February 22, 2019
“No matter how much falls on us, we keep plowing ahead. That’s the only way to keep the roads clear.”
We all have occasions when something happens that seems catastrophic and if we let it, it can be devastating. How we react is really up to us. I am amazed at how often good people find it so hard to ride out bad times. Who we are is not changed by external events unless we let them do it. Good folks are good folks no matter what happens.
Winners just pick themselves up and move on. It is not always easy but it can be done. Here is an abridged article by Dr. Leslie Becker-Phelps that can help.
How to Feel Good When Things Go Bad
Life’s twists and turns can be scarier than any rollercoaster ride out there. Without warning, a perfectly fine—even good—life can take a turn for the worse. Whether you are faced with a lost job, failed health, or personal rejection, such a blow can knock you off your feet. And you might find it almost impossible to get up, never mind feel good about moving on. But, with time, effort, and the proper perspective, you can get yourself up and back on a good path.
The real problem in situations that seem to pull the rug out from under you is that they affect your whole sense of self. Whereas problems that cause less distress don’t feel good, they still allow you appreciate other positive aspects of yourself; which strengthens your sense of self-worth.
When you lose your sense of self-worth, a good way to recover is to use what psychologists call self-affirmations. These are statements you make to yourself that affirm your strengths in some areas when you are struggling in other areas. For instance, consider a manager who struggles with making presentations to colleagues. This person might help herself or himself feel better by remembering that they are a good athlete, a generally well-liked person, and someone who employees come to for guidance. Then, with improved self-esteem, they would be more likely to address the problem at hand in an effective, nondefensive way.
Without a sense of self-worth or such self-affirmations, people often defensively place the blame for problems outside of themselves. This kind of defensive response can backfire, leading people to remain stuck in bad situations or destructive patterns of behavior. Whatever the circumstance, externalizing blame won’t help you make changes to improve yourself or your situation.
Another possible reaction to significant problems is for people to turn against themselves. Those who are inclined toward high standards often become critical of themselves and their performance. So, when faced with a situation that cannot be realistically overcome, they frequently keep pushing themselves even as they become more and more distraught about their abilities and their value.
So, when faced with adversity, it is important not to turn a critical eye to others or yourself. Instead, choose to remember positives about you that are based on an honest assessment of your strengths. Then, with self-affirmations, practice, and effort, you can learn to regain your sense of worth and become more resilient; moving on more easily from major setbacks to new exciting life challenges.
“Resilience is knowing that you are the only one that has the power and the responsibility to pick yourself up.”
Nathan is talking to his lawyer. “Here’s the deal, Abe. If you’re absolutely sure I’ll win the case, I’ll give you the business.”
“OK,” replies Abe, “but before I can give you my opinion, I obviously need to know the facts.”
So Nathan goes into great detail about his failed partnership and ends up saying, “So now you’ve heard everything, do you think I can sue my partner and get my money back?”
“Well,” replies Abe, “from what I’ve just heard, it’s clear to me that you will win. It’s rare to have such an open-and-shut case.”
Nathan goes very white when he hears this.
“What’s the matter?” asks Abe.
“I told you my partner’s side of the case,” replies Nathan.
Is it my imagination, or do Buffalo wings taste like chicken?
A couple had been married for 45 years and had raised a brood of 11 children and were blessed with 22 grandchildren. When asked the secret for staying together all that time, the wife replies, “Many years ago we made a promise to each other: the first one to pack up and leave has to take all the kids….”
Speak when you’re angry, and you’ll make the best speech you’ll ever regret.
Lawrence J. Peter
The restaurant where I took my two sons for a meal was crowded with fans watching a sporting event on television. The harried waitress took our order, but more than half an hour passed with no sign of her return.
I was trying to keep my kids from becoming restless when suddenly shouts of victory came from the bar.
“Hey,” commented my 11-year-old, “it sounds as if someone just got his food.”
“Illegal aliens have always been a problem in the United States. Ask any Indian.”
After reading an ad offering split, dry firewood for $60 a cord, including delivery, Ernie phoned in an order. During the drop-off, though, Ernie became upset. “That’s not a full cord of wood,” he objected.
“That’s what I call a cord,” the man answered firmly.
Grudgingly, Ernie fished around in his pocket and thrust some bills into the man’s hands.
“Hey, wait a minute,” the woodsman complained after counting the money.
“You only gave me $30.”
With a shrug of the shoulders, Ernie replied, “That’s what I call $60.”
“When we tackle obstacles, we find hidden reserves of courage and resilience we did not know we had. And it is only when we are faced with failure do we realize that these resources were always there within us. We only need to find them and move on with our lives.”
A.P.J. Abdul Kalam
Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.
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