November 19, 2019
We are products of our past, but we don’t have to be prisoners of it.
Here we go again, a new week. It provides us another opportunity to start anew and make it what we want it to be.
One of the things that I learned as my wife and I decided to move on to our life as seniors was that our life has been filled with new beginnings. But putting the past behind us we cleared the desk so that we could make our future the best it can be.
While my mind occasional recalls the highlights of my past I always realize that I know longer have the authority or responsibilities I once had, and that’s alright. There is a freedom that is provided to us that decide to move on. In my case my past life was great, but it is over. And now my new life is just as rewarding and I am enjoying it all.
I have shut the door on yesterday,
Its sorrows and mistakes.
I have locked within its gloomy walls
Past failures and mistakes.
And now I throw the key away,
And seek another room.
And furnish it with hope and smiles,
And every spring-time bloom.
No thought shall enter this abode
That has a taint of pain.
And envy, malice, and distrust
Shall never entrance gain.
I have shut the door on yesterday
And thrown the key away.
Tomorrow holds no fear for me,
Since I have found today.
The past can’t hurt you anymore, not unless you let it.
Operator : “Thank you for calling Pizza House . May I have your…”
Customer: “Haloo, can I order..”
Operator : “Can I have your multi purpose card number first, Sir?”
Customer: “It’s eh…, hold on……6102049998-45-54610”
Operator : “OK… you’re… Mr. Singh and you’re calling from 17 Jalan Kayu. Your home number is 4094 2366, your office 7645 2302 and your mobile is 014 266 2566. Which number are you calling from now Sir?
Customer: “Home! How did you get all my phone numbers?”
Operator : “We are connected to the system Sir”
Customer: “May I order your Seafood Pizza…”
Operator : “That’s not a good idea Sir”
Customer: “How come?”
Operator : “According to your medical records, you have high blood pressure and even higher cholesterol level Sir”
Customer: “What?… What do you recommend then?”
Operator : “Try our Low Fat Hokier Mea Pizza.You’ll like it”
Customer: “How do you know for sure?”
Operator : “You borrowed a book entitled “Popular Hokier Dishes” from the National Library last week Sir”
Customer: “OK I give up… Give me three family sized ones then, how much will that cost?
Operator : “That should be enough for your family of 10, Sir. The total is $49.99
Customer: “Can I pay by credit card?”
Operator : “I’m afraid you have to pay us cash, Sir. Your credit card is over the limit and you’re owing your bank $3720.55 since October last year”
Operator : “That’s not including the late payment charges on your housing loan Sir.
Customer: “I guess I have to run to the neighborhood ATM and withdraw Some cash before your guy arrives”
Operator : “You can’t Sir. Based on the records, you’ve reached your daily limit on machine withdrawal today”
Customer: “Never mind just send the pizzas, I’ll have the cash ready. How long is it gonna take anyway?”
Operator : “About 45 minutes Sir, but if you can’t wait you can always come and collect it on your motorcycle…”
Customer: ” What !”
Operator : “According to the details in system, you own a Scooter,…registration number E1123…”
Customer: ” *’!^ *%^**%^I7*”
Operator : “Better watch your language Sir. Remember on 15th July 1987 You were convicted of using abusive language on a policeman…
Operator : “Is there anything else Sir?”
Customer: “Nothing… by the way… aren’t you giving me that 3 free bottles of cola as advertised?”
Operator : “We normally would Sir, but based on your records you’re also diabetic……. ”
I always know God won’t give me more than I can handle but there are times I wish He didn’t trust me quite so much.
Two Mississippians are walking toward each other, and one is carrying a sack. When they meet, one says, “Hey Tommy Ray, whatcha got in th’ bag?”
“Jes’ some chickens.”
“If I guesses how many they is, kin I have one?”
“Shoot, if ya guesses right, I’ll give you both of ’em!” “OK.
Where was the toothbrush invented? Arkansas.
If it were invented anywhere else, it would have been called a teethbrush.
Wanting to lose weight, a woman placed a picture of a shapely, pinup model INSIDE her refrigerator to remind her of her goal. It worked like a charm as the woman discovered that she had lost ten pounds in the first month of using this method.
The downside to this was that her husband spent so much time going into the fridge to look at the picture that he ended up gaining fifteen pounds!
Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.
The showers in my daughter’s dorm turned scalding hot whenever a toilet was flushed. To warn others, residents would yell out, “Flushing!” each time they flushed the toilets. During one of my daughter’s visits home, a friend stopped by to chat for a while. I was explaining how my daughter was acting more distant now that she was in college, and that she didn’t tell me all about her life the way she used to. Suddenly we heard my daughter call out from the bathroom, “Flushing!”
“Wow!” said my friend, “How much more do you want to know?”
“Mr. and Mrs. Marvin Rosenbloom are pleased to announce the birth of their son, Dr. Jonathan Rosenbloom.”
A blonde was summoned to court to appear as a witness in a lawsuit. The prosecutor opened his questioning with, “Where were you the night of August 24th?”
“Objection!” said the defense attorney. “Irrelevant!”
“Oh, that’s okay,” said the blonde from the witness stand.”I don’t mind answering the question.”
“I object!” the defense said again.
“No, really,” said the blonde. “I’ll answer.”
The judge ruled: “If the witness insists on answering, there is no reason for the defence to object.”
So the prosecutor repeated the question: “Where were you the night of August 24th?”
The blonde replied brightly, “I don’t know.”
Don’t follow in my footsteps, because I run into a lot of walls.
A college student wrote a letter home, “Dear folks, I feel miserable because I have to keep writing for money. I feel ashamed and unhappy.I have to ask for another hundred, but every cell in my body rebels.I beg on bended knee that you forgive me.
Your son, Marvin.
P.S.I felt so terrible I ran after the mailman who picked this up in the box at the corner. I wanted to take this letter and burn it.I prayed to God that I could get it back.But it was too late.”
A few days later he received a letter from his father. It said, “Your prayers were answered. Your letter never came!”
Your past doesn’t define who you are. It just gives you the starting point for who you’re going to be.
Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.
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