June 26, 2017
“When you say “yes” to others, make sure you aren’t saying “no” to yourself.”
There are a lot of things I have found more difficult in my golden years. Driving with my failing eyesight is much more of a chore than it once was. Creaking bones and weaker muscles have slowed my ability to move from here to there. My periodic bodily repair needs has made my plans more tentative then they once were. I am sure there are more challenges but fortunately due to my failing memory I can’t remember what they are.
There is one thing though that bothers me more than anything else and that is the necessity to say no so often. Many opportunities for service to others are offered every week, almost all require more from me than I have left to offer. Events that I use to enjoy in the past now are difficult to attend so I have to send regrets. I have many other things I can do and there are many people I enjoy visiting with but I have difficulty with the need to say no so often.
I even have considered resigning from organizations that I have worked with for years only to be stopped by folks who have asked me to stay. So life goes on and I continue ignore the guilt feelings of having to say no so often.
Here is an excerpt from How to Stop Being a People Pleaser written by Henrik Edberg that offers tips to people like me, I thought they may be of interest to you as well.
Learn how to say no.
When you like to please then it’s of course hard to say no. But it is vital for you own happiness, stress-levels and for living the life you truly want.
Here are 5 things that have made it easier for me to say no more often:
◾Disarm and state your need. It’s easier for people to accept your no if you disarm them first. Do that by, for instance, saying that you’re flattered or that you appreciate the kind offer. Then add that you, for example, simply don’t have the time for doing what they want.
◾If they’re pushy, add how you feel. Say that you don’t feel that this offer is a good fit for your life right now. Or that you feel overwhelmed and very busy and so you cannot do whatever they want. Telling someone how you honestly feel can help them to understand your side of the issue better. And it’s also a lot harder to argue with how you feel rather than what you think.
◾Help out a bit. If possible, finish your reply with recommending someone that you think could help out or would be a better fit for what they need. I do this quite often when I feel I lack the knowledge or experience that a reader or a friend is looking for.
◾Remind yourself why it is important to sometimes say no: You teach people by how you behave. They learn about you and your boundaries from your behavior. So if you stand up for yourself and say no and are assertive about what you don’t want then people will start to pick up on that. And over time you’ll encounter fewer and fewer situations where someone tries to be pushy or steamroll you.
◾It’s OK to feel a bit guilty about saying no (but you don’t have to act on it). Just feel it and be with that feeling for a while. But at the same time know that it doesn’t mean that you have to act on it and say yes or do what they want you to do.
Keep your focus on what YOU want out of your life.
If you know what’s most important to you and you keep your focus on that each day then you’ll naturally start to say no and stop being so people pleasing. Because now your energy and time is mostly focused on your needs and wants.
Very successful people say no to almost everything.
“Take a bunch of flowers home for your wife, sir,” urged the
“I haven’t got a wife,” replied the young man.
“Then buy a bunch for your sweetheart.”
“I don’t have a sweetheart, either.”
“Well then, buy a couple of bunches to celebrate your luck.”
Throughout life people will make you mad, disrespect you and treat you bad.
Let God deal with the things they do, cause hate in your heart will consume you too.
A Charlotte, North Carolina man, having purchased a case of rare, very expensive cigars, insured them against … get this … fire. Within a month, having smoked his entire stockpile of fabulous cigars, and having yet to make a single premium payment on the policy, the man filed a claim against the insurance company. In his claim, the man stated that he had lost the cigars in “a series of small fires.” The insurance company refused to pay, citing the obvious reason that the man had consumed the cigars in a normal fashion.
The man sued… and won! In delivering his ruling, the judge stated that since the man held a policy from the company in which it had warranted that the cigars were insurable, and also guaranteed that it would insure the cigars against fire, without defining what it considered to be “unacceptable fire,” it was obligated to compensate the insured for his loss. Rather than endure a lengthy and costly appeal process, the insurance company accepted the judge’s ruling and paid the man $15,000 for the rare cigars he lost in “the fires.”
After the man cashed his check, however, the insurance company had him arrested … on 24 counts of arson! With his own insurance claim and testimony from the previous case being used as evidence against him, the man was convicted of intentionally burning the rare cigars and sentenced to 24 consecutive one-year terms!
It’s amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every day always just exactly fits the newspaper.
A Jewish man was in St. Vincent’s Hospital recovering from an emergency operation when a nun walked into his room. She was there to cheer up the sick and ailing. The man and nun started talking and the nun asked about the man’s life. The man talked about his wife and 13 children.
“My, my,” said the nun, “13 children . . . You’re a good, proper Catholic family man. God is very proud of you!”
“I’m sorry, Sister,” the man said, “I am not Catholic. I’m Jewish.”
“Jewish!?” she replies and immediately gets up to leave.
“Sister, why are you leaving?”
“I didn’t realize I was talking to a sex maniac!”
Scratch a dog and you’ll find a permanent job.
“Well, I reckon you’ve been a pretty good horse,” said the farmer.
“You work hard and I ain’t had to call the vet on you much. I only wish you pulled the plow a little faster. But all in all? I’d say you’re one fine horse and any farmer worth his salt would be proud to own you!”
“NO!” said the horse, “I said, ‘feedBAG’ not,’feedBACK’.”
“You just have to do your own thing, no matter what anyone says. It’s your life.”
Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.
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