November 11, 2019
I dream of giving birth to a child who will ask, “Mother, what was war?”
It has been a busy weekend. My wife spent three days in the hospital recovering from congestive heart failure. She is home now with some additional new medications and a strict diet. Today is veterans day in my country so I am sending you a Daily I wrote 15 years ago on this day
Ray’s Dailyfirst published on November 11, 2004
World War One ended on this day, it was the 11th hour on the 11th day of the 11th month of 1918 when the Great War ended. World War I was known as the “war to end all wars” because of the great slaughter and destruction it caused. Unfortunately, the peace treaty that officially ended the conflict–the Treaty of Versailles of 1919–forced punitive terms on Germany that destabilized Europe and laid the groundwork for World War II.
When I was young the day was not called Veterans Day, it was called Armistice Day. I remember being in grammar school at 11:00 AM when we had a moment of silence, more in celebration of the peace than to remember the dead. Since then we have seen the Second World War, the Korean War (I was in the Navy for that one), the Vietnam War, and lately two wars in the Middle-East. Personally, I find little glory in war, my memories of the wars I have known are filled with the deaths of friends and those innocents caught in the middle of conflicts. I guess what I am saying is that while I hold my fellow veterans in high regard, I do long for the peacemakers who bring wars to their end. So today at 11 AM I plan on remembering for a minute the days when we all celebrated an armistice that brought peace, versus celebrating those of us who were called to war.
The peace makers shall be called the children of God.
She asks who understands men!
The nice men are ugly.
The handsome men are not nice.
The handsome and nice men are gay.
The handsome, nice and heterosexual men are married.
The men who are not so handsome, but are nice men, have no money.
The men who are not so handsome, but are nice men with money think we are only after their money.
The handsome men without money are after our money.
The handsome men, who are not so nice and somewhat heterosexual don’t think we are beautiful enough.
The men who think we are beautiful, that are heterosexual, somewhat nice and have money, are cowards.
The men who are somewhat handsome, somewhat nice and have some money and thank God are heterosexual, are shy and NEVER MAKE THE FIRST MOVE!
The men who never make the first move, automatically lose interest in us when we take the initiative.
NOW ….WHO IN THE HELL UNDERSTANDS MEN?
Unhappiness is best defined as the difference between our talents and our expectations.
Edward de Bono
An elderly couple would constantly argue about everything. The woman often ended the arguments by stating vociferously, “I’ll dance on your grave! I’ll dance on your grave!”
Well, sure enough, the old geezer died first. His last request was that he be buried at sea.
This is also how I feel about Wagner’s music.
“I love Wagner, but the music I prefer is that of a cat hung up by its tail outside a window and trying to stick to the panes of glass with its claws.”
A married couple was watching volleyball game at a beach when the wife spotted a couple in the bleachers. They were being very affectionate. The girl was running her hands all over the boyfriend and nibbling on his ear. He had his hands on her chest. Looking at them, the wife said to her husband “I don’t know whether to watch them or the game.”
Husband said, “Better watch them! You already know how to play volleyball.”
How many weeks are there in a light year?
She said, if men got pregnant:
* Maternity leave would last two years….with full pay.
* There would be a cure for stretch marks.
* Natural childbirth would become obsolete.
* Morning sickness would rank as the nation’s #1 health problem.
* All methods of birth control would be 100% effective.
* Children would be kept in the hospital until toilet trained.
* Men would be eager to talk about commitment.
* They wouldn’t think twins were so cute.
* Sons would have to be home from dates by 10:00pm.
* Briefcases would be used as diaper bags.
* Paternity suits would be a fashion line of clothes.
* They would stay in bed during the entire pregnancy.
* Restaurants would include ice cream and pickles as main entrees.
* Women would rule the world.
Those who can not remember the past are condemned to repeat it.
A store manager overheard a clerk saying to a customer, “No, ma’am, we haven’t had any for some weeks now, and it doesn’t look as if we’ll be getting any again.”
Alarmed by what was being said, the manager rushed over to the customer who was walking out the door and said, “That isn’t true, ma’am. Of course, we’ll have some soon. In fact, we placed an order for it a couple of weeks ago.”
Then the manager drew the clerk aside and growled, “Never, never, never, never say we don’t have something. If we don’t have it, say we ordered it and it’s on its way. Now, what was it she asked about?”
And the clerk said, “Muggings in the parking lot.”
Experience teaches us that there is a small but important difference between keeping your chin up and sticking your neck out.
A blonde is taking the driving portion of her driver’s license exam.
She handles most of the maneuvers quite well. However, she has a little trouble parallel parking, and winds up a about a foot from the curb.
“Could you get a little closer?” the examiner asks.
The blonde then unbuckles her seat belt and slides over toward the examiner and asks, “OK, sir. Now what?”
I have found that the sure cure for insomnia is sleep.
She said: Working as a court reporter, I hear to a lot of testimony that you won’t hear on LAW AND ORDER, including the following give-and-take between the judge and a mother during a paternity suit.
Judge: “Was this child born out of wedlock?”
Mother: “No, sir, just outside of Louisville.”
I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.
“Beauty is not in the face;
Beauty is a light in the heart.”
Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.
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