Ray's musings and humor

OK, I’m up

Ray’s Daily

May 16, 2018

http://www.rays-daily.com/

It is not in the stars to hold our destiny but in ourselves.

William Shakespeare

Getting-Started-FA

If you are like I am there are days when you just can’t seem to get started. For me it becomes far too easy to succumb to laziness and put off until another day tasks that should be done that day. I have found that those days end up building almost insurmountable backlogs resulting in having to skip things better attended to.

OK, most of the time I may be slow starting but I do get going. My trick is stopping to realize that the price I pay for inaction is not worth it, you never get anywhere if you don’t start. We pay a price when we procrastinate, deferred action mostly results in lost opportunity.

Here are some action items to consider as you reap today’s rewards:

Promise yourself

To be so strong that nothing can disturb your peace of mind.

To talk health, happiness, and prosperity to every person you meet.

To make all your friends feel that there is something in them.

To look at the sunny side of everything and make your optimism come true.

To think only the best, to work only for the best, and to expect only the best.

To be just as enthusiastic about the success of others as you are about your own.

To forget the mistakes of the past and press on to the greater achievements of the future.

To wear a cheerful countenance at all times and give every living creature you meet a smile.

To give so much time to the improvement of yourself that you have no time to criticize others.

To be too large for worry, too noble for anger, too strong for fear; and too happy to permit the presence of trouble.

To think well of yourself and to proclaim this fact to the world, not in loud words, but in great deeds.

To live in the faith that the whole world is on your side so long as you are true to the best that is in you.

C.D. Larson

~~~

I have the choice of being constantly active and happy or introspectively passive and sad. Or I can go mad by ricocheting in between.

Sylvia Plath

~~~

“What Doctors Say, And What They’re Really Thinking”

“This should be taken care of right away.” -I’d planned a trip to Hawaii next month but this is so easy and profitable that I want to fix it before it cures itself.

“Welllllll, what have we here…?” – He has no idea and is hoping you’ll give him a clue.

“Let me check your medical history.” – I want to see if you’ve paid your last bill before spending any more time with you.

“I’d like to prescribe a new drug.” – I’m writing a paper and would like to use you for a guinea pig.

“If it doesn’t clear up in a week, give me a call.” – I don’t know what it is. Maybe it will go away by itself.

~~~

Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, “Where have I gone wrong?” Then a voice says to me, “This is going to take more than one night.”

Charlie Brown

~~~

After spending 3-1/2 hours enduring the long lines, surly clerks and insane regulations at the department of motor vehicles, a lady stopped at a toy store to pick up a gift for her son. She brought her selection – a baseball bat to the cash register.

“Cash or charge,” the clerk asked.

“Cash,” she snapped.  Then apologizing for her rudeness, she explained, ” I’ve spent the afternoon at the motor-vehicle bureau.  I am way past sane!!”

“Shall I gift -wrap the bat?” the clerk asked sweetly, “Or or you going back there?”

~~~

Anything is possible, unless it’s not.

~~~

WAYS TO STAY STRESSED (Not funny but important)

Are you worried now about how to stay stressed? You’ll have no trouble if you practice the following clinically proven methods:

NEVER EXERCISE. Exercise wastes a lot of time that could be spent worrying.

EAT ANYTHING YOU WANT. Hey, if cigarette smoke can’t cleanse your system, a balanced diet isn’t likely to.

GAIN WEIGHT. Work hard at staying at least 25 pounds over your recommended weight.

TAKE PLENTY OF STIMULANTS. The old standards of caffeine, nicotine, sugar, and cola will continue to do the job just fine.

AVOID “WOO-WOO” PRACTICES. Ignore the evidence suggesting that meditation, yoga, deep breathing, and/or mental imaging help to reduce stress.

GET RID OF YOUR SOCIAL SUPPORT SYSTEM. Let the few friends who are willing to tolerate you know that concern yourself with friendships only if you have time, and you never have time. If a few people persist in trying to be your friend, avoid them.

PERSONALIZE ALL CRITICISM. Anyone who criticizes any aspect of your work, family, dog, house, or car is mounting a personal attack. Don’t take time to listen, be offended, then return the attack!

MALES AND FEMALES ALIKE – BE MACHO. Never ever ask for help, and if you want it done right, do it yourself!

BECOME A WORKAHOLIC. Put work before everything else, and be sure to take work home evenings and weekends. Keep reminding yourself that vacations are for sissies.

DISCARD GOOD TIME MANAGEMENT SKILLS. Schedule in more activities every day than you can possibly get done and then worry about it all whenever you get a chance.

PROCRASTINATE. Putting things off to the last second always produces a marvelous amount of stress.

WORRY ABOUT THINGS YOU CAN’T CONTROL. Worry about the stock market, earthquakes, the approaching Ice Age, you know, all the big issues.

BECOME NOT ONLY A PERFECTIONIST BUT SET IMPOSSIBLY HIGH STANDARDS… …and either beat yourself up, or feel guilty, depressed, discouraged, and/or inadequate when you don’t meet them.”

THROW OUT YOUR SENSE OF HUMOR. Staying stressed is no laughing matter, and it shouldn’t be treated as one.

~~~

Can atheists get insurance for acts of God?

~~~

Definition of Outdoor Barbecuing  It’s the only type of cooking a “real” man will do:

When a man volunteers to do such cooking, the following chain of events is put into motion.

(1) The woman goes to the store.

(2) The woman fixes the salad, vegetables, and dessert.

(3) The woman prepares the meat for cooking, places it on a tray along with the necessary cooking utensils, and takes it to the man, who is lounging beside the grill, drinking a beer.

(4) The man places the meat on the grill.

(5) The woman goes inside to set the table and check the vegetables.

(6) The woman comes out to tell the man that the meat is       burning.

(7) The man takes the meat off the grill and hands it to the woman.

(8) The woman prepares the plates and brings them to the      table.

(9) After eating, the woman clears the table and does the dishes.

(10) The man asks the woman how she enjoyed “her night off.”

And, upon seeing her annoyed reaction, concludes that there’s just no pleasing some women.

~~~

Don’t judge each day by the harvest you reap but by the seeds that you plant.

Robert Louis Stevenson

~~~

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than fifteen years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

 

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