Ray's musings and humor

Archive for March, 2020

Don’t It Get You Down

Ray’s Daily

March 3, 2020

http://rays-daily.com

Attitude is a little thing that makes a big difference.

Winston Churchill

attitude

Everyone I know run into problems just like you and I do. The folks I like best are those who deal with the obstacles they run into and move on. They are not like some of us who let our troubles weigh us down.

I have learned over the years that one’s positive attitude is the key to a successful and happy life. I am inspired by some of my fellow residents in our senior living facility who while having significant physical problems stay upbeat.

Right now the world is dealing with a major epidemic and faltering economies. We get to make a choice, do we let what is going on get us down or do we continue to make the best of what we have. I have too many good things going on in my life to let external problems get me down. What about you?

Attitude on Life

The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life.

It is more important than education, than money, than circumstances, than failures, than successes, than whatever anyone might say or do.

It is more important than appearances, giftedness or skill.

The remarkable thing is that we have the choice to create the attitude we have for that day.

We cannot change our past. We cannot change the way people act. We cannot change the inevitable.

The one thing we can change is the only thing we have control over, and that is our attitude.

I am convinced that life is 10% what actually happens to us and 90% how we react to it.

Charles Swindoll

~~~

Your living is determined not so much by what life brings to you as by the attitude you bring to life; not so much by what happens to you as by the way your mind looks at what happens.

Khalil Gibran

~~~

For those who remember the old Jewish Catskill comics from vaudeville days (Shecky Green, Red Buttons, Totie Fields, Milton Berle, Henny Youngman and others), here are some of the famous comedy lines.

  • I’ve been in love with the same woman for 49 years. If my wife every finds out, she’ll kill me!
  • What are three words a woman never wants to hear when she’s making love? “Honey, I’m home”
  • We always hold hands.  If I let go, she shops.
  • My wife and I went to a hotel where we got a waterbed. My wife called it the Dead Sea.
  • She was at the beauty shop for two hours. That was only for the estimate.
  • She got a mudpack and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off.
  • The Doctor called Mrs. Cohen saying “Mrs.  Cohen, your check came back.”
  • Mrs.  Cohen answered “So did my arthritis!”
  • The Doctor says “You’ll live to be 60!” “I AM 60!” “See, what did I tell you?”
  • A doctor has a stethoscope up to a man’s chest.  The man asks “Doc, how do I stand?” The doctor says “That’s what puzzles me!”
  • Doctor says to a man “You’re pregnant!” The man says “How does a man get pregnant?” The doctor says “The usual way, a little wine, a little dinner….”
  • “Doctor, I have a ringing in my ears.” “Don’t answer!”
  • A drunk was in front of a judge.  The judge says “You’ve been brought here for drinking.” The drunk says “Okay, let’s get started.”
  • A bum asked me “Give me $10 till payday.” I asked “When’s payday?” He said “I don’t know, you’re the one who is working!”
  • I wish my brother would learn a trade, so I would know what kind of work he’s out of.

~~~

Life’s most urgent question is: what are you doing for others?

Martin Luther King, Jr.

~~~

A New Yorker was being shown around the back country of Louisiana by his cousin. “Is it true that an alligator won’t attack you if you carry a flashlight?” he asked.

The cousin smirked, “Depends on how fast ya carry it.”

~~~

** HEADLINES, 2035 **

** Baby conceived naturally… Scientists stumped.

Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking.

** George Z. Bush says he will run for President in 2036.

** Postal Service raises price of First Class Stamp to $17.89 and reduces mail delivery to Wednesday only.

** 35 year study: Diet and exercise is the key to weight loss.

** Congress authorizes direct deposit of illegal political contributions to campaign accounts.

~~~

Always decide not to decide, unless of course you decide to change your mind.

~~~

While driving in Pennsylvania, a family caught up to an Amish carriage. The owner of the carriage obviously had a sense of humor, because attached to the back of the carriage was a hand-printed sign . . . “Energy-efficient vehicle: Runs on oats and grass. Caution: Do not step in exhaust.”

~~~

“Learn to listen. Opportunity sometimes knocks very softly.”

  1. Jackson Brown, Jr.

~~~

An older couple were lying in bed one night. The husband was falling asleep but the wife was in a romantic mood and wanted to talk. She said: “You used to hold my hand when we were courting.” Wearily he reached across, held her hand for a second and tried to get back to sleep.

A few moments later she said: “Then you used to kiss me.” Mildly irritated, he reached across, gave her a peck on the cheek and settled down to sleep.

Thirty seconds later she said: “Then you used to bite my neck.” Angrily, he threw back the bed clothes and got out of bed. “Where are you going?” she asked.

“To get my teeth!”

~~~

In the 60’s, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.

~~~

I think this is a repeat but what the heck.

As a single, never-married woman in my 40s, I have been questioned endlessly about my status by my friends, relatives, and co-workers. Over the years, I’ve noticed a subtle change in the nature of their inquiries.

In my teens, friends would ask, “Who are you going out with this weekend?”

In my 20s, relatives would say, “Who are you dating?”

In my 30s, co-workers might inquire, “So, are you dating anyone yet?”

Now people ask, “Where did you get that adorable purse?”

~~~

Our attitudes control our lives. Attitudes are a secret power working twenty-four hours a day, for good or bad. It is of paramount importance that we know how to harness and control this great force

Tom Blandi

~~~

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than fifteen years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

 

 

 

Are You Enjoying Your Days?

Ray’s Daily

March 2, 2020

http://rays-daily.com

Aging can be fun if you lay back and enjoy it.

Clint Eastwood

aging

I have learned that the golden years can be pretty good if we are willing to let them. Many folks my age seem to let the years convince them there is little use in making an effort to enjoy their days.

I also have learned that aging gracefully is not something we should put of until old age. The earlier in life we learn that we can make choices that will lay the foundation for building a happy life the better. I am glad that I live amongst some pretty old folks who stay positive, optimistic and happy. They just prove everyday that the good life is really up to us.

Here are few excerpts from an article written by Kara Ladd and Mickey Goodman that describe the traits of some of the people I admire.

Habits of People Who Age Gracefully

They drink in moderation – There is a fine line between drinking in moderation and drinking excessively. Findings from the American Institute for Cancer Research show that alcohol may increase the risk of cancer and shorten your life by almost two decades.

They give back – Giving back helps others, but it also helps yourself.

They laugh – According to one study, laughing reduces heart disease and stress, plus benefits the immune system, leading to a longer life. Bring on the laugh lines!

They limit stress – Debilitating stress can take a serious toll on your health. Everybody copes with stress differently, but we recommend meditation, a mindful exercise such as yoga, and a well-balanced lifestyle to keep stress in-check.

They focus on the positive aspects of life – According to one study, older people who reported being happy were 35 percent less likely to die during a 5-year time period.

They practice gratitude – A daily practice such as keeping a gratitude journal can soften the effects of aging to the brain.

They have social lives – A 2010 study of 300,000 people by the National Institute of Health found that people without relationships had a 50 percent greater chance of premature death.

They make sleep a priority – People who sleep for fewer than six hours a night have a harder time losing weight, have higher blood pressure, and suffer from heart disease more than those who sleep at least seven hours a night.

They look forward to growing older – People who view aging positively live approximately seven-and-a-half years longer than those with a negative attitude, according to a study conducted by researchers from Yale and Miami University.

~~~

“Know that you are the perfect age. Each year is special and precious, for you shall only live it once. Be comfortable with growing older.”

Louise Hay

~~~

As most of you know I have been such a frequent user of the medical system that I have established a number of friendships with the medical professionals. As a public service I have been keeping you abreast of some of the more important examples of medical care. Here are a few real experiences for you.

What a doctor experiences – true stories

—  A man comes into the ER and yells, “My wife’s going to have her baby in the cab!” I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the lady’s Dress, and began to take off her underwear. Suddenly I noticed that there were several cabs, and I was in the wrong one.

–Dr. Mark MacDonald, San Antonio, TX

At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and slightly deaf female patient’s anterior chest wall. Big breaths,” I instructed. Yes, they used to be,” remorsefully replied the patient

–Dr. Richard Byrnes, Seattle, WA

I was performing a complete physical, including the visual acuity test. I placed the patient twenty feet from the chart and began, “Cover your right eye with your hand.” He read the 20/20 line perfectly. Now your left. “Again, a flawless read. Now both,” I requested. There was silence. He couldn’t even read the large E on the top line. I turned and discovered that he had done exactly what I had asked; he was standing there with both his eyes covered. I was laughing too hard to finish the exam.

–Dr. Matthew Theodropolous, Worcester, MA

~~~

“The advantage of a bad memory is that one enjoys several times the same good things for the first time.”

Friedrich Nietzsche

~~~

A Jewish couple won twenty-million dollars in the lottery. They immediately set out to begin a life of luxury. They bought a magnificent mansion estate in Southampton and surrounded themselves with all the material wealth imaginable.

They then decided to have a butler and, wanting the best, they traveled to London to hire one. They found the perfect butler through an agency and brought him back to their estate. The day after his arrival, they instructed him to set up the dining room table for 4 people, that they were inviting the Cohens to brunch. The couple then left the house to do some shopping.

When they returned, they found the table set for 8 people. They asked the butler why eight, when they had specifically instructed him to set the table for four.

The butler replied…..”The Cohens telephoned and said they were bringing the Bagels and the Knishes.”

~~~

Try to remember that, with the exception of your parents and your children, most people will consider you an adult.

~~~

A minister parked his car in a no-parking zone in a large city because he was short of time and couldn’t find a space with a meter. Then he put a note under the windshield wiper that read: “I have circled the block 10 times. If I don’t park here, I’ll miss my appointment. Forgive us our trespasses.”  When he returned, he found a citation from a police officer along with this note. “I’ve circled this block for 10 years. If I don’t give you a ticket, I’ll lose my job. Lead us not into temptation.”

~~~

People want the front of the bus, the back of the church, and the center of attention.

~~~

After just a few years of marriage, filled with constant arguments, a young man and his wife decided the only way to save their marriage was to try counseling.  They had been at each other’s throat for some time and felt that this was their last straw.

When they arrived at the counselor’s office, the counselor jumped right in and opened the floor for discussion. “What seems to be the problem?”

Immediately, the husband held his long face down without anything to say.  On the other hand, the wife began talking 90 miles an hour describing all the wrongs within their marriage.

After 15 minutes of listening to the wife, the counselor went over to her, picked her up by her shoulders, kissed her passionately for several minutes, and sat her back down.     Afterwards, the wife sat there speechless.  He looked over at the husband who was staring in disbelief at what had happened.

The counselor spoke to the husband, “Your wife NEEDS that at least twice a week!”

The husband scratched his head and replied, “I can have her here on Tuesdays and Thursdays.”

~~~

“I’ve always said that I will never let an old person into my body. That is, I don’t believe in ‘thinking’ old. Don’t program yourself to break down as you age with thoughts that decline is inevitable.”

Wayne Dyer

~~~

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than fifteen years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

 

 

 

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