Ray's musings and humor

I Made It This Far

Ray’s Daily

January 31, 2020

http://rays-daily.com

Today you are you! That is truer than true! There is no one alive who is you-er than you!

Dr. Seuss

85 birthday

I have a busy day today. I have cardiology tests at the hospital and a cardiologist checkup. Later I am being joined by most of my family for a birthday dinner. So, I am again sending a Daily from the past, this one from my birthday seventeen years ago.

 Ray’s Daily first published on January 31, 2003

Happy Birthday Carol Channing, Richard A. Gephardt, Norman Mailer, Suzanne Pleshette, Queen Beatrix Of Netherlands, and Me.

It is hard to believe that:

I am now 5 years older than Ted Koppel and 11 years 5 months older than George W. Bush.

I was:

  • 28 years old at the time President Kennedy was assassinated
  • 22 years old when the Soviet satellite Sputnik 1 was launched
  • 18 years old at the end of the Korean War (I had been called into the Navy at 16 and was then on the aircraft carrier USS Wasp in Asian waters, that is a story for another time)
  • 10 years old when the atomic bomb was dropped on Hiroshima
  • 6 years old at the time of the Japanese attack on Pearl Harbor

I remember vividly all of these events, even the attack on Pearl Harbor. I had hoped we would have seen a more tranquil world by now, with everyone sharing in the bounty that could be ours if only we were not driven by war, ideology, and ethnic and cultural conflicts. Maybe you who are younger can do a better job.

~~~

The more tranquil a man becomes, the greater is his success, his influence, his power for good. Calmness of mind is one of the beautiful jewels of wisdom.

James Allen

~~~

Itzic is dying in hospital. He asks for the Greek Orthodox priest to be called so that he can dictate his last will and testament.

The priest arrives and Itzic starts to dictate. “One third of my wealth is to go to the Jewish school for girls. A second third is for the Jewish school for boys.

The priest writes as asked.

“The last third I leave to the Rabbi to build a library,” Itzic continues.

The priest writes then asks, “As you are leaving your entire wealth to The Jewish community, why did you call me and not the Rabbi?”

“Are you crazy?!” screams Itzic. “The Rabbi is in a contagious diseases ward?”

~~~

It isn’t difficult to make a mountain out of a molehill – just add a little dirt.

~~~

WARNING!!! I received this emergency message from two of my favorite Louisianans.

WE MUST STOP THIS SINISTER PLOT!

Have you ever noticed that as the years go by, everything seems uphill from where you are? Stairs are steeper, groceries are heavier, and everything is farther away. Yesterday I walked to the corner and I was horrified to discover how long our street had become! I never noticed when I was younger that it’s been changing!

And, you know, people are less considerate now, especially the young ones. They speak in whispers all the time! If you ask them to speak up they just keep repeating themselves, endlessly mouthing the same silent message until they’re red in the face! What do they think I am, a lip reader?

I also have a feeling that these people are much younger than I was at the same age. On the other hand, something has been making people who used to be my own age so much older than I am.

I ran into an old friend the other day and she has aged so much that she didn’t even recognize me. I got to thinking about the poor dear while I was combing my hair this morning, and in doing so, I glanced at my own refection…. and I noticed that even mirrors were not made the way they used to be!

Clothing manufacturers are part of the conspiracy too! Why else would they suddenly start labeling a size 10 or 12 dress as 18 or 20? Do they think no one notices that these things no longer fit around the waist, hips, thighs, and bosom?

Another thing, everyone drives so fast today! You’re risking life and limb if you just happen to pull onto the freeway in front of them. All I can say is, their brakes must wear out awfully fast, the way I see them screech and swerve in my rear view mirror.

The people who make bathroom scales are in on it as well. Do they think I actually believe the number I see on that dial? Hah! I would never let myself weigh that much! Just who do these people think they’re fooling?

I’d like to call up someone in authority to report what’s going on — but the telephone company is in on the conspiracy too: they’ve printed the phone books in such small type that no one could ever find a number in here!

All I can do is pass along this warning: Maturity is under attack! Unless something drastic happens, pretty soon *everyone* will have to suffer these awful indignities.

PLEASE PASS THIS ON TO EVERYONE YOU KNOW AS SOON AS POSSIBLE SO WE CAN GET THIS CONSPIRACY STOPPED!

~~~

“The best way to get people to think out of the box is not to create the box in the first place.”

Martin Cooper

~~~

A lot of time has been wasted arguing over what came first, the chicken or the egg. It was undoubtedly the rooster.

~~~

For weeks a six-year old lad kept telling his first-grade teacher about the baby brother or sister that was expected at his house. One day the mother allowed the boy to feel the movements of the unborn child. The six-year old was obviously impressed, but made no comment. Furthermore, he stopped telling his teacher about the impending event.

The teacher finally sat the boy on her lap and said, “Johnny, whatever has become of that baby brother or sister you were expecting at home?”

Johnny burst into tears and confessed, “I think Mommy ate it!”

~~~

A woman always remembers where and when she got married; a man sometimes forgets why.

~~~

A couple is lying in bed. The man says, “I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world.”

The woman says….. “I’ll miss you.”

~~~

“In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.”

Martin Luther King, Jr.

~~~

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than fifteen years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

 

 

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