December 11, 2019
“Try to be a rainbow in someone’s cloud.”
I am worn out from a full day of activities yesterday. I had to push my wife to a number of different events in her wheelchair and I am still pooped. So I am again going to send you another past issue of the Daily.
Ray’s Daily first published on December 11, 2002
I heard from my friend Karen who is based in Thailand where she works for UNICEF. I had the good fortune to spend a week with Karen a few years ago as we visited Thai villages, salt operations, and met with government officials. She has expanded her role and now has increased responsibility to the children of Asia. The world is a better place because of what she does.
Speaking of UNICEF, it was on this day in 1946 that the United Nations established the United Nations International Children’s Emergency Fund (UNICEF) to provide relief and support to children living in countries devastated by war. Today UNICEF continues to provide help to children in need throughout the world.
I just got some more spring cruise news. My old UNIVAC friend Ray Esterline will be going on our cruise to the Caribbean and Europe, I have not seen Ray for more than 25 years, we were younger then. We now have four couples sailing this April. There are still a few cabins left for this great cruise that costs less than $100 per day and that includes hotel in Barcelona and airfare back to the states. If I missed sending you information and you would like to know more let me know.
So long as little children are allowed to suffer, there is no true love in this world.
As in many homes throughout the US on New Year’s Day, my wife and I faced the annual conflict of which was more important — the football games on TV, or the dinner itself.
To keep peace, I ate dinner with the rest of the family, and even lingered for some pleasant after-dinner conversation before retiring to the Family Room to turn on the game.
Several minutes later, my wife came downstairs and graciously even brought a cold beer for me with her. She smiled, kissed me on the cheek and asked what the score was. I told her it was the end of the third quarter and that the score was still nothing to nothing.
“See?” she said, continuing to smile, “You didn’t miss a thing.”
Karaoke bars combine two of the nation’s greatest evils; people who shouldn’t drink with people who shouldn’t sing.
This woman rushes to see her doctor, looking very much worried and all strung out. She rattles off, “Doctor, take a look at me. When I woke up this morning, I looked at myself in the mirror and saw my hair all wiry and frazzled up, my skin was all wrinkled and pasty, my eyes were bloodshot and bugging out, and I had this corpse-like look on my face!
What’s wrong with me, Doctor?” The doctor looks her over for a couple of minutes, then calmly says, “Well, I can tell you that there is nothing wrong with your eyesight.”
You are never a looser until you quit trying.
At a Milwaukee post office, a woman complained to the clerk that a Pony Express rider could get a letter from Milwaukee to St. Louis in two days, and now it takes three. “I’d like to know why,” she scoffed.
The clerk thought a moment and then suggested,
“The horses are a lot older now?”
Always remember you’re unique….just like everyone else.
“And you shall make for Aaron your brother and for his sons’ linen undergarments to cover their nakedness; they shall reach from the waist to the thighs.”
There you have it, straight from the bible.
The only Kosher underwear are BOXER SHORTS!
The biggest seller is cookbooks and the second is diet books — how not to eat what you’ve just learned to cook.
A man is in no shape to drive, so he wisely leaves his car parked and walks home. As he is walking unsteadily along, he is stopped by a policeman.
“What are you doing out here at 2 a.m.?” the officer asks.
“I’m going to a lecture,” the man replies.
“And who is going to give a lecture at this hour?” the cop asks, his voice dripping with sarcasm.
“I often regret that I have spoken; never that I have been silent.”
After the trial had been going on for three days, Harrison, the man accused of committing the crimes, stood up and approached the judge’s bench.
“Your Honor, I would like to change my plea from ‘innocent’ to ‘guilty’ of these charges.”
The judge angrily banged his fist on the desk. “If you’re guilty, why didn’t you say so in the first place and save this court a lot of time and inconvenience?” he demanded.
Harrison looked up wide-eyed and stated, “Well, when the trial started I thought I was innocent, but that was before I heard all the evidence against me.”
Let him who is without aim cast the first stone.
A group of kids stood outside the circus, eager to get in, but without any money. They begged the ticket-taker to let them sneak in. He sternly refused. Seeing this, a kindly old man put his hand in his pocket and said to the ticket-taker, “Count them as they go in.”
One by one, the boys marched in. When the last one had disappeared into the audience, the old man said, “How many were there?”
The ticket-taker said, “Twelve.”
The old man said, “Shucks, I guessed wrong again.” And he walked off.
People want the front of the bus, the back of the church, and the center of attention.
There was a very gracious lady who was mailing an old family Bible to her brother in another part of the country.
“Is there anything breakable in here?” asked the postal clerk.
“Only the Ten Commandments.” answered the lady.
“If you can’t laugh at yourself, I’ll be glad to do so for you.”
Martin had just received his brand new driver’s license. The family troops out to the driveway, and climbs in the car, where he is going to take them for a ride for the first time. Dad immediately heads for the back seat, directly behind the newly minted driver.
“I’ll bet you’re back there to get a change of scenery after all those months of sitting in the front passenger seat teaching me how to drive,” says the beaming boy to his father.
“Nope,” comes dad’s reply, “I’m gonna sit here and kick the back of your seat as you drive, just like you’ve been doing to me all these years.”
Well done is better than well said.
Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.
Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than fifteen years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at firstname.lastname@example.org. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.