November 15, 2018
It’s never too late to be what you might have been.
It has been rewarding for me to spend so much time with folks who have led interesting lives as my new neighbors have. They are business people, educators, doctors and pretty much represent a wide range of occupations.
They, like so many of us reflect back on their lives, not necessarily with regret but rather with the knowledge they now have that the past pressures they put on themselves was just not worth the effort. The story I want to share with you today may well have been written by one of my wise new friends.
IF I HAD MY LIFE TO LIVE OVER
“If I had my life to live over again, I’d try to make more mistakes next time. I wouldn’t try to be so perfect. I would relax more. I’d limber up. I’d be sillier than I’ve been on this trip. In fact, I know very few things that I would take so seriously, I’d be crazier. I’d be less hygienic. I’d take more chances, I’d take more trips, I’d climb more mountains, I’d swim more rivers, I’d watch more sunsets, I’d go more places I’ve never been to. I’d eat more ice cream and fewer beans. I’d have more actual troubles and fewer imaginary ones.
You see I was one of those people who lived prophylactically and sensibly and sanely hour after hour and day after day. Oh, I’ve had my moments, and if I had it to do all over again, I’d have more of those moments. In fact, I’d try to have nothing but beautiful moments- moment by moment by moment.
I’ve been one of those people who never went anywhere without a thermometer, a hot water bottle, a gargle, a raincoat, and a parachute. If I had to do it all over again, I’d travel lighter next time. If I had to do it all over again, I’d start barefoot earlier in the spring and stay that way later in the fall. I’d ride more merry-go-rounds, I’d watch more sunrises, and I’d play with more children, if I had my life to live over again. But you see, I don’t.”
Life is a grindstone, and whether it grinds you down or polishes you up is for you and you alone to decide.
A little girl was observed by her pastor standing outside the pre-school Sunday School classroom between Sunday School and worship, waiting for her parents to come and pick her up for “big church.”
The pastor noticed that she clutched a big storybook under her arms with the obvious title, “Jonah and the Whale.” Feeling a little pernicious, he knelt down beside the little girl and began a conversation. “What’s that you have in your hand?” he asked.
“This is my storybook about Jonah and the Whale,” she answered.
“Tell me something, little girl,” he continued, “do you believe that story about Jonah and that whale to be the truth?”
The little girl implored, “Why of course I believe this story to be the truth!”
He inquired further, “You really believe that a man can be swallowed up by a big whale, stay inside him all that time, and come out of there still alive and OK? You really believe all that can be true?”
She declared, “Absolutely, this story is in the Bible and we studied about it in Sunday School today!”
Then the pastor asked, “Well, little girl, can you prove to me that this story is the truth?”
She thought for a moment and then said, “Well, when I get to Heaven, I’ll ask Jonah.”
The pastor then asked, “Well, what if Jonah’s not in Heaven?”
She then put her hands on her little hips and sternly declared, “Then YOU can ask him!”
A characteristic of the normal child is he doesn’t act that way very often.
If I am trying to sleep, it’s because I am exhausted from my almost super-human level of daily achievement; if he is trying to sleep it’s because he is lazy.
No matter what the activity, he doesn’t do it as well as my past boyfriend.
If he pays attention to me, he is smothering me. If he gives me space, he is ignoring me.
I demand to be treated as an equal in everything – except when paying for meals, airplane tickets, concerts, beers, clothes, etc. – these are required gifts proving his love.
I’m so broke, I can’t even pay attention.
KNOW YOUR GETTING OLDER WHEN:
You know all the answers but nobody asks you any questions.
You get winded playing checkers.
You need a fire permit to light all of your birthday candles and you need oxygen after blowing them out.
You stop to think and forget to start again.
You don’t need an alarm clock to get up with the chickens.
A fortune-teller wants to read your face.
You finally get it all together, but can’t remember where you put it.
Everything hurts, and what doesn’t hurt, doesn’t work.
You feel like the morning after, and you haven’t been anywhere.
You look forward to a dull evening.
You join a health club and never go.
You need your glasses to find your glasses.
You sit in a rocking chair and can’t get it going.
Your knees buckle, but your belt won’t
You have too much room in the house, and not enough in the medicine chest.
My Top Ten Inventions
1) The water-proof towel
2) Solar powered flashlight
3) Submarine screen door
4) A book on how to read
5) Inflatable dart board
6) A dictionary index
7) Ejector seat in a helicopter
8) Powdered water
9) Pedal-powered wheel chair
10) Water-proof tea bag
Don’t pay two dollars to get a shirt cleaned. Donate it to the Salvation Army instead. They’ll clean it and put it on a hanger. Next morning buy it back for seventy five cents.
Don’t ask yourself what the world needs; ask yourself what makes you come alive. And then go and do that. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.
Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.
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