Ray's musings and humor

I hope it is

Ray’s Daily

November 6, 2017

www.rays-daily.com

Once you replace negative thoughts with positive ones, you’ll start having positive results.”

 Willie Nelson

good-news

It has been a somewhat challenging few days. I learned that they are going to schedule eye surgery for next week on my left eye and will do the right one next month, I have macular degeneration but it is hoped that this surgery will help since there is a chance that the membrane behind the lens is clouded and that removing it will improve my sight, not the macular degeneration but my ability to see better.

There is no guarantee but you never know about things in our lives until we let them play out. So until I learn otherwise I am going to consider the surgery to be a good thing. The following story makes the case for positive outcomes even when they look bleak. I’ll let you know in a few weeks how my surgery turns out.

This Is Good

An old story is told of a king in Africa who had a close friend with whom he grew up. The friend had a habit of looking at every situation that ever occurred in his life (positive or negative) and remarking, “This is good!”

One day the king and his friend were out on a hunting expedition. The friend would load and prepare the guns for the king. The friend had apparently done something wrong in preparing one of the guns, for after taking the gun from his friend, the king fired it and his thumb was blown off. Examining the situation the friend remarked as usual, “This is good!” To which the king replied, “No, this is NOT good!” and proceeded to send his friend to jail.

About a year later, the king was hunting in an area that he should have known to stay clear of. Cannibals captured him and took him to their village. They tied his hands, stacked some wood, set up a stake and bound him to the stake. As they came near to set fire to the wood, they noticed that the king was missing a thumb. Being superstitious, they never ate anyone that was less than whole. So untying the king, they sent him on his way.

As he returned home, he was reminded of the event that had taken his thumb and felt remorse for his treatment of his friend. He went immediately to the jail to speak with his friend. “You were right,” he said, “it was good that my thumb was blown off.” And he proceeded to tell the friend all that had just happened. “And so I am very sorry for sending you to jail for so long. It was bad for me to do this.”

“No,” his friend replied, “This is good!” “What do you mean,’This is good’? How could it be good that I sent my friend to jail for a year?” “If I had NOT been in jail, I would have been with you.”

Author Unknown

~~~

“You’ve done it before and you can do it now. See the positive possibilities. Redirect the substantial energy of your frustration and turn it into positive, effective, unstoppable determination.”

Ralph Marston

~~~

I got this from one of my Jewish friends some time ago: CBS has announced it’s working on a new reality series called “Jewish Survivor.”

Here’s the premise: 16 Jewish people are put  in a two-bedroom co-op on the Upper West Side of New York. Each week they vote out one member, until there is final survivor who gets $1 million (but placed into a trust that does not vest until age 59).

The Rules:

  1. No cleaning lady.
  2. No use of ATM’s or credit cards.
  3. No food from take-out or delivery which specifically includes Chinese food.
  4. All purchases must be at full retail prices.
  5. Women may not call their mother, men may not call their office.
  6. Outside trips must be by foot, bus or subway. No limos, Town Cars or cabs.
  7. All workouts and exercise must be done in their apartment with no workout machines.
  8. Zabars is off limits.
  9. No playing of Jewish geography.
  10. No NY Times or Wall Street Journal is allowed for reading. Only the NY Daily News is acceptable.
  11. No reading Neiman Marcus, Sak’s Fifth Avenue or Bloomingdale’s catalogs.
  12. Only one phone line for all 16 members. No call can last more than 3 minutes. No cell phones.
  13. Maintenance problems must be resolved by the members, without help from the Super or any other gentile.
  14. All therapy sessions must be suspended.
  15. No consulting with attorneys.
  16. No whitefish, lox, or bagels.
  17. No antacids of any kind.

The results? Well, the casting director has reported having some difficulties because so far, there have been no applicants…

~~~

She said: There’s only one way to have a happy marriage, and as soon as I learn what it is, I’ll get married again.

~~~

We went to the movie the other night. I sat in an aisle seat as I usually do because it feels a little roomier. Just as the feature was about to start a baby boomer from the center of the row got up and started working her way out. “Excuse me, sorry, oops, excuse me, pardon me, gotta hurry, oops, excuse me.”

By the time she got to me I was trying to look around her and I was a little impatient so I said, “Couldn’t you have done this a little earlier?”

“No!!” she said in a loud whisper, “The TURN OFF YOUR CELL PHONE PLEASE message just flashed up on the screen and mine is out in the car.”

~~~

“It isn’t what you have, or who you are, or where you are, or what you are doing that makes you happy or unhappy. It is what you think about.”

Dale Carnegie

~~~

Jim and Mary were both patients in a Mental Hospital. One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Jim suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sank to the bottom and stayed there. Mary promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled Jim out.

When the medical director became aware of Mary’s heroic act he immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital as he now considered her to be mentally stable. When he went to tell Mary the news he said, “Mary, I have good news and bad news. The good news is you’re being

discharged because since you were able to jump in and save the life of another patient, I think you’ve regained your senses. The bad news is Jim, the

patient you saved, hung himself with his bathrobe  belt in the bathroom. I am so sorry, but he’s dead.”

Mary replied, “He didn’t hang himself, I put him there to dry.”

~~~

“Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent.”

Isaac Asimov

~~~

A young man asked an old rich man how he made his money. The old guy fingered his expensive wool vest and said, “Well, son, it was 1932. The depth of the Great Depression. I was down to my last nickel.” “I invested that nickel in an apple. I spent the entire day polishing the apple and at the end of the day, I sold the apple for ten cents.”

“The next morning, I invested those ten cents in two apples. I spent the entire day polishing them and sold them at 5:00 p.m. for 20 cents. I continued this system for a month, by the end of which, I’d accumulated a fortune of $9.80.” “Then my wife’s father died and left us two million dollars.”

~~~

May you live to be a hundred years, With one extra year to repent!

Irish blessing

~~~

One of our clients brought in his massive Doberman pinscher to be spayed. As a veterinary assistant, I escort the patient into the doctor’s office. Before taking this dog’s leash, I glimpsed those large teeth of hers and asked the owner, “Is she friendly?”

“Friendly?” said the man. “Friendly? She’s had five litters! How much ‘friendlier’ than that can she get?”

~~~

“These then are my last words to you. Be not afraid of life. Believe that life is worth living and your belief will help create the fact.”

William James

~~~

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than fifteen years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at http://rays-daily,com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

 

 

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