Ray's musings and humor

Ray’s Daily

May 24, 2018

Ray@iquest.net

Now and then it’s good to pause in our pursuit of happiness and just be happy.

Guillaume Apollinaire

appreciate

One of the benefits to living as long as I have is that you realize your life is really pretty good. Too many of us waste years as we pursue a different life. Even when we get somewhere we thought we wanted to be it was not what we expected,

I have learned sometime ago that each day has something to offer if only we are willing to pay attention to what we have. There are few things as empowering as making each day special versus spending time longing for what is not there.

Just think what the gentleman in the following story life would have been like if he would not of waited until he was eighty years old.

“Happiness is a choice”

An old man lived in the village. He was one of the most unfortunate people in the world. The whole village was tired of him, he was always gloomy, constantly complained and always was in a bad mood. The longer he lived, the more bile was becoming and the more poisonous were his words. People avoided him, because his misfortune became contagious. It was even unnaturally and insulting to be happy next to him. He created the feeling of unhappiness in others.

But one day, when he got eighty years old, an incredible thing happened. Instantly everyone heard the rumour: “An Old Man is happy today, he doesn’t complain about anything, smiles, and even his face is freshened up”. The whole village gathered together. An old man was asked:

– What happened to you?

– Nothing special.. – he answered. – Eighty years I’ve been chasing happiness, and it was useless. And then… I decided to live without happiness and just enjoy life… That is why I am happy now!

~~~

It’s the moments that I stopped just to be, rather than do, that have given me true happiness.

Richard Branson

~~~

I always say true stories are the best:

Green garden grass snakes can be dangerous. Yes, grass snakes, not just rattlesnakes.  A couple in Sweetwater, Texas had a lot of potted plants, and during a recent cold spell, the wife was bringing a lot of them indoors to protect them from a possible freeze.

It turned out that a little green garden grass snake was hidden in one of the plants and when it warmed up, it slithered out and the wife saw it go under the sofa. She let out a very loud scream. The husband, who was taking a shower, ran out into the living room naked to see what the problem was. She told him there was a snake under the sofa. He got down on the floor on his hands and knees to look for it. About that time the family dog came and cold nosed him on the rear. He thought the snake had bitten him and he fainted.

His wife thought he had a heart attack, so she called an ambulance. The attendants rushed in and loaded him on the stretcher and started carrying him out. About that time the snake came out from under the sofa and one of the Emergency Medical Technicians saw it and dropped his end of the stretcher. That’s when the man broke his leg.

The wife still had the problem of the snake in the house, so she called on a neighbor man. He volunteered to capture the snake. He armed himself with a rolled-up newspaper and began poking under the couch. Soon he decided it was gone and told the woman, who sat down on the sofa in relief. But in relaxing, her hand dangled in between the cushion where she felt the snake wriggling around. She screamed and fainted, the snake rushed back under the sofa, and the neighbor man, seeing her lying there passed out tried to use CPR to revive her. The neighbor’s wife, who had just returned from shopping at the grocery store, saw her husband’s mouth on the woman’s mouth and slammed her husband on the back of the head with a bag of canned goods, knocking him out and cutting his scalp to a point where it needed stitches. An ambulance was again called when it was determined that the injury required hospitalization. The noise woke the woman from her dead faint and she saw her neighbor lying on the floor with his wife bending over him, so she assumed the snake had bitten him.  She went to the kitchen, brought back a small bottle of whiskey, and began pouring it down the man’s throat.

By now the police had arrived. They saw the unconscious man, smelled the whiskey, and assumed that a drunken fight had occurred. They were about to arrest them all, when the two women tried to explain how it all happened over a little green snake. The ambulance arrived and took away the neighbor and his sobbing wife. Just then the little snake crawled out from under the couch. One of the policemen drew his gun and fired at it.  He missed the snake and hit the leg of the end table that was on one side of the sofa. The table fell over and the lamp on it shattered and as the bulb broke, it started a fire in the drapes. Another policeman tried to beat out the flames and fell through the window into the yard on top of the family dog. The startled dog jumped up and raced out into the street, where an oncoming car swerved to avoid it and smashed into the parked police car and set it on fire. Meanwhile, the burning drapes had spread to the walls the entire house was blazing. Neighbors had called the fire department and the arriving fire truck had started raising his ladder when they were halfway down the street. The rising ladder tore out the overhead wires and pulled out the electricity and disconnected telephones in a ten-square city block area.

Time passed… Both men were discharged from the hospital. The house was rebuilt. The police acquired a new car, and all was right with the world. About a year later the original couple was watching TV and the weatherman announced a cold snap for that night. The husband asked his wife if she thought they should bring in their plants for the night.

She shot him.

~~~

A male gynecologist is like an auto mechanic who never owned a car.

Carrie Snow

~~~

When women retire as homemakers they tend to get a little testy. Here is what husbands have to look forward to.

Kitchen closed – – this chick has had it!

I’m creative; you can’t expect me to be neat too!

So this isn’t Home Sweet Home… Adjust!

Ring Bell for Maid Service…If no answer do it yourself!

I clean house every other day…. Today is the other day!

If you write in the dust, please don’t date it!

Our house was clean last week, too bad you missed it!

I came, I saw, I decided to order take out.

If you don’t like my standards of cooking … lower your standards.

Apology … Although you’ll find our house a mess, Come in, sit down, converse. It doesn’t always look like this: Some days it’s even worse.

A messy kitchen is a happy kitchen, and this kitchen is delirious.

A clean house is a sign of a misspent life.

Help keep the kitchen clean – eat out.

Dull women have immaculate houses.

~~~

If you aren’t grateful for what you already have, what makes you think you would be happy with more.

Roy T. Bennett

~~~

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than fifteen years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

 

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