March 15, 2019
“It’s been my experience that you can nearly always enjoy things if you make up your mind firmly that you will.”
Yippee it is Friday and this is St. Patrick’s Day weekend. I have no special big plans other than to happily enjoy the days with my wife and our new friends.
I have learned that happiness is up to ourselves. So again, this weekend I will focus on the good stuff, enjoy the days and ignore any stormy weather. Let’s just have fun and enjoy what we have.
Raise your spirit to the light,
Then your smile you must employ,
Swiftly expelling the gloomy night.
A new day comes into view,
To be shaped and to redesign,
And each move will be, by you
So perfect, so right and fine.
The birds will start their song,
And delight in this newborn day,
And with your courage so strong,
Exhilaration will come your way.
Greet the bright dawn with joy,
Don’t give in to tears and stress,
Find nothing that might annoy,
Come to know complete happiness.
“There is only one way to happiness and that is to cease worrying about things which are beyond the power of our will.”
** The Biggest Lies In The World **
It’s a good thing you came in today. It’s the last one we have.
I promise to pay you back on my next paycheck.
You made it yourself? I would have never guessed.
Your hair looks just fine.
It’s delicious but I can’t eat another bit.
Go ahead and tell me, I won’t tell another soul.
The doctor will call you right back.
You don’t look a day over 50.
Your baby is just beautiful.
I gave at the office.
Put the map away. I know where we’re at.
Having a great time. Wish you were here.
In just two days, tomorrow will be yesterday.
Seven Ages of the Married Cold
1st Year – The husband says, “Oh, sweetie pie, I’m really worried about those nasty sniffles you have! There’s no telling what that could turn into with all the strep throat that’s been going around. I’m going to take you right down to the hospital and have you admitted for a couple days of rest. I know the food is lousy there, so I’m going to bring you some take-out from Tosini’s. I’ve already arranged it with the head nurse.”
2nd Year – “Listen, honey, I don’t like the sound of that cough. I called the doctor, and he’s going to stop by here and take a look at you. Why don’t you just go on to bed and get the rest you need?”
3rd Year – “Maybe you better go lie down, darling. When you feel lousy, you need the rest. I’ll bring you something –do we have any canned soup around here?”
4th Year – “No sense wearing yourself out when you’re under the weather. When you finish those dishes and the kids’ baths and get them to bed, you ought to go to bed yourself!”
5th Year – “Why don’t you take a couple aspirin?”
6th Year – “You oughta go gargle or something instead of sitting around barking like a dog!”
7th Year – “For Pete’s- sake, stop sneezing. Are you trying to give me pneumonia? You’d better pick up some tissues while you’re at the store.”
Success is just a matter of luck, just ask any failure.
A young girl who was writing a paper for school came to her father and asked, “Dad, what is the difference between anger and exasperation?” The father replied, “It is mostly a matter of degree. Let me show you what I mean.” With that the father went to the telephone an dialed a number at random. To the man who answered the phone, he said, “Hello, is Melvin there?” The man answered, “There is no one living here named Melvin. Why don’t you learn to look up numbers before you dial them?” “See,” said the father to his daughter. “That man was not a bit happy with our call.
He was probably very busy with some- thing and we annoyed him. Now watch….” The father dialed the number again. “Hello, is Melvin there?” asked the father. “Now look here!” came the heated reply. “You just called this number and I told you that there is no Melvin here!
You’ve got a lot of nerve calling again!” The receiver slammed down hard. The father turned to his daughter and said, “You see, that was anger. Now I’ll show you what exasperation means.” He dialed the same number, and when a violent voice roared, “Hello!” The father calmly said, “Hello, this is Melvin. Have there been any calls for me?”
“Conscience is the inner voice that warns us somebody is looking.”
Henry Louis Mencken
The widow lay crying on her psychiatrist’s couch. “We were married twenty-five years before he died,” she said, dabbing away a tear. “Never had an argument in all those years.”
“Amazing,” said the doctor. “How did you do it?”
“I outweighed him by forty pounds and he was a coward.”
“Don’t rely on someone else for your happiness and self-worth. Only you can be responsible for that. If you can’t love and respect yourself – no one else will be able to make that happen. Accept who you are – completely; the good and the bad – and make changes as YOU see fit – not because you think someone else wants you to be different.”
Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.
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