Ray's musings and humor

Welcome

Ray’s Daily

September 24, 2019

http://rays-daily.com

Autumn, the year’s last, loveliest smile.

William Cullen Bryant

 happy-fall

It is now autumn and the beginning of the journey between summer and winter. I am glad to bid the often-torrid days of the past few months farewell as the pleasant warmth of fall brings brings its luster. Soon we will be dazzled as as trees begin their winter rest. by the brilliant colors

I thrive in the cooler weather of the season. I also enjoy wearing my autumn wardrobe with its comfortable sweaters and jackets. Soon the fireplaces in our residence will be relight adding warmth to the conversations of our friends and neighbors.

Here is the story behind the new seasons that I picked up from Newsweek.

Autumn

For some parts of the United States, the start of fall may feel more like a summer day, but soon the leaves will change and it will be time for sweaters and pumpkins. Until then, some people may have to settle for photos and quotes to get them in the autumnal mood.

Yesterday was the official start of the fall season, which was marked by the equinox. Occurring only twice a year–once in spring and once in fall–during an equinox there are nearly equal parts daylight and darkness in the course of the day.

The first day of fall varies from year to year but often occurs sometime between September 22 and September 24.

~~~

Now Autumn’s fire burns slowly along the woods and day by day the dead leaves fall and melt.

William Allingham

~~~

A good time to keep your mouth shut is when you’re in deep water.

Anyone who thinks old age is golden must not have had a very exciting youth.

How come it takes so little time for a child who is afraid of the dark to become a teen-ager who wants to stay out all night?

Why is it that at class reunions you feel younger than everyone else looks?

No one has more driving ambition than the boy who wants to buy a car.

There are worse things than getting a call for a wrong number at 4 AM. It could be a right number.

If you don’t have a sense of humor, you probably don’t have any sense at all.

Seat belts are not as confining as wheelchairs.

I’ve reached the age where the happy hour is a nap.

~~~

After the birth of their child, an Episcopal priest, wearing his clerical collar, visited his wife in the hospital. He greeted her with a hug and a kiss, and gave her another hug and kiss when he left.

Later, the wife’s roommate commented, “Your pastor is sure friendlier than mine.”

~~~

The reason 30+ year old women get carded when they buy alcohol is that the cashiers and bag boys make bets on how OLD you really are and someone has to find out.

~~~

Your Honor,” she told the judge, “I want a divorce. My husband has been cheating on me.”

“That is a serious accusation,” the judge said. “Do you have any evidence to substantiate this claim of your husband’s infidelity?”

“Yes, Your Honor. Just last night I was walking down Broadway when I saw him go into a movie with another woman.”

“Who was this other woman?” the judge asked. “I don’t know. I never saw her before.”

“Then why didn’t you follow them into the theatre and find out who she was. It may have been just a harmless coincidence. You should have gone in after them.”

“I would have,” she explained, “but the fellow I was with had already seen the picture.”

~~~

“The light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off due to budget cuts.”

Steven Wright

~~~

Little Tommy had been to a birthday party at a friends house.

Knowing his sweet tooth Tommy’s mother looked straight into is eyes and said, “I hope you didn’t ask for a second piece of cake.”

“No,” replied Tommy, “but I asked Mrs. Smith for the recipe so you could make some like it, and she gave me two more pieces without me asking.”

~~~

How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?

~~~

Showing his friend around his home, Fred started to point out all of the collectibles he and his wife had acquired over their long years of marriage.

“The day before I die, I’d like to sell every piece we’ve got just to see how much it’s all worth.”

“But you couldn’t possibly know the day before you were going to die, so how could you sell it.”

“Simple: If I sell it, my wife would kill me!”

~~~

“Please, sir,” pleaded the stranger, “Would you be so kind as to help a poor unfortunate fellow who is hungry and can’t find work? All I have in the world is this gun.”

~~~

I was drinking in the surroundings: air so crisp you could snap it with your fingers and greens in every lush shade imaginable offset by autumnal flashes of red and yellow.”

Wendy Delsol, Stork

~~~

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than fifteen years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

 

 

 

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

Tag Cloud

%d bloggers like this: