Ray’s Daily
March 14, 2019
“Happiness is not something readymade. It comes from your own actions.”
Dalai Lama XIV
I now live in a close and diverse community. The one thing we have in common is our ages and our need to adjust to a more sedentary lifestyle. Our community is made up of folks from all walks of life and as you might expect a wide variety of feelings and beliefs. Some of us are generally happy while others stay fairly negative.
The secret to enjoying our stay here is to not let others influence how we behave. As always doing your best provides the happiest existence. And do you know what? When you do your best often you will find that the negative folks appreciate your efforts.
I have always liked the following piece, I hope you will too.
“The Paradoxical Commandments
People are illogical, unreasonable, and self-centered. – Love them anyway.
If you do good, people will accuse you of selfish ulterior motives. – Do good anyway.
If you are successful, you will win false friends and true enemies. – Succeed anyway.
The good you do today will be forgotten tomorrow. – Do good anyway.
Honesty and frankness make you vulnerable. – Be honest and frank anyway.
The biggest men and women with the biggest ideas can be shot down by the smallest men and women with the smallest minds. – Think big anyway.
People favor underdogs but follow only top dogs. – Fight for a few underdogs anyway.
What you spend years building may be destroyed overnight. – Build anyway.
People really need help but may attack you if you do help them. – Help people anyway.
Give the world the best you have and you’ll get kicked in the teeth. – Give the world the best you have anyway.”
Kent M. Keith
~~~
“Every man has his secret sorrows which the world knows not; and often times we call a man cold when he is only sad.”
Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
~~~
A Scotsman, carrying a huge suitcase, has been riding a London bus for five miles along its route, all the while attempting to avoid the ticket collector. Finally, the conductor manages to corner him and tells him to pay up.
“You’ve been on for five miles–that’ll be 50p, please, and 10p for your suitcase.”
The Scotsman responds, “I ha’not, I want a ha’penny fare, just got on this vera moment.”
They begin to argue, and the ticket collector becomes more and more enraged, and finally, as the bus is passing over London bridge, he grabs the Scotsman’s suitcase and hurls it out of the bus. It lands in the river and sinks without a trace.
The Scotsman stands shocked for a moment and says to the ticket collector, “Not only are ye tryin’ to overcharge me for the ticket–but now ye’ve gone an’ drowned me boy Angus!”
~~~
I have a very fine doctor. If you can’t afford the operation, he touches up the X-rays.
~~~
One day, Bill and Joe went to a restaurant for dinner. As soon as the waiter took out two steaks, Bill quickly picked out the bigger steak for himself.
Joe slammed his fist on the table. “When are you going to learn to be polite?”
“If you had the chance to pick first, which one would you pick?”
“The smaller piece, of course,” Joe replied.
“What are you whining about then? The smaller piece is what you want, right?”
~~~
“If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to.”
Dorothy Parker
~~~
A kangaroo kept escaping from his enclosure at the zoo. Knowing that he could hop high, the zoo officials put up a ten foot fence. He was out the next morning, just roaming around the zoo. A twenty foot fence was put up. The next morning, the zoo officials found the kangaroo was wandering the zoo.
When the fence was forty feet high, a camel in the next enclosure asked the kangaroo, “How high do you think they’ll go?”
The kangaroo said, “About a thousand feet, unless somebody locks the gate at night!”
~~~
A businessman who needed millions of dollars to clinch an important deal went to church to pray for the money. By chance he knelt next to a man who was praying for $100 to pay an urgent debt.
The businessman took out his wallet and pressed $100 into the other man’s hand. Overjoyed, the man got up and left the church.
The businessman then closed his eyes and prayed:
“And now, Lord, that I have your undivided attention…”
~~~
“According to a new survey, 90% of men say their lover is also their best friend. Which is really kind of disturbing, when you consider man’s best friend is his dog.”
Jay Leno
~~~
The balding middle-aged man asked his barber, “Why do I have to pay full price for a haircut — there’s so little of it.”
“Well,” said the barber, “actually I only charge a little for cutting it. What you’re paying for mostly is my time searching for it!”
~~~
Life’s a dance. Put on your dancing shoes.
Steve Winwood
~~~
Just before Rosh HaShana, a team of terrorists invades the shul and takes the rabbi, the cantor and the shul president hostage. Hours later, the governor stands tough, he won’t give them a million dollars, nor a getaway car nor a Jumbo Jet.
The terrorists gather the three hostages in a corner and inform them that things look bad and they’re going to have to shoot them. Nevertheless, to show that they’re not really a bad bunch, they’ll grant each hostage one wish.
“Please,” says the rabbi, “for the last two months I’ve been working on my Rosh HaShana Sermon. What a waste to die now without having carried it before an audience. I’ll go happily if you let me recite my sermon. It’s an hour – ninety minutes long tops.” They promise to grant him the wish.
“Please,” says the cantor, “after 50 years I’ve finally gotten the ‘Hinneni’ prayer just right. What a waste to die and not sing it to an audience. It’s only about 45 minutes long – then I’ll go happily.” The terrorists promise to grant the cantor his wish too and then turn to the shul president.
“Please,” says the president with tears in his eyes, “Shoot me first!”
~~~
“It isn’t what you have or who you are or where you are or what you are doing that makes you happy or unhappy. It is what you think about it.”
Dale Carnegie
~~~
Ray Mitchell
Indianapolis, Indiana
Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.
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