Ray's musings and humor

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Ray’s Daily

June 18, 2020

http://rays-daily.com

“The man who achieves makes many mistakes, but he never makes the biggest mistake of all – doing nothing”

Benjamin Franklin

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I am still working onrecovering use of my right hand as well as brain power. Hopefully soon but in the meantime here is one from years ago.

Ray’s Daily first published on June 18, 2007

I was at a meeting this morning where a football coach said that each morning he tells himself, “If I slip I know that’s not me.” I have slipped in my life often enough that he got my attention. He was not saying that he would deny the fact that he slipped nor was he excusing himself for a future misstep. Rather he was saying we all slip once in a while and do something out of character. His message to me at least was that you don’t let it get to you rather you pick yourself up and go on.

I am not saying we should ignore our missteps, most of us couldn’t anyway, I am saying we can’t let them take us down. If we bury ourselves in remorse we end up thinking the whole world is ready to indict us for what we have done when in truth the world does not sit there trying to catch us in a mistake. None of us are perfect, except maybe you. If we all let our mistakes take us down there would be few of us left to do what needs to be done.

I care for you as you are. I care for all the good things you do and I understand that sometimes things go astray. I have made some whopping big mistakes in my time and hope that they help me to avoid continuing to do the same thing over and over.

 By the way a lot of the mistakes we make are because we had the courage to make them. We could avoid ever making another one by locking ourselves in a room having someone slip a pizza under the door once in awhile. I would rather take my chances living than hide from life in fear of doing something foolish. So I’ll continue to do the best I can and I will follow the coaches advice, I’ll try to avoid making mistakes but when I do I will understand that that was not like me, at least most of the time.

~~~

Anyone who has never made a mistake has never tried anything new.

Albert Einstein

~~~

Speaking of mistakes:

Each morning Jake would drive down Sunset Blvd. on his way to work. For the past year a pretty hooker standing on the corner of Sunset gave him the eye as he passed. Of late, she took to showing him parts of what he would get if he stopped to pick her up. Jake was a good husband and family man and didn’t want to cheat on his wife. However, lately the hooker was looking so tempting, he could not get her out of his mind.

After spending many sleepless nights, he went to consult a psychiatrist. He told the psychiatrist she was driving him crazy, he was married 45 years, and did not want to cheat on his wife.

“What should I do?” asked Jake.

The psychiatrist said: “Take Melrose Avenue.”

~~~

“Virtue” is the failure to achieve vice.

~~~

A Chicano widower who never paid any attention to his wife while she was alive now found himself missing her desperately. He went to a psychic to see if he could contact his late wife. The psychic went into a trance. A strange breeze wafted through the darkened room, and suddenly, the man heard the unmistakable voice of his dearly departed wife.

“Honey!” he cried. “Is that you?”

“Yes, my husband.”

“Are you happy?”

“Yes, my husband.”

“Happier than you were with me?”

“Yes, my husband.”

“Then Heaven must be an amazing place!”

“It is! Trust me, it is!”

“I do have one question for you, my snookums.”

“Yes, my love, what is it?”

“When did you learn to speak English so perfectly!?”

~~~

You’ve got to spend money to lose money.

~~~

Wife: And another thing I want to tell you. I’ve noticed every time you talk, you say my house, my automobile, my chair, my shoes; everything’s yours. You never say ours. I’m your partner. I’m your wife. It should be ours.

The husband paid no attention to his wife and just kept looking around the room for something.

Wife: What are you looking for?

Husband: Our pants!

~~~

I don’t understand the uproar over gas prices,

I just put $10 worth into my car and it didn’t cost any more than it usually does.

~~~

John and Mary were having dinner in a very fine restaurant.

Their waitress, taking another order at a table a few paces away noticed that John was ever so slowly, silently sliding down his chair and under the table, while Mary acted quite unconcerned.

Their waitress watched as John slid all the way down his chair and out of sight under the table.

Still, Mary appeared calm and unruffled, apparently unaware that John had disappeared under the table.

After the waitress finished taking the order, she came over to the table and said to the woman, “Pardon me, ma’am, but I think your husband just slid under the table.”

The woman calmly looked up at her and replied firmly, “Oh, no he didn’t. In fact, my husband just walked in the front door.”

~~~

A smile is a language even a baby understands.

~~~

My English professor was stopped for speeding. When asked why she was driving so fast, she quoted Robert Frost: “I have promises to keep and miles to go before I sleep.”

“But, Miss,” replied the officer, obviously familiar with the poet, “Frost chose the road less traveled, and, unfortunately for you, this wasn’t it.”

~~~

Two youngsters were closely examining bathroom scales on display at the department store.

“Have you ever seen one of these before?” one asked.

“Yeah, my mom have one,” the other replied.

“What’s it for?”

“It’s a cussing machine,” the second boy answered.

“Every time she stands on it she gets really pissed.”

~~~

Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?

~~~

A young man volunteered to baby-sit one night so his mom could have an evening out. At bedtime he sent the youngsters upstairs to bed and settled down to watch football. One child kept creeping down the stairs but the young man kept sending him back.

At 9pm, the doorbell rang, it was the next-door neighbor Mrs. Brown, asking whether her son was there. The young man brusquely replied, “No”.  Just then a little head appeared over the banister and a voice shouted, “I’m here Mom but he won’t let me go home.”

~~~

Mistakes are part of the dues one pays for a full life.

Sophia Loren

~~~

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than fifteen years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

 

 

 

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