Ray's musings and humor

Ray’s Daily

August 2, 2018

www.rays-daily.com

Clouds come floating into my life, no longer to carry rain or usher storm, but to add color to my sunset sky.

Rabindranath Tagore

Sunset

I actually wrote this yesterday, I do have things to do today.

My daughter will be taking my wife to the doctor today so I will be able to get away to run some errands. I am also going to make it a planning day off. My wife and me have been spending so much time helping to decide our future that I am ready for a break.

So today I will work on enjoyment and preparation for the productive days ahead. Who knows as I read and relax I may even find an inspiring thought or two.

Be Inspired

Tiffany Prochera

May you be inspired today…

May you be encouraged to travel your path with sure feet, confident in your direction.

May you be spurred on to explore, to face the challenge, to go to the next level.

 May you experience many moments when you want to stand up and shout, “Hazzah! How grand this life is and I want more of it!”

May you fall asleep exhausted  but giddy with anticipation for what is to come,  as though you cannot wait until the morning to continue the adventure,  to see what glorious miracles are going to occur.

And finally, may you realize your power to create such a day and such a life for yourself for you truly do possess it.

Have an exciting day!

~~~

Happiness is not something you postpone for the future; it is something you design for the present.

Jim Rohn

~~~

When the car engine developed a slight knock, Kerry asked her husband if he had bought premium or regular gas, but he couldn’t remember.

“You probably got the cheaper gas,” she said. “That would account for the roughness of the engine.”

“No, the gas wasn’t cheaper!” he replied indignantly, “It cost the same as always. I put in the usual ten dollars’ worth.”

~~~

There are two types of roads in our country. One is under construction and the other is under repair.

~~~

My accountant father and my artist mother have very different views on balancing a checkbook. Mom usually kept the checkbook, but when Dad retired, he took over all the financial duties. He was really taken aback when he looked over the checkbook and found only dollar amounts recorded. It seems Mom hadn’t wanted to deal with any more math than she had to, so she’d eliminated the cents from every check. She’d round up if the partial dollar amounts were 50 cents or more and drop those under 50 cents. Dad feverishly went through stacks of canceled checks and registers, trying to correct her method. The difference in seven years of dollars only? Sixteen cents.

~~~

INDECISION is the key to FLEXIBILITY.

~~~

Enjoy this list of actual announcements that London tube train drivers have made to their passengers:

“Your delay this evening is caused by the line controller suffering from E & B syndrome: not knowing his elbow from his backside. I’ll let you know any further information as soon as I’m given any.”

“We are now traveling through Baker Street… As you can see, Baker Street is closed. It would have been nice if they had actually told me, so I could tell you earlier, but no, they don’t think about things like that”.

“Beggars are operating on this train. Please do NOT encourage these professional beggars. If you have any spare change, please give it to a registered charity. Failing that, give it to me.”

During an extremely hot rush hour on the Central Line, the driver announced in a West Indian drawl: “Step right this way for the sauna, ladies and gentlemen…Unfortunately, towels are not provided.”

“Please allow the doors to close. Try not to confuse this with ‘Please hold the doors open.’ The two are distinct and separate instructions.”

“Please note that the beeping noise coming from the doors means that the doors are about to close. It does not mean throw yourself or your bags into the doors.”

“We can’t move off because some idiot has their hand stuck in the door.”

“To the gentleman wearing the long grey coat trying to get on the second carriage – what part of ‘stand clear of the doors’ don’t you understand?”

~~~

“Where we have strong emotions, we’re liable to fool ourselves.”

Carl Sagan

~~~

A boy was assigned a paper on childbirth and asked his parents “how was I born?”

“Well honey…” said the slightly prudish parent, “the stork brought you to us.”

“OH,” said the boy. “Well, how did you and daddy get born?” he asked.

“Oh, the stork brought us too.”

“Well how were grandpa and grandma born?” he persisted.

“Well darling, the stork brought them too!” said the parent, by now starting to squirm a little in the Lazy Boy recliner.

Several days later, the boy handed in his paper to the teacher who read with confusion the opening sentence:

“This report has been very difficult to write due to the fact that there hasn’t been a natural childbirth in my family for three generations.”

~~~

“Your seat cushions can be used for flotation. In the event of an emergency water landing, please paddle to shore. You may keep the cushions with our compliments.”

~~~

My friend’s husband is always telling her that housekeeping would be a snap if only she would organize her time better.

Recently he had a chance to put his theory into practice while his wife was away. When I popped in one evening to see how he was managing, and he crowed, “I made a cake, frosted it, washed the kitchen windows, cleaned all the cupboards, scrubbed the kitchen floor, walls and ceiling and even had a bath.”

I was about to concede that perhaps he was a better manager than his wife, when he added sheepishly, “When I was making the chocolate frosting, I forgot to turn off the mixer before taking the beaters out of the bowl, so I had to do all the rest.”

~~~

Today I choose life. Every morning when I wake up I can choose joy, happiness, negativity, pain… To feel the freedom that comes from being able to continue to make mistakes and choices – today I choose to feel life, not to deny my humanity but embrace it.

Kevyn Aucoin

~~~

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than fifteen years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

 

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