Ray's musings and humor

Archive for May, 2019

Let’s Communicate

Ray’s Daily

May 16, 2019

https://rays-daily.com/

Good words are worth much, and cost little.

George Herbert

communication-new

We often talk about how important it is to continue to make friends as time goes by. This is especially true during our golden years. Many, like my wife and I move to a less challenging environment, leaving friends and neighbors behind. Also, when we retire we lose the socialization that is found in the work place. And then you discover you are outliving many of your friends.

We must do everything we can to avoid lonesomeness and we do that by making new friends. I have found that the people I am attracted to are warm and friendly and are also open to make new friends.

A few years ago Jon Gordon offered tips on being a good communicator. It is our communications skills that are the key to building relationships so I want to share his thoughts with you today

Ways to be a Positive Communicator

  1. Shout Praise, Whisper Criticism – Shouting praise means you recognize someone in front of their peers and whispering criticism means you coach them to get better. Both build better people and teams.
  2. Smile More – When you share a real smile it not only produces more serotonin in your brain but in the brain of the recipient of your smile. Never underestimate the power of a smile. As a positive communicator you have the power to make someone feel better just by smiling.
  3. Don’t Complain – When you complain you lose power, effectiveness and credibility as a communicator and leader. Most of all complaining is toxic and sabotages you and your team.
  4. Encourage – We all need encouragement and positive communicators encourage and inspire others to do more and become more than they ever thought possible.
  5. Spread Positive Gossip – Instead of sharing negative gossip, be the kind of communicator who spreads positive news about people.
  6. Sometimes You Have to Listen More and Talk Less – Positive communicators don’t just talk. They listen. They ask questions and really listen. Positive communicators make others feel important by listening to them and truly hearing what they have to say.
  7. Welcome Feedback – Positive communicators also listen to and welcome ideas and suggestions on how they can improve. They don’t fear criticism. They welcome it knowing it makes them better.
  8. Celebrate Success – Instead of focusing on what went wrong each day, positive communicators focus on what went right. They celebrate their successes, even the small ones, knowing that small wins lead to big wins.
  9. Give High Fives, Handshakes, Pats on the Back – Positive communication isn’t just verbal. It’s also physical. In a world where physical touch has become taboo because of misuse and abuse we must remember that it is a way we humans communicate naturally and is very powerful and beneficial when done appropriately with good intention.

~~~

Trust is the glue of life. It’s the most essential ingredient in effective communication. It’s the foundational principle that holds all relationships.

Stephen Covey

~~~

The farm had been mortgaged, and gladly, to give daughter a college education. Now, driving home from the station after meeting her at the train, farmer Johnson was greatly disturbed when his daughter whispered, “I have a confession to make, Paw – I ain’t a virgin no more.” The old man shook his head sadly. “After all the sacrifices your Maw and I made to give you a good education, you still say ain’t!”

~~~

There is no greater joy nor greater reward than to make a fundamental difference in someone’s life.

Sister Mary Rose McGeady

~~~

Our new office computer system was down as much as it was working. My co-worker Cathy decided to stay late one evening to catch up on the work that had accumulated. On her way home, a police officer stopped her for speeding. “What a perfect end to an awful day!” she exclaimed. “Our computer is up, then down — up, then down. I stay late to catch up, and now this!”

The officer was unaffected by Cathy’s griping and he went to his car to prepare a citation. After what seemed an eternity, he returned with her license and registration. As he handed them to her, he smiled and said, “Our computer is down.”

~~~

I grew up in a large family. The only way my parents could afford to feed us all was to start a game of hide-and-seek right before dinner.

~~~

A housewife with three small children was getting dinner ready, when the telephone rang. The six-year-old picked it up, and said, “Hi, Daddy!”, and began telling him about her day.

She then passed the phone to her brother and sister, as was the custom whenever Daddy called from work. When it was finally the wife’s turn to talk, she took the receiver, and said, “Hi, Hon.”

“Thank goodness, Lady,” the voice on the other end replied. “I just called to tell you that the wallpaper you ordered has arrived!”

~~~

He who wants a rose must respect the thorn.

Persian proverb

~~~

Jill went to a “Dude Ranch”. The cowboy preparing the horses asked if Jill wanted a Western or English saddle, and she asked what the difference was. When he told her one had a horn and one didn’t, Jill replied, “The one without the horn is fine.  I don’t expect we’ll run into too much traffic.”

~~~

We need to learn to set our course by the stars, not by the lights of every passing ship.

Omar N. Bradley

~~~

A Polish gentleman went to the ophthalmologist who showed him a card, with the letters C Z W X N Q S T A C Z printed on it.

“Can you read this?” he asked

“Read it?” The gentleman replied, “I know the guy!”

~~~

Words are singularly the most powerful force available to humanity. We can choose to use this force constructively with words of encouragement, or destructively using words of despair. Words have energy and power with the ability to help, to heal, to hinder, to hurt, to harm, to humiliate and to humble.

Yehuda Berg

~~~

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than fifteen years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

 

I enjoyed those days

Ray’s Daily

May 15, 2019

https://rays-daily.com/

Nostalgia is a file that removes the rough edges from the good old days.

Doug Larson

Doris Day

I was sorry to learn of the passing of Doris Day the other day. I have always enjoyed her music and her movies. She was, and continues to be a source of great pleasure for me.

A friend asked me the other day how I could stay happy with all the turmoil going on in Washington and around the world. I did not respond other than I don’t want to let things I can’t correct take me down. In truth I find solace in nostalgia. I have an Amazon Focus next to my bed that often hears me ask it to play my saved music from years ago. Doris as well as Benny Goodman, Glen Miller, Ella Fitzgerald and the like often lull me to sleep. I also have a Internet Radio tuned to an old time radio feed that allows me to rejoin the sounds of yesteryear. And of course my DVR is loaded with recorded movies from the Turner Classic Movie feed.

Yep, nostalgia is my comfort and allows me to relive some of my good times. Here are some excerpts from Wikipedia on the benefits of remembering the past.

Nostalgia

Although nostalgia is often triggered by negative feelings, it results in increasing one’s mood and heightening positive emotions, which can stem from feelings of warmth or coping resulting from nostalgic reflections. One way to improve mood is to effectively cope with problems that hinder one’s happiness. Batcho found that nostalgia proneness positively related to successful methods of coping throughout all stages—planning and implementing strategies, and reframing the issue positively. These studies led to the conclusion that the coping strategies that are likely among nostalgia prone people often lead to benefits during stressful times.

Nostalgia serves as a coping mechanism and helps people to feel better about themselves. Vess et al.  found that the subjects who thought of nostalgic memories showed a greater accessibility of positive characteristics than those who thought of exciting future experiences.

~~~

Nostalgia paints a smile on the stony face of the past.

Mason Cooley

~~~

He said: While I was visiting my sister one evening, I took out a candy dispenser that was shaped like a miniature person. “How does that thing work?” she asked.

As I turned the figurine’s arm to pop candy out, my sister laughed.  “I see it’s a lot like my husband,” she said.  “You have to twist his arm to get anything out of him.”

~~~

Middle-aged wife to husband at computer: “Yes, honey, I think you can safely assume that a romantic e-mail from Lady Gaga is a prank.”

~~~

Nathan is talking to his lawyer. “Here’s the deal, Abe. If you’re absolutely sure I’ll win the case, I’ll give you the business.”

“OK,” replies Abe, “but before I can give you my opinion, I obviously need to know the facts.”

So Nathan goes into great detail about his failed partnership and ends up saying, “So now you’ve heard everything, do you think I can sue my partner and get my money back?”

“Well,” replies Abe, “from what I’ve just heard, it’s clear to me that you will win. It’s rare to have such an open-and-shut case.”

Nathan goes very white when he hears this.

“What’s the matter?” asks Abe.

“I told you my partner’s side of the case,” replies Nathan.

~~~

“Whatever you’re ready for is ready for you.”

Mark Victor Hansen

~~~

He said: The computer company my wife works for distributed a corporate clothing catalogue that included a pair of cuff links. One was inscribed Ctrl (control) and the other Esc (escape), just as they look on a computer keyboard. “They would make a good present for any man,” my wife commented to a colleague, “if only to remind him of the two things he can never have.”

~~~

“If you’re being chased by a police dog, try not to go through a tunnel, then on to a little seesaw, then jump through a hoop of fire. They’re trained for that.”

Milton Jones

~~~

When you have three boys, it’s hard to know whom to blame if something goes wrong in the house.

One father explained to a friend how he solved the problem:  “I send all three to bed without letting them watch television.  In the morning I go after the one with the black eye!”

~~~

Treat each day as your last, one day you will be right.

~~~

At the urging of his doctor, John moved to Arizona.

After settling in, he met a neighbor who was also an older man.

“Say, is this really a healthy place?”

“It sure is,” the man replied.

“When I first arrived here I couldn’t say one word. I had hardly any hair on my head. I didn’t have the strength to walk across a room and I had to be lifted out of bed.”

“That’s wonderful!” said John. “How long have you been here?”

“I was born here.”

~~~

Looking back is a way to sharpen the focus on the things you want to change in your life. I think there’s something about nostalgia that really puts a fine point on the here-and-now, and that can be incredibly fascinating and interesting and engaging for the mind.

Sarah Paulson

~~~

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than fifteen years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

 

Be Cool

Ray’s Daily

May 14, 2019

“One of the best lessons you can learn is to master how to remain calm.”

Catherine Pulsifer

Don't Panic

I have found that stopping before I react to what is going on allows me time to keep from saying or doing something foolish. In fact, I have been doing this for so long that I have learned most of what takes place in my life is not worth letting it bother me.

My aged body does not need any additional stress so I do benefit from my investment in calmness. I hope you are cool as well. It is embarrassing when I witness folks who are quick to anger even over trivial things that happen to them.

Recently Angel Chernoff wrote a piece on the value of staying calm, I would like to share it with you today.

Calmness can be your superpower today!

The ability to not overreact or take things personally keeps your mind clear and your heart at peace.

And yes, YOU CAN get rid of all the stress inside you created by others, the past, and uncontrollable events…By being a conscious witness of your thoughts.

It’s about sitting quietly and witnessing the thoughts passing through you. Just witnessing at first, not interfering and not even judging, because by judging too rapidly you have lost the pure witness. The moment you rush to say, “this is good” or “this is bad,” you have already jumped head first into the stress.

Of course, it takes a little time to create a gap between the witnessing of thoughts and your reaction to them. Once the gap is there, though, you are in for a great surprise—that you are not the thoughts themselves, nor the stress influencing them. You are the witness, a watcher, who’s superpower is changing your mind and rising above the turmoil.

This process of thought-watching is the very alchemy of true mindfulness. Because as you become more and more deeply rooted in witnessing, the stressful thoughts start disappearing. You are thinking, but the mind is empty of senseless chatter. It’s a moment of enlightenment—a moment that you become, perhaps for the first time, an unconditioned, sane, truly free human being.

So today, let this be your reminder to let all the small annoyances go. Move through your day consciously. Notice at least one insignificant little frustration that you would normally get frustrated about, then do yourself a favor and simply let it go. Experience, in this little way, the freedom of being in control of the way you feel. And realize that you can extend this same level of control to every situation you encounter in life.

~~~

“Ships don’t sink because of the water around them; ships sink because of the water that gets in them. Don’t let what’s happening around you get inside you and weigh you down.”

~~~

At one point during a game, the coach called one of his 9-year-old baseball players aside and asked, “Do you understand what cooperation is? And….What the word team means?”

The little boy nodded in the affirmative.

“Do you understand that what matters is whether we win or lose together as a team?”

The little boy nodded yes.

“So,” the coach continued, “I’m sure you know, when an out is called, you shouldn’t argue, curse, attack the umpire, or call him a pecker-head. Do you understand all that?”

Once again the little boy nodded.

He continued, “And when I take you out of the game so another boy gets a chance to play, it’s not good sportsmanship to call your coach a “dumb ass” is it?”

Again the little boy nodded.

“Good,” said the coach. “Now go over there and explain all that to your grandmother.”

~~~

Before resolving to jog five miles a day, visit a cardiologist to have your heart examined, a podiatrist to have your feet examined and a psychiatrist to have your head examined.

~~~

She said: Needing to shed a few pounds, my husband and I went on a diet that had specific recipes for each meal of the day. I followed the instructions closely, dividing the finished recipe in half for our individual plates. We felt terrific and thought the diet was wonderful. We never even felt hungry!

But when we realized we were gaining weight and not losing it, I checked the recipes again. There in fine print, it said, “Serves 6.”

~~~

Kids: they dance before they learn there is anything that isn’t music.

William Stafford

~~~

A man pacing back and forth glanced at his watch and yelled upstairs to his wife, “Honey, are you ready yet?”

Shouting back, the woman replies, “For crying out loud, I’ve been telling you for the last half hour that I’ll be ready in a minute!

~~~

There are two places where you’ll never see a clock… in Las Vegas casinos and in Doctors’ waiting rooms.

~~~

“Normal” is getting dressed in clothes that you buy for work, driving through traffic in a car that you are still paying for, in order to get to the job that you need so you can pay for the clothes, car and the house that you leave empty all day in order to afford to live in it. Wanna be normal??

~~~

I’m addicted to placebos. I’d give them up, but it wouldn’ make any difference.

Steven Wright

~~~

Jack hadn’t been to a class reunion in decades. When he walked into this latest one, he thought he recognized a woman over in the corner, so he approached her and extended his hand in greeting, saying,

“You look like Helen Brown.”

“Well,” the woman snapped back, “you don’t look so great in blue either!”

~~~

“Calmness is a huge gift. And once you master it, you will be able to respond in a useful way to every difficult situation that decides to walk into your heart.”

Geri Larkin

~~~

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than fifteen years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

 

Let’s do it

Ray’s Daily

May 13, 2019

https://rays-daily.com/

If you find some happiness inside yourself, you’ll start finding it in lot of other places, too.

Gladiola Montana

Let's Be Happy

I am going to have a good week and I hope you will too. Unfortunately, I know a lot of folks will not. These are the people that are so tied up in fault finding and blame that all they see are dark clouds on the horizon. So many of us seem to want to argue and tear down others that we leave little time to appreciate what we have.

You know that our happiness is up to us. We can spend our time holding others responsible for our unhappiness or we can focus on the positives in our lives. I know one thing, if you expect to be unhappy, you will be.

The Whole World Stinks

Wise men and philosophers throughout the ages have disagreed on many things, but many are in unanimous agreement on one point: “We become what we think about.” Ralph Waldo Emerson said, “A man is what he thinks about all day long.” The Roman emperor Marcus Aurelius put it this way: “A man’s life is what his thoughts make of it.” In the Bible we find: “As a man thinks in his heart, so is he.”

One Sunday afternoon, a cranky grandfather was visiting his family. As he lay down to take a nap, his grandson decided to have a little fun by putting Limburger cheese on Grandfather’s mustache. Soon, grandpa awoke with a snort and charged out of the bedroom saying, “This room stinks.” Through the house he went, finding every room smelling the same. Desperately he made his way outside only to find that “The whole world stinks!”

So it is when we fill our minds with negativism. Everything we experience and everybody we encounter will carry the scent we hold in our mind.

~~~

Perceive and rejoice that life is abundant, that beauty and goodness are amply available, that your happiness is in your hands.

Paul Hodges

~~~

A minister decided to do something a little different one Sunday morning.

He said, “Today, in church, I am going to say a single word and you are going to help me preach. “Whatever single word I say, I want you to sing whatever hymn comes to your mind.

The pastor shouted out, “Cross!” Immediately the congregation started singing, in unison, “The Old Rugged Cross.”

The pastor hollered out, “Grace!” The congregation began to sing “Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound…”

The pastor said, “Power.” The congregation sang “There Is Power in the Blood.”

The Pastor said, “Sex.” The congregation fell in total silence. Everyone was in shock.

They all nervously began to look around at each other, afraid to say anything.

Then all of a sudden, way from in the back of the church, a little old 87-year-old grandmother stood up and began to sing “Precious Memories.”

~~~

Wife to bill-paying husband:  “I slashed expenses last month.  Everything was charged on one credit card so that it will cost only one stamp to pay all of our bills.”

~~~

At the beginning of the grandparents’ class I teach, I ask participants if they would share the very first feelings they had when they learned they were going to be grandparents.

Most people say they were happy and excited. During one class, however, an expectant grandmother blurted, “I just hated it! I finally knew for certain that my daughter was having sex.”

~~~

We all live with the objective of being happy; our lives are all different and yet the same.

Anne Frank

~~~

A cyclone hit a Kansas farmhouse just before dawn one morning.

It tore off the roof, and picked up the beds on which the farmer and his wife slept were sleeping.  By some miracle, the cyclone set them down unharmed the next county over.

The wife was sobbing uncontrollably.  “Don’t be scared, Mary,” her husband said.  “We’re not hurt.”

Mary continued to cry.  “I’m not scared,” she said between sobs.  “I’m happy…  this is the first time in 14 years we’ve been out together.”

~~~

Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn’t.

Erica Jong

~~~

Jill had applied for a job, and when she returned home, her mother asked how the interview went.

Jill replied, “Pretty good I think, but if I go to work there I won’t get a vacation unless I’m married.”

Her mother, of course, had never heard of such a thing and asked, “Is that what they told you?

Jill replied, “No, they didn’t tell me that, but on the application it said, “Vacation time may not be taken until you’ve had your first anniversary.”

~~~

Keep away from small people who try to belittle your ambitions.

Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great.

Mark Twain

~~~

An insurance salesman was getting nowhere in his efforts to sell a policy to a farmer.  “Look at it this way.” he said finally.  “How would your wife carry on if you should die?”

“Well…” drawled the weather-beaten man, “I don’t reckon that’d be any concern of mine — long as she behaves herself while I’m alive.”

~~~

Death is more universal than life; everyone dies but not everyone lives.

~~~

An interviewer said to a job applicant, “I must say, your work history is terrible. You’ve been fired from every job.”

“Yes.”

“There’s not much positive in that.”

“Hey, at least I’m not a quitter!”

~~~

Be unselfish.  That is the first and final commandment for those who would be useful and happy in their usefulness. If you think of yourself only, you cannot develop because you are choking the source of development, which is spiritual expansion through thought of others.

George Eliot

~~~

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than fifteen years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

 

Be who you want to be

Ray’s Daily first published on May 10, 2010

Don’t brood. Get on with living and loving. You don’t have forever.

Leo Buscaglia

Be Waht you want to be

I had a neat experience the other day. I got an e-mail from someone who has been a Daily reader for some years now, ever since a friend suggested she might like it. What was special is that she lives here in Indianapolis and is a successful business woman in the financial industry so she is nearby. She suggested that we meet for coffee in the belief that we had some common interests. She, like I did so many years ago feels that the time is right to consider adding some more interesting content into her life.

We met for a couple of hours on Saturday and she was right, she is thinking about the same things I thought about a couple of decades ago and have done regularly since, I was older then she is now. I thought about such things as did I want to leisurely coast through the balance of my life taking advantage of the fact I could? Where there things I could do that would give my life more meaning? Were there things I missed over the fast paced years leading up to my first retirement that would enrich the years I had left? You get the idea. I told my new friend it was like hearing Peggy Lee singing her hit “Is this all there is.”

Fortunately some self-analysis, dumb luck, and open doors resulted in the years following to be much better than I ever thought possible at the time. What I have found in my own case and in the case of the hundred or more folks who I have worked with as they thought through their balance of life plans is that it is not easy to figure out what we want. It is easy to put on the list such things as more money, less stress, more friends and the like. But we need to go deeper. For example, how much money do we want, how much do we really need, what are we willing to give up in order to do what is necessary to have more and so on. More friends? What kind, casual, best, smart, fun, etc.

I have found that when we revisit the past, and I mean all the way back to when we were kids, we often find patterns that we have suppressed in later life. Did I like the challenges of continuous learning? Was it the freedom to take a few risks and have fun? Was it a special friend or two? When I did it for myself I was able to identify some of the things that I missed without realizing that I had. The wise Ralph Marston knows what I mean, here is something he wrote recently in the same spirit.

Go back

Sometimes the best way to move forward is to go back. Go back, into the experience of your life, and remind yourself why. Go back and remember why you’re where you are, why you’re doing whatever you’re doing. Go back and remember what truly matters to you.

In your mind, go back to a time and a place when life felt positively magical. Realize that the magical feeling is still very much a part of you. See that now, too, is magical. Understand that your best possibilities are with you even now.

Go back and appreciate all the good things you have ever had. From a deep and profound sense of gratitude, know that in this very time is the potential for more joy than ever before. Go back, and see that all the goodness that ever was, still is. Now, carry all that goodness with you as you continue to move positively forward.

I am sorry to ramble on so but my new friend reopened my thought processes and I am glad she did. I also appreciate that she offered me the opportunity to meet her. There are Daily readers all over the world and I wish I could meet every one of them, but I know I can’t, I just have to be satisfied that they give me a few minutes of their time each day.

~~~

I believe that you control your destiny, that you can be what you want to be. You can also stop and say, No, I won’t do it, I won’t behave his way anymore. I’m lonely and I need people around me, maybe I have to change my methods of behaving and then you do it.

Leo Buscaglia

~~~

HOW TO BE A GOOD WIFE..

The following is from an actual 1950s Home Economics textbook intended for High School girls, teaching them how to prepare for married life.

Then read on for the way things really are….

  1. HAVE DINNER READY: Plan ahead, even the night before, to have a delicious meal on time. This is a way of letting him know that you have been thinking about him, and are concerned bout his needs. Most men are hungry when they come home and the prospects of a good meal are part of the warm welcome needed.
  2. PREPARE YOURSELF: Take 15 minutes to rest so you will be refreshed when he arrives.  Touch up your make-up, put a ribbon in your hair and be fresh looking.  He has just been with a lot of work-weary people.  Be a little gay and a little more interesting.  His boring day may need a lift.
  3. CLEAR AWAY CLUTTER.  Make one last trip through the main part of the house just before your husband arrives, gathering up schoolbooks, toys, paper, etc. Then run a dust cloth over the tables.  Your husband will feel he has reached a haven of rest and order, and it will give you a lift too.
  4. PREPARE THE CHILDREN.  Take a few minutes to wash the children’s hands and faces if they are small, comb their hair, and if necessary, change their clothes. They are little treasures and he would like to see them playing the part.
  5. MINIMIZE THE NOISE: At the time of his arrival, eliminate all noise of washer, dryer, or vacuum.  Try to encourage the children to be quiet.

Greet him with a warm smile and kiss, letting him know you’re glad to see him.

  1. Some DON’TS: Don’t greet him with problems or complaints.  Don’t complain if he’s late for dinner.  Count this as minor compared with what he might have gone through that day.
  2. MAKE HIM COMFORTABLE.  Have him lean back in a comfortable chair or suggest he lay down in the bedroom.  Have a cool or warm drink ready for him.  Arrange his pillow and offer to take off his shoes. Speak in a low, soft, soothing and pleasant voice. Allow him to relax and unwind.
  3. LISTEN TO HIM: You may have a dozen things to tell him, but the moment of his arrival is not the time.  Let him talk first.
  4. MAKE THE EVENING HIS: Never complain if he does not take you out to dinner or to other places of entertainment; instead try to understand his world of strain and pressure and his need to be home and relax.
  5. THE GOAL: try to make your home a place of peace and order where your husband can relax.

Today

  1. HAVE DINNER READY: Make reservations ahead of time. If your day becomes too hectic just leave him a voice mail message regarding where you’d like to eat and at what time. This lets him know that your day has been crappy and gives him an opportunity to change your mood.
  2. PREPARE YOURSELF: Make sure to change out of your work clothes into something comfortable.  Who cares if he likes it or not . .after all, it’s most likely his T-shirt and boxers.
  3. CLEAR AWAY CLUTTER: Yeah right!  Tell the kids and your husband if they want maid service, they better call one!
  4. PREPARE THE CHILDREN: Send the children to their rooms to watch television or play with their Play Stations.
  5. MINIMIZE THE NOISE: Yell to him over the loud music your kids are playing, that this is what you had to put up with while he was gone. And mention that it was his decision to buy the kids a new CD player in the first place.
  6. SOME DON’TS: Don’t greet him with problems and complaints. Let him speak first, and then your complaints will get more attention and remain fresh in his mind throughout dinner. Don’t complain if he’s late for dinner, simply remind him that the leftovers are in the fridge and you left the dishes for him to do.
  7. MAKE HIM COMFORTABLE: Tell him where he can find a blanket if he’s cold. This will really show you care.
  8. LISTEN TO HIM: But don’t ever let him get the last word.
  9. MAKE THE EVENING HIS: Never complain if he does not take you out to dinner or other places of entertainment; go with a friend or go shopping (use his credit card).  Familiarize him with the phrase “Girls’ Night Out!”
  10. THE GOAL: Try to keep things amicable without reminding him that he only thinks the world revolves around him.  Obviously he’s wrong, it revolves around you.

~~~

A pleasure is not full grown until it is remembered.

C.S. Lewis

~~~

While walking through a parking lot, I tripped and fell flat on my face.

As I was lying there, a woman stopped her car and called out, “Are you hurt?” “No, I’m fine,” I said, touched by her concern. “Oh, good,” she continued.  “So will you be vacating your parking space now?”

~~~

What we call the secret of happiness is no more a secret than our willingness to choose life.

Leo Buscaglia

~~~

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than fifteen years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

 

You’re Special

Ray’s Daily

May 9, 2019

https://rays-daily.com/

A contented mind is the greatest blessing a man can enjoy in this world.

Joseph Addison

Blessings

I was thinking about how well so many of my friends deal with anything that comes their way. We all experience adversity but not all of us handle problems well. I have learned that few things in life are permanent and the old adage that time heals all wounds is pretty accurate.

Actually, how we let thing affect us is up to us. We can let our problems take us down or we can deal with them and move on. Life goes too fast to let too many obstacles slow us down.

The following poem is worth our remembering.

Count your blessings, not your troubles.

You’ll make it through whatever comes along.

Within you are so many answers.

Understand, have courage, be strong.

 

Don’t put limits on yourself.

So many dreams are waiting to be realized.

Decisions are too important to leave to chance.

Reach for your peak, your goal, your prize.

 

Nothing wastes more energy than worrying.

The longer one carries a problem,

the heavier it gets.

Don’t take things too seriously.

Live a life of serenity, not a life of regrets.

 

Remember that a little love goes a long way.

Remember that a lot… goes forever.

Remember that friendship is a wise investment.

Life’s treasures are people… together.

 

Realize that it’s never too late.

Do ordinary things in an extraordinary way.

Have health and hope and happiness.

Take the time to wish upon a star.

 

And don’t ever forget…

for even a day… how very SPECIAL you are.

 

Collin McCarty

~~~

Glass half empty, glass half full. Well, either way you won’t be going thirsty, count your blessings not your flaws.

Lauren Aquilina

~~~

After years of wondering why he didn’t look like his younger sister or brother, Mark finally got up the nerve to ask his mother if he was adopted.

“Yes, you were son,” his mother said, as she started to cry softly. “But, it didn’t work out and they brought you back.”

~~~

The trouble with current times is that the future is not what it used to be.

~~~

Dearest creature in creation, study English pronunciation. I will teach you in my verse Sounds like corpse, corps, horse, and worse. I will keep you, Suzy, busy, Make your head with heat grow dizzy. Tear in eye, your dress will tear. So shall I! Oh hear my prayer.

Just compare heart, beard, and heard, Dies and diet, lord and word, Sword and sward, retain and Britain. (Mind the latter, how it’s written.) Now I surely will not plague you, with such words as plaque and ague. But be careful how you speak: Say break and steak, but bleak and streak; Cloven, oven, how and low, Script, receipt, show, poem, and toe.

Hear me say, devoid of trickery, Daughter, laughter, and Terpsichore, Typhoid, measles, topsails, aisles, Exiles, similes, and reviles; Scholar, vicar, and cigar, Solar, mica, war and far; One, anemone, Balmoral, Kitchen, lichen, laundry, laurel; Gertrude, German, wind and mind, Scene, Melpomene, mankind.

Billet does not rhyme with ballet, Bouquet, wallet, mallet, chalet. Blood and flood are not like food, Nor is mould like should and would. Viscous, viscount, load and broad, Toward, to forward, to reward. And your pronunciation’s OK When you correctly say croquet, Rounded, wounded, grieve and sieve, Friend and fiend, alive and live.

Ivy, privy, famous; clamour and enamour rhyme with hammer. River, rival, tomb, bomb, comb, Doll and roll and some and home. Stranger does not rhyme with anger, Neither does devour with clangour. Souls but foul, haunt but aunt, Font, front, wont, want, grand, and grant, Shoes, goes, does. Now first say finger, And then singer, ginger, linger, Real, zeal, mauve, gauze, gouge and gauge, Marriage, foliage, mirage, and age.

Query does not rhyme with very, Nor does fury sound like bury. Dost, lost, post and doth, cloth, loth. Job, nob, bosom, transom, oath. Though the differences seem little, We say actual but victual. Refer does not rhyme with deafer. Foeffer does, and zephyr, heifer. Mint, pint, senate and sedate; Dull, bull, and George ate late. Scenic, Arabic, Pacific, Science, conscience, scientific.

Pronunciation — think of Psyche! Is a paling stout and spikey? Won’t it make you lose your wits, Writing groats and saying grits? It’s a dark abyss or tunnel: Strewn with stones, stowed, solace, gunwale, Islington and Isle of Wight, Housewife, verdict and indict.

Finally, which rhymes with enough — Though, through, plough, or dough, or cough? Hiccough has the sound of cup. My advice is to give up!

~~~

“So,” Jane asked the detective she had hired. “Did you trail my husband?”

“Yes ma’am. I did. I followed him to a bar, to an out-of-the-way restaurant and then to an apartment.”

A big smile crossed Jane’s face. “Aha! I’ve got him!” she said gloating. “Is there any doubt what he was doing?”

“No ma’am.” replied the sleuth, “It’s pretty clear that he was following you.”

~~~

The secret of happiness is to count your blessings while others are adding up their troubles.

William Penn

~~~

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than fifteen years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

 

Let’s do it

Ray’s Daily

May 8, 2019

https://rays-daily.com/

“Life is what we make it, always has been, always will be.”

Grandma Moses

Let-s-Have-A-Good-Day

I plan on having a good day today. I am off to my foot doctor and if all goes well I can get out of my orthopedic boot and restart normal walking.

Our primary elections are over and hopefully we can move on with more civility and less contentious behavior. I only hope that we can learn that excessive partisanship is putting our country at risk. I liked when winning came from solid performance and not by destroying the competition. I wish we could return to the days when we worked together as epitomized by the late Senator Dick Lugar.

I will not let the bitterness that seems so common in society today get me down. Here is suggestions for people who would like to invest in their personal happiness rather than succumb to ill will.

 

The 8 things the happiest people do every day

ERIC BARKER

We’re all quick to say happiness is the most important thing … and then we schedule everything but the things that make us happiest. Huh?

University of California professor Sonja Lyubomirsky details the things research shows the happiest people have in common.

  1. They devote a great amount of time to their family and friends, nurturing and enjoying those relationships.
  2. They are comfortable expressing gratitude for all they have.
  3. They are often the first to offer helping hands to coworkers and passersby.
  4. They practice optimism when imagining their futures.
  5. They savor life’s pleasures and try to live in the present moment.
  6. They make physical exercise a weekly and even daily habit.
  7. They are deeply committed to lifelong goals and ambitions (e.g., fighting fraud, building cabinets, or teaching their children their deeply held values).
  8. Last but not least, the happiest people do have their share of stresses, crises, and even tragedies. They may become just as distressed and emotional in such circumstances as you or I, but their secret weapon is the poise and strength they show in coping in the face of challenge.

~~~

“When everything seems to be going against you, remember that the airplane takes off against the wind, not with it.”

Henry Ford

~~~

Question: Why don’t retirees mind being called Seniors?

Answer: The term comes with a 10% percent discount.

~~~

He: I have a complaint, dear.

She: What is it, darling?

He: We’ve been married twenty-five years and you still correct me every time I open my mouth, dear.

She: Twenty-six years, darling.

~~~

People will believe anything if you whisper it.

~~~

Tower: “United 702, cleared for takeoff, contact departure on 124.7.”

United 702: “Tower, United 702 switching to departure …by the way, after we lifted off, we saw some kind of dead animal on the far end of the runway.”

Tower: “Continental 635, cleared for takeoff. Contact departure on 124.7; did you copy the report from United?”

Continental 635: “Continental 635, cleared for takeoff, roger; and yes, we copied United. We’ve already notified our caterers.”

~~~

If you don’t have a sense of humor, you probably don’t have any sense at all.

~~~

The minister gave his Sunday morning service, as usual, but this particular Sunday, it was considerably longer than normal. Later, at the door, shaking hands with parishioners as they filed out, one man said,

“Your sermon, Pastor, was simply wonderful – so invigorating and inspiring and refreshing.”

The minister of course, broke out in a big smile, only to hear the man add, “Why I felt like a new man when I woke up!”

~~~

I wonder how long I would be on hold if my call WASN’T important to them?

~~~

Morris realized he needed to purchase a hearing aid, but he felt unwilling to spend much money. “How much do they cost?” he asked the salesperson.

“That depends,” he said. “They run from $2.00 to $2,000.”

“Let’s see the $2.00 model,” said Morris the miser.

The salesperson put the device around Morris’ neck. “You just stick this button in your ear and run this little string down to your pocket,” he instructed.

“How does it work?” , asked Morris.

“For $2.00 it doesn’t work,” the salesperson replied. “But when people see it on you, they’ll talk louder.”

~~~

“There are two primary choices in life: to accept conditions as they exist, or accept the responsibility for changing them.”

Denis Waitley

~~~

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than fifteen years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

 

A dose a day keeps the blues away

Ray’s Daily

May 7, 2019

https://rays-daily.com/

“He who laughs, lasts.”

Mary Pettibone Poole

humor 2

Since I wrote the first Ray’s Daily in 2000 I have always included some humor to lighten our days. I know some of our readers enjoy the levity, often sharing it with others.

Now that I am living with so many seniors older than me, I have seen the value that keeping a sense of humor has in dealing with age and infirmities. Laughter makes the days a lighter brighter and the heart a little lighter. So my friends I hope you enjoy the Daily as much as I enjoy putting it together.

The Five Most Important Reasons to Laugh

Barbara Lee

  1. Laughter Makes Us Healthier – Laughter is a good thing. Scientists tell us that laughter, humor and joy are an important part of life. Laughing lowers blood pressure, reduces stress hormones, and increases muscle flexion. It increases the circulation of antibodies in the blood stream and makes us more resistant to infection.
  2. Laughter Touches Our Soul – Laughter is good for us physically, but that is just the beginning. Laughter is good for the soul. There is a holiness in laughter. Laughter brings us closer to each other – and there is something holy about people coming together.
  3. Laughter Keeps Things in Perspective – Laughter helps us to transcend ourselves, and I need that help. Too often I take myself far too seriously. There is a danger of taking ourselves, our beliefs and our life too seriously.
  4. Laughter Helps Us Stay Positive – Laughter can be an important tool for keeping our troubles in proportion, for realizing that things aren’t always as bad as we think they are. But even when things are as bad as we think they are, laughter helps create positive emotions and helps us find a frame of mind in which we can more easily cope with the struggles of life.
  5. Laughter Is Loving – If I am able to laugh with you in my mistakes as well as with you in yours, it suggests we are all flawed and imperfect. Embracing good natured humor, we find the humility to see the foolishness of trying to be perfect and the gift of enjoying the smiles and laughter of love.

~~~

“Laugh as much as possible, always laugh. It’s the sweetest thing one can do for oneself & one’s fellow human beings.”

Maya Angelou

~~~

Tech Support: “I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop.”

Customer: “Ok.”

Tech Support: “Did you get a pop-up menu?”

Customer: “No.”

Tech Support: “Ok.  Right click again.  Do you see a pop-up menu?”

Customer: “No.”

Tech Support: “Ok, sir.  Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?”

Customer: “Sure, you told me to write ‘click’ and I wrote click’.”

~~~

You’re getting old when you wake up with that morning-after feeling, and you didn’t do anything the night before.

~~~

A Jewish gentleman stood before a delicatessen display counter and pointed to a tray. “I’ll have a pound of that salmon,” he said.

“That’s not salmon,” the clerk said, “it’s ham.”

“Mister,” the customer snapped, “in case nobody ever told you, you got a big mouth!”

~~~

“I tell ya, my wife, we get along good cause we have our own arrangement. I mean, one night a week I go out with the boys and one night a week, she goes out with the boys.”

Rodney Dangerfield

~~~

The sermon had been going on too long, and the Minister should have been able to see the congregation getting more than a little restless; he droned on none-the-less for yet another 15 minutes.  Finally he paused and said, “What else can I say Brothers and Sisters?”

“How about ‘Amen’ Preacher?” said a hungry soul from the rear of the Church.

~~~

An eccentric philosophy professor gave a one question final exam after a semester dealing with a broad array of topics. The class was already seated and ready to go when the professor picked up his chair, plopped it on his desk and wrote on the board: “Using everything we have learned this semester, prove that this chair does not exist.”

Fingers flew, erasers erased, notebooks were filled in furious fashion. Some students wrote over 30 pages in one hour attempting to refute the existence of the chair.  One member of the class however, was up and finished in less than a minute. Weeks later when the grades were posted, the rest of the group wondered how he could have gotten an A when he had barely written anything at all. His answer consisted of two words: “What chair?”

~~~

The restaurant was so bad, the doggie bags had a warning: Not for consumption by real dogs.

~~~

Harry Epstein was downtown with his wife and four little children when he decided to take a taxicab home.

Approaching a cab driver, he demanded, “How much will you charge to drive us to the Bronx?”

“I figure $2 apiece for you and your wife,” said the driver. “I’ll take the four kids along for nothing.”

Harry Epstein turned to his children and said, “Jump in kids, and have a nice ride home. Momma and I will take the subway.”

~~~

Doctor to patient: I have good news and bad news: the good news is that you are not a hypochondriac.

~~~

I am passing this on to you because, I think I have found inner peace.

I read an article that said the way to achieve inner peace is to finish things I had started.

Today I finished two bags of potato chips, a chocolate pie, a bottle of wine, and a box of chocolate candy.

~~~

“A sense of humor… is needed armor. Joy in one’s heart and some laughter on one’s lips is a sign that the person down deep has a pretty good grasp of life.”

Hugh Sidey

~~~

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than fifteen years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

 

It is up to you

Ray’s Daily

May 6, 2019

https://rays-daily.com/

Happiness is an attitude of mind, born of the simple determination to be happy under all outward circumstances.

Donald Walters

Choose Happiness

I have learned that personal happiness comes from a positive attitude, appreciation of what we have, concern for others and feeling good. For years I have followed the writings of author Gretchen Rubin, a happiness guru. About ten years ago she wrote an article offering tips to get happy when you need a boost. Here is a list of her suggestions.

They can become everyday habits that will sustain a happier existence, at least it has for me although I still seem to create more clutter than I should. Oh, and by the way, if you are ever in my neighborhood let’s have coffee.

Nine Tips for Dealing with a Happiness Emergency–in the Next Hour.

Here are nine strategies that can boost your mood right now in a happiness emergency.

  1. Boost your energy: stand up and pace while you talk on the phone or, even better, take a brisk ten-minute walk outside.
  2. Reach out to friends: make a lunch date or send an email to a friend you haven’t seen in a while. Having warm, close bonds with other people is the KEY to happiness, so take the time to stay in touch.
  3. Rid yourself of a nagging task: answer a difficult email, do an errand you’ve been putting off, or call to make that dentist’s appointment. Crossing an irksome chore off your to-do list will give you a big rush of energy and relief.
  4. Create a calmer environment: clear some physical and mental space around yourself by sorting papers, pitching junk, cleaning a closet, stowing supplies, sending out quick email responses, filing, or even just making your piles neater.
  5. Lay the groundwork for some future fun: order a book you’ve been wanting to read (important: not something you think you should read) or plan an excursion to a museum, hiking trail, sporting event, gardening store, movie theater—whatever sounds like fun. Studies show that having fun on a regular basis is a pillar of happiness,and anticipation is an important part of that pleasure.
  6. Do a good deed: make an email introduction of two people who could help each other, or set up a blind date, or shoot someone a piece of useful information or gratifying praise. Do good, feel good — this really works.
  7. Act happy: put a smile on your face right now. Research shows that even a fake smile has a positive influence on your emotions — turns out that just going through the motion of happiness brightens your mood.
  8. Count your blessings. Take ten minutes to think about all the things in your life that are going right, about all the things that other people do to help you, about all the things that you’re thankful for.
  9. Perform an action that reflects your values. The First Splendid Truth holds that to work on happiness, we should think about feeling good, feeling bad, and feeling right, in an atmosphere of growth. Living up to your values will help you “feel right.”

~~~

Happiness radiates like the fragrance from a flower and draws all good things towards you.

Maharishi Mahesh Yogi

~~~

What to say to phone solicitors who call to sell you credit cards, vacation packages, etc.:

The police photographer is still here, and the county medical examiner hasn’t released the body to the coroner yet. Can you call back a little later?

What’s that you say? Speak up, please, will you? The battery has run down on my hearing aid. Louder, please, louder. Is that the best you can do? I’m afraid we’re just not communicating.

I’m gonna have to put you on hold. The baby is due any minute now. Quick someone, get some hot water. Lots of it. Sorry, gotta hurry now, don’t go away.

Oh, it’s you again. I was hoping you’d call back. The better business people said I need more positive identification to file my complaint.  Now first let me have your name and telephone number…

~~~

There is more to life than increasing its speed.

Mahatma Gandhi

~~~

An attendant on a cross-country flight nervously announced: “I don’t know how this happened, but we have 103 passengers aboard and only 40 dinners.” When the passengers’ muttering had died down, she continued, “Anyone who is kind enough to give up his meal so someone else can eat will receive free drinks for the length of the flight.”

Her next announcement came an hour later.  “If anyone wants to change his mind, we still have 29 dinners available!”

~~~

Whine less, breathe more; talk less, say more; hate less, love more; and all good things are yours.

Swedish Proverb

~~~

A man walked into a restaurant in a strange town. The waiter came and asked him for his order. Feeling lonely, he replied, “Meat loaf and a kind word.”

When the waiter returned with the meat loaf, the man said, “Where’s the good word?”

The waiter put down the meat loaf and sighed, bent down, and whispered, “Don’t eat the meat loaf.”

~~~

If The Phone Don’t Ring, You’ll Know It’s Me

~~~

It was a difficult subject to bring before his aged mother, but Morris felt that he must.  “Mom, you are no longer a spring chicken and you do need to think ahead of what will happen in the future.  Why don’t we make arrangements about when….. you know… when…. God Forbid …you pass on?”

The mother didn’t say anything, just sat there staring ahead.

“I mean, Momma, like…. how do you want to finally go? To be buried? Cremated?”

There was yet another long pause.  Then the mother looked up and said, “Son, why don’t you simply surprise me?”

~~~

Today I choose life. Every morning when I wake up I can choose joy, happiness, negativity, pain… To feel the freedom that comes from being able to continue to make mistakes and choices – today I choose to feel life, not to deny my humanity but embrace it.

Kevyn Aucoin

~~~

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than fifteen years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

 

Happy Weekend Ahead

Ray’s Daily

May 3, 2019

https://rays-daily.com/

 

“The life you have left is a gift. Cherish it. Enjoy it now, to the fullest. Do what matters, now.”

Leo Babauta

enjoying-life-to-teh-fullest

I hope you have had a good week; I have. And I am looking forward to this weekend. The highlight will be attending the Actors Theatre of Indiana’s production of the musical Forbidden Broadway on Sunday. I always enjoy ATI’s offerings especially when performed by the founders, folks with a wide variety of credits including New York and regional productions, TV appearances as well as world tours. I especially appreciate the founder’s friendship.

This Sunday will be special for the actors will remain after the show to spend time with the audience members discussing the production. We are lucky to have a resident company of Equity players willing to share their talents with us here in Central Indiana.

TV and movies are fine but there is nothing better than live theatre. So my friends as always I plan on enjoying myself and I hope you are as well.

To Feel Good is To Be Allowing

You attract what you ARE – when you are “making the best of it” and looking for reasons / ways to feel content DESPITE whatever may be going on in your life right now, you ARE allowing!

And ALLOWING — becoming an energetic match to what you would like to attract — is the ONLY way to manifest anything! To TRY to feel happy or content is the fastest way to match the energy of that which you want — that is HOW you ALLOW it into being!

So, go out there and FEEL BETTER today!  …Look for reasons to FEEL APPRECIATIVE!  …Try to find things to FEEL PLEASED about, and more GOOD will find you!

  • Look for the good things in your life
  • Try to find reasons to feel at peace, content, and good
  • List the positive aspects of situations and people around you
  • Think of ANY ways in which your life is “just right” right now
  • Search for examples of good news
  • Watch happy shows, focus on comedy, and read uplifting material
  • Collect stories and memories of the good things that have happened in the past and are happening still, all around you
  • Ask the Universe to give you experiences to feel really happy about…

(And, best of all, when you are FEELING GOOD, the particular type of good that you like BEST of all, is the GOOD you are attracting more of!)

~~~

I am going to keep having fun every day I have left, because there is no other way of life. You just have to decide whether you are a Tigger or an Eeyore.”

Randy Pausch

~~~

The couple entered the resort’s swanky dining room. “I’m sorry,” apologized the Maitre d, “but there are no tables available.”

“One moment, my friend,” said the man, drawing himself up. “I happen to be Gregory R. Carutheres, the sportsman.”

“I’d like to accommodate you, Mr. Caruthers, but there just isn’t a table available this evening.”

“I bet if President Trump came in and asked for a table, there’d be one available.”

“Yes-s-s,” the other admitted, “I suppose there would be a table available for President Trump.”

“Good! I’ll take it. The President isn’t coming!”

~~~

My wife and I always compromise; I admit I’m wrong and she agrees with me.

~~~

On an airplane, I overheard a stewardess talking to an elderly couple in front of me. Learning that it was the couple’s 50th wedding anniversary, the flight attendant congratulated them and asked how they had done it.

“It all felt like five minutes…” the gentleman said slowly. The stewardess had just begun to remark on what a sweet statement that was when he finished his sentence with a word that earned him a sharp smack on the head: “..underwater.”

~~~

Never trust a man who says he’s the boss at home. He probably lies about other things too.

~~~

Jill, being the “only buy-on-sale shopper,” beckoned to a salesman in Bergdorf Goodman’s, pointed to white wool designer dress on a mannequin, and said, “Hey Sonny boy, so how much is the dress on that store dummy over there?”

“That dress is $899.95, Madam,” sneered the rather snotty salesman.

“Oh!  For $99.95, I could get the same dress at S. Klein’s downtown!”

“But Madam,” said the salesman, “You’ll find that the dress at Klein’s is recycled wool.  This original is 100% pure virgin wool.”

And Jill replied, “So!  For $800, I should be caring what the lambs do at night?”

~~~

If you are losing a tug-of-war with a tiger, give him the rope before he gets to your arm. You can always buy a new rope.

Max Gunther

~~~

A joke for my generation:

A Sunday School teacher asked little Willie who the first man in the Bible was.

“Hoss.” said Willie.

“Wrong,” said the teacher. “It was Adam.”

“Aw, shucks!” Willie replied. “I knew it was one of those Cartwrights.”

~~~

“At the end of the day, if I can say I had fun, it was a good day.”

Simone Biles

~~~

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than fifteen years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

 

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