Ray's musings and humor

Boy did that hurt!

Ray’s Daily

January 22, 2018

www.rays-daily.com

Every step of life shows much caution is required.

Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

Ice fall

Friday I was taken to the hospital after a bad fall on an icy driveway. After extensive x-rays it was determined that I had badly bruised ribs and chest. Thankfully no broken bones. They sent me home with high powered pain pills that prevent me from driving. I am still taking the pills and the pain has become tolerable to the point that I plan on sleeping in my bed tonight after a fitfil last night in a recliner.

I have had to cancel outside activities but will resume normal activities in a day or so.Since the pills leave me a little goofy I am again sending you a Ray’s Daily reprint.

Ray’s Daily first published on January 22, 2008

 Recently I had the good fortune to attend a performance by an outstanding New York tap dance troop. They intermixed their performance with on screen performances by some of the all time great tap dancers from years ago. People like Bojangles, Fred Astaire, Eleanor Powel, Shirley Temple, and many more.

The troop was made up of outstanding dancers who performed both individually and in production numbers. They presented to us both high energy virtuoso performances and quiet more graceful and subtle examples of the dance. I realized as I watched just how much I have grown to appreciate the work of Bojangles and others who danced with a style and grace that was almost featherlike while they partnered with a melody instead of dominating the music.

As I thought about it later it came to me that when you listen with your heart a whisper is often louder than a shout and a gentle touch more moving than a shove. It seems to me I have come to appreciate the grace of a Degas painting, the simple melody, the well spoken word, and those who are always civil and never strident, things that might not have gotten my attention when I was younger.

I sometimes worry that we have become so inundated with visuals, sounds, news, and other examples of contemporary society that we are in danger of losing our ability to find beauty in the simplest of things. While I appreciate the prodigy, I love the people I know who don’t put on airs but rather just live the good life doing the best they can, hating no one while giving the gift of their friendship to all they meet.

~~~

That man is the richest whose pleasures are the cheapest.

Henry David Thoreau

~~~

GAMES FOR WHEN WE ARE OLDER

  1. Sag, you’re It.
  2. Hide and go pee.
  3. 20 questions shouted into your good ear.
  4. Kick the bucket .
  5. Red Rover, Red Rover, the nurse says Bend Over.
  6. Musical recliners.
  7. Simon says something incoherent.
  8. Pin the Toupee on the bald guy .

SIGNS OF MENOPAUSE:

  1. You sell your home heating system at a yard sale.
  2. You have to write post-it notes with your kids’ names on them.
  3. You change your underwear after a sneeze.

OLD IS WHEN:

  1. Going bra-less pulls all the wrinkles out of your face.
  2. You don’t care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don’t have to go along.
  3. Getting a little action means you don’t need fiber today.

4.. Getting lucky means you find your car in the parking lot.

  1. An all-nighter means not getting up to pee!

~~~

It is a good thing to be rich, it is a good thing to be strong, but it is a better thing to be beloved of many friends.

Euripides

~~~

A man with a winking problem is applying for a position as a sales representative for a large firm. The interviewer looks over his papers and says, “This is phenomenal. You’ve graduated from the best schools; your recommendations are wonderful, and your experience is unparalleled. Normally, we’d hire you without a second thought. However, a sales representative has a highly visible position, and we’re afraid that your constant winking will scare off potential customers. I’m sorry…. we can’t hire you.”

“But wait,” he said. “If I take two aspirin, I’ll stop winking!”

“Really? Great! Show me!”

So the applicant reaches into his jacket pocket and begins pulling out all sorts of condoms: red condoms, blue condoms, ribbed condoms, flavored condoms; finally, at the bottom, he finds a packet of aspirin. He tears it open, swallows the pills, and stops winking.

“Well,” said the interviewer, “that’s all well and good, but this is a respectable company, and we will not have our employee womanizing all over the country!”

“Womanizing? What do you mean? I’m a happily married man!”

“Well then, how do you explain all these condoms?”

“Oh, that,” he sighed. “Have you ever walked into a pharmacy, winking, and asked for aspirin?”

~~~

“Virtue” is the failure to achieve vice.

~~~

Bob, a 70-year-old, extremely wealthy widower, shows up at the Country Club with a breathtakingly beautiful (and very sexy) 25 year-old blonde. She knocks everyone’s socks off with her youthful sex appeal and charm, as she hangs on to Bob’s arm and listens intently to his every word.

His buddies at the club are all aghast. At the very first chance, they corner him and ask, “Bob, how’d you get the trophy girlfriend?”

Bob replies, “Girlfriend? She’s not my girlfriend.. .she’s my wife!”

They’re knocked over, but continue to ask. “So, how’d you persuade her to marry you?”

“I lied about my age”, Bob replies.

“What, did you tell her you were only 50?”

Bob smiles and says, “No, I told her I was 90.”

~~~

Some pursue happiness, others create it.

Anonymous

~~~

She told me: After raising 4 kids, and losing one husband, I decided to return to college and get the degree I had started, but never finished. And so, on my first day of college, eager with anticipation, and more than a little nervous, I took a front row seat in my first class in over 40 years, a literature course.

The professor told us we would be responsible for reading five books over the course of the semester, and that he would provide us with a list of authors from which we could choose.

He ambled over to the lectern, took out his class book, and began “Baker, Black, Brooks, Carter, Cook…”

I was working feverishly to get down all the names, when I felt a tap on my shoulder.

The student behind me whispered, “Slow down! He’s just taking attendance!”

~~~

“I get those maternal feelings sometimes, like when I’m lying on the couch and can’t reach the remote, I think, ‘Boy, a kid would be nice right now.'”

Kathleen Madigan

~~~

The most I can do for my friend is simply to be his friend. I have no wealth to bestow on him. If he knows that I am happy in loving him, he will want no other reward. Is not friendship divine in this?

Henry David Thoreau

~~~

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than fifteen years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

 

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