Ray's musings and humor

Here we go again

Ray’s Daily

December 29, 2017

mailto:ray@iquest.net

There are far, far better things ahead than any we leave behind.”

C.S. Lewis

happy-new-year-cards

Wow, the end of another year. 2017 has been a year of challenge and change for me. While I had a few health encounters this year they were not catastrophic, though they have slowed me down some. This was also the year that my eyesight required some surgery and made my night driving a little more difficult I am still mobile.

The biggest change has been my wife’s health. Her near death episode followed by her limited short term memory has changed the way we live. She can no longer drive so my daughters and I are her chauffer’s these days. I also continue to provide nourishment and even some nurturing each day. We have had more than sixty years together and we have never been closer than we are now. Nancy has never needed much help in the past, now she does and rather than being a burden it provides me the opportunity to do what I can to make her life happy.

So my friends I I hope you have had a good year and that you will have an even better one when we start 2019 together next week.

Recipe for a Happy New Year

Anonymous

    Take twelve fine, full-grown months; see that these are thoroughly free from old memories of bitterness, rancor and hate, cleanse them completely from every clinging spite; pick off all specks of pettiness and littleness; in short, see that these months are freed from all the past—have them fresh and clean as when they first came from the great storehouse of Time. Cut these months into thirty or thirty-one equal parts. Do not attempt to make up the whole batch at one time (so many persons spoil the entire lot this way) but prepare one day at a time.

    Into each day put equal parts of faith, patience, courage, work (some people omit this ingredient and so spoil the flavor of the rest), hope, fidelity, liberality, kindness, rest (leaving this out is like leaving the oil out of the salad dressing— don’t do it), prayer, meditation, and one well-selected resolution. Put in about one teaspoonful of good spirits, a dash of fun, a pinch of folly, a sprinkling of play, and a heaping cupful of good humor.

~~~

◦“We all get the exact same 365 days. The only difference is what we do with them.”

Hillary DePiano

~~~

More medical terms I learned:

Protein — favoring young people

Rectum — damn near killed ’em

Rheumatic — amorous

Secretion — hiding anything

Terminal illness — sickness at airport

Urine — opposite of you’re out

Varicose — located nearby

Vein — conceited

~~~

MOTHER’S DAY – Nine months after fathers day.

~~~

Well, there was this blonde who just got sick and tired of all the blonde jokes.  So one evening she went home and memorized all the state capitals. Back in the office the next day, some guy started telling a dumb blonde joke.  She interrupted him with a shrill announcement,

“I’ve had it up to here with these blonde jokes.  I want you to know that this blonde went home last night and did something probably none of you could do…I memorized all the state capitals.”

One of the guys, of course, said “I don’t believe you. What is the capital of Nevada?”

“N”, she answered.

~~~

“I was high on life, but eventually I built up a tolerance.”

Arj Barker

~~~

~~~

As the crowded elevator descended, Mrs. Silverman became increasingly furious with her husband, who was delighted to be pressed against a gorgeous young blonde woman. As the elevator stopped at the main floor, the blonde suddenly whirled, slapped Mr. Silverman, and said, “That will teach you to pinch!”

Bewildered, Mr. Silverman was halfway to the parking lot with his wife when he choked, “I . . . I didn’t pinch that girl.”

“Of course you didn’t,” replied his wife, consolingly. “I did.”

~~~

I have kleptomania, but when it gets bad I take something for it.

~~~

Q: What did the Jewish Mother ask her daughter when the daughter told her she had an affair?

A: Who catered it?

~~~

The obstetrician was used to seeing some unusual tattoos when he was working in labor and delivery.

One patient had some type of fish tattoo on her abdomen. “That sure is a pretty whale,” the doctor commented.

With a sad smile, she replied, “It used to be a dolphin.”

~~~

Character is what you are. Reputation is what people think you are.

~~~

My Dad has a sure way to keep my Mom from buying an outfit.

When she tries it on, he says, “I love that middle-aged look it gives you.”

~~~

“Let me give you a New Year message: Believe in yourself, because no one ever achieved anything significant without believing in himself and no one ever will! Believe in yourself powerfully, especially when there is no reason left to believe in yourself because the ultimate bottom is the best place to start a big rise!”

Mehmet Murat Ildan

~~~

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than fifteen years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

 

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