Ray's musings and humor

Hello February

Ray’s Daily

February 1, 2019

https://rays-daily.com/

In February there is everything to hope for and nothing to regret.

Patience Strong

february

Here we go a new month and hopefully warmer weather. The past few days of record setting low temperatures is enough.

I plan on making this month a good one. Our Condominium will be sold, our leased care returned and our lives will begin our new normal. I do have a few promises to keep but nothing major.

As I plan my activities I have reviewed February’s monthly themes with the following results

It is:

National Fasting February – OK I will fast between meals this month.

National Self Check Month – I would if I knew how,

American Heart Month – My Pacemaker is working, my heart surgeries went well, Thanks Doc.

An Affair to Remember Month – I don’t remember having any.

National Bake for Family Fun Month – Send the recipe.

National Hot Breakfast Month – Oh yes, I never miss one.

National Library Lover’s Month – I would think making love in a library would be frowned on.

And I cannot forget that it is Spunky Old Broads Month. Especially since I live amongst so many of them.

This special month exists to give all Spunky Old Broads (S.O.B.) the opportunity to recognize their importance, and to celebrate themselves and their accomplishments. It is also a perfect day for the young ladies among us an opportunity to begin planning and preparing to become a Spunky Old Broad someday.

When thinking about what an S.O. B. should be, one thinks of: successful, independent, self-reliant, smart, intelligent, outgoing and out-spoken, resourceful, bold, brave, and anything but shy.

~~~

In the coldest February, as in every other month in every other year, the best thing to hold on to in this world is each other.

Linda Ellerbee

~~~

An airline pilot was scheduled to take a flight from New York to Los Angeles. The weather was too bad in New York to allow his usual on time departure.

The weather in New York finally cleared and the pilot asked for his departure clearance. He was very dismayed to hear that he had another delay due to the increased traffic now leaving New York.

Sometime later he finally received his clearance and decided he would try to make up the time lost by asking for a direct route to Los Angeles. Halfway across the country he was told to turn due South.

Knowing that this turn would now throw him further behind schedule he inquired, quite agitated, to the controller for the reason of the turn off course. The controller replied that the turn was for noise abatement.

The pilot was infuriated and said to the controller, “Look buddy, I am already way behind schedule with all the delays you guys have given me today. I really don’t see how I could be causing a noise problem for pedestrians when I am over six miles above the earth!”

The controller answered in a calm voice, “Apparently, Captain, you have never heard two 747s collide!”

~~~

“When the archer misses the mark, he turns and looks for the fault within himself.  Failure to hit the bull’s eye is never the fault of the target.  To improve your aim — improve yourself.”

Gilbert Garland

~~~

A woman who plays cards one night a month with a group of friends was concerned that she always woke up her husband when she came home around 11:30. One night she decided to try not to rouse him. She undressed in the living room and, purse over arm, tiptoed nude into the bedroom – only to find her husband sitting up in bed reading.

“Dammit woman!” he exclaimed. “Did you lose everything?”

~~~

My mail is a little slow.  Last month my flower seeds came as a bouquet.

~~~

There are only two kinds of drivers: Idiots and Maniacs.

Idiots include anyone that drives slower than me, and the Maniacs are everyone that drives faster than me.

~~~

A Sunday school teacher said to her children, “We have been learning how powerful kings and queens were in Bible times. But, there is a higher power. Can anybody tell me what it is?”

One child blurted out, “Aces!”

~~~

To fight fear, act. To increase fear—wait, put off, postpone.

David J. Schwartz

~~~

My niece, pregnant with her second child, was certain she wanted an epidural for pain management during childbirth. Her doctor asked her at which stage of labor she wanted the epidural administered.

Her response: “Just meet me in the parking lot!”

~~~

I value the friend who for me finds time on his calendar, but I cherish the friend who for me does not consult his calendar.

Robert Brault

~~~

The guest lecturer to a famous Medical College stopped by the bulletin board on his way to the lecture room.

Listed for the day was the topic, “Surprises in Obstetrics.” Scrawled under it in pencil were the words,

“Mary had a little lamb.”

~~~

There is always in February some one day, at least, when one smells the yet distant, but surely coming, summer.

Gertrude Jekyll

~~~

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than fifteen years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

 

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