June 3, 2019
There are so many things that we wish we had done yesterday, so few that we feel like doing today.
I spent the weekend fighting a cold. Bed provided little sleep being primarily the platform for my coughing. So I am off to the emergency room early this morning so as you probably guessed here is a reprint from 14 years ago.
Ray’s Daily first published on June 3, 2005
Recently someone guessed that I was a lot younger than I really am, I asked why she thought I was so young. Her response was, “you are so active, so animated, and are always doing something.” Obviously her comments were not a measure of my effectiveness but just how well we become when we jump in and get involved.
Some of my vicarious pleasures come from the people I hang out with. An example is one of my close pals spent a number of days last week in New York meeting with UNICEF, is off to Kenya next week, and will be in Washington the week after meeting with Department of Education staffers on the needs of kids.
Another friend is a volunteer hero; he is one of those unsung guys who spend their days helping to open up the eyes of children to the world around us all. My friend spends hours holding the hands of kids who have little in their lives. And whenever there is a battle call in the war for children, he is first to mount the ramparts, advocating more effort on the part of us all for kids.
Yet another friend has earned national recognition based upon his intellect, research, and wisdom. He spends a great deal of his time out amongst us in order to help us better understand our world, rather than spending all his days in the ivory tower.
These are but a few of the people that I hold in high regard, I feel fortunate to know them, as I am knowing you. It is amazing to me the relationships we can build and the excitement we can bring to our lives by just showing up. So rather than wish you had done something, come out and join us. Take a class, volunteer, go to a seminar, play with some kids (adults are fun too), and if you don’t because you just don’t feel like it, don’t complain to us, we are too busy enjoying life.
Remember, people will judge you by your actions, not your intentions. You may have a heart of gold – but so does a hard-boiled egg.
AUTOMOBILE INSURANCE CLAIMS
- “The accident happened because I had one eye on the truck in front, one eye on the pedestrian and the other on the car behind.”
- “I started to slow down but the traffic was more stationary than I thought.”
- “I didn’t think the speed limit applied after midnight”
- “The other car collided with mine without giving warning of its intention.”
- “I collided with a stationary truck coming the other way”
- “A pedestrian hit me and went under my car.”
- “An invisible car came out of nowhere, struck my car and vanished.”
- “Coming home I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I don’t have.”
- “I had been driving for forty years when I fell asleep at the wheel and had an accident.”
- “As I approached an intersection a sign suddenly appeared in a place where no stop sign had ever appeared before.”
- “The indirect cause of the accident was a little guy in a small car with a big mouth.”
“The best way to cheer yourself up: Cheer everybody else up.”
At a pharmacy, a blonde woman asked to use the infant scale to weigh the baby she held in her arms. The clerk explained that the device was out for repairs, but said that she would figure the infant’s weight by weighing the woman and baby together on the adult scale, then weighing the mother alone and subtracting the second amount from the first.
“It won’t work,” countered the woman. “You see, I’m not the mother, I’m the aunt.”
Mr. Smith goes to see his supervisor.
“Boss,” he says, “we’re doing some heavy house-cleaning at home tomorrow, and my wife needs me to help with the attic and the garage; you know, moving and hauling stuff.”
“We’re short-handed, Smith,” the boss says. “I can’t give you the day off. No way.”
“Thanks, boss,” says Smith. “I knew I could count on you!”
“Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time.”
– Stephen Wright
Doug meets Bill at the bar after work and is once again looking down in the dumps. “What’s wrong now Doug,” asked Bill.
Doug replies, “They called in a management team and gave everyone in the office an aptitude test to see what they were best suited for.”
“Yeah, so what’s the problem with that?” asks Bill.
Doug sighs, “Well it seems that I am best suited for unemployment.”
Do not wait; the time will never be ‘just right’. Start where you stand, and work with whatever tools you may have at your command, and better tools will be found as you go along.
Early in their marriage, my Dad did something really stupid. My Mom chewed him out for it. He apologized, they made up.
However, from time to time, my mom mentions what he had done. “Honey,” my Dad finally said one day, “why do you keep bringing that up? I thought your policy was ‘forgive and forget.'”
“It is,” she said. “I just don’t want you to forget that I’ve forgiven and forgotten.”
Inside every older lady is a younger lady — wondering what the hell happened.
-Cora Harvey Armstrong-
“The efficiency expert concluded his lecture with a note of caution.
“You don’t want to try these techniques at home.”.
“Why not?” asked somebody from the audience..
“I watched my wife”s routine at breakfast for years,” the expert explained.
“She made lots of trips between the refrigerator, stove, table and cabinets,often carrying a single item at a time. One day I told her, ‘Hon, why don’t you try carrying several things at once?'”
“Did it save time?” the guy in the audience asked.
“Actually, yes,” replied the expert. “It used to take her 20 minutes to make breakfast. Now I do it in seven.”
Contemplation often makes life miserable. We should act more, think less, and stop watching ourselves live.
Nicolas de Chamfort
Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.
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