Ray's musings and humor

He Inspired

Ray’s Daily

November 1, 2018

https://rays-daily.com/

Do something wonderful, people may imitate it.

Albert Schweitzer

Albert Switzer

I am running behind again so let’s see what I wrote years ago.

Ray’s Daily first published on November 1, 2002

I spent the day accompanying a close friend as he had all day heart tests. His plumbing turned out to be good, but his electrical system sucks. So tomorrow I pick him up, take him back to the hospital where they will do some electrical tests and then install a Pacemaker. He will be in overnight and if all is well I will take him home on Saturday. I will wait until he has stabilized before I teach him the secret Pacemaker patient handshake that I learned a few years ago when I had mine installed.

~~~

Reporters and city officials gathered at a Chicago railroad station one afternoon in 1953. The person they were meeting was the 1952 Nobel Peace Prize winner. A few minutes after the train came to a stop, a giant of a man – six feet four inches – with bushy hair and a large mustache stepped from the train. Cameras flashed. City officials approached him with hands outstretched. Various people began telling him how honored they were to meet him.

The man politely thanked them and then, looking over their heads, asked if he could be excused for a moment. He quickly walked through the crowd until he reached the side of an elderly black woman who was struggling with two large suitcases. He picked up the bags and with a smile, escorted the woman to a bus. After helping her aboard, he wished her a safe journey. As he returned to the greeting party he apologized, “Sorry to have kept you waiting.”

The man was Dr. Albert Schweitzer, the famous missionary doctor who had spent his life helping the poor in Africa. In response to Schweitzer’s action, one member of the reception committee said with great admiration to the reporter standing next to him, “That’s the first time I ever saw a sermon walking.”

My thought for the day: Where are you Albert? We need you back!

~~~

There is a head-on collision on the 91 Freeway and two young men from Palm Springs are killed and end up in Hell.

The next day, the Devil stops in to check on them and sees them dressed in warm clothes with a heavy coat, ski cap and mittens warming themselves around the fire.

The Devil asks them, “What are you doing? Isn’t it hot enough for you here in Hell?”

One of the men answers, “You know the weather has been quite warm in Southern California and we would have expected it to be as least as worm here.”

This gets the Devil a little steamed up and he decides to fix the two guys. He cranks the heat up as high as it will go.

The next morning, people are wailing and screaming every where because of the intense heat.

He rushes to the room with the two guys from Palm Springs and finds them dressed as they were before still sitting by the fire and seeming to have a good time.

The Devil is astonished, “Everyone down here is in misery, and you two seem to be enjoying yourself.”

“Well, actually it is more comfortable than the heat wave we were having back home,” is the response.

Now the devil is now absolutely furious, he can hardly see straight. Finally he comes up with the answer. “No matter how hot I make it, these men seem very comfortable. They must be comfortable because they are used to the heat,” he decides. “I’ll fix them. I’ll turn the heat completely off.”

The next morning, the temperature is below zero, icicles are hanging every where, people are shivering unable to get themselves warm.

The Devil smiles and rushes to the room with the two Californians. When he gets there, he finds them still dressed in their winter clothes but now they are jumping up and down, cheering, yelling and screaming like mad.

The Devil is dumb-founded, “I don’t understand, when I turn up the heat you’re happy. Now its freezing cold and you’re even more happy. What is wrong with you two?

The Californians look at the Devil and answer, “Hell is frozen over. That means that the Angels have won the World Series.”

~~~

“You can accomplish much if you don’t care who gets the credit.”

Ronald Reagan

~~~

Jesus and Satan have an argument as to who is the better computer programmer. This goes on for a few hours until they agree to hold a contest with God as the judge.

They set themselves before their computers and begin. They type furiously for several hours, lines of code streaming up the screen.

Seconds before the end of the competition, a bolt of lightning strikes, taking out the electricity. Moments later, the power is restored, and God announces that the contest is over. He asks Satan to show what he has come up with. Satan is visibly upset, and cries, “I have nothing! I lost it all when the power went out.”

“Very well, then,” says God, “let us see if Jesus fared any better.”

Jesus enters a command, and the screen comes to life in vivid display, the voices of an angelic choir pour forth from the speakers. Satan is astonished.

He stutters, “But how?! I lost everything yet Jesus’ program is intact! How did he do it?”

God chuckles, “Jesus saves.”

~~~

“Logic is the art of going wrong with confidence”

Joseph Wood Krutch

~~~

Little Johnny was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar after another. After the 6th one a man on the bench across from him said, “Son, you know eating all that candy isn’t good for you. It will give you acne, rot your teeth, make you fat.”

Little Johnny replied, “My grandfather lived to be 107 years old.”

The man asked, “Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a  time?”

Little Johnny answered, “No, he minded his own bloody business!”

~~~

Dear Abby,

Our son was married in January. Five months later his wife had a ten-pound baby girl. They said the baby was premature. Tell me, can a baby this big be that early? Wondering

Dear Wondering,

The baby was on time, the wedding was late. Forget it.

~~~

“I feel the greatest reward for doing is the opportunity to do more.”

Jonas Salk

~~~

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than fifteen years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

 

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

Tag Cloud

%d bloggers like this: