Ray's musings and humor

Enjoying the golden years

Ray’s Daily

February 15, 2019

https://rays-daily.com/

Do not resent growing old. Many are denied the privilege.

Old Age

I was moving a little slow yesterday. It was due to being a little infirm but I will recover. One of the secrets that I learn everyday from my fellow seniors is to keep your sense of humor and don’t give in to health interruptions.

The more time I spend with those older than me the more I see how a sense of humor is one of the secrets of graceful aging. The older we get the more we realize not to take life or ourselves too seriously.

Here are few gems heard around the retirement center.

Getting Older Can be Fun – Age with Humor!

  • As you get older, your secrets are safe with your friends. They can’t remember them either.
  • I would be unstoppable, if I could only get started……
  • “I am having amnesia, dementia, and deja vu, all at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before . . .”
  • Aging: Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.
  • You can’t stay young forever. That’s just a theory, because you can be immature for your entire life.
  • I live in my own little world. But it’s okay — they know me here.
  • Forget health food. I’m at the age where I need all the preservatives I can get. The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for.

~~~

As we grow old…the beauty steals inward.

Ralph Waldo Emerson

~~~

Asked by his third-grade teacher to spell “straight.” The boy did so correctly.

“Now,” said the teacher, “what does it mean?”

“Without water.”

~~~

“Ever tried. Ever failed. No matter. Try Again. Fail again. Fail better.”

Samuel Beckett

~~~

A Faithful Woman

An elderly Muslim lady was well-known for her faith and for her confidence in talking about it. She would stand in front of her house and say “Allah be praised” to all those who passed by.

Next door to her lived an atheist who would get so angry at her proclamations he would shout, “There ain’t no Lord!!”

Hard times came upon the elderly lady, and she prayed for Allah to send her some assistance. She would pray out loud in her night prayer “Oh Allah! I need food!! I am having a hard time, please Lord, PLEASE LORD, SEND ME SOME GROCERIES!!”

One night the atheist happened to hear her as she was praying, and decided to play a prank on her. The next morning the lady went out on her porch and found a large bag of groceries. She raised her hands and shouted, “Allah be praised!.”

The neighbor jumped from behind a bush and said, “Aha! I told you there was no Lord. I bought those groceries, God didn’t.”

The old lady laughed and clapped her hands and said, “ALLAH BE PRAISED. He not only sent me groceries, but he made the devil pay for them!”

~~~

“Happy the man who has broken the chains which hurt the mind, and has given up worrying, once and for all.”

Ovid

~~~

Rabbi Bloom caught two of his rabbinical students gambling and drinking on Sabbath. Next day, Rabbi Bloom called them into his office and asked them what was going on. They immediately confessed to having given in to weakness and agreed that they deserved some form of punishment for their sin. Rabbi Bloom thought a lot about this and then came up with the answer. He bought two bags of dried peas from the delicatessen and told them,

“Put these in your shoes and walk on them for a week to remind yourselves how hard life can be when you turn away from God.”

A few days later, the two students met each other in the street.  One had a pronounced limp and had dark circles under his eyes.  He looked very tired and weary.  On the other hand, the other was the same as he had been before.

“Hey,” said the first.  “How is it tat you are walking so easily? Didn’t you do as the Rabbi asked and put the peas in your shoes?”

“I did,” said the other.

“But I boiled mine first.”

~~~

We’ve all heard “Laughter is the best medicine.”  Lately I’m not so sure. If that were really true, wouldn’t the medical profession have found a way by now to charge us for it?

~~~

A man decides to take the opportunity while his wife is away to paint the toilet seat. The wife comes home sooner than expected, sits, and gets the seat stuck to her rear. She is understandably distraught about this and asks her husband to drive her to the doctor. She puts on a large overcoat so as to cover the stuck seat, and they go. When they get to the doctor’s, the man lifts his wife’s coat to show their predicament. The man asks, “Doctor, have you ever seen anything like this before?” “Well, yes,” the doctor replies, “but not framed like that.”

~~~

Nothing in life is to be feared. It is only to be understood.

Marie Curie

~~~

MARRIAGE “MIRANDA” RIGHTS for men…

You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted AND MISUNDERSTOOD AND then used AND HELD against you FOREVER.

~~~

To keep the heart unwrinkled, to be hopeful, kindly, cheerful, reverent – that is to triumph over old age.

Thomas Bailey Aldrich

~~~

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than fifteen years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

 

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