Ray's musings and humor

Those were the days

Ray’s Daily

January 10, 2018

https://rays-daily.com/

Travel, in the younger sort, is a part of education; in the elder, a part of experience.

Francis Bacon

ship

Good morning. I was so busy yesterday with calls from realtors wanting to sell our condo (we already have a realtor), a special luncheon and more that I did not get much else done. I am going dipping into the past and sending you what I wrote when we still cruised.

Ray’s Daily first published on January 10, 2005

There will only be four issues of our daily this week. I leave early Friday morning for Puerto Rico, were I will pick up a ship after a short stay on the island. After the cruise I am off to Central Florida for fun, frolic, and reminiscing with old friends. I will return to Indianapolis the first week in February when I will again start up the presses. Since my mailboxes load up quickly it probably is not a good idea to send me anything while I am gone. I will not have access to e-mail until late January.

This and That

  • Thanks to all who have been asking about my wife’s medical tests. The results were negative, she still has some yet to be explained symptoms, but potentially serious causes have been ruled out. The search for answers will continue when we return in February.
  • Jordan, one of my granddaughters, celebrated her tenth birthday on Saturday by finishing first all-around in a multi-state gymnastic meet held in Michigan. She continues to demonstrate that heredity is not everything.
  • Annie, please stay well, your patients need you, and I will see you when I get back.
  • Bob and Don, I look forward to seeing you while in Florida. It is important for us to get together once in a while since who knows how much longer we will be able to remember the past with at least some semblance of accuracy.
  • Terry has a back problem, Theresa has a back problem, Kelsey is mending, and there are many more of you that need to recover while I am gone, please do. By the way the large number of friends and acquaintances that have medical problems is not necessarily because of their ages, but rather due to their brilliant personalities.
  • When I am aboard ship, away from the world, I seldom learn what is going on. I would appreciate your solving all of the problems while I am gone so I can come back to a more peaceful world.

~~~

Travel is fatal to prejudice, bigotry, and narrow-mindedness, and many of our people need it sorely on these accounts.

Broad, wholesome, charitable views of men and things cannot be acquired by vegetating in one little corner of the earth all one’s lifetime.

Mark Twain

~~~

Having lived in Minnesota years ago I can appreciate the perils of Lena and Ole.

  • Lena called the airlines information desk and inquired, “How long does it take to fly from Minneapolis to Fargo?”  “Just a minute,” said the busy clerk.  “Vell, said Lena, “if it has to go dat fast, I tink I’ll just take da bus.”
  • The judge had just awarded a divorce to Lena, who had charged non-support. He said to Ole, “I have decided to give your wife $400 a month for support.” “Vell, dat’s fine, Judge,” said Ole.  “And vunce in a while I’ll try to chip in a few bucks, myself.”
  • Ole is so cheap that after his airplane landed safely he grumbled, “Vell, dere gose five dollars down da drain for dat flight insurance!”
  • Lars: “Ole, stant in front of my car and tell me if da turn signals are working”.  Ole: “Yes, No, Yes, No, Yes, No, Yes, No….”
  • Ole and Lena got married.  On their honeymoon trip they were nearing Minneapolis when Ole put his hand on Lena’s knee.  Giggling, Lena said, “Ole, you can go a little farther now if ya vant to.”  So Ole drove to Duluth.
  • Ole died.  So Lena went to the local paper to put a notice in the obituaries.  The gentleman at the counter, after offering his condolences, asked Lena what she would like to say about Ole.  Lena replied, “You yust put ‘Ole died.'”   The gentleman, somewhat perplexed, said, “That’s it?  Just ‘Ole died?’ Surely, there must be something more you’d like to say about Ole.  If it’s money you’re concerned about, the first five words are free.  We must say something more.”  So Lena pondered for a few minutes and finally said, “O.K. You put ‘Ole died.  Boat for sale.’ “
  • Ole and Lena went to the Olympics.  While sitting on a bench a lady turned to Ole and said, “Are you a pole vaulter?”  Ole said, “No, I’m Norvegian…and my name isn’t Valter.”

~~~

“No man is happy who does not think himself so.”

Publilius Syrus

~~~

A porter loaded down with suitcases followed the couple to the airline check-in counter.

As they approached the line, the husband glanced at the pile of luggage and said to the wife, “Why didn’t you bring the piano, too?”

“Are you trying to be funny?” she replied.

“No,” he sighed forlornly. “I left the tickets on it.”

~~~

Mary:  My last ex mastered the art of having the last word in an argument.

Jill:  You’re kidding!

Mary:  I’m not!  He learned to say, “I’m sorry!”

~~~

Carolyn asks, did any of you married people out there ever wonder whether it’s better to have loved and lost, than to have loved and won?

~~~

Mrs. Goldberg was shopping at a produce stand in her neighborhood.  She approached the vendor and asked, “How much are these oranges?”

“Two for a quarter,” answered the vendor.

“How much is just one?” she asked.

“Fifteen cents,” answered the vendor.

“Then I’ll take the other one,” said Mrs. Goldberg.

~~~

He said: As we grow older, do we tend to gesture more or less with our hands while talking?

She said: Ask me one more growing old riddle and I’ll give you a gesture you won’t forget in a hurry.

~~~

You Know You’re Getting Old When

  • you find yourself standing next to your car with your keys in your hand, but you can’t remember whether you’re going somewhere, or you just got back.
  • you walk out to the parking lot of the mall, and not only did you forget where you parked, but you forgot what car you were driving.
  • your daughter takes you out to dinner, and the cashier takes one look and gives you both Senior discounts.
  • everything hurts, and what doesn’t hurt, doesn’t work.
  • when you raise your arm, and you find your “muscle” is now on the bottom side.
  • when you sit down to the breakfast table, and the snap, crackle, pop you hear isn’t your breakfast cereal.
  • when you bend over to tie your shoes and ask yourself, “Is there anything else I need to do while I’m down here?”

~~~

You know you’re getting old when you order stewed prunes and the waiter say, “excellent choice!”

~~~

For over 40 years, he put in long hours at his job, so I was more than a little curious about the way he filled his days since his retirement. “How has life changed?” I asked.

A man of few words, he replied, “Well, I get up in the morning with nothing to do, and I go to bed at night with it half-done.”

~~~

My favorite thing is to go where I have never gone.

Diane Arbus

~~~

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than fifteen years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

 

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