February 5, 2020
“The only real failure in life is the failure to try.”
I am a little brain dead this morning so Here is another reprint.
Ray’s Daily first published on February 7th, 2005.
I listened to an audio essay on failure the other day that got me thinking about just what is failure. The more I thought about it the more I realized how many different types of failures I have had in my life. In fact, part of my career in the computer industry consisted of failing, and then failing, and then failing, and then failing, and then not failing. I traveled for a few years as a computer trouble shooter. I often would be called in after others had failed to solve some problem. The process was to look here and then think, look there and then think, try this and then think, try that and then think, and finally, bingo, the solution.
The more I thought about it the other day the more I realized that failure is often more a new beginning than an end. Over the years it has been the things that haven’t worked out that have created the opportunity for a fresh start. The secret is to not let failure take you down. Maybe it is tenacity, perseverance, or optimism, all I know is giving into failure steals from us some of the zest in our lives.
It has often been said that it is only those who are stagnant and do nothing that never make mistakes. In my experience that is right on, it is the dreamers, those that don’t let obstacles or pessimism get them down who accomplish the great things. I read recently that pessimists take less risks, possibly make less mistakes, but also get bogged down by not moving on when they hit a brick wall. So like the song says, “Pick yourself up, brush yourself off and start all over again.
I have always felt that although someone may defeat me, and I strike out in a ball game, the pitcher on the particular day was the best player. But I know when I see him again, I’m going to be ready for his curve ball. Failure is a part of success. There is no such thing as a bed of roses all your life. But failure will never stand in the way of success if you learn from it.
One of our clients brought in his massive Doberman pinscher to be spayed. As a veterinary assistant, I escort the patient into the doctor’s office.
Before taking this dog’s leash, I glimpsed those large teeth of hers and asked the owner, “Is she friendly?”
“Friendly?” said the man. “Friendly? She’s had five litters! How much ‘friendlier’ than that can she get?”
Q: Did you hear about the new auto insurance policy for Jewish mothers?
A: It is known as the “My Fault” policy.
Life in 2029:
Ozone created by electric cars is now killing millions in the seventh largest country in the world, Mexifornia, formally known as California.
Baby conceived naturally…scientists stumped.
Couple petitions court to reinstate heterosexual marriage.
Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now be imported legally, but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking.
George Z. Bush says he will run for President in 2036.
Postal Service raises price of first class stamp to $17.89 and reduces mail delivery to Wednesdays only.
85-year, $75.8 billion study: Diet and Exercise is the key to weight loss.
Average weight of Americans drops to 250 lbs.
Average height of NBA players now nine feet, seven inches.
New federal law requires that all nail clippers, screwdrivers, fly swatters and rolled-up newspapers must be registered by January 2036.
Congress authorizes direct deposit of formerly illegal political contributions to campaign accounts.
Experience is the thing you have left when everything else is gone.
Engineers and scientists will never make as much money as business executives.
Now we have a mathematical proof that explains why this is true:
Postulate 1: Knowledge is Power.
Postulate 2: Time is Money.
As every engineer knows,
———- = Power
Since Knowledge = Power, and Time = Money, we have:
———– = Knowledge
Solving for Money, we get:
—————– = Money
Thus, as Knowledge approaches zero, Money approaches infinity regardless of the amount of Work done.
Conclusion: The Less you Know, the More you Make.
Note: It has been speculated that the reason why Bill Gates dropped out of Harvard’s math program was because he stumbled upon this proof as an undergraduate, and dedicated the rest of his career to the pursuit of ignorance.
An American in Scotland asked one of the locals, “Why do you call it a kilt?”
The Scotsman replied, “Because we kilt the last bloke who called it a dress.”
The crowded cafeteria sported a large sign reading: “Watch Your Hat And Overcoat.”
Meyer did. He kept turning every minute, almost choking over his food. His pal, Moshe, kept on eating, without thought of his own coat on the hook.
Finally Moshe said, “You, dope…stop watching our overcoats.”
“I’m only watching mine,” replied Meyer. “Yours has been gone for over half an hour.”
Scientists are working to develop something that will dissolve anything, but they don’t know what they would put it in.
A teacher asked her class, “What do you want out of life”?
A little girl in the back raised her hand and said, “All I want out of life is four animals.”
The teacher asked “Really? And what four animals would that be”?
The little girl replied, “A mink on my back, a jaguar in the garage, a tiger in bed and a jackass to pay for all of it.” The teacher fainted.
The trouble with bucket seats is that not everybody has the same size bucket.
Two old men, one a retired professor of psychology and the other a retired professor of history, were sitting around on the porch of the hotel watching the sun to set.
The history professor said to the psychology professor, “Have you read Marx?”
To which the professor of psychology said, “Yes. I think they’re from the wicker chairs.”
Worrying about something that may never happen is like paying interest on money you may never borrow.
Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.
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