May 11, 2018
“Start loving yourself and everything else will come.”
As you know I worry about the people I meet who don’t seem to realize just how good they are. Too many are their worst enemies, letting their own low self-esteem take them down. It does not have to be that way if they will stop and do an honest appraisal of themselves and then work to believe what they learn.
Everyone is in favor of high self-esteem — but cultivating it can be surprisingly tough. Psychologist Guy Winch explains why — and describes smart ways we can help build ourselves up. Here is part of the recent article he wrote that describes techniques to let the real you shine through.
Here are five ways to nourish your self-esteem when it is low:
- Use positive affirmations correctly – For affirmations to work when your self-esteem is lagging, tweak them to make them more believable. For example, change “I’m going to be a great success!” to “I’m going to persevere until I succeed!”
- Identify your competencies and develop them – Self-esteem is built by demonstrating real ability and achievement in areas of our lives that matter to us. If you pride yourself on being a good cook, throw more dinner parties. If you’re a good runner, sign up for races and train for them. In short, figure out your core competencies and find opportunities and careers that accentuate them.
- Learn to accept compliments – One of the trickiest aspects of improving self-esteem is that when we feel bad about ourselves we tend to be more resistant to compliments — even though that is when we most need them. The best way to avoid the reflexive reactions of batting away compliments is to prepare simple set responses and train yourself to use them automatically whenever you get good feedback (e.g., “Thank you” or “How kind of you to say”).
- Eliminate self-criticism and introduce self-compassion – Unfortunately, when our self-esteem is low, we are likely to damage it even further by being self-critical. Since our goal is to enhance our self-esteem, we need to substitute self-criticism (which is almost always entirely useless, even if it feels compelling) with self-compassion. Specifically, whenever your self-critical inner monologue kicks in, ask yourself what you would say to a dear friend if they were in your situation (we tend to be much more compassionate to friends than we are to ourselves) and direct those comments to yourself.
- Affirm your real worth – Make a list of qualities you have that are meaningful in the specific context. For example, if you failed to get a work promotion, list qualities that make you a valuable employee (you have a strong work ethic or are responsible). Then choose one of the items on your list and write a brief essay (one to two paragraphs) about why the quality is valuable and likely to be appreciated by other people in the future. Do the exercise every day for a week or whenever you need a self-esteem boost.
“Every person is the creation of himself, the image of his own thinking and believing. As individuals think and believe, so they are.”
Claude M. Bristol
“I’m prescribing these pills for you,” said the doctor to the overweight patient, who tipped the scales at about three hundred pounds.
“I don’t want you to swallow them. Just spill them on the floor twice a day and pick them up, one at a time….”
People who cough incessantly never seen to go to the doctor, they go to banquets, concerts, and church.
A blonde is on board a small two-seater plane when suddenly the pilot dies. Not knowing how to fly a plane she grabs the radio. “Mayday, Mayday! My pilot just died!” she screams.
Ground control receives her call for help and answers back: “Don’t worry, madam. I’ll talk you down, just do as I say. First I need you to give me your height and position”
“I’m 5″2′ and sitting in the front”
“Good humor is one of the best articles of dress one can wear in society.”
William Makepeace Thackeray
David wasn’t feeling well and so he went to the doctor to get himself checked. After a thorough examination, the doctor said, “Well David, based on my examination, the best thing for you is to cut out all sweets and fatty foods, give up alcohol, and stop smoking.”
“I see,” said David. “Well, to be honest with you Doc, let’s go with second best.’
The enjoyment of life would be instantly gone if you removed the possibility of doing something.
Jewish Mothers don’t differ from any other in the world when it comes to bragging about their sons. One Mother, trying to out-do another when it came to opportunities available to their just graduated-from-college sons said, “My Irving has had so many fine interviews, his resume is now in its fifth printing.”
Benny the psychiatrist got a postcard one morning from one of his patients. It read, “Having a wonderful time. Wish you were here so you could tell me why.”
I was visitin’ over at the old Perfesser’s, when little Maury came over, tugged on my pants leg and excitedly exclaimed, “I got a new bicycle, do you want to see it?”
I said, “Sure, little Maury.”
So off to the backyard we went. When we got there, I saw his brand new bicycle.
“Boy, Maury!! That’s a beautiful bicycle,” I complimented. “Can you ride it?”
“Yeah, I can ride it,” he said, then with a sad face he pouted, “but it’s broke.”
I looked at the new bicycle and couldn’t see anything wrong with it, so I asked him, “Well, what’s wrong with it?”
“I don’t know,” little Maury shrugged, “but every time I ride it, it falls down!”
“One of the most courageous things you can do is identify yourself, know who you are, what you believe in and where you want to go.”
Shiela Murray Bethel
Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.
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