Ray's musings and humor

Archive for April, 2020

It Does Not Get Easier

Ray’s Daily

April 2, 2020

“Self-care is giving the world the best of you, instead of what’s left of you.”

Katie Reed

Virus

We had some bad news yesterday. Our daughter will no longer be able to bring us Nancy’s medication and laundry to our apartment. No one but cleared staff is any longer allowed into our facility. We will leave our laundry and unfilled pill boxes at the entrance with staff to be picked up. We are not as proficient as we once were but we will be OK.

These are difficult times. I just hope that when it is over, we will be a better people. We can learn to live simpler lives as we care for each other. I wish us all well.

Here are some tips on dealing with today’s challenges that I picked up from the Center on Disease Control..

Stress during an infectious disease outbreak can include

  • Fear and worry about your own health and the health of your loved ones
  • Changes in sleep or eating patterns
  • Difficulty sleeping or concentrating
  • Worsening of chronic health problems
  • Increased use of alcohol, tobacco, or other drugs

Taking care of yourself, your friends, and your family can help you cope with stress. Helping others cope with their stress can also make your community stronger.

Things you can do to support yourself

  • Take breaks from watching, reading, or listening to news stories, including social media. Hearing about the pandemic repeatedly can be upsetting.
  • Take care of your body. Take deep breaths, stretch, or meditateexternal icon. Try to eat healthy, well-balanced meals, exercise regularly, get plenty of sleep, and avoid alcohol and drugsexternal icon.
  • Make time to unwind. Try to do some other activities you enjoy.
  • Connect with others. Talk with people you trust about your concerns and how you are feeling.
  • Call your healthcare provider if stress gets in the way of your daily activities for several days in a row.

~~~

“Give yourself the same care and attention that you give to others and watch yourself bloom.”

Anonymous

~~~

Laws of Life

Kauffman’s Paradox of the Corporation: The less important you are to the corporation, the more your tardiness or absence is noticed.

The Salary Axiom: The pay raise is just large enough to increase your taxes and just small enough to have no effect on your take-home pay.

Miller’s Law of Insurance: Insurance covers everything except what happens.

First Law of Living: As soon as you start doing what you always wanted to be doing, you’ll want to be doing something else.

Weiner’s Law of Libraries: There are no answers, only cross-references.

Isaac’s Strange Rule of Staleness: Any food that starts out hard will soften when stale. Any food that starts out soft will harden when stale.

The Grocery Bag Law: The candy bar you planned to eat on the way home from the market is hidden at the bottom of the grocery bag.

Lampner’s Law of Employment: When leaving work late, you will go unnoticed. When you leave work early, you will meet the boss in the parking lot.

~~~

A wise man once said, “If you want to watch the world passing you by, just try driving the speed limit.”

Lawrence Brotherton

~~~

As a Delta Air Lines jet was flying over Arizona on a clear day, the copilot was providing his passengers with a running commentary about landmarks over the PA system.

“Coming up on the right, you can see the Meteor Crater, which is a major tourist attraction in northern Arizona.

“It was formed when a lump of nickel and iron, roughly 150 feet in diameter and weighing 300,000 tons, struck the earth at about 40,000 miles an hour, scattering white-hot debris for miles in every direction.

“The hole measures nearly a mile across and is 570 feet deep.”

From the cabin, a passenger was heard to exclaim, “Wow! It just missed the highway!”

~~~

Sometimes being in the majority only means that all the fools are on the same side.

~~~

Ten Signs You Have Nothing To Do

  1. You have developed Repetitive Stress Disorder from playing Solitare.
  2. You’ve actually figured out a way to get Gilligan off the island.
  3. People only come to your office to borrow pencils from the ceiling.
  4. In an effort to exercise your creative side you knit a computer cozy.
  5. You create an on-going email dialog with your computer at home.
  6. No longer content with merely photo-copying your butt, you now scan it and enhance it using Photoshop.
  7. After months of taking frequent breaks, you now only require a single can of coke to belch the names of all seven dwarves.
  8. You discover that staring at your cubicle wall long enough produces images of Elvis.
  9. The 18-hole 3 par mini-golf course in your office.
  10. The 4th Division of Paper Clips has overrun the Push pin Infantry and General White-Out has called for a new skirmish.

~~~

Failure seldom stops you; what stops you is the fear of failure.

Jack Lemmon

~~~

This scene took place on a BA flight between Johannesburg, South Africa and London, England. A white woman, about 50 years old, was seated next to a black man. Obviously disturbed by this, she called the air hostess.

“You obviously do not see it then?” she responded. “You placed me next to a black man. I do not agree to sit next to someone from such a repugnant group. Give me an alternative seat.”

“Be calm please,” the hostess replied. “Almost all the places on this flight are taken. I will go to see if another place is available.”

The hostess went away and then came back a few minutes later. “Madam, just as I thought, there are no other available seats in the Economy Class.

I spoke to the captain and he informed me that there is also no seat in the Business Class. All the same, we still have one place in the First Class.”

Before the woman could say anything, the hostess continued. “It is not usual for our company to permit someone from the Economy Class to sit in the First Class. However, given the circumstances, the captain feels that it would be scandalous to make someone sit next to someone sooooo disgusting.”

She turned to the black guy, and said, “Therefore, Sir, if you would like to, please collect your hand luggage, a seat awaits you in First Class.”

~~~

“Caring for your body, mind, and spirit is your greatest and grandest responsibility. It’s about listening to the needs of your soul and then honoring them.

Kristi Ling

~~~

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than fifteen years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

 

 

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A New Month

Ray’s Daily

April 1, 2020

http://rays-daily.com

Spring is nature’s way of saying, “Let’s party!”

Robin Williams

April 1

Here we go another month with no end in sight for our national lock down. It seems that even though we are home bound I am still pretty busy. Today I am again going back in time for a past Daily.

 Ray’s Daily first published on April 1, 2008

What a day; spring is around the corner, it is a new month and all us fools have get recognized since it is April fools day. I was tempted to do some ridiculous April Fools jokes but we have some serious planning to do if we are to get everything done this month.

Let’s start with today beside it being April fools day here in the US it is also Intolerance Day, the day National Laugh Week Begins and it is One Cent Day. All I can say is I am totally intolerant of those who are intolerant other than that I am totally tolerant. As far as National Laugh week is concerned, I don’t think my health could stand more later than I usually get every day of the year but maybe if any of you are sourpusses you might try it now and then laugh for the rest of the year. I am at a loss about One Cent Day, I barely remember pennies I do seem to recall that many years ago I could buy a piece of candy, or flatten one on a streetcar or train track, pitch them against a curb in a game, use seven of them to get into the movies, but now?

Now for what is in store for us during the month. Did you know that it is:

Actors Appreciation and Alcohol Awareness Month – Buy an actor a drink and you kill two birds with one stone.

Dog Appreciation Month – all we have is a ceramic dog and he does nothing but just sit and watch us, I guess Ill buy him a porcelain bone.

Holy Humor Month – Did I ever tell you about the Priest and the Rabbi…..

Keep America Beautiful Month – I know a couple of plastic surgeons if that helps, if not try beer.

Knuckles Down Month – At last something for those of us whose knuckles drag on the ground

Listening Awareness Month – What???

National Ergonomics Month – Take a chair out for coffee

National Lawn and Garden Month – We have people who take care of our lawn and shrubs. It is a mercy thing; plants have a chance of survival as long as I don’t try to help.

~~~

First a howling blizzard woke us,

Then the rain came down to soak us,

And now before the eye can focus –

Crocus.

Lilja Rogers

~~~

Eye halve a spelling chequer,

it came with my pea sea

It plainly marques four my revue, miss steaks eye kin knot sea.

Eye strike a key and type a word, and weight four it two say

Weather eye am wrong oar write, it shows me strait a weigh.

As soon as a mist ache is maid, it nose bee fore two long

And eye can put the error rite, its rarely ever rong.

Eye have run this poem threw it, I am shore your pleased two no

Its letter perfect in it’s weigh, my chequer tolled me sew.

~~~

On my first day of school my parents dropped me off at the wrong nursery.

There I was…surrounded by trees and bushes.

~~~

A linguistics professor was lecturing to his English class one day. “In English,” he said, “A double negative forms a positive. In some languages, though, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative.

However, there is no language wherein a double positive can form a negative.”

A voice from the back of the room piped up, “Yeah, right.”

~~~

There aren’t any rules around here! We’re trying to accomplish something!

Thomas Edison

~~~

Tim O’Rourke was walking his Irish Setter in the country side. He picked up a stick and threw it, the dog went and retrieved it and brought it back. Tim then threw it in a different direction and the dog once again went and retrieved it and brought it back.

Tim then threw it in another direction and it landed in a small lake. The dog went down to the water’s edge, walked across the water, picked up the stick and brought it back.

Well, Tim was astounded. He couldn’t believe what he had seen and threw stick in the lake again, and the dog once again walked across the water to bring the stick back. As he went into town, he promised that he would show his dog’s wonderful new trick to the first person he came across.

Once in town the first person the dog owner came across was the town drunk Declan Dunphy. Tim dragged Declan to the lake to show him what his dog could do.

Once again, the dog owner threw the stick into the small lake and the dog went to the water’s edge, walked across the water, picked up the stick and brought it back to it’s owner. Once the drunk saw that, he turned to the dog owner and said;

“Why that’s great, mister! But when are you going to teach your dog how to swim?”

~~~

Want the rainbow? Put up with the rain.

Dolly Parton

~~~

He said: When I was a newly commissioned Lieutenant in the Army, I was assigned as a temporary assistant in an administrative office in a Military Intelligence unit.

One day, a long memo came around with a cover sheet instructing all assigned officers to read it and initial it as indication of their compliance. I figured it meant me too, so I read and initialed it.

But, a few days later, it came back addressed specifically to me. An attached note read, “You are not permanently assigned to this unit and are thus not an authorized signee. Please erase your initials and initial your erasure.”

~~~

I’m going to live forever, or die trying.

~~~

She said: At my granddaughter’s wedding, the DJ polled the guests to see who had been married the longest. It turned out to be my husband and I. The DJ asked us, “What advice would you give to the newly married couple?”

I said, “The three most important words in a marriage are, ‘You’re probably right.'”

Everyone then looked at my husband. He said, “Yeah, she’s probably right.”

~~~

Knowledge may have limits, but it’s not so with ignorance.

~~~

A group of foreign dignitaries are visiting Israel. At the end of the tour, they are taken to see the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier.

They look at the tomb and read the following inscription:

ABRAHAM SCHWARTZ

BORN 5694

DIED 5733

A GOOD MAN AND A GREAT FURRIER.

The visitors are incredulous. They ask the guide, “How can this be an unknown soldier if the

grave has his name?”

Their host responds, “Sure, as a soldier he was unknown, but as a furrier — he was the best!”

~~~

In life you can never be too kind or too fair; everyone you meet is carrying a heavy load. When you go through your day expressing kindness and courtesy to all you meet, you leave behind a feeling of warmth and good cheer, and you help alleviate the burdens everyone is struggling with.”

Brian Tracy

~~~

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than fifteen years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

 

 

 

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