November 1, 2017
“November always seemed to me the Norway of the year.”
Yesterday I met with two of my favorite friends. Part of the discussion involved what one nearing retirement was going to do after she quit working. We suggested that she should avoid turning her vocation into an avocation where you work long hours for free. I suggested avoiding excessive preplanning so that she leaves time to get out and discover what she might have missed over the years.
As we enter the new month anticipating the onslaught of wintery weatherI thought I would review some of the USA’s special November day’s to give her some insight into what the future could hold.
- Adopt A Senior Pet Month – I backed out of this one when I learned they neuter the candidates.
- American & National Diabetes Month – No thanks I already have a mild case of it.
- Banana Pudding Lovers Month – I wonder if they have a convention.
- Critical Infrastructure Security and Resilience Month – I have no idea what this is, but it sounds important.
- Family Stories Month – They wanted truthful stories so I had to opt out.
- Military Family Appreciation – I was in the Navy so I have to appreciate my family.
- National Gratitude Month – Thank you all (there that’s done)
- National Memoir Writing Month – I started one but could not remember much.
- National Novel Writing Month – I have a writer friend who will not finish his novel since he would have to find something else not to do.
- Sweet Potato Awareness Month – I am going to the grocery to visit a sweet potato.
“Autumn is marching on: even the scarecrows are wearing dead leaves.”
From the Northwest Florida Daily News comes this story of a Crestview couple who drove their car to Wal-Mart, only to have their car break down in the parking lot. The man told his wife to carry on with the shopping while he fixed the car in the lot.
The wife returned later to see a small group of people near the car. On closer inspection, she saw a pair of male legs protruding from under the chassis. Although the man was in shorts, his lack of underpants turned private parts into glaringly public ones. Unable to stand the embarrassment, she dutifully stepped forward, quickly put her hand UP his shorts, and tucked everything back into place. On regaining her feet, she looked across the hood and found herself staring at her husband who was standing idly by.
The mechanic, however, had to have three stitches in his forehead.
Auntie Em- Hate you, hate Kansas, taking dog. Dorothy
A young naval student was being put through the paces by an old sea-captain. “What would you do if a sudden storm sprang up on the starboard?”
“Throw out an anchor, sir.”
“What would you do if another storm sprang up aft?”
“Throw out another anchor, sir.”
“And if another terrific storm sprang up forward, what would you do?”
“Throw out another anchor.”
“Hold on,” said the Captain, “where are you getting all your anchors from?”
“From the same place you’re getting your storms, sir.”
Laugh alone and the world thinks you’re an idiot.
A guy was known among his friends to be very brief and to the point – he really never said too much. One day, a saleswoman promoting Avon knocked his door and asked to see his wife, so the guy told her that she wasn’t home.
“Well,” the woman said, “could I please wait for her?”
The man directed her to the drawing room and left her there for more than three hours.
After feeling really worried, she called out for him an asked, “May I ask where your wife is?”
“She went to the cemetery,” he replied.
“And when is she coming back?”
“I don’t really know,” he said. “She’s been there eleven years now!”
If you’re not failing every now and again, it’s a sign you’re not doing anything very innovative.
BLONDE: “Excuse me sir, what time is it?”
MAN: “It’s 3:15.”
BLONDE: (puzzled look on her face) “You know, it’s the weirdest thing, I have been asking that question all day, and each time I get a different answer.”
Life may not be the party we hoped for, but while we are here we might as well dance.
A group of foreign dignitaries are visiting Israel. At the end of the tour, they are taken to see the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier. They look at the tomb and read the following inscription:
A GOOD MAN AND A GREAT FURRIER
The visitors are incredulous. They ask the guide, “How can this be an unknown soldier if the grave has his name?”
Their host responds, “Sure, as a soldier he was unknown, but as a furrier — he was the best!”
Hope arouses, as nothing else can arouse, a passion for the possible.
William Sloane Coffin, Jr.
A Sunday School teacher decided to have her young class memorize one of the most quoted passages in the Bible; Psalm 23. She gave the youngsters a month to learn the verse. Little Bobby was excited about the task.
But, he just couldn’t remember the Psalm. After much practice, he could barely get past the first line. On the day that the kids were scheduled to recite Psalm 23 in front of the congregation, Bobby was so nervous.
When it was his turn, he stepped up to the microphone and said proudly, “The Lord is my shepherd and that’s all I need to know.”
“Now Autumn’s fire burns slowly along the woods.”
Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.
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