January 3. 2019
“It is not the mountain we conquer but ourselves.”
Sir Edmund Hillary
I am often surprised at how many people I meet who don’t seem to appreciate their worth. Most people I know are better than they think they are. It is not title or prestige that defines us, it is our basic humanity. The people I respect the most are those who demonstrate kindness and concern for others,
One thing I do know is that if you don’t appreciate yourself you are often blinded to the value of others. Recently Dani DiPirro published an article on Self Love that I wish some of my friends would take to heart. Here is an abridged copy of the article:
DON’T LOOK FOR YOUR WORTH IN PEOPLE OR PRODUCTIVITY.
One of the most challenging aspects of self-love is recognizing that it has to come, 100%, from within. There is no person, thing, situation, or goal achieved that can make you love yourself. It can take awhile to learn this because we do often get self-esteem boosts from others’ praise, from a job well done, from progress made.
SPEAK TO YOURSELF WITH TRUE COMPASSION.
Another tricky aspect of self-love to master is learning to speak to (and think of) yourself with love, compassion, respect, and kindness. This, as you might know, is much more difficult than it sounds. We’re taught to seek perfection, to want to be the “best” version of ourselves, and reality almost always falls short (no matter how “perfect” you are!).
ACCEPT WHAT YOU CANNOT CHANGE.
Important in life, as well in self-love, learning to accept what you cannot change is vital to long-lasting contentment. There are many things about ourselves that we’d like to change. Some of these — an attitude, perhaps — can be transformed with dedication and diligence. However, there are also things we cannot change (or maybe cannot change right now), and when it comes to these aspects of the self, acceptance is crucial for self-love. Accepting what you cannot change frees to you place your thoughts and energy into more proactive pursuits.
SAY NO WITHOUT HESITATION.
Saying no to things you don’t enjoy, people who bring you down, life paths that won’t suit you, or situations that make you uncomfortable is another self-love essential. The world would be a much better place if more people felt the freedom to say no.
PUT YOUR PHONE DOWN.
Stepping away from your phone (or screens in general) is not always easy, but technology can be a barrier to full self-love. If you rely too heavily on it, you lose aspects of your true self. If you spend too much time comparing your real life to others’ online ones, you risk entering a comparison trap in which you may feel as if you’ll never been good / successful / beautiful / perfect enough.
And, finally, the last self-love essential requires that you know yourself. This one can take time and gets easier the older you get, but the more you know about yourself, the more you can tailor your choices, relationships, and mindsets in a way that enhances your life in more positive ways. If you don’t know what you really want, or who you really are, it can be nearly impossible create a life that encourages self-love. The best way to know yourself is to pay attention to how things, people, and experiences make you feel. Take note of the positive and negative reactions and adjust accordingly!
“You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.”
One Christmas, a parent decreed that she was no longer going to remind her children of their thank-you note duties. As a result their grandmother never received acknowledgments of the generous checks she had given. The next year things were different, however.
“The children came over in person to thank me,” the grandparent told a friend triumphantly.
“How wonderful!” the friend exclaimed. “What do you think caused the change in behavior?”
“Oh, that’s easy,” the grandmother replied. “This year I didn’t sign the checks.”
“If genius is one percent inspiration and 99 percent perspiration, I wind up sharing elevators with a lot of bright people.”
Norman and Esther Melman of New Haven, CT, newly married friends of mine, were visiting us when the topic of children came up. Esther said she wanted three children, while Norman said two would be enough for him.
They discussed this discrepancy for a few minutes until the husband thought he’d put an end to things by saying boldly, “After our second child, I’ll just have a vasectomy.”
Without a moment’s hesitation, his new wife retorted, “Well, I hope you’ll love the third one as if it’s your own.”
They can because they think they can.
We have been married for almost 66 years. Whenever anyone asks me how we have stayed married for so long, I tell them it is because we are compatible. We have an agreement, I don’t try to run her life, and I don’t try to run mine.
If you can find a path with no obstacles, it probably doesn’t lead anywhere.
Frank A. Clark
An elderly husband and wife noticed that they were beginning to forget many little things around the house. They were afraid that this could be dangerous, as one of them may accidently forget to turn off the stove and thus cause a fire. So, they decided to go see their physician to get some help. Their physician told them that many people their age find it useful to write themselves little notes as reminders. The elderly couple thought this sounded wonderful, and left the doctor’s office very pleased with the advice.
When they got home, the wife said, “Dear, will you please go to the kitchen and get me a dish of ice cream? And why don’t you write that down so you won’t forget?”
“Nonsense,” said the husband, “I can remember a dish of ice cream!”
“Well,” said the wife, “I’d also like some strawberries on it. You better write that down, because I know you’ll forget.”
“Don’t be silly,” replied the husband. “A dish of ice cream and some strawberries. I can remember that!”
“OK, dear, but I’d like you to put some whipped cream on top. Now you’d really better write it down now. You’ll forget,” said the wife.
“Come now, my memory’s not all that bad,” said the husband. “No problem — a dish of ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream.”
With that, the husband shut the kitchen door behind him. The wife could hear him getting out pots and pans, and making some noise inconsistent with his preparing a dish of ice cream, strawberries, and whipped cream. He emerged from the kitchen about 15 minutes later. Walking over to his wife, he presented her with a plate of bacon and eggs.
The wife took one look at the plate, glanced up at her husband and said, “I knew you wouldn’t get it right!! Where’s the toast??”
“If you are insecure, guess what? The rest of the world is too. Do not overestimate the competition and underestimate yourself. You are better than you think.”
Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.
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