Ray's musings and humor

Archive for February, 2019

It is your day

Ray’s Daily

February 14, 2019

https://rays-daily.com/

Stay positive, all other choices are pointless punishments to your psyche.

Joe Peterson

positive day

If you are like I am there seldom is a week that something doesn’t go wrong. The power goes out, you tear a favorite shirt, you run into an angry person, the list goes on. You know what, these are just normal events and we don’t have to let them take us down. I find that treating them as anything more can wreck my day so I choose to take care of whatever it is and focus on the good things ahead.

In my experience what happens to us is not as bad as some of our reactions to whatever it is. I like myself much better when I just ride it out and stay positive. Here is something I picked up that tells how the writer handles his days.

One positive thought helps in changing the situation totally. When I start experiencing that one positive thought and continue sustaining it, I find that there is a flow of positive energy which changes things. Something that seems impossible starts seeming possible. And everything and everyone around start cooperating too. Today I will create and sustain a positive thought right in the morning. Even if there is a negative situation, I will try and find something positive in it. This will help me create a thought of positivity in spite of the negative situation. Once I experience this positive thought by sustaining it, I find that there is a possibility to work on the situation to make it better.

Brahma Kumaris

~~~

It makes a big difference in your life when you stay positive.

Ellen DeGeneres

~~~

Will Rogers said:

  • After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion felt so good he started roaring. He kept it up until a hunter came along and shot him … The moral:  When you’re full of bull, keep your mouth shut.
  • There’s two theories to arguing with a woman. Neither one works.
  • If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop digging.
  • When you give a lesson in meanness to a critter or a person, don’t be surprised if they learn their lesson.

~~~

Boucher’s Observation:  He who blows his own horn always plays the music several octaves higher than originally written.

~~~

The kid said:

I believe you should live each day as if it is your last, which is why I don’t have any clean laundry because, come on, who wants to wash clothes on the last day of their life?  –Age 15

~~~

The stockbroker’s secretary answered his phone one morning.  “I’m sorry,” she said, “Mr. Bradford’s on another line.”

“This is Mr. Ingram’s office,” the caller said.  “We’d like to know if he’s bullish or bearish right now.”

“He’s talking to his wife,” the secretary replied. “Right now I’d say he’s sheepish.”

~~~

There’s no underestimating the intelligence of the American public.
H. L. Mencken

~~~

Another success secret:

Use computers to look busy. Any time you use a computer, it looks like work to the casual observer. You can send and receive personal e-mail, calculate your finances and generally have a blast without doing anything remotely related to work. These aren’t exactly the societal benefits that everybody from the computer revolution expected but they’re not bad either. When you get caught by your boss –and you will get caught–your best defense is to claim you’re teaching yourself to use the new software, thus saving valuable training dollars. You’re not a loafer, you’re a self-starter. Offer to show your boss what you learned. That will make your boss scurry away like a frightened salamander.

~~~

An Irish man walks into a pub. The bartender asks him, “what’ll you have?”

The man says, “Give me three pints of Guinness please.”

So the bartender brings him three pints and the man proceeds to alternately sip one, then the other, then the third until they’re gone. He then orders three more.

The bartender says, “Sir, I know you like them cold. You don’t have to order three at a time. I can keep an eye on it and when you get low I’ll bring you a fresh cold one.”

The man says, “You don’t understand. I have two brothers, one in Australia and one in the States. We made a vow to each other that every Saturday night we’d still drink together. So right now, my brothers have three Guinness Stouts too, and we’re drinking together.

The bartender thought that was a wonderful tradition.

Every week the man came in and ordered three beers. Then one week he came in and ordered only two. He drank them and then ordered two more.

The bartender said to him, “I know what your tradition is, and I’d just like to say that I’m sorry that one of your brothers died.”

The man said, “Oh, me brothers are fine—-I just quit drinking.”

~~~

I asked my psychiatrist if she thought I was crazy, she said “no”, so I let her up.

~~~

No matter what you’re going through, there’s a light at the end of the tunnel and it may seem hard to get to it but you can do it and just keep working towards it and you’ll find the positive side of things.

Demi Lovato

~~~

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than fifteen years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

 

Know Yourself

Ray’s Daily

February 13, 2019

https://rays-daily.com/

“Knowing yourself is the beginning of all wisdom.”

Aristotle

Know Yourself

One of the traps some older folks seem to fall into is giving up on themselves. Most of the people I meet these days have not done that. They demonstrate that personal zest does not require physical skill but an enthusiastic mind.

Most of my elderly friends have already learned what life is all about and chose to use their time in self-rewarding pursuits. Some read, some like doing puzzles, some enjoy the arts, and my favorites enjoy stimulating conversation. The following poem reminds me of many of these good people.

Know Yourself

 You are more than you pretend to be

You are more than what most eyes can see

You are more than all your history

Look inside and you will find

There’s glory in your mind

Come be the kind of person you would be….

 

You are more than what your leaders say

You are more than how you earn your pay

You are more than what you seem today

So drop that loser’s mask

You’re equal to the task

The question you should ask is who you are….

 

You are more than what the preachers shout

You are more, come let your spirit out

You are more, your soul shall have no doubt

Arise, become awake

With every breath you take

The god within will ache to be….

 

You are more than some statistic chart

You are more than the sum of all your parts

You are more inside your heart of hearts

You know that it is true

This being that is you

Has miracles to do

Believe….

by Jean Houston

~~~

“We have to dare to be ourselves, however frightening or strange that self may prove to be.”

May Sarton

~~~

Flying to Los Angeles from San Francisco the other day, a passenger noticed that the “Fasten Seat Belts” sign was kept lit during the whole journey although the flight was a particularly smooth one.

Just before landing, he asked the stewardess about it.

“Well,” she explained, “Up front there are 17 University of California girls going to Los Angeles for the weekend.

“In back, there are 25 Coast Guard enlistees. What would you do?”

~~~

“What is the use of a house if you haven’t got a tolerable planet to put it on?”

Henry David Thoreau

~~~

Late one night at the insane asylum, one inmate shouted, “I am Napoleon!”

Another patient asked, “How do you know?”

The first inmate said, “Because God told me!”

Just then, a voice from another room shouted, “I did NOT!”

~~~

The greater part of our happiness depends on our dispositions and not on our circumstances.

Martha Washington

~~~

“Salary Theorem” states that “Engineers and Scientists can never earn as much as Business Executives and Sales People.” This theorem can now be supported by a mathematical equation based on the following two postulates:

  1. Knowledge is Power.
  2. Time is Money.

As every engineer knows: Power = Work / Time

Since: Knowledge = Power Time = Money

It follows that: Knowledge = Work/Money.

Solving for Money, we get: Money = Work / Knowledge.

Thus, as Knowledge approaches zero, Money approaches infinity, regardless of the amount of work done.

Conclusion: The less you know, the more you make.

~~~

“Never judge a book by its movie.”

W. Eagan

~~~

Do-It-Yourself Tips For Real Men

* Leak stain on ceiling. – Cut a piece of plywood into a square. Nail it over the stain. Put a handle on it. Tell everyone it’s the door to your attic. (Not recommended for basement apartments).

* Ant invasion. – In a four-litre pail mix together two litres of water, 500 grams of abrasive cleanser and two tablespoons of dish detergent. Find the spot where the ants are getting into the house, pick them up one-by-one and drown them in your pail. Or simply squoosh them with your shoes and use the mixture to clean up the mess.

* Crayon marks on wall. – Grasp in right hand one paint scraper about 30cm long. With left hand, grab rotten offspring who made the marks and threaten to apply scraper to his video game collection if this happens again. Break all his crayons.

* Crabgrass. – In one corner of your lawn, assemble your mower, rake, shovel and weed killer. Using right index finger, dial any asphalt company. Have them come over and pave your lawn — mower, rake, shovel and weed killer included.

~~~

“The privilege of a lifetime is to become who you truly are.”

Carl Jung

~~~

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than fifteen years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

 

Appreciate

Ray’s Daily

February 12, 2019

 

Appreciation is a wonderful thing. It makes what is excellent in others belong to us as well.

Voltaire

appreciate

A friend told me the other day that she had heard a fellow resident berate a dining room worker for not letting him go behind the counter to get what he wanted. She was just doing her job and always does her best.

Fortunately this mean spirited guy is the exception in our community. He is also someone to be pitied for it is folks who fail to appreciate what we have who will never find happiness. In fact we all benefit when we let people know that we appreciate what they do for us. Please let people know that you value what they do.

Excerpt from “Feeling Your Way Through Life”

David DeNotaris

Enjoy what’s around you, and use all your senses.

Appreciate the white, puffy clouds in the sky;

some people can’t see them.

Appreciate the sounds of the birds singing;

some people can’t hear them.

Appreciate the sweet fragrance of a rain shower or a blooming flower;

some people can’t smell them.

Appreciate the food you eat;

some people don’t have it or cannot taste it.

I believe that gratitude can change our attitude.

~~~

Appreciation can make a day, even change a life. Your willingness to put it into words is all that is necessary.

Margaret Cousins

~~~

Last week I regretted that I no longer can drive for I had no way to get to the funeral services being held for an old friend. I regret missing a chance to join with others to remember how much he did for so many.

~~~

An old Native Chief sat in his hut on the reservation, smoking a ceremonial pipe and eyeing two Government officials sent to interview him. “Chief Two Eagles” asked one Official, “you have observed the white man for 90 years. You’ve seen his wars and his technological advances. You’ve seen his progress and the damage he’s done.”

The Chief nodded in agreement.

The Official continued, “Considering all these events, in your opinion, where did the white man go wrong?”

The Chief stared at the Government officials for over a minute and then calmly replied, “When white man found the land, Natives were running it. No taxes, no debt, plenty buffalo, plenty beaver, women did all the work, Medicine Man free, Indian man spent all day hunting and fishing, and all night having sex.”

Then the Chief leaned back and smiled, “Only white man dumb enough to think he could improve system like that.”

~~~

It worked… Now if I could only remember what I did.

~~~

She said: One evening, two girlfriends and I went to a nightclub, only to find the place packed with young people. At 40, we felt old, but before we could make a dignified exit, a tall, handsome man approached us.

“Perhaps we were being a little hasty in leaving,” I thought.

Then with a big smile, the man extended his hand to one of my friends and said, “Hello. Remember me? You were my third grade teacher.”

~~~

Words of comfort, skillfully administered, are the oldest therapy known to man.

Louis Nizer

~~~

Earthquakes can strike without warning, and being prepared for such a disaster can mean the difference between life and death. Here are some tips to help you and your loved ones make it through a quake:

~ Those living in areas not prone to earthquakes can respond quickly to the plight of disaster victims in quake zones by complacently smirking and saying, “I told you so.”

~ To minimize loss and damage in a quake, try not to own things.

~ Practice your burrowing-out-from-under-40-tons-of-rubble skills ahead of time.

~ Look out your window often. If you see a large, zig-zag-shaped crevasse moving rapidly from the horizon toward your home, step either to the right or the left.

~ For those who fear earthquakes, it may comfort you to know that a majority of the damage during the 1906 San Francisco earthquake did not come from the tremors themselves. Instead, it was from the raging, out- of-control fires that consumed most of the city.

~ A doorway is the safest place to be during a quake. Eat, sleep, and work in doorways.

~ Be sure to mail your house-insurance payments a full five business days before a major earthquake strikes.

~ In the event of a quake, get under something heavy, such as a desk, a table, or your boss.

~ If you are caught in a major earthquake in Southern California and are part of the entertainment industry, take a moment or two to reflect on how grossly you’ve wasted your life.

~~~

hAS ANYONE SEEN MY cAPS~OCK KEY?

~~~

A woman pregnant with her first child paid a visit to her obstetrician’s office. After the exam, she shyly said, “My husband wants me to ask you…”

The doctor cut her off and reassured her, “I know, I know, I get the same question all the time. Sex is fine until late in the pregnancy.”

“No, that’s not it,” the woman confessed. “He wants to know if I can still mow the lawn.”

~~~

Abstinence should be practiced in moderation.

~~~An Australian was in Ireland. On his way to Belfast, he stopped at a bar and asked one of the locals, “What’s the quickest way to Belfast?”

The Irishmen asked, “Are you walking or driving?”

The Australian replied, “I’m driving!”

The Irishman said, “Aye, that’d be the quickest way!”

~~~

The aim of life is appreciation; there is no sense in not appreciating things; and there is no sense in having more of them if you have less appreciation of them.

K. Chesterton

~~~

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than fifteen years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

 

Enjoy Your Life

Ray’s Daily

February 11, 2019

https://rays-daily.com/

The minute you choose to do what you really want to do, it’s a different kind of life.

Buckminster Fuller

Enjoy Life

Many years ago I decided I was going to have a life that was not driven by career and obligations. It was the best decision I ever made, while I did not enrich my pocketbook, I did enrich my life.

When I was free to get involved in my community and to participate in a wide variety of activities, I made new friends, learned new things and found ways I could be useful to others. Far too many of us never start living the life we might have had and that to me is tragic.

Here is a story I may have sent you in the past but if I did it is worth repeating.

IF I HAD MY LIFE TO LIVE OVER

This is the story of an 85-year-old man imagining how he would’ve lived his life differently if given the chance.

He said, “If I had my life to live over again, I’d try to make more mistakes next time. I wouldn’t try to be so perfect. I would relax more. I’d limber up. I’d be sillier than I’ve been on this trip. In fact, I know very few things that I would take so seriously, I’d be crazier. I’d be less hygienic. I’d take more chances, I’d take more trips, I’d climb more mountains, I’d swim more rivers, I’d watch more sunsets, I’d go more places I’ve never been to. I’d eat more ice cream and fewer beans. I’d have more actual troubles and fewer imaginary ones.

You see I was one of those people who lived prophylactically and sensibly and sanely hour after hour and day after day. Oh, I’ve had my moments, and if I had it to do all over again, I’d have more of those moments. In fact, I’d try to have nothing but beautiful moments- moment by moment by moment.

I’ve been one of those people who never went anywhere without a thermometer, a hot water bottle, a gargle, a raincoat, and a parachute. If I had to do it all over again, I’d travel lighter next time. If I had to do it all over again, I’d start barefoot earlier in the spring and stay that way later in the fall. I’d ride more merry-go-rounds, I’d watch more sunrises, and I’d play with more children, if I had my life to live over again. But you see, I don’t.”

~~~

It’s never too late to be what you might have been.

George Elliot

~~~

Struggling to make ends meet on a first-call salary, the pastor was livid when he confronted his wife with the receipt for a $250 dress she had bought.

“How could you do this?!”

“I was outside the store looking at the dress in the window, and then I found myself trying it on,” she explained. “It was like Satan was whispering in my ear, ‘You look fabulous in that dress. Buy it!'”

“Well,” the pastor replied, “You know how I deal with that kind of temptation. I say, ‘Get behind me, Satan!'”

“I did,” replied his wife, “but then he said, ‘It looks fabulous from back here, too!'”

~~~

Why is it that you must wait until night to call it a day?

~~~

A mother and father were chatting with their eight-year-old son about his future. The youngster said he’d like to attend Cornell, as his parents and other members of the family had. Pleased with his response, they pressed on. “What would you like to take when you attend college?” they asked the little boy. After giving it some thought and glancing around the kitchen, he replied, “The refrigerator, if you can get along without it.”

~~~

The biggest seller is cookbooks, and the second is diet books about how not to eat what you’ve just learned how to cook.

~~~

I was a frequent user of a pay telephone at a popular truck stop, and was greatly inconvenienced when the phone went out of commission. Repeated requests for repair brought only promises.

After several days, I again contacted the phone company and told them there was no longer a rush.  The phone was now working fine…  except that all money was being returned upon completion of each call. A repairman arrived within the hour!

~~~

Some neighbors of my grandparents gave them a pumpkin pie as a holiday gift.  As lovely as the gesture was, it was clear from the first bite that the pie tasted bad. It was so inedible that my grandmother had to throw it away.

Ever gracious and tactful, my grandmother still felt obliged to send the neighbors a note.  It read:  “Thank you very much for the pumpkin pie. Something like that doesn’t last very long in our house.”

~~~

Clerk in flower shop: “Sorry, we don’t have potted geraniums. Could you use African violets?”

Customer (sadly):  “No, it was geraniums my wife told me to water while she was gone.”

~~~

Life-insurance salesman …

“Do you know the present value of your husband’s policy?” the life-insurance salesman asked his client.

“What do you mean?” countered the woman.

“If you should lose your husband, what would you get?” asked the salesman.

The woman thought a minute, then brightened up and said, “Probably a poodle.”

~~~

“That would be a good thing for them to cut on my tombstone: Wherever she went, including here, it was against her better judgment.”

Dorothy Parker

~~~

The weather was very hot and this man wanted desperately to take a dive in a nearby lake. He didn’t bring his swimming trucks, but who cared? He was all alone. So he undressed and got into the water. After some delightful minutes of cool swimming, a pair of old ladies walked onto the shore in his direction. He panicked, got out of the water and grabbed a bucket lying in the sand nearby. He held the bucket in front of his private area and sighed with relief. The ladies got nearby and looked at him. He felt awkward and he wanted to move. Then one of the ladies said to him, “You know, I have a special gift, I can read minds.”

“Impossible,” said the embarrassed man. “You really know what I think?”

“Yes,” the lady replied, “Right now, you are thinking that the bucket you’re holding has a bottom.”

~~~

Don’t ask yourself what the world needs; ask yourself what makes you come alive. And then go and do that. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.

Harold Thurman

~~~

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than fifteen years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

 

I Will

Ray’s Daily

February 8, 2019

https://rays-daily.com/

“Happiness equals reality minus expectations”

Tom Magliozzi

Promise

I had a full day yesterday and still have a few things to do, so I am sending you the Daily I wrote eleven years ago.

Ray’s Daily first published on February 8, 2008

I think far too many of us get trapped by actions that don’t meet the expectations of others. I know many people find it too easy to say yes and then turn their hope into a commitment others expect to happen. The quickest way to dissatisfaction is for others to expect something to happen because of what we said we would do only to find out we can’t deliver. It is not that our motives are wrong; more often than not we say we will do something because it needs to be done and then fail because we did not realistically review our capabilities.

In my experience I have found that a good rule is to offer less and then do your best to deliver more. I was fortunate to have spent most of my life working with people who established realistic goals and then proceeded to do extraordinary things to exceed those goals. If the team had to install a major computer system we would provide a promised date and then set our target deadline for a week earlier.

It seems to me that cost overruns, missed deadlines, meeting no shows, and broken promises have almost become the norm. When we promise more and deliver less, we lose the confidence of others and create ill will.

So I promise you I will always do my best to be early for our appointments, keep my promises, and do my best to exceed your expectations. I hope that you will understand when I don’t promise you something it is probably because I doubt that I will able to deliver. 

So like Magliozzi says when reality is better than what you expected you will have discovered happiness. And do you know what? When you exceed someone else’s expectations your happiness is often greater than theirs.

~~~

“Time is swift, it races by;

Opportunities are born and die…

Still you wait and will not try –

A bird with wings who dares not rise and fly.”

A. Milne

~~~

A first grade teacher collected well known proverbs. She gave each child in her class the first half of a proverb and asked them to come up with the remainder of the proverb.

* Better to be safe than…punch a 5th grader

* Strike while the …bug is close

* It’s always darkest before…Daylight Savings Time

* Never underestimate the power of…termites

* You can lead a horse to water but…how?

* Don’t bite the hand that…looks dirty

* No news is…impossible

* A miss is as good as a…Mr.

*You can’t teach an old dog new…………math

* If you lie down with dogs, you’ll…stink in the morning

* Love all, trust…me

* The pen is mightier than the…pigs

* An idle mind is…The best way to relax

* Where there’s smoke there’s…pollution

* Happy the bride who…gets all the presents

* A penny saved is…not much

* Two’s company, three’s…the Musketeers

* Laugh and the whole world laughs with you, cry and you have to blow your nose

* None are so blind as…Helen Keller

* Children should be seen and not…spanked or grounded

* You get out of something what you…see pictured on the box

* When the blind leadeth the blind…get out of the way

~~~

“Men who never get carried away should be.”

Malcolm Forbes

~~~

A husband and wife went for counseling after 25 years of marriage. When asked what the problem was, the wife went into an angry tirade, listing each and every problem they had ever had in the 25 years they had been married.

She went on and on. Neglect, lack of intimacy, emptiness, loneliness, feeling unloved and unlovable, a long list of unmet needs she had endured over the course of their quarter century of marriage.

Finally, after allowing this to go on for a sufficient length of time, the therapist stood up, walked around his desk and, asking the wife to stand, embraced her and kissed her passionately on the mouth.

The woman shut up and, in a daze, quietly sat down. The therapist turned to the husband and said, “This is what your wife needs at least seven times a week. Do you think you can do this”?

The husband thought for a moment and replied, “Well, doc, I can drop her off here on Mondays and Wednesdays, but on the other days, I play golf.”

~~~

“Love all, trust a few, do wrong to none.”

William Shakespeare

~~~

This blonde goes into a restaurant and notices there’s a peel and win sticker on her coffee cup. So, she peels it off and starts screaming, “I’ve won a motor home! I’ve won a motor home!”

The waitress says, “That’s impossible. The biggest prize is a mini-van.”

But the blonde keeps screaming, “I’ve won a motor home! I’ve won a motor home. ”

Finally, the manager comes over and says, “Ma’am, I’m sorry, but you’re mistaken. You couldn’t possibly have won a motor home, because we didn’t have that as a prize!”

The blonde says, “No, it’s not a mistake. I’ve won a motor home!”

So, she hands the ticket to the manager and he reads…   ……..WIN A BAGEL!

~~~

Our goal is to establish language that is gender-neutral, ethnic-neutral, and age neutral while celebrating our spirit of diversity.

~~~

He said: My father is a skilled CPA who is not great at self-promotion. So, when an advertising company offered to put my father’s business placard in the shopping carts of a supermarket, my dad jumped at the chance. A full year went by before he got a call that could be traced to those placards.

“Richard Larson, CPA”? the caller asked.

“That’s right,” my father answered. “May I help you”?

“Yes,” the voice said. “One of your shopping carts is in my yard and I want you to come and get it.”

~~~

“Everybody keeps saying that women are smarter than men, but did you ever see a man wearing a shirt that buttons down the back?”

~~~

“Treat people as if they were what they ought to be, and you help them to become what they are capable of being.”

Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

~~~

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than fifteen years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

 

Do you see what I see?

Ray’s Daily

February 7, 2019

“Choose to be optimistic, it feels better.”

Dalai Lama XIV

Looking Good

A friend told me the other day that what I wrote about my new residence being as good as I think it is, is not shared by some of my fellow tenants. That reminded me of something my wife said to me years ago when I told her how beautiful our former home’s landscape had become, she said it was because I could not see the weeds.

On another occasion a close friend said I saw things others often miss. I do think what we see is often filtered by who we are. I am sure that some folks make sure they see the flaws around them and love to point them out to others. Sure, I may miss some defects but it is only because I appreciate most of what I do see and what I have is really pretty good. I may miss the flaws but I love what I do see.

I subscribe to what Ella Wilcox offers in the following poem.

 

Optimism

Talk happiness. The world is sad enough

Without your woes. No path is wholly rough;

Look for the places that are smooth and clear,

And speak of those, to rest the weary ear

Of Earth, so hurt by one continuous strain

Of human discontent and grief and pain.

 

Talk faith. The world is better off without

Your uttered ignorance and morbid doubt.

If you have faith in God, or man, or self,

Say so. If not, push back upon the shelf

Of silence all your thoughts, till faith shall come;

No one will grieve because your lips are dumb.

 

Talk health. The dreary, never-changing tale

Of mortal maladies is worn and stale.

You cannot charm, or interest, or please

By harping on that minor chord, disease.

Say you are well, or all is well with you,

And God shall hear your words and make them true.

 Ella Wheeler Wilcox

~~~

Those who wish to sing, always find a song.”

Swedish Proverb

~~~

Words That Don’t Exist, But Really Should

  1. AQUADEXTROUS – Possessing the ability to turn the bathroom faucet on and off with your toes.
  2. CARPERPETUATION – The act, when vacuuming, of running over a string or a piece of lint at least a dozen times, reaching over and picking it up, examining it, then putting it back down to give the vacuum one more chance.
  3. DISCONFECT – To sterilize the piece of candy you dropped on the floor by blowing on it, assuming this will somehow ‘remove’ all the germs.
  4. ELBONICS – The actions of two people maneuvering for one armrest in a movie theater or airplane.
  5. FRUST – The small line of debris that refuses to be swept onto the dust pan and keeps backing a person across the room until he or she finally decides to give up and sweep it under the rug.
  6. PEPPIER – The waiter at a fancy restaurant whose sole purpose seems to be walking around asking diners if they want ground pepper.
  7. PHONESIA – The affliction of dialing a phone number and forgetting whom you were calling just as they answer.
  8. PUPKUS – The moist residue left on a window after a dog presses its nose to it.
  9. TELECRASTINATION – The act of always letting the phone ring at least twice before you pick it up, even when you’re only six inches away.

~~~

A bar in NYC is installing a breathalyzer. If you’re drunk, it advises you not to drive. If you’re really, really drunk, it advises you not to call your old girlfriend.

~~~

A fellow is getting ready to tee-off on the first hole when a second fellow approaches and asks if he can join him. The first says that he usually plays alone but agrees to let the second guy join him.

Both are even after the first couple of holes. The second guy says, “Say, we’re about evenly matched, how about we play for five bucks a hole?”

The first fellow says that he usually plays alone and doesn’t like to bet but agrees to the terms. Well, the second guy wins the rest of the holes and as they’re walking off of the eighteenth hole, and while counting his $80.00, he confesses that he’s the pro at a neighboring course and likes to pick on suckers.

The first fellow reveals that he’s the Parish Priest at the local Catholic Church to which the second fellow gets all flustered and apologetic and offers to give the Priest back his money. The Priest says, “No, no. You won fair and square and I was foolish to bet with you. You keep your winnings.”

The pro says, “Well, is there anything I can do to make it up to you?”

The Priest says, “Well, you could come to Mass on Sunday and make a donation. Then, if you bring your mother and father by after Mass, I’ll marry them for you.”

~~~

“I prefer the company of peasants because they have not been educated sufficiently to reason incorrectly.”

Michel de Montaigne

~~~

A minister in a little church had been having trouble with the collections.

One Sunday he announced,

“Now, before we pass the collection plate, I would like to request that the person who stole the chickens from Brother Martin’s henhouse please refrain from giving any money to the Lord.  The Lord doesn’t want money from a thief!”

The collection plate was passed around, and for the first in months, everybody gave.

~~~

Dwell on the beauty of life. Watch the stars, and see yourself running with them.”

Marcus Aurelius

~~~

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than fifteen years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

 

The best is yet to come

Ray’s Daily

February 6, 2019

https://rays-daily.com/

“Getting old is like climbing a mountain; you get a little out of breath, but the view is much better!”

Ingrid Bergman

Aging

As most of you know my wife and me left our old life behind a few months ago. While we hated to leave a home that provided us so many years of pleasure it was time to move to a more practical living arrangement.

Our no longer being able to drive and health limitations made a move to a senior independent living facility a practical answer to meet our needs. Our children and their families researched various facilities and helped us chose the one best for us. They also turnkeyed the move so we had to do no more than just move in. They have been a blessing to us both.

Recently I was asked to share my thoughts about our new life and what follows is what I submitted. I am glad we did not wait until too late to start to enjoy the rest of our lives.

Life at the Forum

My wife and I chose to move to The Forum at the Crossings a few months ago. We were impressed with the classic structure and the size and quality of the common areas. We also are pleased that our apartment is spacious, well equipped and comfortable.

I have a den/office, two baths, large living area, a good-sized master bed room and a fully equipped kitchen. This is much more than we found elsewhere. The main dining room is high quality, manned by friendly staff who provide us excellent menu choices at every meal.

Best of all has been the friends we have made, the services we have received and the amenities provided to the residents. We are most appreciative of the transportation that is provided to doctor appointments, local stores and more. The talented caring staff make our days pleasant.

We, like many our age was not sure what our future would be like when we left our old life behind. We no longer have any concerns since the Forum has provided us a great worry-free living and for that I will always be grateful.

~~~

“For the unlearned, old age is winter; for the learned, it is the season of the harvest.”

Hasidic saying

~~~

A young woman decided to redecorate her bedroom. She wasn’t sure how many rolls of wallpaper she would need, but she knew that her friend next door had recently done the same job and the two rooms were identical in size.

“Buffy,” she said, “how many rolls of wallpaper did you buy for your bedroom?”

“Ten,” said Buffy.

So the girl bought the ten rolls of paper and did the job, but she had 2 rolls leftover.

“Buffy,” she said. “I bought ten rolls of wallpaper for the bedroom, but I’ve got 2 leftover!”

“Yeah!” said Buffy. “So did I.”

~~~

The important thing is to learn a lesson every time you lose.

John McEnroe

~~~

St. Peter and Satan were having an argument one day about baseball. Satan proposed a game to be played on neutral grounds between a select team from the heavenly host and his own hand-picked boys. “Very well,” said the gatekeeper of Heaven. “But you realize, I hope, that we’ve got all the good players and the best coaches.” “I know, and that’s all right,” Satan answered, unperturbed; “We’ve got all the umpires.”

~~~

Two nuns are out driving when a vampire drops onto the bonnet of their car. “Quick sister,” screams one nun, “Show him your cross!”

So the other nun leans out of the window and shouts, “Hey! You! Buzz off!”

~~~

I can’t go back to yesterday, because I was a different person then.

~~~

Two cars are waiting at a stoplight. The light turns green, but the man in front doesn’t notice it. A woman in the car behind him is watching traffic pass around them. The woman begins pounding on her steering wheel and yelling at the man to move. The man doesn’t move. The woman is going ballistic inside her car, ranting and raving at the man, pounding on her steering wheel and dash.

The light turns yellow. The woman begins to blow the car horn, flips him off, and screams curses at the man. The man, hearing the commotion, looks up, sees the yellow light and accelerates through the intersection just as the light turns red. The woman is beside herself, screaming in frustration as she misses her chance to get through the intersection. As she is still in mid-rant she hears a tap on her window and looks up into the barrel of a gun held by a very serious looking policeman.

The policeman tells her to shut off her car while keeping ! both hands in sight. She complies, speechless at what is happening.  After she shuts off the engine, the policeman orders her to exit her car with her hands up. She gets out of the car and he orders her to turn and place her hands on her car. She turns, places her hands on the car roof and quickly is cuffed and hustled into the patrol car. She is too bewildered by the chain of events to ask any questions and is driven to the police station where she is fingerprinted, photographed, searched, booked and placed in a cell.

After a couple of hours, a policeman approaches the cell and opens the door for her. She is escorted back to the booking desk where the original officer is waiting with her personal effects. He hands her the bag containing her things, and says, “I’m really sorry for this mistake, but you see, I pulled up behind your car while you were blowing your horn, flipping that guy off, and cussing a blue streak at the car in f! ront of you.  Then I noticed the “Choose Life” license plate holder, the “What Would Jesus Do” and “Follow Me to Sunday School” bumper stickers, and the chrome plated Christian fish emblem on the trunk, so naturally I assumed you had stolen the car.

~~~

The worst thing about censorship is ___________ !

~~~

THE DUMBEST SPORTS QUOTES OF ALL TIME

The list covers all major sports and features such gems as:

“We’re going to turn this team around 360 degrees.” –Jason Kidd

“You guys line up alphabetically by height.” –Bill Peterson, a Florida State football coach

“As I remember it, the bases were loaded.” –Baseball player Garry Maddox, asked his reaction to hitting a grand slam.

~~~

“Know that you are the perfect age. Each year is special and precious, for you shall only live it once. Be comfortable with growing older.”

Louise Hay

~~~

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than fifteen years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

 

Good bye old friend

Ray’s Daily

February 5, 2019

Being a ‘good man’ is something you do, not something you are.

Luvvie Ajayi

Good Bye

I was saddened to learn yesterday that my old friend and former colleague Jerry Beer had died on Sunday. Jerry had an illustrious career in the military followed by many years in a key position at Kiwanis International. Since his retirement he did volunteer work for a local hospital as well for my Kiwanis club and more.

Jerry always kept his word, did more than most others and had a good heart. I will miss him. Here is a poem that reminds me of my friend.

 

    My Creed

Edgar A. Guest

 To live as gently as I can;

To be, no matter where, a man;

To take what comes of good or ill,

And cling to faith and honor still;

To do my best, and let that stand

The record of my brain and hand;

And then, should failure come to me,

Still work and hope for victory.

To have no secret place wherein

I stoop unseen to shame or sin;

To be the same when I’m alone

As when my every deed is known;

To live undaunted, unafraid

Of any step that I have made;

To be without pretense or sham

Exactly what men think I am.

 

To leave some simple work behind

To keep my having lived in mind;

If enmity to aught I show,

To be an honest, generous foe;

To play my little part, nor whine

That greater honors are not mine.

This I believe is all I need

For my philosophy and creed.

~~~

The work an unknown good man has done is like a vein of water flowing hidden underground, secretly making the ground green.

Thomas Carlyle

~~~

I was interviewing a jeweler for a story I was writing on giving new life to old jewelry, and I asked him to tell me about his most memorable client.

“It was a divorced woman who had me make a pair of earrings from her inscribed wedding band,” he remembered.  “One earring read, ‘with all,’ and the other, ‘my love.’

When I asked why she had wanted it done that way, she answered, ‘To remind me that the next time anyone says that to me, I should let in go in one ear and out the other.'”

~~~

“The most pathetic person in the world is someone who has sight but has no vision.”

Helen Keller

~~~

Two horses were walking back to the paddock after a day’s training. One says to the other, “I can’t understand why we are so slow, we come from good stock, we have the best of food, great trainers, and yet we come last in every race.”

There was a dog running along side them who overheard and said, “I know what your problem is. I’ve seen you race and it looks to me like you begin the race really fast and use up all your energy too soon. Then towards the end, you have nothing left. What you should do is pace yourselves, and when all the other horses are exhausted, put in a spurt and you’re sure to win. What do you think of that?”

The horses looked at one another and said, “WOW, a talking dog!”

~~~

Love consists in looking together in the same direction.

Antoine de Saint-Exupery

~~~

A poor man and woman sat down in their living room and the man said, ”I’m going down to the pub for a bit, so put your coat on.”

The woman replied, ”Oh, sweetie, why? Are you taking me with you?”

The man replied, ”No, I’m turning the heat off.”

~~~

Sign on a clothing store – Come inside and have a fit.

~~~

A customer sent an order to a distributor for a large amount of goods totaling a great deal of money.

The distributor noticed that the previous bill hadn’t been paid. The collections manager left a voice-mail for them saying, “We can’t ship your new order until you pay for the last one.”

The next day the collections manager received a collect phone call,

“Please cancel the order. We can’t wait that long.”

~~~

A wise man once said, “If you want to watch the world passing you by, just try driving the speed limit.”

~~~

A man goes to the doctor and tells him that he hasn’t been feeling well. The doctor examines him, leaves the room and comes back with three different bottles of pills.

The doctor says, “Take the green pill with a big glass of water when you get up. Take the blue pill with a big glass of water after lunch. Then just before going to bed, take the red pill with another big glass of water.”

Startled to be put on so much medicine the man stammers, “My goodness, doc, exactly what’s my problem?”

Doctor says, “You’re not drinking enough water.”

~~~

Sign seen in our veterinarian’s office: “All children left unattended will be given a free kitten.”

~~~

“The first step to be a good man is this: You must deeply feel the burden of the stones some else [is] carrying.”

Mehmet Murat ildan

~~~

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than fifteen years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

 

 

 

Let’s be friends

Ray’s Daily

February 4, 2019

https://rays-daily.com/

There is nothing like staying at home for real comfort.

Jane Austen
comfort

Last week was memorable. The record cold stopped mail delivery, trash collection and caused schools and businesses to close. We, like most folks hibernated staying in our residence waiting for better weather. It also provided me an opportunity to thank all that sent me birthday greetings.

One of the things that made last week tolerable was the time we spent at meals with our fellow tenants. The friendships we have made have enriched our stay here. I recently read an article that reminded me of how the folks I have met had offered their friendship. Here are few excerpts from the article that make sense.

Tips for Making People Feel Comfortable Around You

By Carolyn Steber

Get Your Smile OnIf you want to be incredibly approachable while also making people feel comfy in your presence, then pay attention to what your face looks like. “A smile is one of the clearest invitations you can send that you are receptive to interaction,” Barton says.

Give Off A Confident Vibe – Even if you’re secretly feeling nervous, projecting a confident vibe will help put others at ease. “A confident person is generally much easier to be around than someone who is uncomfortable in her own skin.”

Have Open Body LanguageThere’s a huge difference in how people feel around those who have closed off body language, versus those who are more open. People with open body language make good eye contact, turn towards whoever they’re talking to, and seem relaxed.

Show That You’re Actually ListeningNothing feels worse than trying to chat with someone who is constantly glancing at their phone. If you do this — accidentally or otherwise — make it point to stop. “The person you are speaking to at any given time should feel as though he is the most important person in the room.” “Make eye contact, smile when appropriate, and nod to show that you are listening.”

Let The Honesty FlyPeople can tell when you’re aren’t being truthful, or when you’re holding something back. And it doesn’t exactly make for the highest of comfort levels. That’s why dropping a little honesty is definitely a good idea.

Remember To Be NiceOK, so above anything else, remember to always be a nice person. As Mayne said, “The first step in putting others at ease is to be gracious and kind to everyone.” Not that it needs explaining, but saying thank you, sending sweet notes, or doing little favors will go a long way in making people feel good.

And that’s really the cornerstone of helping them feel more comfortable around you. Be nice, be kind, throw in some compliments, and you’ll be winning people over in no time.

~~~

People crave comfort, people crave connection, people crave community.

Marianne Williamson

~~~

Joe, the Governor’s most trusted assistant, died in his sleep one night. The Governor had depended on Joe for advice on every subject, from pending bills to wardrobe decisions. In addition, Joe had been his closest friend.

So, it was understandable that the Governor didn’t take kindly to the droves of ambitious office seekers who wanted Joe’s job. “They don’t even have the decency to wait until the man is buried,” the Governor muttered.

At the funeral, one eager beaver made his way to the Governor’s side. “Governor,” the man said, “is there a chance that I could take Joe’s place?”

“Certainly,” the governor replied. “But you’d better hurry. I think the undertaker is almost finished.”

~~~

“Daddy. do all fairy tales begin with the words, “Once upon a time…”? the little girl asked.

“No,” he replied.  “A whole lot of them begin with, “If I’m elected, I promise…”

~~~

She said:

It’s every airplane passenger’s nightmare:  Getting stuck near a crying baby.

I was manning the ticket counter at a busy airport when the sound of a sobbing infant filled the air.  As the next passenger stepped up to the desk, he glanced up to the tot and rolled his eyes.

“Don’t worry,” I said to him cheerfully.  “Chances are that baby won’t be on your flight.”

Head shaking, he grimly replied, “Oh, I bet he will. That’s my son.”

~~~

Before setting off on a business trip to Tulsa, I called the hotel to see if there was a gym.  The hotel operator’s sigh had a tinge of exasperation in it.  “We have over 300 guests at this facility.  Does this ‘Gym’ have a last name?”

~~~

You can tell more about a person by what he says about others than you can by what others say about him.

  Leo Aikman

~~~

The Reverend Billy Graham tells of a time early in his career when he arrived in a small town to preach a sermon. Wanting to mail a letter, h e asked a young boy for directions to the post office. After being told the way by the lad, the Reverend Graham thanked him, adding:

“If you’ll come to the Central Baptist church this evening, you can hear me telling everyone how to get to Heaven.”

“No, I don’t think I’ll be there…” the boy said. “You don’t even know your way to the post office.”

~~~

Will you loan me $20.00 and only give me ten of it?

That way, you will owe me ten, and I’ll owe you ten, and we’ll be even!

~~~

Two Jewish ladies who were neighbors in New York met unexpectedly in Miami one winter.

“Why Shirley” one of them said, “I had no idea you were here”

“So listen Ruthie” said Shirley “now that we met I just must tell you, I am having an affair!”

“How wonderful” said Ruthie, “who is doing the catering?”

~~~

All lives have triumphs and tragedies, laughter and tears, and mine has been no different. What really matters is whether, after all of that, you remain strong and a comfort to your loved ones. I have tried to meet that test.

Pat Nixon

~~~

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than fifteen years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

 

Hello February

Ray’s Daily

February 1, 2019

https://rays-daily.com/

In February there is everything to hope for and nothing to regret.

Patience Strong

february

Here we go a new month and hopefully warmer weather. The past few days of record setting low temperatures is enough.

I plan on making this month a good one. Our Condominium will be sold, our leased care returned and our lives will begin our new normal. I do have a few promises to keep but nothing major.

As I plan my activities I have reviewed February’s monthly themes with the following results

It is:

National Fasting February – OK I will fast between meals this month.

National Self Check Month – I would if I knew how,

American Heart Month – My Pacemaker is working, my heart surgeries went well, Thanks Doc.

An Affair to Remember Month – I don’t remember having any.

National Bake for Family Fun Month – Send the recipe.

National Hot Breakfast Month – Oh yes, I never miss one.

National Library Lover’s Month – I would think making love in a library would be frowned on.

And I cannot forget that it is Spunky Old Broads Month. Especially since I live amongst so many of them.

This special month exists to give all Spunky Old Broads (S.O.B.) the opportunity to recognize their importance, and to celebrate themselves and their accomplishments. It is also a perfect day for the young ladies among us an opportunity to begin planning and preparing to become a Spunky Old Broad someday.

When thinking about what an S.O. B. should be, one thinks of: successful, independent, self-reliant, smart, intelligent, outgoing and out-spoken, resourceful, bold, brave, and anything but shy.

~~~

In the coldest February, as in every other month in every other year, the best thing to hold on to in this world is each other.

Linda Ellerbee

~~~

An airline pilot was scheduled to take a flight from New York to Los Angeles. The weather was too bad in New York to allow his usual on time departure.

The weather in New York finally cleared and the pilot asked for his departure clearance. He was very dismayed to hear that he had another delay due to the increased traffic now leaving New York.

Sometime later he finally received his clearance and decided he would try to make up the time lost by asking for a direct route to Los Angeles. Halfway across the country he was told to turn due South.

Knowing that this turn would now throw him further behind schedule he inquired, quite agitated, to the controller for the reason of the turn off course. The controller replied that the turn was for noise abatement.

The pilot was infuriated and said to the controller, “Look buddy, I am already way behind schedule with all the delays you guys have given me today. I really don’t see how I could be causing a noise problem for pedestrians when I am over six miles above the earth!”

The controller answered in a calm voice, “Apparently, Captain, you have never heard two 747s collide!”

~~~

“When the archer misses the mark, he turns and looks for the fault within himself.  Failure to hit the bull’s eye is never the fault of the target.  To improve your aim — improve yourself.”

Gilbert Garland

~~~

A woman who plays cards one night a month with a group of friends was concerned that she always woke up her husband when she came home around 11:30. One night she decided to try not to rouse him. She undressed in the living room and, purse over arm, tiptoed nude into the bedroom – only to find her husband sitting up in bed reading.

“Dammit woman!” he exclaimed. “Did you lose everything?”

~~~

My mail is a little slow.  Last month my flower seeds came as a bouquet.

~~~

There are only two kinds of drivers: Idiots and Maniacs.

Idiots include anyone that drives slower than me, and the Maniacs are everyone that drives faster than me.

~~~

A Sunday school teacher said to her children, “We have been learning how powerful kings and queens were in Bible times. But, there is a higher power. Can anybody tell me what it is?”

One child blurted out, “Aces!”

~~~

To fight fear, act. To increase fear—wait, put off, postpone.

David J. Schwartz

~~~

My niece, pregnant with her second child, was certain she wanted an epidural for pain management during childbirth. Her doctor asked her at which stage of labor she wanted the epidural administered.

Her response: “Just meet me in the parking lot!”

~~~

I value the friend who for me finds time on his calendar, but I cherish the friend who for me does not consult his calendar.

Robert Brault

~~~

The guest lecturer to a famous Medical College stopped by the bulletin board on his way to the lecture room.

Listed for the day was the topic, “Surprises in Obstetrics.” Scrawled under it in pencil were the words,

“Mary had a little lamb.”

~~~

There is always in February some one day, at least, when one smells the yet distant, but surely coming, summer.

Gertrude Jekyll

~~~

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than fifteen years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

 

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