Ray's musings and humor

Just the facts please

Ray’s Daily

November 2, 2020

http://rays-daily.com

Its hour is now—always and indeed then most truly when it seems unsuitable to actual circumstances. Truth has not special time of its own.

Albert Schweitzer

Ray’s Daily first published on November 2, 2005

~~~

Have you sometimes wished that you could always see things through rose colored glasses? I have occasionally even though it would be a problem if I did. When you get right down to it we are much better off seeing things as they are versus seeing them as we would like them to be. Don’t get me wrong I am not advocating pessimism, I am advocating recognizing both the good and the bad, and when we do that we embrace the good and either ignore or get over the bad.

I wish everyone would feel the same way. I wonder sometimes what I am missing when I hear leaders saying that things are going well in Iraq or that the economy is doing well even though we continue to build massive debt. It seems to me that when they speak this way they either are trying to con the public or they don’t realize reality, I don’t know what is worse.

Meanwhile yours and my life goes on. I am sorry that my friend Sara will be leaving Indianapolis for good by the end of the year, but I am happy she is doing so in order to enter the next phase her life including her marriage. Another friend will soon be packing to move back to Iceland and his family. I will always have fond memories of the times we had together and the things he did for me and so many others.

I was saddened by the death of a fellow service club member. He was a man who unselfishly gave of himself over many years, as a judge, educator, and humanitarian. He will be missed.

We are challenged every day. We can either let things get us down or fall back on our resiliency to rise above the bad times so we can see the good. I just wish people would quit trying to con us and instead share the facts. I think we all could handle truth, even on a regular basis. Maybe if they understood that winning is not nearly as good as living the good life, they would quit.

~~~

What a man believes upon grossly insufficient evidence is an index into his desires — desires of which he himself is often unconscious. If a man is offered a fact which goes against his instincts, he will scrutinize it closely, and unless the evidence is overwhelming, he will refuse to believe it. If, on the other hand, he is offered something which affords a reason for acting in accordance to his instincts, he will accept it even on the slightest evidence. The origin of myths is explained in this way.

Bertrand Russell

~~~

Helpful Hints for the Inexperienced Traveler

Be very suspicious if the advertised price of a Caribbean cruise includes the phrase “Free Ammo”.

Consider carefully before visiting a country where the license plate motto is Die American Pig.

There is no legitimate reason for a travel agent to need to know if you have experience in jungle warfare.

If you find yourself in Iran, do not use the word blankethead.

On a trip to Canada, your travel agent should not charge you for an interpreter.

While in the Vatican, do not refer to St. Peter as “Petey-Boy.”

Do not board a cruise ship if passengers are being issued oars.

Avoid any Latin American Tour named Bay of Pigs, Two.

In South America, say no to anyone wanting you to deliver a suitcase of powdered sugar to their grandmother in Miami.

Legitimate travel agents do not dress in foreign military uniforms.

~~~

“One has a greater sense of intellectual degradation after an interview with a doctor than from any human experience.”

Alice James

~~~

A doctor and a lawyer were talking at a party. Their conversation was constantly interrupted by people describing their ailments and asking the doctor for free medical advice.

After an hour of this, the exasperated doctor asked the lawyer, “What do you do to stop people from asking you for legal advice when you’re out of the office?”

“I give it to them,” replied the lawyer, “and then I send them a bill.”

The doctor was shocked, but agreed to give it a try. The next day, still feeling slightly guilty, the doctor prepared the bills. When he went to place them in his mailbox, he found a bill from the lawyer.

~~~

“Freedom of the press is limited to those who own one.”

A. J. Liebling

~~~

While shopping in a supermarket in Washington, D.C., I heard over the PA system: “A wallet containing a large sum of money was found, but it contains no ID. Will those laying claim to it please form a double line at the customer service counter?”

~~~

George Burns told a story about cheating on his wife once during their marriage.  He kept it to himself, but he felt so bad that he bought Gracie a beautiful diamond bracelet.  Finally, after several years had gone by, he confessed to Gracie about his indiscretion.  She said, “I know.  I was hoping you’d do it again.  I wanted a ring to match.”

~~~

“If it weren’t for Philo T. Farnsworth, inventor of television, we’d still be eating frozen radio dinners.”

Johnny Carson

~~~

A Mexican bandit made a specialty of crossing the Rio Grande from time to time, robbing banks in Texas. Finally, a reward was offered for his capture, DEAD or ALIVE! A trigger happy, young, enterprising Texas Ranger decided to track down the bandit on his own and collect the reward. After a lengthy search, the Ranger tracked the bandit to his favorite cantina and snuck up behind him. At the sound of the Ranger’s guns cocking and preparing to fire, the surprised bandit sped around only to see both of the Ranger’s six-shooters bearing down on him. The Ranger announced, “You’re under arrest! Tell me where you hid the loot or I’ll drop you where you stand,” his finger becoming itchy on the trigger. However, the bandit didn’t speak English and the Ranger didn’t speak Spanish. Fortunately for the Ranger, a bilingual lawyer was present in the cantina and translated the Ranger’s demand to the bandit.

The terrified bandit blurted out, in Spanish, that the loot was buried next to an old oak tree behind the cantina. “What did he say, what did he say?” the Ranger hurriedly asked. To which the lawyer replied, “Well, the best I can make out he said … SHOOT!”

~~~

“One of the keys to happiness is a bad memory.”

Rita Mae Brown

~~~

Mom’s Dictionary

Bottle feeding: An opportunity for Daddy to get up at 2 AM, too.

Defense: What you’d better have around de yard if you’re going to let the children play outside.

Drooling: How teething babies wash their chins.

Dumbwaiter: One who asks if the kids would care to order dessert.

Feedback: The inevitable result when the baby doesn’t appreciate the strained carrots.

Full name: What you call your child when you’re mad at him.

Grandparents: The people who think your children are wonderful even though they’re sure you’re not raising them right.

Hearsay: What toddlers do when anyone mutters a dirty word.

Independent: How we want our children to be as long as they do everything we say.

Look out: What it’s too late for your child to do by the time you scream it.

Puddle: A small body of water that draws other small bodies wearing ‘dry’ shoes into it.

Show off: A child who is more talented than yours.

Sterilize: What you do to your first baby’s pacifier by boiling it and to your last baby’s pacifier by blowing on it.

Storeroom: The distance required between the supermarket aisles so that children in shopping carts can’t quite reach anything.

Top Bunk: Where you should never put a child wearing Superman jammies.

Verbal: Ability to whine in actual words.

Whoodunit: None of the kids in your house!

Ooops: An exclamation that translates roughly into ‘get a sponge.’

~~~

The first step towards the solution of any problem is optimism.

John Baines

~~~

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than twenty years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

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