Ray’s Daily first published on May 10, 2010
Don’t brood. Get on with living and loving. You don’t have forever.
I had a neat experience the other day. I got an e-mail from someone who has been a Daily reader for some years now, ever since a friend suggested she might like it. What was special is that she lives here in Indianapolis and is a successful business woman in the financial industry so she is nearby. She suggested that we meet for coffee in the belief that we had some common interests. She, like I did so many years ago feels that the time is right to consider adding some more interesting content into her life.
We met for a couple of hours on Saturday and she was right, she is thinking about the same things I thought about a couple of decades ago and have done regularly since, I was older then she is now. I thought about such things as did I want to leisurely coast through the balance of my life taking advantage of the fact I could? Where there things I could do that would give my life more meaning? Were there things I missed over the fast paced years leading up to my first retirement that would enrich the years I had left? You get the idea. I told my new friend it was like hearing Peggy Lee singing her hit “Is this all there is.”
Fortunately some self-analysis, dumb luck, and open doors resulted in the years following to be much better than I ever thought possible at the time. What I have found in my own case and in the case of the hundred or more folks who I have worked with as they thought through their balance of life plans is that it is not easy to figure out what we want. It is easy to put on the list such things as more money, less stress, more friends and the like. But we need to go deeper. For example, how much money do we want, how much do we really need, what are we willing to give up in order to do what is necessary to have more and so on. More friends? What kind, casual, best, smart, fun, etc.
I have found that when we revisit the past, and I mean all the way back to when we were kids, we often find patterns that we have suppressed in later life. Did I like the challenges of continuous learning? Was it the freedom to take a few risks and have fun? Was it a special friend or two? When I did it for myself I was able to identify some of the things that I missed without realizing that I had. The wise Ralph Marston knows what I mean, here is something he wrote recently in the same spirit.
Sometimes the best way to move forward is to go back. Go back, into the experience of your life, and remind yourself why. Go back and remember why you’re where you are, why you’re doing whatever you’re doing. Go back and remember what truly matters to you.
In your mind, go back to a time and a place when life felt positively magical. Realize that the magical feeling is still very much a part of you. See that now, too, is magical. Understand that your best possibilities are with you even now.
Go back and appreciate all the good things you have ever had. From a deep and profound sense of gratitude, know that in this very time is the potential for more joy than ever before. Go back, and see that all the goodness that ever was, still is. Now, carry all that goodness with you as you continue to move positively forward.
I am sorry to ramble on so but my new friend reopened my thought processes and I am glad she did. I also appreciate that she offered me the opportunity to meet her. There are Daily readers all over the world and I wish I could meet every one of them, but I know I can’t, I just have to be satisfied that they give me a few minutes of their time each day.
I believe that you control your destiny, that you can be what you want to be. You can also stop and say, No, I won’t do it, I won’t behave his way anymore. I’m lonely and I need people around me, maybe I have to change my methods of behaving and then you do it.
HOW TO BE A GOOD WIFE..
The following is from an actual 1950s Home Economics textbook intended for High School girls, teaching them how to prepare for married life.
Then read on for the way things really are….
- HAVE DINNER READY: Plan ahead, even the night before, to have a delicious meal on time. This is a way of letting him know that you have been thinking about him, and are concerned bout his needs. Most men are hungry when they come home and the prospects of a good meal are part of the warm welcome needed.
- PREPARE YOURSELF: Take 15 minutes to rest so you will be refreshed when he arrives. Touch up your make-up, put a ribbon in your hair and be fresh looking. He has just been with a lot of work-weary people. Be a little gay and a little more interesting. His boring day may need a lift.
- CLEAR AWAY CLUTTER. Make one last trip through the main part of the house just before your husband arrives, gathering up schoolbooks, toys, paper, etc. Then run a dust cloth over the tables. Your husband will feel he has reached a haven of rest and order, and it will give you a lift too.
- PREPARE THE CHILDREN. Take a few minutes to wash the children’s hands and faces if they are small, comb their hair, and if necessary, change their clothes. They are little treasures and he would like to see them playing the part.
- MINIMIZE THE NOISE: At the time of his arrival, eliminate all noise of washer, dryer, or vacuum. Try to encourage the children to be quiet.
Greet him with a warm smile and kiss, letting him know you’re glad to see him.
- Some DON’TS: Don’t greet him with problems or complaints. Don’t complain if he’s late for dinner. Count this as minor compared with what he might have gone through that day.
- MAKE HIM COMFORTABLE. Have him lean back in a comfortable chair or suggest he lay down in the bedroom. Have a cool or warm drink ready for him. Arrange his pillow and offer to take off his shoes. Speak in a low, soft, soothing and pleasant voice. Allow him to relax and unwind.
- LISTEN TO HIM: You may have a dozen things to tell him, but the moment of his arrival is not the time. Let him talk first.
- MAKE THE EVENING HIS: Never complain if he does not take you out to dinner or to other places of entertainment; instead try to understand his world of strain and pressure and his need to be home and relax.
- THE GOAL: try to make your home a place of peace and order where your husband can relax.
- HAVE DINNER READY: Make reservations ahead of time. If your day becomes too hectic just leave him a voice mail message regarding where you’d like to eat and at what time. This lets him know that your day has been crappy and gives him an opportunity to change your mood.
- PREPARE YOURSELF: Make sure to change out of your work clothes into something comfortable. Who cares if he likes it or not . .after all, it’s most likely his T-shirt and boxers.
- CLEAR AWAY CLUTTER: Yeah right! Tell the kids and your husband if they want maid service, they better call one!
- PREPARE THE CHILDREN: Send the children to their rooms to watch television or play with their Play Stations.
- MINIMIZE THE NOISE: Yell to him over the loud music your kids are playing, that this is what you had to put up with while he was gone. And mention that it was his decision to buy the kids a new CD player in the first place.
- SOME DON’TS: Don’t greet him with problems and complaints. Let him speak first, and then your complaints will get more attention and remain fresh in his mind throughout dinner. Don’t complain if he’s late for dinner, simply remind him that the leftovers are in the fridge and you left the dishes for him to do.
- MAKE HIM COMFORTABLE: Tell him where he can find a blanket if he’s cold. This will really show you care.
- LISTEN TO HIM: But don’t ever let him get the last word.
- MAKE THE EVENING HIS: Never complain if he does not take you out to dinner or other places of entertainment; go with a friend or go shopping (use his credit card). Familiarize him with the phrase “Girls’ Night Out!”
- THE GOAL: Try to keep things amicable without reminding him that he only thinks the world revolves around him. Obviously he’s wrong, it revolves around you.
A pleasure is not full grown until it is remembered.
While walking through a parking lot, I tripped and fell flat on my face.
As I was lying there, a woman stopped her car and called out, “Are you hurt?” “No, I’m fine,” I said, touched by her concern. “Oh, good,” she continued. “So will you be vacating your parking space now?”
What we call the secret of happiness is no more a secret than our willingness to choose life.
Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.
Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than fifteen years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at email@example.com. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.