November 27, 2017
When anger rises, think of the consequences.
I recently read an article written by Mark Chernoff where he asked why most of us take things so personally that we end up paying a price. As I am sure you know anger seldom pays abd it sure does not our peace of mind. In truth we are only angry because we allow others to get to us and we really don’t have to let them do that,
Unfortunately our anger often only results burned bridges and broken friendships. One of the biproducts of staying calm when you are on the cusp of anger is the realization that you are strong enough to resist doing something you might regret later.
What works for me is answering the question, is getting upset really worth it? The answer invariably is, no it isn’t. Chernoff offered the following tips to help us manage our response to negative situations.
1.Calmness is a superpower. The ability to not overreact or take things personally keeps your mind clear and your heart at peace.
2.Even when it seems personal, rarely do people do things because of you, they do things because of them.
3.You may not be able control all the things people say and do to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them.
4.There is a huge amount of freedom that comes to you when you detach from other people’s beliefs and behaviors. The way people treat you is their problem, how you react is yours. (Angel and I discuss this further in the “Self-Love” chapter of our book.)
5.Oftentimes people do things and say things because they’ve been conditioned to, not because they consciously want to.
6.You can’t control how people receive your energy. Whatever someone interprets, or projects onto you, is at least partially an issue or problem that they themselves are dealing with.
7.Take constructive criticism seriously, but not personally. Weigh what you hear from others against what you know in your heart to be true.
8.If you’re willing to view the behavior of other people as indicative of their relationship with themselves, then you will inevitably take things less personally.
9.If you truly wish to improve your self-confidence, self-esteem, and self-worth, stop allowing other people to be responsible for them. Stop allowing other people to dominate your emotions. (Angel and I build powerful self-confidence rituals with our students in the “Love and Relationships” module of Getting Back to Happy.)
10.All the hardest, coldest people you meet were once as soft as a baby. And that’s the tragedy of living. So when people are rude, be kind, be mindful, be your best. Give those around you the “break” that you hope the world will give you on your own “bad day” and you will never, ever regret it.
For every minute you remain angry, you give up sixty seconds of peace of mind.
Ralph Waldo Emerson
Q: How many internet mail list subscribers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: 1,343 –
1 to change the light bulb and to post to the mail list that the light bulb has been changed;
14 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently;
7 to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs;
27 to point out spelling/grammar errors in posts about changing light bulbs;
53 to flame the spell checkers;
41 to correct spelling/grammar flames;
6 to argue over whether it’s “lightbulb” or “light bulb”
156 to write to the list administrator about the light bulb discussion and its inappropriateness to this mail list;
109 to post that this list is not about light bulbs and to please take this email exchange to litebulblist;
203 to demand that cross posting to grammar-l, spelling-l and illuminati-l about changing light bulbs be stopped;
111 to defend the posting to this list saying that we all use light bulbs and therefore the posts *are* relevant to this mail list;
306 to debate which method of changing light bulbs is superior, where to buy the best light bulbs, what brand of light bulbs work best for this technique and what brands are faulty;
27 to post URL’s where one can see examples of different light bulbs;
14 to post that the URL’s were posted incorrectly and the post the corrected URL’s;
3 to post about links they found from the URL’s that are relevant to this list which makes light bulbs relevant to this list;
33 to link all posts to date, then quote them including all headers and footers and then add “Me too”;
12 to post to the list that they are unsubscribing because they cannot handle the light bulb controversy;
19 to quote the “Me too’s” to say “Me three”;
4 to suggest that posters request the light bulb FAQ;
44 to ask what is “FAQ”;
4 to say “didn’t we go through this already a short time ago on Usenet?”
143 to ask “what’s Usenet?”
“Those who bring sunshine into the lives of others cannot keep it from themselves.”
James Matthew Barrie
At a business conference in Montpelier, Vermont, the state tax commissioner asked the audience which sort of taxation they found fairest. There was a pause, and then a white haired man in the back raised his hand. “The poll tax,” he said.
“But the poll tax was repealed,” replied the commissioner.
“Ay-ah,” declared the man, “that’s what I like best about it.”
“In the end, the size of a person’s accomplishment can best be measured by the size of their heart.”
My friend Ida was slowly recovering from a heart attack. “Doctor,” she pleaded with her cardiologist, “you must keep me alive for the next two years. I want to attend my first grandchild’s bar mitzvah.”
“We’ll try,” he replied compassionately.
In due course Ida gratefully attended the festive rite of passage.
Some time later she again spoke to her doctor. “My granddaughter is to be married in 18 months. Please help me to be able to attend her wedding.”
“We’ll do our best,” he replied.
And my friend happily attended her granddaughter’s wedding.
Ten years passed. Ida visited her cardiologist regularly and followed his instructions religiously. One morning she called him. “Doctor,” she began, “I’m feeling fine, but I have another request to ask of you: Remember how you saw me through to my grandson’s bar mitzvah?”
“And later how you helped me attend my granddaughter’s wedding?”
“Well, as you know I’ve just celebrated my 80th birthday. And I just bought myself a new mattress.”
“It has a 20-year guarantee…”
Every day we have plenty of opportunities to get angry, stressed or offended. But what you’re doing when you indulge these negative emotions is giving something outside yourself power over your happiness. You can choose to not let little things upset you.
Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.
Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than fifteen years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at firstname.lastname@example.org. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.