he?” the doctor shot back. “And since when does a druggist second guess a doctor’s orders?”

The old man says, “Since he found out I’ve been on birth control pills since February.”


Make yourself at home. Clean my kitchen.


Playing golf with his buddies, George had to make a slick 25-foot putt. As he lined it up, he announced, “I have a dollar bill that says I can make this putt. Does anyone want to bet?”  

His three friends eagerly agreed to the wager. Too bad, George missed the putt by ten feet, and his friends gathered around to collect their money.  

George pulled out a dollar bill on which he had written, ‘I can make this putt.’  

His pals are still trying to collect on the bet…and George is too.  


Nobody grows old merely by living a number of years. We grow old by deserting our ideals. Years may wrinkle the skin, but to give up enthusiasm wrinkles the soul.”

Samuel Ullman


Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than twenty years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

We Need Them

Ray’s Daily

December 10, 2020


In everyone’s life, at some time, our inner fire goes out.  It is then burst into flame by an encounter with another human being.  We should all be thankful for those people who rekindle the inner spirit.

Albert Schweitzer

I have an early Doctor appointment this morning so we will again visit yester year.

Ray’s Daily first published on December 10, 2004

I think the best times in our lives are when we share experiences with friends and loved ones. Once I realized that almost everyone I meet is a potential friend, life got better. It may start with only a smile, a brief recognition of the value of something they are doing, or an expression of appreciation. I suppose some people would measure friendships by the depth of the relationship, but no matter the degree, friendship always comes from human interaction. It can run anywhere from a relationship where we exchange even our darkest secrets to just a wave of recognition across a room with someone you have seen but never really met.

Unfortunately many people are in our lives for only a brief period of time. I suspect if we thought that each day was the last day we ever would see a friend or acquaintance we might take more time to tell them how much they are appreciated.

I am luckier than most as I am often given the opportunity to renew friendships. Today as an example I will attend the Kiwanis International Christmas luncheon. My years of work at Kiwanis were some of the best years of my life, not just because we were doing so much for children, but also because I had a chance to work with so many good people. Once a year I am invited to join them in a brief celebration of Christmas, which is great in itself. The lunch always includes good food and good sprit. But what makes it special for me is the chance to again spend a few moments with people who meant so much to me for so many years.


A friend is one of the nicest things you can have,

And one of the best things you can be.

Douglas Pagels


The Beatles Updated


All those backups seemed a waste of pay.

Now my database has gone away.

Oh I believe in yesterday.


There’s not half the files there used to be,

And there’s a milestone hanging over me

The system crashed so suddenly.

I pushed something wrong

What it was I could not say.

Now all my data’s gone

and I long for yesterday-ay-ay-ay.


The need for back-ups seemed so far away.

I knew my data was all here to stay,

Now I believe in yesterday.


What is a friend?

A single soul dwelling in two bodies.

Aristotle (384-322 B.C.)


The tensions of life were threatening to get a strangle hold on Bob, and after he’d finished a good dinner, he relaxed mindlessly in a soft chair next to the stereo, with a stiff drink in his hand. His wife knew nothing of his nervous state, and she climbed onto his lap with the thought of trying to wheedle a fur coat out of him, and snuggled and murmured and fondled.

“Good heavens, Ethel,” he exploded, “get off of me! I get enough of this at the office.”


The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing at the right time, but also to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.


My English professor was stopped for speeding. When asked why she was driving so fast, she quoted Robert Frost: “I have promises to keep and miles to go before I sleep.”

“But, Miss,” replied the officer, obviously familiar with the poet, “Frost chose the road less traveled, and, unfortunately for you, this wasn’t it.”


A lawyer asked a boy, who was a witness in court: “Did anyone tell you what to say in court?”

“Yes, sir.”

“I thought so! Who was it?”

“My father, sir.”

“And what did he tell you?”

“He said the lawyers would try to get me all tangled up, but if I stuck to the truth, I would be all right.”


Got kleptomania? Take something for it.


“I never married because there was no need. I have three pets at home which answer the same purpose as a husband. I have a dog that growls every morning, a parrot that swears all afternoon, and a cat that comes home late at night.”

Marie Corelli


Two men were talking about the secret of a long and happy marriage.

“Our marriage” said one “is built on trust and understanding.”

“My wife doesn’t trust me and I don’t understand her.”


Judge: I know you, don’t I?

Defendant: Uh, yes.

Judge: All right, tell me, how do I know you?

Defendant: Judge, do I have to tell you?

Judge: Of course, you might be obstructing justice not to tell me.

Defendant: Okay. I was your bookie.


There are two kinds of people: those who do the work, and those who take the credit. Try to be in the first group; there is less competition there.

Indira Gandhi


A man left for work one Friday afternoon. But it was payday, so instead of going home, he stayed out the entire weekend partying with the boys and spending his entire pay check.

When he finally appeared at home on Sunday night, he was confronted by his angry wife and was barraged for nearly two hours with a tirade befitting his actions. Finally his wife stopped the nagging and said to him, “How would you like it if you didn’t see me for two or three days?” He replied, “That would be fine with me.”

Monday went by and he didn’t see his wife. Tuesday and Wednesday came and went with the same results. But on Thursday, the swelling went down just enough where he could see her a little out of the corner of his eye.


“The other day when I was walking through the woods, I saw a rabbit standing in front of a candle making shadows of people on a tree.”

Steven Wright


You can make more friends in a month by being interested in them

Than in ten years by trying to get them interested in you.

 Charles Allen


Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than twenty years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

Don’t Wait

Ray’s Daily

December 9, 2020


“Don’t put off for tomorrow what you can do today because if you enjoy it today, you can do it again tomorrow.”

James A. Michener

What I don’t understand is why with so much time on my hands why it is so easy to delay things I should be doing. I too often succumb to the siren song of procrastination. It seems if I delay until tomorrow tomorrow  never comes.

I am afraid in my case I always seem to wait to the last minute to get things done and it is still how I often behave. The crazy thing is that I usually find that my tasks are easily done. I definitely am going to change my ways, tomorrow. Here is an abridged article that may help.

How to Get Things Done During COVID-19.

Gretchen Rubin

Tips to help you focus and get things done during COVID-19:

Often we procrastinate because it’s so hard to get started. To fight this, break a task into manageable pieces. Push yourself to accomplish just one step today. Tomorrow, another step. Once we get started, it’s much easier to continue.

Work uninterrupted for realistic blocks of time—25 minutes, 50 minutes. Then take a 10-minute break. This is sometimes called the “pomodoro method.”

Protect yourself from interruption. Talk to your family about respecting your “do-not-disturb” time. If possible, work in a space where you’re alone.

Protect yourself from the temptations of the internet. Use programs like Freedom, RescueTime or Self Control to disconnect from the internet or from certain particularly distracting websites. Turn off notifications on your phone. Don’t check social media during work time.

Set aside a specific time for a task you’ve been putting off, and during that time, don’t allow yourself to do anything else.

Schedule a dreaded task for a time when your energy and focus is high. If you’re a morning person like me, do it first thing in the morning. If you’re a night person, perhaps after lunch is better.

Ask for help. Often we procrastinate because we’re not exactly sure how to proceed. Ask yourself, “Could someone help me move forward? What information would make it easier to take the next step?”

We procrastinate more when we’re feeling low-energy. Make sure you’re getting enough sleep and some exercise to keep your energy and your self-control high.


“Concentrate all your thoughts upon the work in hand. The sun’s rays do not burn until brought to a focus.”

Alexander Graham Bell


“Think of the long view of life, not just what’s going to happen today or tomorrow. Don’t give up what you most want in life for something you think you want now.”

Elder Richard G. Scott



c/o Mattel, Inc.

El Segundo, CA 90245

Santa Claus

North Pole, North Pole

Dear Santa,

Listen you ugly little troll, I’ve been helping you out every year, playing at being the perfect Christmas present, wearing skimpy bathing suits in frigid weather, and drowning in fake tea from one too many tea parties, and I hate to break it to ya Santa, but IT’S DEFINITELY PAYBACK TIME! There had better be some changes around here this Christmas, or I’m gonna call for a nationwide meltdown (and trust me, you won’t wanna be around to smell it). So, here’s my holiday wish list for 2007:

1. A nice, comfy pair of sweat pants and a frumpy, oversized sweatshirt. I’m sick of looking like a hooker. How much smaller are these bathing suits gonna get? Do you have any idea what it feels like to have nylon and Velcro crawling up your butt?

2. Real underwear that can be pulled on and off. Preferably white. What bonehead at Mattel decided to cheap out and MOLD imitation underwear to my skin?!? It looks like cellulite!

3. A REAL man…maybe GI Joe. Hell, I’d take Tickle-Me Elmo over that wimped-out excuse for a boytoy, Ken. And what’s with that earring anyway? If I’m gonna have to suffer with him, at least make him (and me) anatomically correct.

4. Arms that actually bend so I can push the aforementioned Ken-wimp away once he is anatomically correct.

5. Breast reduction surgery. I don’t care whose arm you have to twist, get it done.

6. A jogbra. To wear until I get the surgery.

7. A new career. pet doctor and school teacher just don’t cut it. How about a systems analyst? Or better yet, a public relations senior account exec!

8. A new, more 2008 persona. Maybe “PMS Barbie”, complete with a miniature container of chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream and a bag of chips; “Animal Rights Barbie” with my very own paint gun, outfitted with a fake fur coat, bottle of spray on blood and handcuffs; or a “Stop Smoking Barbie” sporting a removable Nicotrol patch and equipped with several packs of gum.

9. No more McDonald’s endorsements. The grease is wrecking my vinyl.

10. Mattel stock options. It’s been 37 years. I deserve it.

OK, Santa, that’s it. Considering my valuable contribution to society, I don’t think these requests are out of line. If you disagree, then you can find yourself a new bitch for next Christmas.

It’s that simple.

Yours truly, Barbie


Learn from the mistakes of others. Trust me … you can’t live long enough to make them all yourself. I’ve tried!!


“I just hope it’s not Alzheimer’s,” confessed the gentleman to his doctor.

“Maybe there’s some kind of memory medicine you can give me. See, I’m getting terribly forgetful; I lose track of where I’m going or what I’m supposed to do when I get there. What should I do?” he asked glumly.

“Pay me in advance,” the doctor promptly suggested.


Courage doesn’t always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, “I’ll try again tomorrow.”

Maryanne Radmacher


An honest seven-year-old admitted calmly to her parents Johnnie had kissed her after class.

“How did that happen?” gasped her mother.

It wasn’t easy,” admitted the young lady, “but three other girls helped me catch him.”


Today’s subliminal message is ” “


A troop of Boy Scouts was being used as “guinea pigs” in a test of emergency systems. A mock earthquake was staged, and the Scouts impersonated wounded persons who were to be picked up and cared for by the emergency units.

One Scout was supposed to lie on the ground and await his rescuers, but the first-aid people got behind schedule, and the Scout lay “wounded” for several hours. When the first-aid squad arrived where the casualty was supposed to be, they found nothing but a brief note: “Have bled to death and gone home.”


“The really happy people are those who have broken the chains of procrastination, those who find satisfaction in doing the job at hand. They’re full of eagerness, zest, productivity. You can be, too.”

Norman Vincent Peale


Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than twenty years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

How Will We Be Remembered

Ray’s Daily

December 8, 2020


“That is your legacy on this Earth when you leave this Earth: how many hearts you touched.”

Patti Davis

It seems to me that we all are being tested these days. To a large extent it is our behavior that will determine how we will be remembered. Of even more importance it is that what we do determines how we feel about our own selves.

What I have appreciated the most about my favorite people has been their concern for others. It has been their helpfulness and kindness that I will always remember. While I don’t think I deserve any kudos, I know I try to avoid creating animonisty and anger. I know there is still more I can do and that there is still time to do it.

Here is a story about how one man created one of the worlds greatest legacies.


More than a decade ago, a man was reading his morning newspaper. To his surprise and horror, he read his name in the obituary column. The news papers had mistakenly reported the death of the wrong person for sure. He was shocked to read news headline  about his death. When he regained his composure, He read it to find out what people had said about him.

The obituary included sentences like, “Dynamite King Dies.” and “He was the merchant of death.”. The man was the inventor of dynamite and when he read the words “merchant of death,” he asked himself a question,

“Is this how I am going to be remembered?” he asked himself. He decided that this was not the way he wanted to be remembered and he decided to change.

From that day on, he started working toward world peace. His name was Alfred Nobel and he is remembered today by the great Nobel Prize, the greatest of all the prizes.

The Nobel Prize has been honoring men and women from all corners of the globe for outstanding achievements in physics, chemistry, medicine, literature, and for work in peace since 1901. The foundations for the prize were laid in 1895 when Alfred Nobel wrote his last will, leaving much of his wealth to the establishment of the Nobel Prize.

Moral : It is never late to start over.


“All good men and women must take responsibility to create legacies that will take the next generation to a level we could only imagine.”

Jim Rohn


A man was lying on the psychiatrist’s couch as his therapist addressed him.

“Well, Jim. I’m pleased to announce that this will be our final session. I believe that you finally are cured of your paranoia.”

“Yes, doctor. I am.”

“I remember how you used to think that men in black were following you everywhere. But you don’t believe that anymore, do you?”

“No, doctor. I don’t”

“I remember also how you used to think that black helicopters were hovering over your house. But you don’t believe that anymore either, do you?”

“No, doctor. I don’t”

“Finally, I remember how you used to think that CIA agents were monitoring your mail, bugging your phone, and snooping into your affairs. But you don’t believe that anymore either, do you?”

“No, doctor. I don’t. Thanks to your therapy, I no longer harbor such delusions. In fact, you’ve been so helpful to me, that I’m really sorry that I have to kill you now,” said Jim, as he pulled out a gun.

The psychiatrist was shocked. “Wait a minute. Why do you have to kill me?”

“You know too much.”


Nothing is more humiliating than to see idiots succeed in enterprises we have failed in.

Gustav Flaubert


Susan’s teenage son was having problems mastering the finer points of managing his new checking account.

“The bank returned the check you wrote to the sporting goods store, son.”

“Oh, good!” he said…”Now I can use it to buy some stereo equipment!”


Law of the Alibi:

If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire.


I graduated from a private school that I didn’t like much. Once I was outta there, I had no particular desire to ever contribute to their latest fund drive or future athletic events. Sure enough, Alumni Affairs staff called my folks, got my current number and tracked me down. “So, what have you been doing with yourself?” the perky alumnus asked. I responded, “Oh, not a lot. Just stealing cars and running moonshine.”

They’ve never called back.


He who hesitates is probably right.


She said: I wanted a haircut and phoned a salon early for an appointment with a highly recommended stylist. I was told customers were taken on a walk-in basis only. On Saturday I got there by 9 a.m., only to learn that it was that hairdresser’s day off. I drove to another salon, but it was booked solid. Still another had no openings. The situation seemed hopeless, so I went home. My husband greeted me at the door. “That was fast,” he said cheerfully. “Your hair looks great!”


Neurotics build castles in the air, psychotics live in them. My mother cleans them.

Rita Rudner


A man was placed in intensive care, needles stuck everywhere, tubes running over his disease-ridden body like a spider’s web, nearly comatose. A week later, a second man was put in the same room in very nearly the same condition.  

Both men lay there, near death, machines pinging, oxygen tubes puffing, monitors ding-donging, lights flashing. After a few days, one of the men summoned the strength to weakly raise his hand and catch the other man’s attention. He pointed to himself and wheezed out, “Jim………..my.”

The other man weakly pointed to himself and said, “Paddy.”

This act tired them both out so badly it was another day or two before they had the strength to try again. The first man weakly pointed to himself and murmured in almost inaudible tones, “Scottish.”  

The second man replied, “Irish.”  

Again the fatigue set in and they both fell fast asleep. In another couple of days they were at it again.  

Jim took several deep breaths, then summoned up the strength to cough out, “Glasgow.”  

Paddy whispered back, “Dublin.”  

This time they were both a little stronger and could continue.  

“Cancer”, said Jim.  

“…Sagittarius,” replied Paddy.


I know that there are people in this world who do not love their fellow man, and I hate people like that.


The minister’s little six-year-old girl had been so naughty during the week, that her mother decided to give her the worst kind of punishment. She told her she couldn’t go to the Sunday School Picnic on Saturday.

When Saturday arrived, her mother felt she had been too harsh and changed her mind.  When she told the little girl she could go to the picnic after all, the child’s reaction was one of gloom and unhappiness.

“Why, what’s the matter, honey?  I thought you’d be happy to go to the picnic.” her mother said.

“It’s too late!” the little girl replies sarcastically. . .   “I’ve already prayed for rain!”


“Carve your name on hearts, not tombstones. A legacy is etched into the minds of others and the stories they share about you.”

Shannon L. Alder


Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than twenty years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.


Ray’s Daily

December 7, 2020


Happiness is not by chance, but by choice.

Jim Rohn

I recall hearing on the radio on December 7, 1941 that Pearl Harbor had just been attacked. We had been living through the depression amd now faced a horriendes war. Together we lived through the difficult time and learned to care for each other.

In a way the current Pandemic has agin challenged us like we were years ago. Like it was then, we need to avoid letting what is going on take us down. It is not a time to focus on what is wrong as much as we need to focus on what is right.

In my case, even though I am somewhat locked down I am surrounded by positive family, friends and resident staff. On paper I have little to be happy about but yet I am. So thank you all for making my life what it is. I hope you too choose happiness.

What makes us happy?

There is an ever-growing body of knowledge about the nature and causes of happiness. For one thing, it’s clear that happiness is a feeling, not a circumstance. Happiness is more than just fun or pleasure. It’s a more durable sense of well being.

Our happiness depends not on what happens to us, but what happens in us. In other words, it’s the way we choose to think about our lives. Abe Lincoln said, ‘People are generally about as happy as they’re willing to be.’ A Buddhist proverb tells us that pain is inevitable, but suffering is optional.

So, what are the most common attributes of happy people? Well, it’s not money, fame, or good looks. It’s not even intelligence or talent. No, the two most important factors are gratitude and rewarding personal relationships.

The formula is simple: count your blessings and enjoy your family and friends. Sadly, simple is not always easy.

People whose natural instincts produce a gloomy outlook and pessimism need to re-train their minds. It’s one thing to say happiness is not getting what you want but wanting what you get; it’s quite another to really be satisfied with what we have.

For many people, it takes discipline and practice to think positively.

Sometimes it’s just a matter of changing one’s perspective, choosing to see and appreciate the silver lining, the half full glass. In other cases, what’s required is refusing to dwell on pain, disappointment, or envy, and instead force one’s mind toward good thoughts, including all the things we should be grateful for.

Interestingly, the ability to maintain a positive attitude is also important in forming and sustaining meaningful relationships  -seeing and bringing out the best.

Written by Michael Josephson


The only reason you are happy is because you choose to be happy. Happiness is a choice, and so is suffering.

Miguel Angel Ruiz


Isn’t it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do “practice”?


Martha Stewart’s Holiday Calendar

December 1

Blanch carcass from Thanksgiving turkey.

Spray paint gold, turn upside down and use as a sleigh to hold Christmas Cards.

December 2

Have Mormon Tabernacle Choir record outgoing Christmas message for answering machine.

December 3

Using candlewick and hand-gilded miniature pinecones, fashion cat-o-nine-tails. Flog Gardener.

December 4

Repaint Sistine Chapel ceiling in ecru, with mocha trim.

December 5

Get new eyeglasses. Grind lenses myself.

December 6

Fax family Christmas newsletter to Pulitzer committee for consideration.

December 7

Debug Windows NT 7

December 10

Align carpets to adjust for curvature of Earth.

December 11

Lay Faberge egg.

December 12

Take Dog apart. Disinfect. Reassemble.

December 13

Collect Dentures. They make excellent pastry cutters, particularly for decorative pie crusts.

December 14

Install plumbing in gingerbread house.

December 15

Replace air in SUV tires with Glade “holiday scents” in case tires are shot out at mall.

December 17

Childproof the Christmas tree with garland of razor wire.

December 19

Adjust legs of chairs so each Christmas dinner guest will be same height when sitting at his or her assigned seat.

December 20

Dip sheep and cows in egg whites and roll in confectioner’s sugar to add a festive sparkle to the pasture.

December 21

Drain city reservoir; refill with mulled cider, orange slices and cinnamon sticks.

December 22

Float votive candles in toilet tank.

December 23

Seed clouds for white Christmas.

December 24

Do my annual good deed. Go to several stores. Be seen engaged in last minute Christmas shopping, thus making many people feel less inadequate than they really are.

December 25

Bear son. Swaddle. Lay in color coordinated manger scented with homemade potpourri.

December 26

Organize spice racks by genus and phylum.

December 27

Build snowman in exact likeness of God.

December 31

New Year’s Eve! Give staff their resolutions. Call a friend in each time zone of the world as the clock strikes midnight in that country.


Repeat after me, “We are all individuals!”


We all have hapiness inside and it’s not at all hard to find. It’s sealed deep in our hearts and guarded by our soul. You don’t have to beg to use it. All you have to do is choose it!



Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than twenty years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

We Are Not Alone

Ray‘s Daily

December 4, 2020


If isolation tempers the strong, it is the stumbling-block of the uncertain.

Paul Cezanne

Because of my age, where I reside and the high level of Covid infections, I hav been somewhat locked down for weeks now’ I especially miss not being able to visit my wife in her long term care section of our senior facility.

During these trying times I work to stay focused on thengs I can do to stay positive. Besides thinking about what I might offer in the blog I publish most days, I do sommunicare with family and friends via phone and text. I also try to see fellow residents here when I can. I find it is important to find ways to stay involved during my extended lock down.

I recently abridged the following article that I think offers ways in which we can deal with today’s isolation.

5 Ways to Fix Your Focus During Lockdown

Tips for Life by Rana Alfalaki

Focus on the feeling – At the moment, it’s difficult to visualize abundance or a perfect career or perfect home when you can’t quite fathom how to create it. My suggestion is not to focus on the material aspects of things, but consider the feeling that that ‘thing’ would give you.

Engage in that feeling and carry it with you throughout the day. In reality, it’s the feeling we are truly seeking – be that freedom, fearlessness, fun, or anything else, so this technique will take you there even faster.

Focus on your wins – I challenge you to list three wins at the end of each day and see how they make you smile and drive you forward as the days go on. You may start with something small, like the win being 20 minutes of exercise, or getting a good night’s sleep, or having a constructive phone conversation. Dig deep – and once you get started, the successes will start to flow.

Focus on routine – Now, more than ever, when the world as you know it is in chaos, is the time for you to create order in your surroundings. Get up at the same time on weekdays. Go to bed at a reasonable time. Eat at the same time as you would have if you hadn’t been at home. It is all too easy to lose a routine and spend so much more time on unproductive behaviours, rather than productive ones that will leave us feeling good.

Focus on helping – We all have a purpose and we all have value and gifts to offer, even if it may be challenging to engage in them with the same passion right now. It may simply be acknowledging who you are, the responsible role you are playing by staying home and how this is helping so many. Whatever the specifics may be, focusing on how you can help and how you can serve will help you feel better.

Focus on gratitude – It is understandable if, at first glance, you think that there isn’t much to be grateful for right now. You may be experiencing loss in an aspect of your health, freedom, finances, relationships or professional life. Having said that, there is always something to be grateful for. It may be the time you now have to start a new project, the time you have with your partner or family, or the time you have to exercise. It may be the space you have to think about things or it may be the richness of connection with your loved ones. These are just a few possibilities to help your creative juices start flowing.

The feeling of gratitude is highly energetic. It allows us to focus our attention on the good that is around us. By doing this, we energetically resonate at a higher frequency which then attracts even more of what we want to us.


No one can live entirely on their own, nor can any country or society exist in isolation.

Daisaku Ikeda


Sitting at the kitchen table after dinner one night, my son-in-law was telling us that he’d finished his training for volunteer firefighting and was showing us his beeper. As he spoke, the beeper let out a shrill “there’s a fire” message. Bryan nearly jumped over the table getting to the door. We watched him as he raced for the car and sped up the block to the fire hall. “It’s wonderful to know our firemen are trained to respond instantly,” I said to my daughter. “I didn’t know Bryan could move so fast.” “I hate to burst your bubble, Mom,” she replied, “but the first guy there gets to drive the truck.”


Some people, no matter how old they get, never lose their beauty. It merely moves from their faces to their hearts.

Martin Buxbaum


My wife has a lead foot, so I was not surprised when a state trooper pulled us over as we were driving through Georgia. Hoping to get off with a warning, she tried to appear shocked when he walked up to the car.  

“I have never been stopped like this before,” she said to the officer.  

“What do they usually do, ma’am,” he asked, “shoot the tires out?”  


“Outside of a dog, a book is a man’s best friend. Inside of a dog, it’s too dark to read.”

Groucho Marx


** Defining Different Heights **

** Height of Isolation:

Two people sitting side by side using e-mails to communicate with each other.  

** Height of Cowardice:

Two persons fighting through e-mails.  

** Height of Helplessness:  

Receiving no e-mails for a week.  

** Height of Frustration:  

The email server being down.  

** Height of Carelessness:  

Writing a love mail and doing a ‘Send All.’  

** Height of Achievement:  

A person sending email to a girl wanting to become friends and getting a reply.  

** Height of Timepass:  

A person sending email to himself.  


The world is hugged by the faithful arms of volunteers.

Everett Mámor


“This is Captain Sinclair speaking. On behalf of my crew I’d like to welcome you aboard United Airlines flight 602 from New York to Punta Cana. You are currently flying at a height of 35,000 feet going South over the Atlantic.  

“If you look out of the windows on the starboard side of the aircraft, you will observe that both the starboard engines are on fire.  

“If you look out of the windows on the port side, you will observe that the port wing has fallen off.  

“If you look down towards the Atlantic ocean, you will see a little yellow life raft with three people in it waving at you.  

“That’s me, your captain, the co-pilot and one of the stewardesses. This is a recorded message.”  


Waste your money and you’re only out of money, but waste your time and you’ve lost part of your life.

Michael Leboeuf



Amnesia?…What did you just ask me?  

Apathy?…I don’t care.   

Bigotry?…I’m not going to tell someone like you.  

Egotistical?…I’m the best person to answer that question.  

Evasive?…Go do your homework.  

Flatulent?…That question really stinks!  

Ignorance?…I don’t know.  

Indifference?…It doesn’t matter.  

Influenza?…You’ve got to be sick to ask me that question.  

Insomnia?…I stayed awake all last night thinking of the answer.  

Irreverent?…I swear to God, you ask too many questions!  

Narcissism?…Before I answer, tell me, don’t I look great?  

Over-Protective?…I don’t know if you’re ready for the answer.  

Paranoid?…You probably think I don’t know the answer, do you?  

Procrastination?…I’ll tell you tomorrow.  

Repetitive?…I already told you the answer once before.  

Self-Centered?…Well, I know the answer, that’s all that matters.  

Suspicious?…Why are you asking me all these questions?  


Have you had a kindness shown?

Pass it on;

‘Twas not given for thee alone,

Pass it on;

Let it travel down the years,

Let it wipe another’s tears,

‘Til in Heaven the deed appears –

Pass it on.

Henry Burton


I am in no way different from anyone else, that my predicament, my sense of aloneness or isolation may be precisely what unites me with everyone.

Franz Wright


Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than twenty years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

WeAre Watched

Ray’s Daily

Deceber 3, 2020


“Being a role model…is equal parts being who you actually are and what people hope you will be.”

Meryl Streep

We really have no choice, we are role models if we want to be or not. Our children, friends and even strangers are always watching. How we act and behave defines who we are in the eyes of others. Also we often influence the behavior of others who decide to emulate what they see us do.

Of greater importance is how we see our selves. It is up to us to be worthy of respect or to fail as a caring role model. Here is an article that is a good reminder of how we are always watched.

When you thought I wasn’t looking

A message every adult should read, because children are watching you and doing as you do, not as you say.

When you thought I wasn’t looking, I saw you hang my first painting on the refrigerator and I immediately wanted to paint another one.

When you thought I wasn’t looking I saw you feed a stray cat, and I learned that it was good to be kind to animals.

When you thought I wasn’t looking, I saw you make my favourite cake for me and I learned that the little things can be the special things in life.

When you thought I wasn’t looking I heard you say a prayer, and I knew there is a God I could always talk to and I learned to trust in God.

When you thought I wasn’t looking, I saw you make a meal and take it to a friend who was sick, and I learned that we all have to help take care of each other.

When you thought I wasn’t looking, I saw you give of your time and money to help people who had nothing and I learned that those who have something should give to those who don’t.

When you thought I wasn’t looking, I saw you take care of our house and everyone in it and I learned we have to take care of what we are given.

When you thought I wasn’t looking, I saw how you handled your responsibilities, even when you didn’t feel good and I learned that I would have to be responsible when I grow up.

When you thought I wasn’t looking, I saw tears come from your eyes and I learned that sometimes things hurt, but it’s alright to cry.

When you thought I wasn’t looking, I saw that you cared and I wanted to be everything that I could be.

When you thought I wasn’t looking, I learned most of life’s lessons that I need to know to be a good and productive person when I grow up.

When you thought I wasn’t looking, I looked at you and wanted to say, ‘Thanks for all the things I saw when you thought I wasn’t looking.’

Each of us (parent, grandparent, aunt, uncle, teacher or friend) influence the life of a child. How will you touch the life of someone today?

Written by Mary Rita Schilke Korzan


“But a role model in the flesh provides more than inspiration; his or her very existence is confirmation of possibilities one may have every reason to doubt, saying, ‘Yes, someone like me can do this.”

Sonia Sotomayor


Dwyer and a blonde are sitting next to each other on a long flight from LA to NY. The lawyer leans over to her and asks if she would like to play a fun game. The blonde just wants to take a nap, so she politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks.

The lawyer persists and explains that the game is really easy and a lot of fun. He explains” I ask you a question, and if you don’t know the answer, you pay me $5, and vice-versa.” Again, she politely declines and tries to get some sleep.

The lawyer, now somewhat agitated, says, “Okay, if you don’t know the answer you pay me $5, and if I don’t know the answer, I will pay you $500,” figuring that since she is a blonde that he will easily win the match. This catches the blonde’s attention and, figuring that there will be no end to this torment unless she plays, agrees to the game.

The lawyer asks the first question. “What’s the distance from the earth to the moon?” The blonde doesn’t say a word, reaches in to her purse, pulls out a five dollar bill and hands it to the lawyer. Now, it’s the blonde’s turn.

She asks the lawyer: “What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down with four?” The lawyer looks at her with a puzzled look. He takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references. He taps into the Air phone with his modem and searches the Net and the Library of Congress.

Frustrated, he sends E-mails to all his coworkers and friends he knows. After over an hour, he wakes the blonde and hands her $500. The blonde politely takes the $500 and turns away to get back to sleep.

The lawyer, who is more than a little miffed, wakes the blonde and asks, “Well, so what IS the answer!?” Without a word, the blonde reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5, and goes back to sleep!


“I feel the capacity to care is the thing which gives life its deepest significance.”

Pablo Casals


A man goes into a drug store and asks the pharmacist if he can give him something for the hiccups.

The pharmacist promptly reaches out and slaps the man’s face.

“What did you do that for?!” the man screams.

“Well, you don’t have the hiccups anymore, do you?”

The man says, “No, I don’t, but my wife out in the car still does.”


The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there’s a 90% probability you’ll get it wrong.


Every morning during our coffee break, my co-workers and I listened to the culinary disasters of a newlywed colleague. We then tried to share some helpful hints and recipes.

One day, she asked us for step-by-step instructions on cooking sweet potatoes, one of her husband’s favorites.

“I’ve finally been able to make them sweet,” she said, “but how do you make them orange?”


It’s never crowded along the extra mile.

Wayne Dyer


How Undressing Reveals Your Personality  

Psychiatrist Dr. Frank Caprio gives the following breakdown:  


If you throw your clothes all over the house, you are a friendly, life-of-the-party type. You are free with your thoughts and opinions, not caring much about what others think of you.  


If you remove each piece of clothing and put it away carefully, you are a serious person who likes life very calm. You are comfortable with routine and you believe that the best way to deal with life’s problems is to prevent them in the first place.  


You are perfectionist, very shy, observant, dependable, intense and think before making decisions. You go about your tasks methodically, with concentration. You know how to pay attention.  


If you take off the shirt and ten minutes later get around to the pants, you are extremely self-confident, intellectual, a deep thinker and don’t like to be hassled. Usually you like a lot of free time for yourself.  


If you get out of your clothes as quickly as possible, you are concerned about others and what they expect from you but you’re worried about your own needs. You are family-oriented and stay extremely busy.  


If you take off your rings, watch, etc. before anything else, you are warm, thoughtful, sensitive and romantic.  


If you never do it the same way twice, you are a very curious, interesting person and you enjoy a broad range of activities. You take risks and enjoy fun and adventure.  


“The idea of possibility, the idea that I get to live my dreams out in public, hopefully, will show to other folks that it’s possible.”

Laverne Cox


Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than twenty years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

Better Future Ahead

Ray’s Daily

December 2, 2020


Two words will help you cope when you run low on hope: accept and trust.

Charles R. Swindoll

If you are like I am you are going to be glad for 2020 to end. These truly have been trying times and while we still will have many months before we see the end of Pandemic it appears the end is in sight.

In my case I have also have had to learn to live alone with my wife now permantly living in an extend care facilty. Right now I can only speak to her on the phone, which I do twice daily. I look forward to the time when things loosen up so I can again visit her daily.

The one thing we all have in common is our need to learn to live with todays reality. Here is an abridged copy of how one mother is dealing with todays challenges.

What can we do to help us manage in these trying and uncertain times? I’m afraid I don’t have answers to this very difficult question. I do, however, wish to offer some suggestions:

1. Let go of your expectations. – This is uncharted territory, in every imaginable way. Do what you can and be prepared to let some things go. Not for good, but for a time. Some things can wait. The sooner we understand and accept that, the better.

2. Simplify your needs – Attempting to have every food item and toiletry on hand for an indefinite period is futile. Yes, we must be prepared, but we need not be paranoid.

3. Be grateful – The moment I shifted my perspective from what I couldn’t control and focused on the opportunities that I suddenly had at hand, I began to feel peace. Yes, I am overwhelmed by the quick escalation of events and the uncertainty that continues to unfold, but I look around me and I see the chance to connect. The opportunity to spend the time that I once thought I didn’t have in ways that I once thought I never could. The space to slow down and to meditate on what truly matters; on what life is really about. And this gratitude must go beyond the present moment and carry over into our future perspectives.

4. Love, Love, Love – Some of us are being called upon to operate in extenuating circumstances. The stress, angst and general overwhelm that we feel can quickly be reflected in our responses. By realizing that we are all working through feelings of uncertainty and fear, we are better equipped to measure our response.. When this is all over, I want those closest to me to remember being loved fearlessly when fear abounded.

5. Have faith – In times of great fear, there must be even greater faith. Faith that we are loved beyond measure. Faith that we have a future and a hope. Faith brings peace that defies understanding. Faith brings perfect rest. While the race is on to find a vaccine for this current pandemic, we must recognize that there is another plague that will seek to persist long after this virus settles, the plague of fear. I have learned that faith is the antidote to fear.

Angelina Lee


When we long for life without difficulties, remind us that oaks grow strong in contrary winds and diamonds are made under pressure.

Peter Marshall


Morty arrives home from work and as soon as he sets foot in the house, Sadie is on to him, telling him that their friend Marvin has finally quit smoking. “Imagine that, Morty,” she says, “someone who smoked 3 packs a day for 20 years has stopped smoking all of a sudden. Now that’s what I call will power – something that you definitely don’t have.” But Sadie hadn’t finished. “And that’s not all. I hear that Bernie, that drunken friend of yours, is finally giving up drinking – another example of the kind of will power that you don’t have.”

“OK, Sadie,” said Morty, “you want to see will power, do you? Well here’s will power. I am going to sleep in the spare room from now on. I am going to prove to you that I won’t be affected at all by not sleeping with a woman.”

Morty keeps to his word.

One night, when he had been sleeping alone for a week, there is a knock on his bedroom door.

Morty shouts out, “What do you want?”

Sadie replies, “Marvin has started smoking again.”


“You cannot discover new oceans unless you have the courage to lose sight of the shore.”


  Senior Citizen Song

Are you lonesome tonight,

Does your tummy feel tight?

Did you bring your Malox and Tums?

Does your memory stray,

To that bright sunny day…

When you had all your teeth and your gums?

Is your hairline receding, are your eyes growing dim?

Hysterectomy for her, and its prostate for him.

Does your back give you pain…

Do your knees predict rain?

Tell me dear, are you lonesome tonight?

Is your blood pressure up,

Your cholesterol down?

Are you eating your low-fat cuisine?

All that oat bran and fruit,

Metamucil to boot,

Keeps you like a well-oiled machine.

If it’s football, or baseball…he sure knows the score.

Yes, he knows where it’s at…but forgets what it’s for.

So, your gall bladder’s gone, and his gout lingers on.

Tell me dear, are you lonesome tonight?

When you’re hungry, he’s not.

When you’re! cold, then he’s hot.

Then you start that old thermostat war.

When you turn out the light, he goes left, you go right.

Then you get his great symphonic snore.

He was once so romantic, and witty and smart.

How’d he turn out to be such a cranky old fart?

So don’t take any bets, this is as good as it gets.

Tell me dear, are you lonesome tonight ???


There are no stupid questions, but there are a lot of inquisitive idiots.


Deep within a forest a little turtle began to climb a tree. After hours of effort he reached the top, jumped into the air waving his front legs and crashed to the ground. After recovering, he slowly climbed the tree again, jumped, and fell to the ground. The turtle tried again and again while a couple of birds sitting on a branch watched his sad efforts. Finally, the female bird turned to her mate. “Dear,” she chirped, “I think it’s time to tell him he’s adopted.”


Bill:    I love to drive to the seaside and the mountains with my girlfriend. What about you?

Doug:    I love to drive my mother-in-law to the airport.


During the jury-selection process, the judge asked a prospective juror some questions.

“Have you formed any opinion about the guilt or innocence of the man on trial, Mr. Ferguson?”

“None whatsoever,” Ferguson answered.

“Are you opposed to capital punishment?” the judge asked.

“Certainly not in this case.”


If women can have PMS, then men can have ESPN.


A fifth grader looked downcast, so her teacher asked, “What’s the problem, Carol? I hope it’s not homework again.”

“Well, uh, yes, it is.” replied Carol. “I was stupid and made my homework paper into a paper airplane.”

“Carol, you’re right, that wasn’t a very bright thing to do,” said the teacher, “but this once I’ll let you just unfold the paper and hand it in.”

“Oh, but that won’t work,” said Carol, looking even sadder. “You see, the plane was hijacked.”


Many a golfer prefers a golf cart to a caddy because it cannot count, criticize, or laugh.


It is what it is. Isn’t that how these things always go? They are what they are. We just get to cope.

Mira Grant


Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

View Post

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than twenty years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

We need each other

Ray’s Daily

December 1, 2020


There is no enjoying the possession of anything valuable unless one has someone to share it with.


Here we are, the first of December during one of the most challenging years in our history, It is ironic that the stock market is at record highs when millions are unemployed, many with little food.

One of the things I will miss the most this year was my ability to participate in my Kiwanis Clubs sharing activities. My club has provided winter clothes to needy children for many years. We also have been one of the soponsors of the Salvation Army Christmas Radiothon as well as providing volunteer bell ringers manned red kettle locations.

It would be easy to stay so focused on our own woes that we fail to do what we can for others. Here is a story that reminds us of the value of sharing.

The Stone Soup Story

Many years ago three soldiers, hungry and weary of battle, came upon a small village.

The villagers, suffering a meagre harvest and the many years of war, quickly hid what little they had to eat and met the three at the village square, wringing their hands and bemoaning the lack of anything to eat.

The soldiers spoke quietly among themselves and the first soldier then turned to the village elders.

‘Your tired fields have left you nothing to share, so we will share what little we have – the secret of how to make soup from stones.’

Naturally the villagers were intrigued and soon a fire was put to the town’s greatest kettle as the soldiers dropped in three smooth stones.

‘Now this will be a fine soup’, said the second soldier; ‘but a pinch of salt and some parsley would make it wonderful!’

Up jumped a villager, crying ‘What luck! I’ve just remembered where some’s been left!’

Then off she ran, returning with an apron full of parsley and a turnip. As the kettle boiled on, the memory of the village improved: soon barley, carrots, beef and cream had found their way into the great pot, and a cask of wine was rolled into the square as all sat down to feast.

They ate and danced and sang well into the night, refreshed by the feast and their new-found friends.

In the morning the three soldiers awoke to find the entire village standing before them. At their feet lay a satchel of the village’s best breads and cheese. ‘You have given us the greatest of gifts – the secret of how to make soup from stones’, said an elder, ‘and we shall never forget.’

The third soldier turned to the crowd, and said: ‘There is no secret, but this is certain, it is only by sharing that we may make a feast’, then off the soldiers wandered, down the road.

Author Unknown


Sharing empathy is one of the most wonderful aspects of the human experience.

Christine Rose Elle


After spending 3-1/2 hours enduring the long lines, surly clerks and insane regulations at the Department of Motor Vehicles, I stopped at a toy store to pick up a gift for my son.

I brought my selection – a baseball bat – to the cash register.

“Cash or charge?” the clerk asked.

“Cash,” I snapped. Then apologizing for my rudeness, I explained, “I’ve spent the afternoon at the motor-vehicle bureau.”

“Shall I gift wrap the bat?” the clerk asked sweetly. “Or are you going back there?”


Elections: Things that are held to see if the polls were right.



I used to work in technical support for a 24/7 call center. One day, I got a call from an individual who asked what hours the call center was open. I told him, “The number you dialed is open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.”

He responded, “Is that Eastern or Pacific time”?

Wanting to end the call quickly, I said, “Uh, Pacific.”


“There are two types of people who will tell you that you cannot make a difference in this world: Those who are afraid to try and those who are afraid you will succeed.”

Ray Goforth


You are no longer “cool” when …..

  • You find yourself listening to talk radio.  
  • You daughter says she got pierced and you look at her ears.  
  • The pattern on your shorts and couch match.  
  • You fondly remember your powder blue leisure suit.  
  • Your wife buys a flannel nighty and you find that sexy.  
  • You turn down free tickets to a rock concert because you have to work the next day.  
  • When jogging is something you do to your memory.  
  • Rocking all night means dozing off in your rocking chair.  
  • Getting a little action means your prune juice is working.  
  • All the cars behind you flash their headlights.  
  • You bought your first car for the same price you paid for your son’s new running shoes.  
  • You actually ASK for your father’s advice.  
  • You don’t know how to operate a fax machine.  
  • When someone mentions SURFING you picture waves and a surf board.


Anger or hatred is like a fisherman’s hook.

It is very important for us to ensure that we are not caught by it.

Dalai Lama


Driving to a new restaurant, Margaret took several wrong turns. When she finally found the right road, she asked her husband, “Why didn’t you tell me I was lost?”

“I thought you knew where you were going,” he replied. “You always know where you’re going when I’m driving.”


Goodness is the only investment that never fails.

Henry David Thoreau



1.  Never give me work in the morning. Always wait until 4:00 and then bring it to me.  The challenge of a deadline is refreshing.  

2.  If it’s really a rush job, run in and interrupt me every 10 minutes to inquire how it’s going. That helps. Or even better, hover behind me, advising me at every keystroke.  

3.  Always leave without telling anyone where you’re going. It gives me a chance to be creative when someone asks where you are.  

4.  If my arms are full of papers, boxes, books, or supplies, don’t open the door for me.  I need to learn how to function as a paraplegic and opening doors with no arms is good training in case I should ever be injured and lose all use of my limbs.  

5.  If you give me more than one job to do, don’t tell me which is priority. I am psychic.  

6.  Do your best to keep me late. I adore this office and really have nowhere to go or anything to do. I have no life beyond work.  

7.  If a job I do pleases you, keep it a secret. If that gets out, it could mean a promotion.  

8.  If you don’t like my work, tell everyone. I like my name to be popular in conversations. I was born to be whipped.  

9.  If you have special instructions for a job, don’t write them down. In fact, save them until the job is almost done. No use confusing me with useful information.  

10.  Never introduce me to the people you’re with. I have no right to know anything.  In the corporate food chain, I am plankton.  When you refer to them later, my shrewd deductions will identify them.  


Life is filled with treasures, if you’re a lucky one. Be grateful and be humble, and share them with someone.

Julie Hebert


Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than twenty years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

Tag Cloud